middaeg | [Open] Come In From The Cold...

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[Open] Come In From The Cold...

Who: House Darkness Residents and OPEN
When: All of February
Where: House Darkness in the Haven
What: It's an open log!
Warnings: Shadowbringers Spoilers in some threads possible, possible talk of the Snatched Event

[If anyone knows the residents of the house, it might seem strange that such a group have selected a cozy abode for their home in the city. However, it is not to be said that they are unwelcoming (depending on who) and usually when someone comes to visit, there's always a warm cup of tea ready for them...and maybe some food to go along with it. Feels like a crime if someone doesn't get fed. And despite the hardships of the previous month, the house does welcome guests for any particular reasons whether a visit for the soul, a chat to catch up on events, or even maybe go a few rounds with the poor striking dummy in the backyard.

When you live with sword users and have stress, it gets used, ok?

It might be chilly outside but strange enough, the house itself is pretty warm. Just mind the gaelkitten and Flood running around from time to time.]

((OOC: Feel free to make a top level if you wish! Open to all!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Come on, yes we do.

[He's slightly confused at first and it makes it hurt. Sora can see the damage he did and it makes a flicker of guilt hit him again.]

Vanitas, I'm sorry I hit you so much. Everything in my head was all messed up!

[Since he's never gotten to hold a Flood like this before he gives it a gentle little squeeze.]

[ Damage that Vanitas could have healed, really. However he hadn't.

Still, he doesn't look at Sora. His attention returns to the book. ]

We don't.

[ He licks this thumb before turning the page. ]

It's not your problem.

What do you mean?

[Sora takes a step forward, eyes flashing with concern.]

Vanitas, look at you! It's my fault.

[Vanitas had just been poking at him like he always does. He shouldn't have let it bother him so much! That anger that infected him made him lose his temper so quickly! It's Sora's fault Vanitas is so beat up right now. And he never wanted that.]

[ His response? A hum. ]

This is nothing.

[ Vanitas isn't lying. He thinks very little about the marks on his face. It's really not Sora's fault, in his opinion. Van encouraged it. Laughed about it. This is his own doing. ]

And you heard what I said. You don't need to worry about it anymore.

It's not... It's not just nothing.

[Vanitas might not think much about it but Sora does. It actually bothers him quite a bit. And the fact that there's still this hazy feeling between them means it isn't just nothing.]

What do you mean I don't have to worry about it?

Before we left on that little trip, I made a Bond with another who has been... [ Van clicks his tongues. ] Encouraging things

[ Like him learning to be himself. Practice self-care. Having him play a game. Even told him to at least try to make a friend before he decides he doesn't like them. ]

So I'll be fine. You can leave things in her hands and worry about your friends.

What?

[There's something painful sinking in his stomach and Sora stares at Vanitas with wide blue eyes. If he's understanding what Vanitas is implying right now he's saying...?

He doesn't want to be bonded to Sora anymore...?

... It hurts.]

But-? Vanitas, I don't want to break our bond? I didn't mean for what happened to have meant that?

[The magic that bound their hands together, that magical line of red ribbon that laced around their hands. He can still sometimes remember how it felt. That's just going to be gone? He doesn't want that!]

[ Well. It's enough for Vanitas to feel it. Even on his bed, book in lap, his eyes narrow. What right does he have to feel that way? ...Well he isn't reading anymore. ]

Maybe you should have thought about that before you walked away. So don't pretend that it actually matters.

[ Now Sora might begin to feel the stirrings of anger. It's leaking through just the slightest bit. ]

Anyway... I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about the rest.

Edited 2020-02-21 04:37 (UTC)

[He dislikes his new rabbit ears even more as they twitch and Vanitas' words are heard like sharp crystal glass. The flicker of anger makes Sora swallow a breath.]

I'm not-! I'm not pretending about anything!

[He doesn't accept it. Breaking their new bond just because of one single fight? Isn't it a bit much? After the time they've been spending together, the flickers of warm emotion and everything else.

He's confused.]

I hurt you, Vanitas! I never wanted to do that. Before I knew it I was trying to get away because I felt so bad for doing it!

[ That's probably the stupidest thing that he's heard. Running away because he felt bad? Really?

That trickle of emotion from his end? It's starting to grow. Heat up, if you will. Because this just makes his blood boil. ]

Because you couldn't stand to be around!

[ Regardless of the reason, Sora left because he couldn't face him. Left him there. Alone. ]

It was because of what I did! I never wanted to be a person who did that sort of thing to you!

[He can see the cut he left on Vanitas' lip. And he can't even imagine what the rest of it looks like. Of course, Sora felt terrible for it and he fled because of the shame and regret of it. It wasn't what he wanted to be.]

I couldn't stand what I did...! You didn't deserve that!

Who even cares about that!? I knew what I was doing, what I was starting! If I cared I would have fought back!

[ Van isn't holding the book now. His fists are tightening in his lap. Anger is growing. Sora is getting him worked up. Partially because he doesn't understand how it is that Sora would say that Vanitas hadn't deserved it. He had. ]

I didn't think you were the type that ran away from things when they become ugly and inconvenient. Boy was I wrong!

I care! Even if you didn't fight back you still didn't deserve to be hit like that, you never deserve anyone treating you like that! Ever! You're not a punching bag! Not back then and not now!

[And Sora was the last person to ever want to hurt Vanitas out of some sort of emotional outburst or any other reason like that. Sora's getting worked up as well and just feeling that flicker of anger welling up makes Sora drop the Flood and take a step forward.]

I wasn't running away from you!

But I did deserve it! I encouraged your anger, knowing you were being influenced by that ghost! And I knew how you'd feel after! In no way did I not deserve it! I always do!

[ He tosses the book aside and turn on the bed. Not quite getting up yet but... ]

It's a consequence for being how I am and I accept that.

[ The Flood jumps onto the dresser, watching and waiting. It wants to see how this plays out too. So many emotions! ]

You did run away! From yourself!? From me!? You just took off like everyone else!

If it wasn't for that ghost changing how I felt it never would have gone that far! You don't have to accept things happening to you like that! No one deserves it and especially not you. You're not just darkness to be used?!

[Sora's voice cracks, his emotions getting heavier in his heart.]

I- And I came back, didn't I? I'm right here. I ... I made a mistake. It was like this feeling was inside me that made me want to take off. But I'm here trying to tell you that.

[That animalistic feeling. Freeze or flight? He's not sure. But he's sure that he didn't mean to run away for the reasons that Vanitas thinks.]

[ Sora's not the only one dealing his emotions here. Vanitas just deals with it poorly. That regulation has gotten better, yes, but now as he has gotten more worked up? It's harder to control. There's magic starting to fill the room - a side effect of Van getting angrier.

His hands bunch up in the blankets. He doesn't understand, of course. No one deserves it? What's that even mean? And Sora came back but what's the point in coming back if it could happen again!?

And that's when Vanitas just loses it. Whatever control he had on that Bond and what emotions is gone. He feels hurt, wounded. Angry. ]

Then I shouldn't accept that you just left me there. Alone! WHAT GOOD ARE WORDS NOW!?

[ And now there's sparks in the air. ]

[It's such a big misunderstanding and he knows it. It has to be. The dread in his stomach of losing a bond that was starting to mean a lot to him makes his heart feel that hurt and anger that bursts over what's left of it even harder. His ears lower and his shoulders shake as that same new anxiety comes to the pit of his belly.

The way that Vanitas says those words makes Sora look at him with wide eyes. If that is the biggest problem here? That he had left Vanitas alone at that very moment and now he felt somehow wounded for it? It's raw and hurting.]

I didn't want you to feel alone, Vanitas! Everything got to my head! I'm sorry. But you're my bondmate, I want to be where you are. I don't want to leave you alone!

[But what can he even do to prove that anymore?]

[ It is the problem. The biggest problem. He's never wanted to be alone, really. Ventus had always had those friends of his, but what did he have? Nothing. Xehanort hadn't cared about him. Left him stranded in the Badlands until he had been needed. Never lifted a finger to help or administer aid. And then Ventus would choose to shatter them both. He's never had anyone. Anything.

Then Sora. Mira. Marie. Hell, even the old man and Rose to a degree. They've all given him some semblance of hope. Of belonging. But then Sora just ups and leaves. It had taken him right back to similar moments. ]

Then why. Why did you!?

[ And the electricity in the room crackles all the more. ]

[Sora trembles when the electricity crackles and that action gives him some sort of answer. His body is changing. Whatever monster he's turning into makes his nerves a lot jumpier than they were before. He never would have left in the middle of an argument or unresolved fight before this place happened to him. On top of his shame and regret for hurting Vanitas, it just makes it all that much worse.

But he doesn't want to give up. He doesn't want Vanitas to break the moments that they've already shared. He doesn't want to stop what they have made. The little moments of hands touching hands, warmth in a bed, teasing and laughter under the guise of poking fun and name-calling. It has been wonderful and he really doesn't want to lose it.]

Something's happening to me. [Sora looks at Vanitas as his trembling stops and he doesn't break his gaze away.] Maybe it's my monster changes, maybe it's this world or whatever that ghost did to me? But I know it wasn't me that wanted to do that. I know that I want you, Vanitas. I want this and our bond and you. I really mean it. I don't want to just give up!

[ The nervous energy Sora had been emitting - the jumpiness and whatnot. Just adds to Van's perception that Sora is afraid of him or just sticking close because he had wanted to "fix him."

Sora calming down and actually looking at him does help. There's no yelling and that gives Vanitas pause. There's a lot of things in those words that Vanitas could pick apart though. Excuses. However, the rest of it does nothing short of strike him. "Want you." Want the bond. Not wanting to give up.

Someone actually wants him but that same person is the one who hurt him. It's so confusing. And it hurts. Why do emotions have to hurt. He should be over this. Shouldn't be so easy to wound. He had been passed all of this. Over this.

This is why... This is why people are a weakness. Vanitas starts to try to pull himself back together, the energy in the room less charged. ]

If you didn't want to run and did anyway, what's to stop you from doing so again? You're better off just listening to those stupid instincts.

[ If he pushes the brat away, then he can't be hurt again. How has it come to this? How is it that Vanitas is feeling so much? But he already knows he can't completely go back. His last visit with Mira has made him realize he's allowed people to mean something to him.

Is that why this hurts so much? ]

[Emotions are complicated and fragile things. Sora has too many of them and barely contains any of them on a regular basis. He knows he's feeling so many different ones right now all bellowing around in his lungs like fluttering butterflies that want to escape.]

If you want me to stay as much as I want to stay...? I'll just have to figure out a way to make sure it never happens again.

[Sora keeps his gaze steady on Vanitas, his eyes as honest as they always are. But he does tug at one of his new ears like he dislikes it very much. But Sora thinks he has a pretty good track record for trying hard enough to make the changes he wants real. He just hopes it's enough for Vanitas to give him another chance to mean it.]

[ He stares at Sora for a while. Attempts to analyze the feelings that are crossing their bond while dealing with his own. Sora doesn't have an exact answer. In some ways that's better than coming up with one and then falling short. By now the magical energy in the air is all but gone and Vanitas? He is feeling oddly drained. ]

Why did you come here, Sora? I'm not like you. Chances are I'll do the same thing over and over again. It's what I do and there's no changing that. Why put up with it?

[ In other words, Sora has an out. Why does he want this? Want Vanitas? ]

Why be so ashamed of something I encouraged?

Doing stuff like that, thinking you deserve what you get for it- I don't think you've ever asked to be treated that way. And I don't want to be someone to you that takes things out on you like that.

[He can't know for sure what Vanitas' past was really like. What it was like being used and battered by Xehanort without a second thought. But he thinks it's a safe assumption to make that Vanitas never asked for any of that.]

You can be whoever you want to be, not what Xehanort thought you were. I just want to be there when you find it.

[His tone is the same earnest Sora he always is.]

[ It's tiring, all of this. Vanitas just doesn't get it. Sora just wants to be there? No, maybe Vanitas hadn't asked to be what he is. Hadn't asked to fight his Unversed over and over again until he passed out from the agony. However, Van had accepted the necessity because he had asked for training.

He huffs, unsure what to think on all of this. But it still doesn't answer... ]

Even if it means I take things out on you?

[ Because it will probably happen. Vanitas lashes out at people from time to time.Prod them until they break. ]

Why are you here?

[ He'll ask again. ]

[Vanitas asks again why Sora is here and he has to look at Vanitas with a softer expression. He might not be whoever it is that Vanitas has bonded with now, being able to encourage things in the way that Vanitas seems content about but... he still wants to try. And he knows Vanitas still hasn't said out loud that he's accepted that he wants to be bonded with Sora either... But...]

I said when we were bonding. I can take it.

[Then he says again, softly,]

And I'm apologizing. I'm sorry for doing what I did. I didn't mean to hurt you like that.

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