middaeg | Are you brave enough to see? [open]

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Are you brave enough to see? [open]

Who: Berserker (Cú Chulainn Alter) and you!
When: Throughout Feoveuer
Where: The Wilde
What: Wilde Quest #2 Dragon's Den -- a dragon would like you to stop leaving him food offerings and go away
Warnings: none

((NOTE: Berserker will be in his full-sized dragon form, meaning he's about the size of an elephant, so keep that in mind!))

[ 1. Will you bite the hand that feeds? (Existing CR) ]

[ Food has been showing up at the mouth of the den he'd set up since he showed up in the Wilde. It's been an annoyance and it's not like he can tell them to cut it the fuck out. Instead, he just moves the offerings inside (mostly to prevent drawing in any wild creatures that might want to partake). Well, at least he won't go hungry.

Nearby footsteps draw his attention from where he's laying. He peeks his head out of the den and narrows his eyes. The dragon recognizes who's coming and huffs out a sigh. ]

... You came to find me, didn't you? Don't tell me you brought food, too.

[ 2. Will you chew until it bleeds? (New CR) ]

[ The sound of something being dropped near the opening of his temporary home gets Berserker to stand up and look out. It's not a mirrorbound that's familiar to him, so he's not about to be very friendly to them -- he's out here to be alone, after all. ]

Leave what you've brought and go before my kindness runs out.

[ Someone is a cranky boy. ]

[ 3. Will you get up off your knees? (Wildcard) ]

[ Did we plot something? Have an idea for this quest? Drop me a starter or PM me here or on Discord glitzkrieg#0673 and we can work something out! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Berserker's body, even in this form, still showed the scars from both Dorchacht and his torture; his scales still haven't regrown, leaving his bare patches on his body. His mortal frailty is more known to him than ever. If even the strongest and most capable were able to be kidnapped and tormented, it meant no one was safe. The ones Flat cared for most were stolen away and missing for a week. For once, he can't call it stupid. Flat seems to be much like him and experiencing unwanted and unfamiliar emotions, so he can relate far more than he'd like to admit.

He wanted to tell Flat to leave and never look back so he could die alone in this forest, but that wasn't fair. Going back to how he used to be, apathetic and ever lonely, was no longer an option. He had two people he needed to care for, at the very least. Two people who needed him now and he wasn't strong enough to stay.

Berserker curls around him as tightly as he can and carefully rests his head in his lap. He's less like a dragon and more like a giant cat right now. ]

I will return to you and Diarmuid, I promise you that. You will not lose me again...Not this easily.

[ flat grunts softly when cu rests his head on his lap. it’s large and heavier, but perhaps that’s a comfort of its own—like an anchor that keeps him grounded.

his fears are not dumb or unfounded, and the fact that cu doesn’t call them out as such means a lot to flat. his heartbeat is still fast, his stomach still tying itself into knots...but at least now it’s bearable. it’s something that he can live with for a while, until things truly return to normal.

gently, he pets cu’s head the same way one might pet a cat, followed by him resting his on head on him. with every moment that passes, flat feels much better. like he can breathe again. ]

See? You’re already going back to normal if you’re saying that. [ he laughs, breathing out a soft sigh. ] And besides, I’ve never seen you like this before. You and Jack would really get along!

[ Also much like a cat, Berserker begins to ... purr, a deep rumble in his chest. It's much more resonant than a cat's purr, but it's the most similar thing it can be compared to. It's a way to soothe himself and Flat, instinctual and strange. ]

Few will ever see me like this. [ Not as a dragon, but affectionate and comforting. Few have earned that privilege and that's unlikely to change soon. ] ...Do you still miss your Servant?

[ He still finds Flat foolish for treating his Servant as anything more than a tool to use. His former Master was a fool for treating their Servants the same way...The squeezing, unpleasant feeling in his chest makes him stop thinking about this for now. ]

[ flat giggles when he hears the rumble, instinctively nuzzling cu in response. it's a little strange, but it's nothing that the witch can't deal with--he's far more stranger. ]

Of course I miss them, Cu. I probably don't go a day without thinking about how they're doing... [ he tries to shift a little, an uncomfortable feeling in his chest. ] I guess if time goes on without me, then they're most likely dead. But if I had the chance to see them here, then that'd be the best thing that could happen. I mean, this is kind of like London in the 19th century, I think! So it'd be like home for them!

[ Berserker knows who Jack the Ripper is, though the one he knows is a child. The mention of them being at home here is ... no less disturbing than many things Flat has said. There's no jealousy in him as Flat talks fondly about his Servant -- Cú was not and never will be that. It's understandable for a Master to miss their Servant, especially if they're the type to treat them as more than a familiar.

The dragon tilts his head just slightly to give Flat a mildly incredulous look. ]

Do you think they'd still want to commit murders as they did in life?

[ Quietly pointing out how ridiculous Flat is being. ]

Oh.

[ it seems that the realization took a little bit to dawn on flat that maybe putting jack somewhere that reminded them of their home was not the best idea.

they hum for a moment, thinking. ]

Well, it's not like they're a bad person! Since they're my Servant, then they're one of the good guys--they haven't killed anyone at all! And besides, they don't really know who they are in the first place. Maybe they weren't even Jack the Ripper at all. [ he pauses, looking up. ] What matters is that they're my friend. So if they killed someone, then they would just need to apologize and it'd be fine.

[ This is a silly thought exercise for an unlikely situation, but it's a distraction. He could count on Flat for distractions and that...is a welcome familiarity. ]

An apology would absolve murder in your view?

[ Ridiculous. Expected, but ridiculous. ]

Of course! If you mean it from the bottom of your heart! Murder is inefficient and a waste of parts, but there’s nothing that a heartfelt apology can’t solve, right?

[ but there’s a moment of hesitation, as flat gives a somewhat troubled frown. ]

Right?

[ He...doesn't quite know how to respond to that. His usual method of getting Flat to shut up won't work in this form, so he has to think of something to say. ]

If that's what you believe... [ Berserker closes his eyes as his thoughts turn to the torments he suffered again. Would an apology absolve them of their crimes? Discomfort flows through their Bond as he dwells on it more. ] Would you forgive any crime against any one if they simply apologized for it?

[ Would you forgive what was done to me? To Waver? is what he doesn't ask. ]

I...um...

[ flat’s voice stutters in search of a response. it would have been something so simple to answer a while ago, and perhaps it still is. if he detached himself from the situation, then technically he could. technically, neither waver or cu were dead. in other words, it should have been alright. sure, there’s a crime that was committed, but they’ll get punished, right?

cu’s words from that night ring distantly in his ears—but those had been told to someone else. flat’s love for humanity had to include all that people considered ugly and wrong. even if he wanted to reject it, he couldn’t. he shouldn’t.

to do so felt like it would herald something worse. something far worse than what had happened in that cell. ]

It’s... I don’t... [ he looks at cu, eyes wide with a mix of confusion and fear as he tries to find his words as carefully as he can. ] I don’t think I can explain.

[ It stings, in a way. To him, it should have been easy enough to answer. Berserker opens his eyes again to see Flat staring at him. He's aware enough to know that the witch is in a fragile position and he isn't equipped to answer the question.

His honesty is enough, even if it hurts him. Berserker says nothing as he closes his eyes again. To think that his tormentors could be forgiven for what they did hurts. The purring stops and his body stiffens. It hurts. Anguish with no outlet. It's not as though a dragon can cry and he's already curled up on himself as much as he can with Flat where he is.

It would have been better if they'd killed him. He wouldn't have to experience this now. ]

Then don't. [ Quiet and resigned. ] You don't have to explain anything.

[ The wounds were torn open again and he can't stop picking at them. These thoughts hurt and he has no one to blame but himself for twisting the knife. He should have left well enough alone, but he can't.

It hurts. ]

I’m sorry. I messed up.

[ flat feels the pain from cu’s bond, hot and searing like a knife in his gut. it’s a horrifying pain, but not even that can reach the level of fear he has right now. fear of himself. and a fear of losing cu.

so he does what he thinks needs to be done and apologizes. those two phrases are the only things that he can really articulate at the moment, and they’re both as heartfelt as he can try to make them. his throat feels tight, and it’s suddenly hard to breathe again; even harder to think.

but he wants to try to be understood. so he talks. ]

I don’t think... that hating would be a good idea for me. Rejecting them...would be like rejecting Aefenglom...and that would be like rejecting humanity. I can’t do that. [ he pauses, wringing his hands. ] I can’t.

[ He can't understand it, but he doesn't have to. Flat didn't need to explain -- Berserker's pain is his own problem. Or...it would be if his pain wasn't shared. He doesn't pry any harder for an explanation because he can feel the fear from Flat. It's terrifying...

Something does dawn on him, though. Is that why Flat had been so...distant and strange that day? ]

... That's why 'you' asked me that question in the cell, isn't it? [ How different would it have been if he hadn't given the answer he did? He turns his head to press his forehead against Flat's chest in an attempt to comfort him. ] I can't forgive them...but that's my choice. I can't and won't force you to change your views...You're fearful enough without my help.

Edited 2020-02-03 06:54 (UTC)

I don’t know. It’s a long story—maybe ask them if they come back?

[ he laughs softly, full of self deprecation. flat’s memory of the scene is something vague and nebulous, like a shroud of fog covering it or as if he were watching a movie half asleep.

nevertheless, he’s glad to know that cu accepted his answer. it makes him smile softly, relief washing over him like warm water—even if he’s not understood, he’s still accepted. that’s probably the most he can ask for. ]

That’s alright. If that’s the case, then I’ll take whatever you and Waver reject. If you hate the Coven and all of Aefenglom, then I’ll love them in your place.

I don't hate them...It was my fault for feeling safe and becoming complacent.

[ He was content with his life in the city before he was taken. He felt safe and secure. That shattering of that safety is what hurt so badly and why he fled. Everything kept him on edge and thinking it would happen again, it was just a matter of time. ]

I should have known I was never safe. Something like this was...inevitable.

If you're not safe, then none of us are.

[ flat strokes cu's head gently, musing his own thoughts out loud. after all, if someone as strong as him could get taken away, then anyone could be taken away.

then does it all boil down to luck? perhaps. if it's a matter of how the dice fall on a certain day or even in a certain moment, then there was little that could be done. there would be no need to think about it further than 'it happened, and now it's over.' ]

I wonder. What would you have done if it had been me? Or Dia? Set half the city on fire?

There would have been blood. No quarter for anyone who had any hand in harming those most precious to me.

[ It would have been a bloodbath. He had been an unstoppable killing machine in his life and he would have simply continued that. The efficiency he had in killing would not have been employed, however. Those who inflict such cruelty only deserve it for their own deaths. Crippled and left to bleed out while they beg for their lives at his feet...

It's an unpleasant thought, if only because he doesn't want to think about harm coming to his Bonded. ]

They would have had to subdue me or kill me to stop my vengeance...

[ flat stares at cu as he responds. his expression is blank, shocked even, as berserker explains how they would have fallen into such a violent, killing machine.

and then--

he smiles. it's a gentle smile, as he resumes petting the dragon's head. ]

I'm not sure what Dia would say about that, but I don't want that to happen if I ever get hurt--whether it's because something like this happens again or something else. Because if they had to do anything like that to stop you...then I think that'd make me...sad?

[ flat nods to himself, as if confirming his own thoughts. ]

I think that would make me more upset than anything else, yep. You shouldn't become a killing machine for me...you're too precious for that.

Edited 2020-02-04 22:41 (UTC)

[ Too precious...Berserker can't see any sort of worth in himself still beyond his ability to kill. The idea of him being precious in any way at all is alien. ]

I was nothing more than a killing machine before. I killed so many that it became routine...I lost my love for battle out of necessity. It would be going to back to who I used to be. [ Who he really is. ] I would stop at nothing to bring you back to my side if you were taken...

[ He's not good at anything else but fighting and he would not allow himself to be useless as he had been when he was taken. ]

I can't change that about me. My only purpose is to protect those I care about now...

Your purpose, huh...?

[ flat laughs softly, as if those words had some sort of meaning to him. perhaps they do. perhaps not. to be honest, he's not sure if he has ever had a reason to exist himself; a raison d'etre.

he's always been happy enough riding on the coattails of others, enjoying life as it passed by. for flat, that had always been enough.

part of him--no, all of him doesn't think that he's worth such carnage. if it were between that and suffering, then flat would take the torture any day. it's somewhat ironic, he realizes. ]

Well! If that's the case, then I would have to testify for you! I'd make a dramatic entrance in the court, yelling-- "I object! He was always possessed by a rabid witch that wanted to see him lose his mind! They're the true culprit! I have the proof right here!" And slap on the court some proof to clear you of most charges! Like a hero!

[ That urge to smother Flat overcomes him once again, but he resists. Berserker heaves a dramatic sigh through his nose and starts to growl faintly. ]

...Do you ever think about the things you say, Flat?

Nope! [ despite cu's growling, flat can't help but snicker. ] Why?

[ he knows why, he just wants to hear cu say it. ]

[ Why are you like this, Flat????

In all honesty, Flat's nonsense helps. It's normal and he's come to accept it as a part of his life in being Bonded to him. Is it irritating and ridiculous? Yes, but it's familiar. It's as familiar as Flat's scent and presence. His dumb statements are endearing in their own way. ]

You know why. The things you say are ridiculous and outlandish and have no basis in reality. It sounds like you just let words fall out of your head in any order without giving it a second thought.

Hehe, that's so mean! [ considering how he says this with a laugh, there's no doubt that flat probably finds this funnier than he does insulting. ]

But you're right. It's just more fun this way, you know? And I prefer being seen as an idiot than as someone scary, so saying stuff like this is better, I think.

You might be an idiot, but...you're my idiot. At least until you choose to sever our Bond.

[ Because that will happen some day, he's sure. He is meant to be alone, he isn't meant to have people he cares about. A one-man war, ever lonely, ever mighty, ever victorious. Until the day he's forced to return to that life, he will accept what he has and has been given to him. ]

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