middaeg | [ closedish? ] Jan Logs

When: First week of Jan sometime
Where: House
What: Van's been living there for a couple of weeks now. But things are bothering him and, well...

[ Needless to say that over the course of the last few weeks, Vanitas has claimed at least one space of the house as his own. It's an odd feeling to him, since he hasn't really had something like that before. There are days he doesn't really know what to do with himself because sticking around in one place for an extended period of time is such a foreign concept. Yes, Vanitas goes to sit in on any magic classes, but he's finding that he wanders around the city itself aimlessly less. However, Vanitas does keep to himself primarily, unless dragged around or convinced otherwise.

A lot has happened in the last month and, frankly, it has shaken things up for Vanitas. Quite a bit, actually. There are things that people have been saying to him and so adamant are they with their words that Vanitas doesn't know what to do or what to say. Not even what to think. Therein lies the problem, really, because he's spent so much of his life believing he lies he had been told and the ones that he continues to tell himself or pursuing his goal that he doesn't know what to do when those things are called into question. Which, of course, is just fear. Oh Vanitas knows what the deepest reaches of his heart really wants, but he's pushed that so far down and locked it away that he dares not acknowledge it. During the day it's easy to continue to go on as he always does...

Then the night comes and all of the sudden it's just so much harder. Maybe because the silence allows for Van's mind to race. Perhaps it is because there is nothing to distract him from sitting there and thinking about everyone's instance on things. People telling them that they care about him. That they worry. That he can find his own purpose here away from Xehanort's shadow. Vanitas could work towards becoming whole and somehow still be himself - not that he knows who that could be. ...That Vanitas deserves the love and happiness that he never got before.

And, finally, the implication that everything that he had been through had been wrong. This is probably what Vanitas struggles the most with. Because Van has to hold onto the belief that everything he went through was to make him stronger; the weak have no place and it ultimately benefited him. He's better for it.

But what if he isn't? What if he is in the wrong about all of this? It's that little piece of doubt, fear, hope that usually gets it started. For panic settles in, because all of the sudden his emotions start getting out of control. The room always, always drops several degrees from his own magic here. That's not the worst of it, unfortunately. Just because he cannot create Unversed in these moments anymore doesn't mean that his body doesn't remember what the process is like. Vanitas can feel his throat tightening and something begin to rise - usually whatever he had eaten instead of his own emotions. That's when Van takes off to the bathroom and spills the contents of his stomach.

Only he doesn't really feel better at all. No, unlike when he expels Unversed, Vanitas is still shaking and overwhelmed with his own feelings and more often than not he's huddled in a corner, nails biting into his scalp, as pain is a distraction. It's soemthing he's familiar with and a point of focus. And tonight? Tonight is no different. It doesn't matter that it's cold enough in the bathroom that he can see his breath and frost begins to form on the mirrors.

He just wants it to stop. ]

When: Pre-kidnapping event sometime
Where: House
What: That Flood he has is still attached to negativity. Guess who has a lot of negative feelings?

[ Suffice to say Vanitas himself is dead to the world on a couch. Between the restless nights and just feeling a touch under the weather, Van has taken to cat naps here and there. Unusual for him, but exhaustion is exhaustion all the same. It's not like he intends to do it. More like he usually has a book in his hand and in the next few minutes? Asleep.

What isn't asleep, however, is that one little Flood. Sure, it isn't able to feed off of negative emotions like it is used to, but that doesn't mean that it isn't still attracted to them. In this house? There can be plenty of that, but the only person aside from Vanitas himself that has the most? That would be one Emet-Selch. The Ascian is like a beacon of negative energy and the Unversed constantly finds itself at least sharing the same space at the man.

That's where it is right now. Just watching Emet-Selch, little ear-like antennae twitching here and there. Oh it isn't getting up in his business. Rather, it just likes too watch. ]

When: Beginning of Jan
Where: Coven
What: H-healing magic?

[ Maybe Vanitas should give up by now. He's read anything and everything he can on healing magic. Has tried sitting in on some of the classes before, uh, getting disgusted and just walking out. Some of the philosophies behind it is just a bit confusing for Vanitas. Perhaps less confusing and more like he can't reconcile some of them with who he is. Or maybe he just doesn't understand them. That's entirely possible too.

However he is still at the Coven trying to do perform a simple healing spell anyway. Instead of trying to heal people, Vanitas is working on a plant - one with a leaf plucked off and Vanitas trying to re-attach it. Something simple, right? Not like he is trying to knit flesh back together or anything like that.

But it's not working. There's not even a soft glow from his hand. So Vanitas throws up his hands in the air in frustration. Nothing works. Nothing. So what is he doing wrong? ]

When: Pre-Snatching event
Where: DiplomaTea
What: A Flood will do what a Flood will do. Usually that means cause trouble.

[ The thing about Unversed in general is that they are attracted to negativity. It doesn't matter what sort of negative feelings are floating around, any will do. Irritation. Anger. Sadness. Bloodlust. Again, anything will do and they aren't particularly picky about the source. ~~Ask Emet-Selch about that.~~ Thus Vanitas' one Flood is often out and about. Usually it is on its own, but this time Vanitas actually isn't that far behind. While not actually keeping an eye on the thing, he doesn't want it getting too far away from him this time. At this distance, it is somewhat easier to control.

Until it takes off into a building. The thing is still smart enough to operate doors as it goes into the shop. Without the direct connection to it, Vanitas has no idea why the thing has elected to run off. With a groan, Vanitas follows, but not at a rushed pace.

As for the Flood itself, well it's probably going to start making a mess of things. ]

[it was just a scarf, nothing fancy. red-dyed sheep wool knitted with care by some elderly woman who had a stall set up in the city market. it seemed like a good idea at the time but now ven wasn't so sure.

he has the scarf wrapped in some brown paper and twine, tucked under his arm as he walks down the street. he has a general idea of what he plans to do - find someone who knew vanitas (a friend?) and hope they would give the gift to him. seemed simple enough, but ven was still... hesitant.]

When: After 1/21
Where: House
What: Snatched Event Aftermath; Emet-Selch has taken to staying in bed and even Vanitas is starting to feel run down.

[ Vanitas is heading towards the old man's room, a tray in hand. Mira is exhausted from the rescue and the trip. Too stressed out by the latest events and in desperate need of a rest. She's done what she can and thus Van's sent her off to actually sleep for a change. Why he feels the need to tell her to do so and why he thinks to finish carrying out her ask... Well that's another thing Vanitas doesn't necessarily want to think on too deeply. If asked, he'll just say that it is convenient. That letting his allies fall into such depressing states don't benefit him at all.

In the end, Vanitas still lies to himself.

Anyway, he pushes his way inside of Emet-Selch's room. The guy is still healing and maybe Vanitas could speed along the process. Might, if asked. However even the teen is starting to feel worn down and off. Van sets the tray - a simple fare of soup, bread, and some water - on one of the bedside tables before taking a few steps back. ]

Hey old man. Dinner.

[Lapis is in the library. Why is she in the library? To get some information, obviously. Fire magic still annoys and alludes her and she's not a fan of it.

Also not a fan of finding A Body on the floor of library.

She looks left. Looks right, looks for anyone who might be able to help her, and... Nada. Zip. Zilch. No one else is around, because of course there isn't anyone around when needed. That's just how things tend to shake out for her.

Cautiously, she nudges the body with a foot, unsure if it's alive or dead.]

Hhhhello?

[ Everyone in the household has been feeling a bit stretched thin. Emet-Selch is still in bed, recovering from his injuries. Mira has been running around, exhausting herself to the point of being unable to stand. Irhya... Well she has been beating things senseless to work out her frustration.

Vanitas? He's just been tired. More and more tired with every passing day. He's falling asleep in places he shouldn't be. Right now, though, he is more focused on making sure that Mira actually rests. So Van is out with a shopping list. Doing what he can. ]

Mira

Emet-Selch

Crystal Exarch