Lorenz "I'm an 11" Hellman Gloucester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bergamotrose) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
middaeg2020-02-10 09:51 pm
bergamotrose) wrote in middaeg2020-02-10 09:51 pm
[Open] February Catch-All | Pegasus Moon
Who: Lorenz Hellman Gloucester + Open (with potential closed starters as needed)
When: Full Moon and after
Where: Throughout Aefenglom
What: Lorenz finds himself facing the consequences of not having his priorities straight.
Warnings: Possible body horror. Will update as needed.
A
[It was a miscalculation.
That was what he would tell himself later, after the dust had settled. It was a miscalculation of a variety of factors that he had neither predicted nor given the appropriate weight in his planning. The first was finding others from his land with yet a different set of memories than the ones he had already encountered, and navigating the particular frustration of not being able to determine who among them was friend or foe. The second, Lapis Lazuli. The ferocity of the rage that boiled within her was far more intense than he had realized, and it was a disruption in the plans he was trying to pursue with her. As much as he wanted to trust her as an equal, for the moment that was impossible. The third...
Marianne.
In an ideal setting, they would have been of similar age and had met with the same trials. She would have faced the darkness inside her heart and made peace with it, and they could have moved forward. But she had arrived in this realm as she was five years prior-- seemingly fragile, certainly untempered, and as liable to shy away as she was to explode in her fear. That alone would have been enough to still Lorenz's own plans, but then she had been taken. Taken, and forced to endure an untold number of disrespects that she was still reluctant to speak of. She, among all of those in this realm from Fodlan, had faced the most trauma in Aefenglom.
And yet, she was the least able to accept the final verdict delivered by the judge.
Knowing all of this in his heart, Lorenz was faced with a singular certainty that she needed his protection. But, that certainty was coupled with the fact that he felt he could not interfere.
He itched to write something-- a poem. Anything. 'Amid time’s flow I mourn bonds I’m not sure I can ever rend...' It left an unsettled feeling in his fingers that crept up his arms and firmly clenched his swiftly beating heart in it's fist, binding him to it's will.
At least he had the foresight to lock the bedroom door. Stocked in his personal quarters were sundry items that he suspected he would need until dawn--
But, it wasn't enough.
The wave of pain that met his body as he caught a glimpse of the full moon slowly dawning over the horizon had him biting his tongue in shock. Hands clenched tightly upon the rails of his bed in a white knucked bid for support as his knees buckled beneath him, changing configuration into something wholly unfamiliar. His ears burned, his vision blurred--
Amid the disjointed thoughts that rolled in a tangle in his mind was one recurring thread: Marianne. He couldn't let Marianne see him like this.
He knew he shouldn't be alone. Yet, unbonded as he was, he had no choice.
Finding his footing, Lorenz took the only course he could think of: Flee. Throwing the window to his bedroom wide open, Lorenz leapt for the freedom of the night. The late winter chill of the wind helped him have a grip on his intention, kept his awareness sharp.
Thus, with an inhuman stillness he crept through the shadows of the city, intent on making it to his destination unimpeded: The Harbor.
The salty air at the docks, the frigid bite of the sea, would surely help.]
B
[It was a miscalculation, yet here he was.
Lorenz sat on the edge of the dock, wrapped in a blanket he had procured from parts unknown while his unfamiliar feet dangled in the empty space wrought by low tide. His silken hair hung in his face and clung to the ears that now twitched in the cold breeze, tangled with muck and dirt that Lorenz was too hesitant to attempt to define. Uncomfortable and exhausted, Lorenz squinted out over the crisp horizon while he attempted to ignore the hollow feeling in his chest and the distinct knowledge that he was certain his flight from Haven had not been as clean as he had wished.
People had seen him. They had to. If they hadn't, they surely would in the near future.
Huffing irritably, Lorenz idly picked at the delicate swatches of velvet that were now hanging from his antlers.]
This must make quite a sight,
[He mused darkly, bitterly. After spending so much time keeping his appearances in a perfectly coiffed illusion of grandeur, Lorenz knew there was no coming back from this.]
When: Full Moon and after
Where: Throughout Aefenglom
What: Lorenz finds himself facing the consequences of not having his priorities straight.
Warnings: Possible body horror. Will update as needed.
A
[It was a miscalculation.
That was what he would tell himself later, after the dust had settled. It was a miscalculation of a variety of factors that he had neither predicted nor given the appropriate weight in his planning. The first was finding others from his land with yet a different set of memories than the ones he had already encountered, and navigating the particular frustration of not being able to determine who among them was friend or foe. The second, Lapis Lazuli. The ferocity of the rage that boiled within her was far more intense than he had realized, and it was a disruption in the plans he was trying to pursue with her. As much as he wanted to trust her as an equal, for the moment that was impossible. The third...
Marianne.
In an ideal setting, they would have been of similar age and had met with the same trials. She would have faced the darkness inside her heart and made peace with it, and they could have moved forward. But she had arrived in this realm as she was five years prior-- seemingly fragile, certainly untempered, and as liable to shy away as she was to explode in her fear. That alone would have been enough to still Lorenz's own plans, but then she had been taken. Taken, and forced to endure an untold number of disrespects that she was still reluctant to speak of. She, among all of those in this realm from Fodlan, had faced the most trauma in Aefenglom.
And yet, she was the least able to accept the final verdict delivered by the judge.
Knowing all of this in his heart, Lorenz was faced with a singular certainty that she needed his protection. But, that certainty was coupled with the fact that he felt he could not interfere.
He itched to write something-- a poem. Anything. 'Amid time’s flow I mourn bonds I’m not sure I can ever rend...' It left an unsettled feeling in his fingers that crept up his arms and firmly clenched his swiftly beating heart in it's fist, binding him to it's will.
At least he had the foresight to lock the bedroom door. Stocked in his personal quarters were sundry items that he suspected he would need until dawn--
But, it wasn't enough.
The wave of pain that met his body as he caught a glimpse of the full moon slowly dawning over the horizon had him biting his tongue in shock. Hands clenched tightly upon the rails of his bed in a white knucked bid for support as his knees buckled beneath him, changing configuration into something wholly unfamiliar. His ears burned, his vision blurred--
Amid the disjointed thoughts that rolled in a tangle in his mind was one recurring thread: Marianne. He couldn't let Marianne see him like this.
He knew he shouldn't be alone. Yet, unbonded as he was, he had no choice.
Finding his footing, Lorenz took the only course he could think of: Flee. Throwing the window to his bedroom wide open, Lorenz leapt for the freedom of the night. The late winter chill of the wind helped him have a grip on his intention, kept his awareness sharp.
Thus, with an inhuman stillness he crept through the shadows of the city, intent on making it to his destination unimpeded: The Harbor.
The salty air at the docks, the frigid bite of the sea, would surely help.]
B
[It was a miscalculation, yet here he was.
Lorenz sat on the edge of the dock, wrapped in a blanket he had procured from parts unknown while his unfamiliar feet dangled in the empty space wrought by low tide. His silken hair hung in his face and clung to the ears that now twitched in the cold breeze, tangled with muck and dirt that Lorenz was too hesitant to attempt to define. Uncomfortable and exhausted, Lorenz squinted out over the crisp horizon while he attempted to ignore the hollow feeling in his chest and the distinct knowledge that he was certain his flight from Haven had not been as clean as he had wished.
People had seen him. They had to. If they hadn't, they surely would in the near future.
Huffing irritably, Lorenz idly picked at the delicate swatches of velvet that were now hanging from his antlers.]
This must make quite a sight,
[He mused darkly, bitterly. After spending so much time keeping his appearances in a perfectly coiffed illusion of grandeur, Lorenz knew there was no coming back from this.]
no subject
[Lapis, please. He's a gentleman. Even if there was something he greatly desired, he would never force another to comply.]
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It's just that... Really, other than Peridot and Steven, no one's ever been... worried about me before? And even then, both of them know that I can handle things on my own.
[It's just sort of how it is with Gems.]
Besides, I'm a Lapis, and an Era 1 Lapis at that. I can handle myself. [She says, like that makes perfect sense.]
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And I am Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, eldest son of House Gloucester and heir to both the title of Count and the largest holding of agrarian lands within the Leicester Alliance. By all rights, I can handle myself as well.
[It was a lot of words that likely meant nothing to her-- just as her words had meant next to nothing to him.]
...But that is not the point, [he added, in a tone that was significantly softer in tone than his dark humor.] Whether or not we are of the same people, it sounds like both of our societies have achieved their greatest works through banding together. Many individuals with different thoughts and experiences, uniting under a common cause.
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She gets it, marginally.]
I don't... really know about that. [It's such a complicated subject. Sure, Gems might work together, but that's more because of what they were made for than sharing a common goal. And of course, deviation was once met with shattering.]
But it sounds like humans had it figured out way before us, at least in that. I've already told you that Gems are made for one purpose, and we don't really... deviate from it.
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But with that one purpose you have, you fulfill it to your utmost... right? So, if you need someone with a skill that you do not have, don't you call upon another?
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Though, that's changed now, she's sure.]
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[Lorenz reminded gently.]
Just yourself. Do you truly want to keep living by standards that aren't even viable here?
this isnt anyones song so its lapis' now, punks
She moves, adjusts herself so she's leaning back on her hand, one still on top of Pumpkin who nuzzles into it affectionately, and she exhales slowly, like she would while controlling water. And while she hums a tune at first, not quite wanting to commit to singing, her words come out more melodic and soft.]
I guess I'll have to face
That in this awful place
I shouldn't show a trace of doubt
But pulled against the grain
I feel a little pain
That I would rather do without
[She can't help but to shift again, looking out at the water from her spot more than a little forlornly. Without her wings, she's still just as trapped as ever, isn't she?]
I'd rather be
Free, free, free
I'd rather be
Free, free, free
Free, free, free
From here.
[And now that she's put it out there, now that she's sung it, it feels... embarrassing. Enough so that she keeps her gaze fixed on the water ahead.]
oh my god
The silence that fell as the final notes faded out into the sea was nearly deafening-- and Lorenz felt on a deep level that the gesture should be returned in kind.
He was far from a singer. His voice was passable at best-- a touch nasal and stilted, perhaps, but versatile enough to accomplish the task. In the quiet behind closed doors, however, he was a poet.
A poet who had accidentally found his words transformed by a seasoned songstress into an evocative song.
Closing his eyes, he sought to steady his breathing into a more even pattern. And... he made to sing-- a clumsy attempt at learning the operatic melody as it had been dreamed up by the premier diva of the renowned opera company.]
Verdant rains soothe
My aching heart like a cherished friend
Amid time’s flow I mourn
Bonds I’m not sure I can ever rend
As my mind clings to desperate thoughts
Here it comes, Horsebow Moon and summer’s end
[His voice was halting and unsteady-- the tones of someone out of practice, and self-conscious of the talent. After his own words faded into silence, he lowered his head to hide how his cheeks burned in the cold night.]
no subject
They're embarrassed for different reasons. Lapis for the fact that it's simply not known for a gem of her status to sing her feelings out like she's some kind of Pearl, and for Lorenz... Well, she couldn't begin to ascertain why he might be. Humans seem to be so much more free with their emotions, after all.]
... You're lucky, you know. Humans can accomplish so much in such little time, and you grow and change your whole lives.
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... but we do not live to see the final results of our efforts, [he began slowly, watching Lapis scritch Pumpkin gently rather than try to meet her gaze.] We toil away all of our lives which only last a handful of decades trying to create a brighter, less chaotic tomorrow that we know we will not see. Our fathers did the same before us, and our children will do the same after.
That's why we work together rather than alone. So we know that someone will build on our efforts in what we can only hope is the proper course, and keep fighting for a dream that may not even be reasonable when it can finally come to fruition.
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I guess it's more like... Humans get along with each other so readily. And I know that's not always the case, but it seems like you guys are. It took me awhile to even bond with Peridot, and I knew her. [But also... she hadn't wanted to make it weird for her, especially when she had thought of bonding like fusion.]
I know when I asked you I was... not really nice about it. [She'd been underhanded, tried to manipulate his feelings for her benefit. Hard wiring from having been in Blue Diamond's court, probably.] And I know you said you didn't want to hurt me, and I really appreciate that, but you should have been... more concerned about yourself.
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My people don't have the benefit of millennia to seeing projects through, so we act quickly regardless of where everyone stands. Lapis, I've... eliminated quite a few obstacles to that in my life.
[A sigh. He finally glanced at her.]
You likely have, too.
[He had seen the manipulations, the pain in her eyes, and understood the sort of mindset they had to have come from. It wasn't an unfamiliar sight to him-- though his observations were always on a smaller scale.]
...I didn't wish to hurt you, but I didn't wish for you to decide that I was trying use you from a place of weakness. This is a partnership, with everything that the word entails.
It's not something you push on someone who isn't ready.
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Thank you. For that. [She says, slightly stilted in her words.] I told myself once that I never wanted to have something like that again. And I just... I was so ready and willing to use someone to get what I wanted. It was like I was Malachite all over again.
[Her arms move, and she holds herself gently, ducking her head.
If she'd been able... She knows she would have taken advantage of him more readily. Would have forced him into it. It's good that he's human. It's good she can't do that here.]
no subject
But, I could see that you had been hurt by someone close. Please, Lapis, know this:
I will not put you, nor anyone, in a position like that. Even if I face personal cost from that decision, risking another's trust is not worth the effort.
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[She shakes her head, and looks at him, eyes just above her arms.]
I've only hurt people. That's why I say you should be more worried about yourself than me. I'm... not a good person. Not by Gem standards, and definitely not by human standards.
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[He tucked his hair behind his ear and out of his face while he listened.]
I've hurt people as well. It's inevitable. All we can do to fix it is try to do better.
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I know I've come a long way from what I used to be, but I just don't feel like I'm far enough.
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Now... the question is, are you going to focus on a past you cannot change, or work toward a future which you can?
[It was a serious question... but, he needed to know.]
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[But it will be hard for her, to change to begin with. After all, she is a gem.]
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[On that point, he was going to stand firm.]
...Lapis. I know I have been a fool and that I should have told you about my situation. But, I am still willing to move forward with a Bond if you are. The offer was always there.
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I... think that'd be alright. [She'll need one anyway, in the long term.]
I'd rather have a bond with you than anyone else.
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I'm truly glad to hear that. I... do not know how many more cycles I can take in this state.
[And, with the possibility of circumstances only growing more complex in the future, none of them could guess what the coming weeks would hold.]
no subject
Wait, how long have you been without one?
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[To that he did sound uncertain, not over his words but over the judgements he might receive. There was a darkness in his heart that he preferred to keep under wraps. He had long made peace with it, but commentary would be too much to bear.]
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