middaeg | (catch-all)(closed) the days don't stop coming

( for as unfortunate and horrid as the entire place was, aziraphale couldn't deny the fact that he was absolutely enamoured with the entire idea of lùnasa. an entire festival dedicated to marriage and everlasting love! what a beautiful and wonderful thing.

he was also rather fascinated by the fact that the bonding ceremony and a wedding ceremony were entirely different. he hardly knew what to think upon finding out that they were two separate beasts entirely and that one may have one without the other. it seemed a little unthinkable not to be bonded with the person you married. wouldn't that be the first person you would want to bond with? )

Crowley.

( said as they linger in front of one of the shops, the window display full of decorative hearts and a wide array of potions. there's a large sign, advertising the fact that they make the best lovemaking potions in all of aefenglom. a novel thought, but he didn't care about finding out what it meant.

no, he was still thinking about the concept of bonds and their place within this society. )

Have you given any thought to the necessity of a bond?

( it starts as a persistent itch underneath his skin when the sun dips past the horizon. a frustrating, nagging feeling, but one that he can ignore if he puts his mind to it and focuses his thoughts. he tries to keep himself occupied, alternating between reading some of the books he had gotten his hands on and menial tasks. little, simple things that he could easily pick up; organising the kitchen, sweeping the floor, refolding his clothes in the dresser, or anything else that seems like decent busywork.

something has to help.

none of it does.

he feels too restless and disjointed, barely able to keep to one singular thing. his mind feels too busy, full of half-formed thoughts and impulses, and he vaguely wonders if he had fallen ill. this is the sort of thing that happened to mortals, wasn't it? they got sick all the time! from virtually anything at all! he feels upsettingly trapped between doing everything and nothing at all.

gradually, the itch becomes a pain. it burns its way across his limbs, sharp and distracting. it's enough to take him by surprise. aziraphale isn't used to pain, isn't used to hurting at all. he was sn angel, for heaven's sake! there wasn't much that could tear at him, but this does.

it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

panic starts to rise in his throat, forming a heavy lump there. was this supposed to be happening? was this normal or was he falling apart? he thinks about calling for crowley, about requesting his help, but he thinks better of it. he doesn't feel like he should involve him. what could he even do? he retreats to the safety of his bedroom, hoping to hide himself away until whatever this is manages to pass.

surely, it would pass.

he lays on his bed in the darkness of his bedroom for what feels like it must be ages, years upon years, and the pain doesn't lessen. it only manages to steadily get worse, making him feel disconnected and foreign in his own skin. he feels barely tethered to the flesh, as if he might simply fall out of it at any given moment. part of him hopes that he would.

understanding clicks into place when he feels something sprout from the crown of his head.

he fails to stop the yell that it rips from him. )

[ Crowley's mind had been wandering as he stared at the display. He'd been considering the difficulty of wedding outfits for monstrous folk. Presumably tailors here cater to strange body-shapes, to big tails or... big feet or... well, whatever else. Wouldn't it look a bit funny though? Would that be unfortunate, to look a bit weird on your wedding day? Maybe that's just him, though, not being used to seeing a werewolf in a wedding dress. Maybe it looks normal to people here. He gives a vague sound of assent as Aziraphale says his name, still thinking about werewolves in wedding dresses (or a tux?) when the follow up question finally processes.

Has he considered a bond?

He looks over sharply, suddenly in the here and now, and frowns. ]

Err, not really. Seems like it's working fine for now, yeah?

[ Only, a thought occurs to him. ]

Why, you thinking of... bonding?

[ Not that he cares, obviously, Aziraphale can do whatever he wants! Doesn't matter!

... But is he thinking of it? ]

[ Aziraphale is in a mood.

He's been pacing about all night, fussing, and from where Crowley is draped across the couch he's been able to track his movements. He distantly asks if Aziraphale is feeling alright, but isn't certain the question is even processed properly. Maybe he just needs some sleep, Crowley reasons. Maybe he's tired? Humans get funny when they're tired, and they both need to sleep now. Maybe it's that?

When Aziraphale excuses himself to his room, Crowley assumes he was right. That's it, then! Just tired! He pulls himself together and puts away the book he was reading, absently putters around the kitchen a bit before deciding maybe he should just go sleep himself.

He's got as far as getting into his getting into his pyjamas and brushing his teeth when he hears the scream.

Aziraphale is someone that Crowley would class as easily startled, but this sound feels wrong. He spits out toothpaste hurriedly and dries his hands and face, paces out into the hallway. ]

Aziraphale?

[ Maybe he just... saw a big spider or something? You know, just -- something normal that might make a person jump? ]

Aziraphale?!

[ Only what if it isn't that. Suitably nervous now, he paces over to Aziraphale's door and knocks rapidly. ]

Aziraphale? Aziraphale! I'm coming in --

[ And he pushes open the door, hoping his nerves are about to be eased. ]

( "for now", he says.

from how he understands it, it isn't too big of an issue for crowley or any other so-called witches for that matter to forgo forging a bond with someone else. the risks were entirely different! and supposedly very solvable if you weren't one of the beast-folk. magical overload was a much less pressing issue than lunacy.

aziraphale absolutely doesn't want to allow such a thing to happen to himself. )

Why, yes. I have been giving it a great deal of thought.

( and a considerable measure of research beyond the very graphic and thorough conversation he had had about it with someone much more knowledgeable than himself about these matters. )

It has been made clear to me that due to. . . well, the, ah, situation that I have found myself in, it would be in my best interests to invest in one sooner rather than later.

( the sight that greets crowley isn't a reassuring one. if anything, it was more along the lines of an outright nightmare, one that was far more imaginative than either of them could dream up. aziraphale has started to curl in on himself, knees starting to pull up to his chest, as he keeps his hands pressed flat against the new pair of ears that had decided to make an appearance tonight.

they are soft and fuzzy underneath his palms.

his gaze snaps upwards when he eventually acknowledges crowley's presence, his eyes glinting unnaturally in the low light. )

Crowley—

( he tries, voice sounding unnaturally harsh. it barely sounds like it belongs to him at all.

he screws his eyes shut. )

Please.

( leave.

stay with him.

leave.

stay with him.

he doesn't know what he wants, but he surely wants crowley to do something for him. )

[ Right, right, he... had technically been aware of that but... well. So often these things don't apply to them, it's hard to remember that they do. Even with the... fur patch situation, and just seemed all so unlikely.

These things just don't happen to them.

Only, apparently now they do. ]

Right, yeah, 'course.

[ Casual, casual. He looks back into the shop window, frowning in thought as his mind rapidly turns over this new information. ]

Got... anyone in mind?

[ To... bond with? Just curious. Just... you know. As a friend. Curious. ]

[ Something is clearly happening, and Crowley has absolutely no idea how to handle it.

No idea at all!

Aziraphale's eyes glint in the darkness like something out of a horror film, and he's clearly in distress. Is he about to just burst into a furry mess of werewolf and eat him? Werewolves sometimes writhe about and scream as they change, don't they? Should have gone for the chained up in the basement routine, clearly. Crowley is about to discorporate, and who knows when he'll find a body again in this place. ]

I'm here.

[ It sounds weak, nervous, because he doesn't know what he's meant to do. He doesn't know what Aziraphale wants him to do. Slowly, Crowley paces closer -- hands out in front of himself like he's sneaking up on a wild animal. Maybe he is. ]

It's alright, angel.

[ Is it? No idea, but it sounds a good thing to say doesn't it? Gentle, reassuring, soothing. The sort of thing you might say to a frightened dog you don't want to turn on you. ]

( soothing is probably the very, bitter last way that aziraphale would think to describe absolutely anything about the situation including the way that crowley is talking to him now. he knows that he is trying his best in an unfamiliar and terrifying situation, but it doesn't help for him to say that it was alright. nor does his tone. things could not feasibly be less alright right now.

everything was wrong, everything was terrible, and the worst part is the way that crowley keeps inching forward. hands raised, movements slow, and aziraphale feels just a bit like a wild animal that has been caged up in this room.

maybe he is. but he won't accept it. )

I do not— This is not—

( he tries, but the words stumble on his tongue. he wants to shout, wants to say the numerous things that are on his mind and that he feels he should definitely make crowley aware of. this is not alright. this is not going to be alright. he was not going to hurt him.

for as bad and upsetting as this night was, he wasn't going to allow himself to do anything that might cause harm to crowley. he wouldn't. he couldn't. it was unthinkable. he would not allow himself to become some. . . unsafe thing! transformation into a beastfolk or not.

aziraphale lets out a weak noise. )

It is getting worse.

( that is a very reasonable question to ask. unfortunately, aziraphale doesn't have much of an answer for him yet. if he were going to be completely and perfectly honest, he would like to ask crowley about potentially forming a bond with him. he's the best possible choice.

that is, of course, not because he is especially fond of him. of course not. it was more of a matter that crowley had already started to see some of what was happening with him and they did already live together. not to mention the fact that they have known each other for so long already.

it was all very logical.

although, he did fear it might make things . . . weird. )

I admit, I am not quite sure.

( he glances over to crowley. this wasn't the ideal conversation to have while looking over love making potions. )

It is a big decision to make. There is no denying that it's all rather intimate, even if it is necessary. It would feel inappropriate to have that sort of relationship with someone I did not know well.

( otherwise, wouldn't it be simple to put out an ad in the paper or something? )

Oh! It has come to my attention that it's possible to bond with a familiar in the meantime.

Yeah, can see that.

[ He moves up beside Aziraphale, still slow, then carefully lays a hand on his upper arm. His eyes rapidly flit over the angel, trying to discern information quickly, when his eyes are drawn to the way his hands are clutched at his head. ]

Hurts?

[ An easy confirmation, yes or no. Crowley hesitates a long moment, then begins to clamber up onto the bed beside Aziraphale -- he's clearly in distress so decorum is straight out the window. Doesn't matter what happens later, what's important is right now. What's important is getting him through this. ]

Right, 'course, a familiar. Short term. Can't you do... temporary bonds as well? Think I read that. You know, something to just -- tide you over. Big decision and all.

[ Wouldn't want to jump into it, rush things. Wouldn't want to make a big commitment like that without at least trying it out.

So, a temporary bond is probably a good idea! Very logical. Little steps. ]

Edited (punctuation ) 2020-08-18 18:24 (UTC)

You can, yes.

( he seems a little surprised that crowley had known that much. when had he been looking into it? he hardly needed one, didn't he? seemed like a waste of his time.

he taps a finger to his chin. )

But isn't that more of the same issue? Just simply not. . . long term?

( it made more sense to get a pet and then find someone to commit to for the duration. so to speak! )

( his entire body stiffens underneath crowley's touch, limbs seizing in a very desperate attempt to keep himself from further reacting. he doesn't know if he wants to swat crowley away or reach for his hand and squeeze, but either action would reveal the pair of ears hidden away underneath his palms.

he isn't sure he is ready to show him such a thing. actually, he's not even sure he wants to see it for himself. it was surely hideous or at the very least, completely ridiculous.

he takes a moment to breathe before answering. )

Yes.

( the ears hurt, his spine hurts, and there's an ache that spreads through the rest of him. )

And—

( it isn't just the pain. he thinks he should tell crowley this much. or maybe he just wants to tell crowley this much. )

It's, uhm, how do I say. . .? Something has grown.

( so, don't look. )

[ Crowley kneels up on the bed, studying Aziraphale with a frown of concern, and reaches for both his hands. The body-language is awkward. He's hiding something under them, presumably. Maybe because it hurts? Instinct to protect things that hurt. Maybe because he's embarrassed? Unless it's going to vanish in the next few minutes that doesn't matter, he'll find out eventually. ]

Show me.

[ He's not going to take no for an answer. ]

Don't fucking protest, Aziraphale, because I can't help if you don't show me so just show me.

[ He'll pin his hands if he struggles, this is no-nonsense time. Their corporeal forms are fragile enough on a normal day, and now they have no miracles to fix their problems with. They need to be more careful. If there's a chance something needs medical intervention Crowley wants to see, even if his overall medical knowledge is ropy -- especially when it comes to treating people turning under a full moon. ]

( there is, in fact, a sizeable protest brewing within aziraphale that is just begging to be heard. the only reason why he doesn't actually speak it or even try to push crowley's invasive hands off of him is that now crowley is here, he doesn't want to get rid of him. he doesn't want to go through this alone, doesn't want to be left alone in this dark room to suffer without any way to fix it.

he couldn't miracle it better. he doesn't have anything in the house either that might help make it easier to withstand. he spent so much time thinking that he wouldn't have to go through this that he failed to prepare for it.

now it was happening and he was worse off for it. )

Crowley.

( he says, trying his very best to sound stern. for as much as he would rather him here, he also didn't want to be spoken to so rudely like this. it was uncalled for!

although, he gets the feeling from the way he talks that crowley might choose to fight him if he doesn't comply with the not-quite-request to show him what is hidden underneath his palms. it kicks up a weird feeling in him, one that almost wants to encourage the potential tussle.

he doesn't know what to do with that, so he pretends it isn't there. )

It's not pleasant.

( it's the only warning that he offers before pulling his hands away. without his arms blocking the view, it can be clearly seen that the spot where aziraphale's normal human-passing ears had once been is now empty. there is a new pair of pointed, feline-like ears resting on the top of his head. the fur is still damp with a smattering of blood from where they'd emerged. )

[ It isn't pleasant at all.

Crowley hesitates a long moment, one quavering hand hovering in the air as his eyes flick rapidly between the ears, Aziraphale's bloodied hands and his face. He doesn't like this. Doesn't like it at all. Doesn't. Doesn't. Doesn't like the sight of blood on Aziraphale this way when he doesn't know what will happen if he loses this body. ]

Looks sore. I can -- get you a cloth, clean you up a little. Some painkillers. Maybe a cup of tea, yeah?

[ Like this is a normal thing they both just need to calm down from, like Crowley isn't still breathing a little too heavily. ]

( aziraphale lets out a breath that he hadn't realised he had been holding, hissed out through his teeth. fangs. nasty, detestable things that they are. he had been truly afraid for a moment that crowley might get it in his head to reach out and touch him. the ears, that is.

there was something terrifying about that. something that made it real.

said ears flick when crowley speaks, not at all enthused by what he was suggesting. all of those things meant that he would leave, albeit temporarily, but the idea of it made aziraphale feel anxious and sick in a way that he's never known before. )

No, I—

( don't want to be alone.

in a little bit, perhaps, but not right now. he just wants crowley to stay right where he is and keep him company. it wasn't exciting and he's sure that crowley is also scared in his own right, but this is the only thing he wants for the moment.

he reaches out to seek crowley's hand. )

If you don't mind, could you. . . sit with me?

Suppose that's true. Just figured it'd be, you know. A good way to try it out. If you weren't sure.

[ Since he seems unsure. Doesn't have someone in mind.

Wants it to be someone he knows well.

Crowley turns his attention back to Aziraphale instead of the window, studying him curiously.

It's on him again, isn't it? He's got to be the one to say it. Fine, fine. ]

Could always bond with me. I'd say you know me pretty well already, and we're living in the same place anyway. Not much of a stretch, is it?

[ Crowley takes it easily, squeezes the hard with firm reassurance. ]

Yeah, 'course angel. Whatever you need, I'm right here.

[ He shuffles closer, to sit against the headboard beside Aziraphale -- right up beside him, fingers still laced tightly with his. ]

Anything you need, I'm right here. Don't you worry about a thing, yeah? Don't you worry.

[ Crowley is quite sure he can do enough worrying for both of them. ]

( aziraphale was going to explain exactly how ridiculous it was to forge a bond just to "try it out"—namely because it was much like dipping your toe into a relationship for the sake of curiosity. that sort of thing was terribly unfair to the other person, wasn't it? messy as well. what if they wanted to remain bonded and he did not? he could think of countless ways as to why that was a bad idea.

countless!

then crowley suggests himself and aziraphale jumps a little. )

Oh! Well—

( he doesn't want to say no. actually, he wants to say yes. this would immediately solve all of his issues and resolve some minor ones for crowley, but it isn't that easy to simply accept it. )

But you don't really need one, do you?

( but he also didn't like the idea of someone else bonding with crowley. it felt a bit like an invasion. crowley was—

oh. that's a bit of strange thought, he recognises. he must be tired. )

( it's not by much, but the weight of crowley's hand in his immediately makes aziraphale feel better. the reassurance that crowley is here, right here in a tangible way, that makes his stomach feel like it might start to eventually unknot. it doesn't ease the pain or the way the pain is beginning to sharpen along the length of his spine, but he would much rather weather this together with him than alone.

he lets out a harsh breath. )

How could I possibly not worry?

( slowly, he pulls their joined hands closer to rest them against his own cheek, hoping to use it to ground himself. )

It feels like this body barely belongs to me. And what. . . what, ugh, will the next full moon bring?

Whatever happens, I'll be here.

[ No matter what the full moon brings. He watches his hand being guided up to rest against Aziraphale's cheek, examines the contact for a long few seconds. The meaning of it, if any particular meaning can be discerned. ]

We'll get through it, yeah? Together. C'mon, angel, c'mere --

[ He slides forth his other hand, tries to draw Aziraphale forward so he can slip an arm around his waist -- hold him closer in the hope of offering some scant comfort. ]

Well, they say it's good for... regulating magic or something.

[ The minimal amounts of attention Crowley had paid to it all had, at least, taught him this much. ]

Apparently it all needs to be used or it builds up and that's a problem or something, and when you're -- bonded or whatever it helps drain the magic. Little bit weird, right? Never heard of that before, but suppose there must be something to it. They give all sorts of dire warnings about losing control of your magic and exploding without a safe outlet. Sounds like nonsense to me but I suppose it can't hurt, right?

[ Oh, had he not mentioned the exploding part before? Never mind. It's probably fine. ]

( in the back of his mind, aziraphale knows that he shouldn't accept this so readily. he shouldn't cross the line and allow for crowley to embrace him. it's a step being taken far too quickly and it's simply just too outright, but—

he doesn't have it in him to turn away from it. the urge to be closer to him, close enough to smell, thrums underneath his skin and he lets crowley guide him forward until he's leaning against him outright. )

I am not sure if you should. Neither of us knows what will happen.

( he says as he tucks his face against the curve of crowley's neck and shoulder, speaking directly against the fabric of his clothes. )

(catch-all)(closed) the days don't stop coming

CROWLEY ◈ 2ND ◈ LÙNASA

CROWLEY ◈ 3RD ◈ FULL MOON

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