middaeg | Are you brave enough to see? [open]

Entry tags:

Are you brave enough to see? [open]

Who: Berserker (Cú Chulainn Alter) and you!
When: Throughout Feoveuer
Where: The Wilde
What: Wilde Quest #2 Dragon's Den -- a dragon would like you to stop leaving him food offerings and go away
Warnings: none

((NOTE: Berserker will be in his full-sized dragon form, meaning he's about the size of an elephant, so keep that in mind!))

[ 1. Will you bite the hand that feeds? (Existing CR) ]

[ Food has been showing up at the mouth of the den he'd set up since he showed up in the Wilde. It's been an annoyance and it's not like he can tell them to cut it the fuck out. Instead, he just moves the offerings inside (mostly to prevent drawing in any wild creatures that might want to partake). Well, at least he won't go hungry.

Nearby footsteps draw his attention from where he's laying. He peeks his head out of the den and narrows his eyes. The dragon recognizes who's coming and huffs out a sigh. ]

... You came to find me, didn't you? Don't tell me you brought food, too.

[ 2. Will you chew until it bleeds? (New CR) ]

[ The sound of something being dropped near the opening of his temporary home gets Berserker to stand up and look out. It's not a mirrorbound that's familiar to him, so he's not about to be very friendly to them -- he's out here to be alone, after all. ]

Leave what you've brought and go before my kindness runs out.

[ Someone is a cranky boy. ]

[ 3. Will you get up off your knees? (Wildcard) ]

[ Did we plot something? Have an idea for this quest? Drop me a starter or PM me here or on Discord glitzkrieg#0673 and we can work something out! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yes!

[ flat announces this cheerfully, the basket in his hands a clear sign of the “offering” he was bringing for the dragon that everyone in the city seemed to be wary of.

he doesn’t fear the size of the dragon or the glare—maybe if it were another dragon, sure, but flat’s able to recognize that steady pulse of their bond anywhere. and because of that, he runs to the den without any hesitation, he sets the basket down at the entrance, leaving his hands open to hold the side of the dragon’s head, resting his forehead against him. ]

You know you could have told me you were leaving in person, right? I am awake at that time.

[ It helps that even in his dragon form that his scales mimic his tattoos, which helps in making him recognizable.

Flat's presence doesn't surprise him, rather it's the lack of hesitation to be physically affectionate. He'd been so hesitant and even uncomfortable with it before. It's a pleasant surprise. Berserker tilts his head and presses into the affection. ]

... I couldn't have. That's why I left the note at all.

[ If he'd told either of his Bonded in person, he wouldn't have been able to run off. Things are markedly more complicated now and disappearing into the woods wasn't as easy as it used to be. Seeing the effect of his decisions on those he cares about is too difficult; he would have simply chosen to stay instead because it was easier and less painful.

After a few more lingering moments, Berserker moves away and clears the entranceway to let Flat pass, if he wants to. ]

Bring that inside. You may stay for awhile, if you'd like.

So you would have even left without a word! Terrible!

[ despite his words, flat is not angry in any way whatsoever. considering what the dragon had been through, he understands the wish to be far away from the city that had hurt him.

and if he had disappeared without saying a word, then flat would have come looking for him regardless, because he is loyal to those that he cares about—in his own way, at least.

he makes his way through the entranceway, picking up the rather heavy basket of food and offerings. ]

So I was really unsure about what you liked at first. There’s a lot of offerings from the people that I met along the way— [ he pulls out an assortment of dried meats, each one from someone different. ] I think they’re more afraid of you than you are of them, but I guess that’s why you made yourself a giant dragon. [ shrug. he pulls out some apples. ] Anyways, since you’re Irish, I realized what would be the best thing to bring you!

[ and last, but not least, he dumps the rest of the large basket’s content on the ground. they’re potatoes. raw. potatoes.

he beams up at berserker, similar to a cat that just dropped a mouse at their owner’s feet. ]

What do you think!? Perfect idea, right?

[ There's an oil lamp lit in the den and signs that he'd lit a fire at some point -- seems as though he's not spending all of his time as a dragon. There's even a makeshift bed by one wall, not exactly luxurious but one could sleep there.

Berserker can only give a blank stare at Flat as he proudly looks at him. Would smothering him be considered rude or would anyone really blame him for it? ]

...

You're serious, aren't you? [ He doesn't have to ask that -- he knows Flat is serious. ] I can't refuse it so...they will be eaten.

Edited 2020-02-01 22:32 (UTC)

You don't sound excited at all! Did I mess up somehow? I thought the Irish loved potatoes...but I'll take it back if you don't want them.

[ it's not like he has never seen cu get excited outside of a murder and it's not like he thinks about how, if this were true, then he would have to like escargot by manner of just being french.

flat sighs dramatically as he puts the potatoes in the basket. next topic. ]

So, how long are you planning to stay here? Are you gonna become a caveman now? Ah but you're not a man right now...cave...cavedragon... that doesn't have a good ring to it. Caveman.

[ The urge to smother Flat isn't really going away. It would be trivial to just lay down on him and wait for the struggling to stop. He'd never hear another word out of him again...

Of course he won't do it. Flat's bizarre behavior is endearing to him now; after what he went through, it's familiar. His strange musings give him a sense of normalcy after everything and that is what he craves most of all. It doesn't stop him from staring at Flat, though. While he expects those sort of bizarre comments, it never makes them any easier to deal with.

Berserker ignores the caveman comment and responds to what his actual question was. ]

...

I don't know. Until I feel like I can handle being in the city again. However long that takes.

[ flat hums thoughtfully at cu's response, as he stops packing up the potatoes to give the dragon a rather long, pointed stare. it's like he's trying to process the information, trying to understand the logic behind it. ]

I guess that makes sense.

[ he resumes putting back the few potatoes left on the ground before making his way closer to cu, sitting down and leaning his back against him. his tone and emotions are both oddly neutral as he thinks. ]

Then I'll just have to keep coming then. People are really eager to "appease the dragon" or something like that, so maybe I'll just keep on bringing you weird stuff. It's a lot more exercise than I want to do, but...

[ hm. ]

It's kind of boring without you around.

[ He carefully settles down around Flat, curling around him protectively. The last person he sat like this with...is gone now. Berserker doesn't want to think too much about that; the pain of his severed Bond still hasn't completely subsided. He'd rather focus on maintaining the two he still has.

This feels ... fine, actually, once he stops thinking about Geralt's absence. He gently nuzzles Flat, savoring the pleasant pulse of magic between them. As frustrating as the witch can be and as troublesome as he is, he's still important to Berserker and always will be. ]

You need more friends. [ Teasing. He's feeling a little bit better if he can tease him. ] And...I will come back. I promise you that much.

[ He nuzzles Flat again before continuing. While he came out here to isolate himself, the touch and comfort of his Bonded are something he finds himself craving. ]

You're welcome to come here as much as you like, but I will send you away if I want to be alone. You can respect that much, can't you?

Ahaha... you're not wrong.

[ somehow, cu's teasing does manage to strike a chord in flat. it's nothing serious, but there is a slight tinge of frustration that comes from the witch as he nuzzles the dragon back. ]

I tried to talk to someone a few days ago and I guess that something I said must have made her really angry. She told me not to talk to or approach her ever again-- which, I mean, is more honest than most people in the Clock Tower, so that's good! I'm just not sure what I did wrong...

[ he sighs, with a little more flair than what he really feels. it's not that big of a deal in his head, especially since he did have cu and waver still.

flat nods after cu speaks. ]

Yep! I'll be as quiet as a mouse-- you won't even know I'm here!

You do have a habit of saying stupid, rude things. [ Blunt. ] Maybe that's what set her off...It takes a certain kind of person to be able to deal with you.

[ He...probably shouldn't be so blunt, but it's just how he is. It's another sign things are slowly returning to normal. ]

...When I say "leave", I mean back to the city. You realize that, right?

Ah, that makes you the same as me, then! What's the phrase...pot calling the kettle black?

[ he laughs, despite the harsh comment. flat knows he's right so there's no need to argue--he's just living up to cu's judgement. somewhat on purpose.

nevertheless, his smile does falter a bit after. the realization that he's feeling awfully anxious over the idea of leaving cu alone for too long hasn't hit him yet, so the feeling remains unknown in him, nameless and uncomfortable like the idea of a monster under the bed. ]

Yeah, yeah, I do. I'll leave when you say the word.

[ He can feel that anxiety and he doesn't like it. What happened to him affected both of his Bonded so badly to the point that his own trauma was meaningless. It hurt him worse to know they were suffering, too. This is an unfortunate feedback loop that only increases his own shame and pain. Berserker shifts how he's laying, trying to ignore the unpleasant emotions churning inside him. A futile effort all around. ]

... Are you afraid to leave me alone?

[ Afraid that something might happen to him again, that he won't be able to protect himself again. ]

...

[ the question posed makes flat's eyes widen in surprise, turning to the dragon. once again, berserker had hit the mark excellently. ]

I guess so!

[ he was not unused to fear. he was afraid of himself for the longest time, afraid of the things he could do and what he could see. fear of separation, though, that was something entirely new to him. even when svin had left the class after graduation, he had never felt any sort of fear of being alone.

then again, even without svin or caules, he never felt lonely because he had the el melloi classroom as a whole to be a source of comfort for him. in this place, he had none of that. if both the people he leaned on the most were taken from him again, then he'd be truly alone.

it was a new, strange form of terror--and flat could only laugh softly in response. ]

It's a pretty silly fear, isn't it? But I am an idiot, so maybe it's natural that I'd be afraid of something like that.

Edited 2020-02-02 05:58 (UTC)

[ Berserker's body, even in this form, still showed the scars from both Dorchacht and his torture; his scales still haven't regrown, leaving his bare patches on his body. His mortal frailty is more known to him than ever. If even the strongest and most capable were able to be kidnapped and tormented, it meant no one was safe. The ones Flat cared for most were stolen away and missing for a week. For once, he can't call it stupid. Flat seems to be much like him and experiencing unwanted and unfamiliar emotions, so he can relate far more than he'd like to admit.

He wanted to tell Flat to leave and never look back so he could die alone in this forest, but that wasn't fair. Going back to how he used to be, apathetic and ever lonely, was no longer an option. He had two people he needed to care for, at the very least. Two people who needed him now and he wasn't strong enough to stay.

Berserker curls around him as tightly as he can and carefully rests his head in his lap. He's less like a dragon and more like a giant cat right now. ]

I will return to you and Diarmuid, I promise you that. You will not lose me again...Not this easily.

[ flat grunts softly when cu rests his head on his lap. it’s large and heavier, but perhaps that’s a comfort of its own—like an anchor that keeps him grounded.

his fears are not dumb or unfounded, and the fact that cu doesn’t call them out as such means a lot to flat. his heartbeat is still fast, his stomach still tying itself into knots...but at least now it’s bearable. it’s something that he can live with for a while, until things truly return to normal.

gently, he pets cu’s head the same way one might pet a cat, followed by him resting his on head on him. with every moment that passes, flat feels much better. like he can breathe again. ]

See? You’re already going back to normal if you’re saying that. [ he laughs, breathing out a soft sigh. ] And besides, I’ve never seen you like this before. You and Jack would really get along!

[ Also much like a cat, Berserker begins to ... purr, a deep rumble in his chest. It's much more resonant than a cat's purr, but it's the most similar thing it can be compared to. It's a way to soothe himself and Flat, instinctual and strange. ]

Few will ever see me like this. [ Not as a dragon, but affectionate and comforting. Few have earned that privilege and that's unlikely to change soon. ] ...Do you still miss your Servant?

[ He still finds Flat foolish for treating his Servant as anything more than a tool to use. His former Master was a fool for treating their Servants the same way...The squeezing, unpleasant feeling in his chest makes him stop thinking about this for now. ]

[ flat giggles when he hears the rumble, instinctively nuzzling cu in response. it's a little strange, but it's nothing that the witch can't deal with--he's far more stranger. ]

Of course I miss them, Cu. I probably don't go a day without thinking about how they're doing... [ he tries to shift a little, an uncomfortable feeling in his chest. ] I guess if time goes on without me, then they're most likely dead. But if I had the chance to see them here, then that'd be the best thing that could happen. I mean, this is kind of like London in the 19th century, I think! So it'd be like home for them!

[ Berserker knows who Jack the Ripper is, though the one he knows is a child. The mention of them being at home here is ... no less disturbing than many things Flat has said. There's no jealousy in him as Flat talks fondly about his Servant -- Cú was not and never will be that. It's understandable for a Master to miss their Servant, especially if they're the type to treat them as more than a familiar.

The dragon tilts his head just slightly to give Flat a mildly incredulous look. ]

Do you think they'd still want to commit murders as they did in life?

[ Quietly pointing out how ridiculous Flat is being. ]

Oh.

[ it seems that the realization took a little bit to dawn on flat that maybe putting jack somewhere that reminded them of their home was not the best idea.

they hum for a moment, thinking. ]

Well, it's not like they're a bad person! Since they're my Servant, then they're one of the good guys--they haven't killed anyone at all! And besides, they don't really know who they are in the first place. Maybe they weren't even Jack the Ripper at all. [ he pauses, looking up. ] What matters is that they're my friend. So if they killed someone, then they would just need to apologize and it'd be fine.

[ This is a silly thought exercise for an unlikely situation, but it's a distraction. He could count on Flat for distractions and that...is a welcome familiarity. ]

An apology would absolve murder in your view?

[ Ridiculous. Expected, but ridiculous. ]

Of course! If you mean it from the bottom of your heart! Murder is inefficient and a waste of parts, but there’s nothing that a heartfelt apology can’t solve, right?

[ but there’s a moment of hesitation, as flat gives a somewhat troubled frown. ]

Right?

[ He...doesn't quite know how to respond to that. His usual method of getting Flat to shut up won't work in this form, so he has to think of something to say. ]

If that's what you believe... [ Berserker closes his eyes as his thoughts turn to the torments he suffered again. Would an apology absolve them of their crimes? Discomfort flows through their Bond as he dwells on it more. ] Would you forgive any crime against any one if they simply apologized for it?

[ Would you forgive what was done to me? To Waver? is what he doesn't ask. ]

I...um...

[ flat’s voice stutters in search of a response. it would have been something so simple to answer a while ago, and perhaps it still is. if he detached himself from the situation, then technically he could. technically, neither waver or cu were dead. in other words, it should have been alright. sure, there’s a crime that was committed, but they’ll get punished, right?

cu’s words from that night ring distantly in his ears—but those had been told to someone else. flat’s love for humanity had to include all that people considered ugly and wrong. even if he wanted to reject it, he couldn’t. he shouldn’t.

to do so felt like it would herald something worse. something far worse than what had happened in that cell. ]

It’s... I don’t... [ he looks at cu, eyes wide with a mix of confusion and fear as he tries to find his words as carefully as he can. ] I don’t think I can explain.

[ It stings, in a way. To him, it should have been easy enough to answer. Berserker opens his eyes again to see Flat staring at him. He's aware enough to know that the witch is in a fragile position and he isn't equipped to answer the question.

His honesty is enough, even if it hurts him. Berserker says nothing as he closes his eyes again. To think that his tormentors could be forgiven for what they did hurts. The purring stops and his body stiffens. It hurts. Anguish with no outlet. It's not as though a dragon can cry and he's already curled up on himself as much as he can with Flat where he is.

It would have been better if they'd killed him. He wouldn't have to experience this now. ]

Then don't. [ Quiet and resigned. ] You don't have to explain anything.

[ The wounds were torn open again and he can't stop picking at them. These thoughts hurt and he has no one to blame but himself for twisting the knife. He should have left well enough alone, but he can't.

It hurts. ]

I’m sorry. I messed up.

[ flat feels the pain from cu’s bond, hot and searing like a knife in his gut. it’s a horrifying pain, but not even that can reach the level of fear he has right now. fear of himself. and a fear of losing cu.

so he does what he thinks needs to be done and apologizes. those two phrases are the only things that he can really articulate at the moment, and they’re both as heartfelt as he can try to make them. his throat feels tight, and it’s suddenly hard to breathe again; even harder to think.

but he wants to try to be understood. so he talks. ]

I don’t think... that hating would be a good idea for me. Rejecting them...would be like rejecting Aefenglom...and that would be like rejecting humanity. I can’t do that. [ he pauses, wringing his hands. ] I can’t.

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