Lorenz "I'm an 11" Hellman Gloucester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bergamotrose) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
middaeg2020-02-10 09:51 pm
bergamotrose) wrote in middaeg2020-02-10 09:51 pm
[Open] February Catch-All | Pegasus Moon
Who: Lorenz Hellman Gloucester + Open (with potential closed starters as needed)
When: Full Moon and after
Where: Throughout Aefenglom
What: Lorenz finds himself facing the consequences of not having his priorities straight.
Warnings: Possible body horror. Will update as needed.
A
[It was a miscalculation.
That was what he would tell himself later, after the dust had settled. It was a miscalculation of a variety of factors that he had neither predicted nor given the appropriate weight in his planning. The first was finding others from his land with yet a different set of memories than the ones he had already encountered, and navigating the particular frustration of not being able to determine who among them was friend or foe. The second, Lapis Lazuli. The ferocity of the rage that boiled within her was far more intense than he had realized, and it was a disruption in the plans he was trying to pursue with her. As much as he wanted to trust her as an equal, for the moment that was impossible. The third...
Marianne.
In an ideal setting, they would have been of similar age and had met with the same trials. She would have faced the darkness inside her heart and made peace with it, and they could have moved forward. But she had arrived in this realm as she was five years prior-- seemingly fragile, certainly untempered, and as liable to shy away as she was to explode in her fear. That alone would have been enough to still Lorenz's own plans, but then she had been taken. Taken, and forced to endure an untold number of disrespects that she was still reluctant to speak of. She, among all of those in this realm from Fodlan, had faced the most trauma in Aefenglom.
And yet, she was the least able to accept the final verdict delivered by the judge.
Knowing all of this in his heart, Lorenz was faced with a singular certainty that she needed his protection. But, that certainty was coupled with the fact that he felt he could not interfere.
He itched to write something-- a poem. Anything. 'Amid time’s flow I mourn bonds I’m not sure I can ever rend...' It left an unsettled feeling in his fingers that crept up his arms and firmly clenched his swiftly beating heart in it's fist, binding him to it's will.
At least he had the foresight to lock the bedroom door. Stocked in his personal quarters were sundry items that he suspected he would need until dawn--
But, it wasn't enough.
The wave of pain that met his body as he caught a glimpse of the full moon slowly dawning over the horizon had him biting his tongue in shock. Hands clenched tightly upon the rails of his bed in a white knucked bid for support as his knees buckled beneath him, changing configuration into something wholly unfamiliar. His ears burned, his vision blurred--
Amid the disjointed thoughts that rolled in a tangle in his mind was one recurring thread: Marianne. He couldn't let Marianne see him like this.
He knew he shouldn't be alone. Yet, unbonded as he was, he had no choice.
Finding his footing, Lorenz took the only course he could think of: Flee. Throwing the window to his bedroom wide open, Lorenz leapt for the freedom of the night. The late winter chill of the wind helped him have a grip on his intention, kept his awareness sharp.
Thus, with an inhuman stillness he crept through the shadows of the city, intent on making it to his destination unimpeded: The Harbor.
The salty air at the docks, the frigid bite of the sea, would surely help.]
B
[It was a miscalculation, yet here he was.
Lorenz sat on the edge of the dock, wrapped in a blanket he had procured from parts unknown while his unfamiliar feet dangled in the empty space wrought by low tide. His silken hair hung in his face and clung to the ears that now twitched in the cold breeze, tangled with muck and dirt that Lorenz was too hesitant to attempt to define. Uncomfortable and exhausted, Lorenz squinted out over the crisp horizon while he attempted to ignore the hollow feeling in his chest and the distinct knowledge that he was certain his flight from Haven had not been as clean as he had wished.
People had seen him. They had to. If they hadn't, they surely would in the near future.
Huffing irritably, Lorenz idly picked at the delicate swatches of velvet that were now hanging from his antlers.]
This must make quite a sight,
[He mused darkly, bitterly. After spending so much time keeping his appearances in a perfectly coiffed illusion of grandeur, Lorenz knew there was no coming back from this.]
When: Full Moon and after
Where: Throughout Aefenglom
What: Lorenz finds himself facing the consequences of not having his priorities straight.
Warnings: Possible body horror. Will update as needed.
A
[It was a miscalculation.
That was what he would tell himself later, after the dust had settled. It was a miscalculation of a variety of factors that he had neither predicted nor given the appropriate weight in his planning. The first was finding others from his land with yet a different set of memories than the ones he had already encountered, and navigating the particular frustration of not being able to determine who among them was friend or foe. The second, Lapis Lazuli. The ferocity of the rage that boiled within her was far more intense than he had realized, and it was a disruption in the plans he was trying to pursue with her. As much as he wanted to trust her as an equal, for the moment that was impossible. The third...
Marianne.
In an ideal setting, they would have been of similar age and had met with the same trials. She would have faced the darkness inside her heart and made peace with it, and they could have moved forward. But she had arrived in this realm as she was five years prior-- seemingly fragile, certainly untempered, and as liable to shy away as she was to explode in her fear. That alone would have been enough to still Lorenz's own plans, but then she had been taken. Taken, and forced to endure an untold number of disrespects that she was still reluctant to speak of. She, among all of those in this realm from Fodlan, had faced the most trauma in Aefenglom.
And yet, she was the least able to accept the final verdict delivered by the judge.
Knowing all of this in his heart, Lorenz was faced with a singular certainty that she needed his protection. But, that certainty was coupled with the fact that he felt he could not interfere.
He itched to write something-- a poem. Anything. 'Amid time’s flow I mourn bonds I’m not sure I can ever rend...' It left an unsettled feeling in his fingers that crept up his arms and firmly clenched his swiftly beating heart in it's fist, binding him to it's will.
At least he had the foresight to lock the bedroom door. Stocked in his personal quarters were sundry items that he suspected he would need until dawn--
But, it wasn't enough.
The wave of pain that met his body as he caught a glimpse of the full moon slowly dawning over the horizon had him biting his tongue in shock. Hands clenched tightly upon the rails of his bed in a white knucked bid for support as his knees buckled beneath him, changing configuration into something wholly unfamiliar. His ears burned, his vision blurred--
Amid the disjointed thoughts that rolled in a tangle in his mind was one recurring thread: Marianne. He couldn't let Marianne see him like this.
He knew he shouldn't be alone. Yet, unbonded as he was, he had no choice.
Finding his footing, Lorenz took the only course he could think of: Flee. Throwing the window to his bedroom wide open, Lorenz leapt for the freedom of the night. The late winter chill of the wind helped him have a grip on his intention, kept his awareness sharp.
Thus, with an inhuman stillness he crept through the shadows of the city, intent on making it to his destination unimpeded: The Harbor.
The salty air at the docks, the frigid bite of the sea, would surely help.]
B
[It was a miscalculation, yet here he was.
Lorenz sat on the edge of the dock, wrapped in a blanket he had procured from parts unknown while his unfamiliar feet dangled in the empty space wrought by low tide. His silken hair hung in his face and clung to the ears that now twitched in the cold breeze, tangled with muck and dirt that Lorenz was too hesitant to attempt to define. Uncomfortable and exhausted, Lorenz squinted out over the crisp horizon while he attempted to ignore the hollow feeling in his chest and the distinct knowledge that he was certain his flight from Haven had not been as clean as he had wished.
People had seen him. They had to. If they hadn't, they surely would in the near future.
Huffing irritably, Lorenz idly picked at the delicate swatches of velvet that were now hanging from his antlers.]
This must make quite a sight,
[He mused darkly, bitterly. After spending so much time keeping his appearances in a perfectly coiffed illusion of grandeur, Lorenz knew there was no coming back from this.]
no subject
My people don't have the benefit of millennia to seeing projects through, so we act quickly regardless of where everyone stands. Lapis, I've... eliminated quite a few obstacles to that in my life.
[A sigh. He finally glanced at her.]
You likely have, too.
[He had seen the manipulations, the pain in her eyes, and understood the sort of mindset they had to have come from. It wasn't an unfamiliar sight to him-- though his observations were always on a smaller scale.]
...I didn't wish to hurt you, but I didn't wish for you to decide that I was trying use you from a place of weakness. This is a partnership, with everything that the word entails.
It's not something you push on someone who isn't ready.
no subject
Thank you. For that. [She says, slightly stilted in her words.] I told myself once that I never wanted to have something like that again. And I just... I was so ready and willing to use someone to get what I wanted. It was like I was Malachite all over again.
[Her arms move, and she holds herself gently, ducking her head.
If she'd been able... She knows she would have taken advantage of him more readily. Would have forced him into it. It's good that he's human. It's good she can't do that here.]
no subject
But, I could see that you had been hurt by someone close. Please, Lapis, know this:
I will not put you, nor anyone, in a position like that. Even if I face personal cost from that decision, risking another's trust is not worth the effort.
no subject
[She shakes her head, and looks at him, eyes just above her arms.]
I've only hurt people. That's why I say you should be more worried about yourself than me. I'm... not a good person. Not by Gem standards, and definitely not by human standards.
no subject
[He tucked his hair behind his ear and out of his face while he listened.]
I've hurt people as well. It's inevitable. All we can do to fix it is try to do better.
no subject
I know I've come a long way from what I used to be, but I just don't feel like I'm far enough.
no subject
Now... the question is, are you going to focus on a past you cannot change, or work toward a future which you can?
[It was a serious question... but, he needed to know.]
no subject
[But it will be hard for her, to change to begin with. After all, she is a gem.]
no subject
[On that point, he was going to stand firm.]
...Lapis. I know I have been a fool and that I should have told you about my situation. But, I am still willing to move forward with a Bond if you are. The offer was always there.
no subject
I... think that'd be alright. [She'll need one anyway, in the long term.]
I'd rather have a bond with you than anyone else.
no subject
I'm truly glad to hear that. I... do not know how many more cycles I can take in this state.
[And, with the possibility of circumstances only growing more complex in the future, none of them could guess what the coming weeks would hold.]
no subject
Wait, how long have you been without one?
no subject
[To that he did sound uncertain, not over his words but over the judgements he might receive. There was a darkness in his heart that he preferred to keep under wraps. He had long made peace with it, but commentary would be too much to bear.]
no subject
[She can't help the inquiry, there's no judgment, though. Just pure confusion.]
Don't you have people from your own world you can count on?
no subject
Hubert and Edelgard... we are not close. And Marianne, well...
I am not certain we are compatible in this manner. Where I was prepared to end those who harmed her with my own lance if needed, she prayed to the Goddess to have mercy upon their souls. With someone as gentle as that, I fear being a reason for her to be hurt during our time here.
Others also arrived recently but, like with Hubert and Edelgard, we are not close.
no subject
[Lapis shakes her head. Would the situation be like her and Steven? Though, if she thinks on it, Peridot had been a good temper for herself, tempering her feelings of anger and anxiety.]
That's not how it works. When me and Peridot were bonded, she kept me grounded. Any time I was upset she kind of... [She motions vaguely with her hand, sitting upright.] Well, she made it easier. You don't think that'd be the same for you?
no subject
[He levelled his gaze upon her steadily, knowing full well that the complicated factors were such that Lapis might not understand.]
And I would be the reason for that guilt. No many supportive words or feelings I can offer to her right now, that is the fact of the matter. She.... is afraid of something deeply personal to her in our world, and the changes this world brought to me-- to us all-- is representative of that problem.
Likely, she will not look at me the same when I return to her. Having those feelings reflected in my own heart would simply make an already complex situation more difficult than it must be.
no subject
Well... I'm here for you, for what it's worth.
no subject
[And, truly, her viewpoints would be invaluable from what he understood. Gem society was far different than anything he could imagine, but it seemed that she had witnessed things far stranger than the monster transformations in Aefenglom.
Perhaps, even, experienced them herself.]
For what it's worth, I'll continue standing by your side as well.