middaeg | [Open] Come In From The Cold...

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[Open] Come In From The Cold...

Who: House Darkness Residents and OPEN
When: All of February
Where: House Darkness in the Haven
What: It's an open log!
Warnings: Shadowbringers Spoilers in some threads possible, possible talk of the Snatched Event

[If anyone knows the residents of the house, it might seem strange that such a group have selected a cozy abode for their home in the city. However, it is not to be said that they are unwelcoming (depending on who) and usually when someone comes to visit, there's always a warm cup of tea ready for them...and maybe some food to go along with it. Feels like a crime if someone doesn't get fed. And despite the hardships of the previous month, the house does welcome guests for any particular reasons whether a visit for the soul, a chat to catch up on events, or even maybe go a few rounds with the poor striking dummy in the backyard.

When you live with sword users and have stress, it gets used, ok?

It might be chilly outside but strange enough, the house itself is pretty warm. Just mind the gaelkitten and Flood running around from time to time.]

((OOC: Feel free to make a top level if you wish! Open to all!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He dislikes his new rabbit ears even more as they twitch and Vanitas' words are heard like sharp crystal glass. The flicker of anger makes Sora swallow a breath.]

I'm not-! I'm not pretending about anything!

[He doesn't accept it. Breaking their new bond just because of one single fight? Isn't it a bit much? After the time they've been spending together, the flickers of warm emotion and everything else.

He's confused.]

I hurt you, Vanitas! I never wanted to do that. Before I knew it I was trying to get away because I felt so bad for doing it!

[ That's probably the stupidest thing that he's heard. Running away because he felt bad? Really?

That trickle of emotion from his end? It's starting to grow. Heat up, if you will. Because this just makes his blood boil. ]

Because you couldn't stand to be around!

[ Regardless of the reason, Sora left because he couldn't face him. Left him there. Alone. ]

It was because of what I did! I never wanted to be a person who did that sort of thing to you!

[He can see the cut he left on Vanitas' lip. And he can't even imagine what the rest of it looks like. Of course, Sora felt terrible for it and he fled because of the shame and regret of it. It wasn't what he wanted to be.]

I couldn't stand what I did...! You didn't deserve that!

Who even cares about that!? I knew what I was doing, what I was starting! If I cared I would have fought back!

[ Van isn't holding the book now. His fists are tightening in his lap. Anger is growing. Sora is getting him worked up. Partially because he doesn't understand how it is that Sora would say that Vanitas hadn't deserved it. He had. ]

I didn't think you were the type that ran away from things when they become ugly and inconvenient. Boy was I wrong!

I care! Even if you didn't fight back you still didn't deserve to be hit like that, you never deserve anyone treating you like that! Ever! You're not a punching bag! Not back then and not now!

[And Sora was the last person to ever want to hurt Vanitas out of some sort of emotional outburst or any other reason like that. Sora's getting worked up as well and just feeling that flicker of anger welling up makes Sora drop the Flood and take a step forward.]

I wasn't running away from you!

But I did deserve it! I encouraged your anger, knowing you were being influenced by that ghost! And I knew how you'd feel after! In no way did I not deserve it! I always do!

[ He tosses the book aside and turn on the bed. Not quite getting up yet but... ]

It's a consequence for being how I am and I accept that.

[ The Flood jumps onto the dresser, watching and waiting. It wants to see how this plays out too. So many emotions! ]

You did run away! From yourself!? From me!? You just took off like everyone else!

If it wasn't for that ghost changing how I felt it never would have gone that far! You don't have to accept things happening to you like that! No one deserves it and especially not you. You're not just darkness to be used?!

[Sora's voice cracks, his emotions getting heavier in his heart.]

I- And I came back, didn't I? I'm right here. I ... I made a mistake. It was like this feeling was inside me that made me want to take off. But I'm here trying to tell you that.

[That animalistic feeling. Freeze or flight? He's not sure. But he's sure that he didn't mean to run away for the reasons that Vanitas thinks.]

[ Sora's not the only one dealing his emotions here. Vanitas just deals with it poorly. That regulation has gotten better, yes, but now as he has gotten more worked up? It's harder to control. There's magic starting to fill the room - a side effect of Van getting angrier.

His hands bunch up in the blankets. He doesn't understand, of course. No one deserves it? What's that even mean? And Sora came back but what's the point in coming back if it could happen again!?

And that's when Vanitas just loses it. Whatever control he had on that Bond and what emotions is gone. He feels hurt, wounded. Angry. ]

Then I shouldn't accept that you just left me there. Alone! WHAT GOOD ARE WORDS NOW!?

[ And now there's sparks in the air. ]

[It's such a big misunderstanding and he knows it. It has to be. The dread in his stomach of losing a bond that was starting to mean a lot to him makes his heart feel that hurt and anger that bursts over what's left of it even harder. His ears lower and his shoulders shake as that same new anxiety comes to the pit of his belly.

The way that Vanitas says those words makes Sora look at him with wide eyes. If that is the biggest problem here? That he had left Vanitas alone at that very moment and now he felt somehow wounded for it? It's raw and hurting.]

I didn't want you to feel alone, Vanitas! Everything got to my head! I'm sorry. But you're my bondmate, I want to be where you are. I don't want to leave you alone!

[But what can he even do to prove that anymore?]

[ It is the problem. The biggest problem. He's never wanted to be alone, really. Ventus had always had those friends of his, but what did he have? Nothing. Xehanort hadn't cared about him. Left him stranded in the Badlands until he had been needed. Never lifted a finger to help or administer aid. And then Ventus would choose to shatter them both. He's never had anyone. Anything.

Then Sora. Mira. Marie. Hell, even the old man and Rose to a degree. They've all given him some semblance of hope. Of belonging. But then Sora just ups and leaves. It had taken him right back to similar moments. ]

Then why. Why did you!?

[ And the electricity in the room crackles all the more. ]

[Sora trembles when the electricity crackles and that action gives him some sort of answer. His body is changing. Whatever monster he's turning into makes his nerves a lot jumpier than they were before. He never would have left in the middle of an argument or unresolved fight before this place happened to him. On top of his shame and regret for hurting Vanitas, it just makes it all that much worse.

But he doesn't want to give up. He doesn't want Vanitas to break the moments that they've already shared. He doesn't want to stop what they have made. The little moments of hands touching hands, warmth in a bed, teasing and laughter under the guise of poking fun and name-calling. It has been wonderful and he really doesn't want to lose it.]

Something's happening to me. [Sora looks at Vanitas as his trembling stops and he doesn't break his gaze away.] Maybe it's my monster changes, maybe it's this world or whatever that ghost did to me? But I know it wasn't me that wanted to do that. I know that I want you, Vanitas. I want this and our bond and you. I really mean it. I don't want to just give up!

[ The nervous energy Sora had been emitting - the jumpiness and whatnot. Just adds to Van's perception that Sora is afraid of him or just sticking close because he had wanted to "fix him."

Sora calming down and actually looking at him does help. There's no yelling and that gives Vanitas pause. There's a lot of things in those words that Vanitas could pick apart though. Excuses. However, the rest of it does nothing short of strike him. "Want you." Want the bond. Not wanting to give up.

Someone actually wants him but that same person is the one who hurt him. It's so confusing. And it hurts. Why do emotions have to hurt. He should be over this. Shouldn't be so easy to wound. He had been passed all of this. Over this.

This is why... This is why people are a weakness. Vanitas starts to try to pull himself back together, the energy in the room less charged. ]

If you didn't want to run and did anyway, what's to stop you from doing so again? You're better off just listening to those stupid instincts.

[ If he pushes the brat away, then he can't be hurt again. How has it come to this? How is it that Vanitas is feeling so much? But he already knows he can't completely go back. His last visit with Mira has made him realize he's allowed people to mean something to him.

Is that why this hurts so much? ]

[Emotions are complicated and fragile things. Sora has too many of them and barely contains any of them on a regular basis. He knows he's feeling so many different ones right now all bellowing around in his lungs like fluttering butterflies that want to escape.]

If you want me to stay as much as I want to stay...? I'll just have to figure out a way to make sure it never happens again.

[Sora keeps his gaze steady on Vanitas, his eyes as honest as they always are. But he does tug at one of his new ears like he dislikes it very much. But Sora thinks he has a pretty good track record for trying hard enough to make the changes he wants real. He just hopes it's enough for Vanitas to give him another chance to mean it.]

[ He stares at Sora for a while. Attempts to analyze the feelings that are crossing their bond while dealing with his own. Sora doesn't have an exact answer. In some ways that's better than coming up with one and then falling short. By now the magical energy in the air is all but gone and Vanitas? He is feeling oddly drained. ]

Why did you come here, Sora? I'm not like you. Chances are I'll do the same thing over and over again. It's what I do and there's no changing that. Why put up with it?

[ In other words, Sora has an out. Why does he want this? Want Vanitas? ]

Why be so ashamed of something I encouraged?

Doing stuff like that, thinking you deserve what you get for it- I don't think you've ever asked to be treated that way. And I don't want to be someone to you that takes things out on you like that.

[He can't know for sure what Vanitas' past was really like. What it was like being used and battered by Xehanort without a second thought. But he thinks it's a safe assumption to make that Vanitas never asked for any of that.]

You can be whoever you want to be, not what Xehanort thought you were. I just want to be there when you find it.

[His tone is the same earnest Sora he always is.]

[ It's tiring, all of this. Vanitas just doesn't get it. Sora just wants to be there? No, maybe Vanitas hadn't asked to be what he is. Hadn't asked to fight his Unversed over and over again until he passed out from the agony. However, Van had accepted the necessity because he had asked for training.

He huffs, unsure what to think on all of this. But it still doesn't answer... ]

Even if it means I take things out on you?

[ Because it will probably happen. Vanitas lashes out at people from time to time.Prod them until they break. ]

Why are you here?

[ He'll ask again. ]

[Vanitas asks again why Sora is here and he has to look at Vanitas with a softer expression. He might not be whoever it is that Vanitas has bonded with now, being able to encourage things in the way that Vanitas seems content about but... he still wants to try. And he knows Vanitas still hasn't said out loud that he's accepted that he wants to be bonded with Sora either... But...]

I said when we were bonding. I can take it.

[Then he says again, softly,]

And I'm apologizing. I'm sorry for doing what I did. I didn't mean to hurt you like that.

[ No, Vanitas hasn't said out loud that he still wants to be Bonded with Sora. But the fact he hadn't sought to sever it while Sora hadn't been around should say a little something.

Still, he's pretty quiet. Thinking. Because Sora is apologizing and he has to wonder if they are empty words that don't have any substance to them or, perhaps, do they? Aqua had apologized and so had Ventus. Yet Aqua still seems aggressive ( partially Van's doing honestly ) and Ventus... Well. That's a little more difficult to discern, especially when it won't change what is to happen in the future.

Instead he's staring at his hands. On one side, he kind of wants to give Sora another chance. After all he's working on that with Aqua and Ventus too, despite how rocky that's going. However, on the other? There's still that little trickle of fear because if he opens himself up more to this and if something happens? It'll hurt more</>i>. ]

[It's that tiny trickle of fear that makes Sora tense slightly again. He bites his lip and decides to step closer, moving across the room and then to the bed to sit on the edge of it if Vanitas lets him. His new long ears twitch just so.]

Vanitas?

[He honestly has no idea where this will lead him, being bonded to Vanitas is probably one of the most reckless things he's ever done. But it feels right in his heart to try. And if Sora is anything, it's stubborn.

His hand reaches out to the spot that he had bitten Vanitas. Fingers gentle as they hover close, not quite touching.]

I'm sorry.

[For betraying the trust they had started to build.]

[ Well yes, Vanitas will allow Sora to sit on the bed. He's pretty confident in his ability to defend himself. If needed, that is. Which Sora probably won't do - not in the state that he's in now anyway.

Now he looks up and realizes - for the first time - that the brat's already had some monster changes. He'll process that in a moment. Instead his gaze shifts towards that hand drifting towards his shoulder. What does Sora think he's going to do? It's not like he can cast Cure or anything like that.

He had been so mad before... So hurt. And now there's nothing really left to cling to. It leaves him a little deflated and uncertain how this is supposed to work. Vanitas has never been in this situation before. He's never apologized for his behavior so how can he know? But augh. The kid is so earnest and even Van can feel the way it just eats at Sora and the stupid expressions he's been wearing on his face. It makes his gut twist and he doesn't like that. ]

Okay.

[ It's Vanitas that reaches out and tugs on one of those rabbit ears. ]

I mean it's not okay... [ Because being hurt isn't okay apparently? It's still an idea that he's not quite used to, hence the need to verbalize and reinforce the idea in his mind. ] But we are, I think.

[ Is forgiveness the same thing as just letting go and accepting? Is that what it is? ]

Ahhh-! Hey.

[He shuts one eye when his ear is tugged as the ear is still very sensitive and new. His head tilts that way and he makes a small noise but it's matched with the way that Sora's lips smile.

It's okay for it not to be okay. Sora knows that and he knows that it's enough for now. When he listens to Vanitas say that they are okay then ...

Sora looks up, hopefully releasing his ear from that tug in the process. He looks at Vanitas with something soft before he smiles brighter. In a quick movement, Sora pulls his arms around Vanitas' shoulders and hugs him close. Warm.]

Good, I'm really glad.

[ He actually pays no mind to the slight discomfort that Sora may feel. Vanitas... Has his own agenda when it comes to wanting to touch those ears. And tug on them.

Van does, however, feel some of the tension in their bond ease. Now he's not sure what that feeling is that comes across after; the one that is likely the cause of Sora's smile. What is that emotion?

Before Vanitas can think to ask, Sora's arms are around him. There's a brief moment of alarm, but Vanitas recognizes the gesture for what it is. A hug. His second one in such a short period. However thinks this one is less about seeking comfort and instead tied to relief? Joy?

Whatever the case, Van's hand is on Sora's back. Not quite a return of the embrace, but not pushing him away either. ]

Huh?

[ Does this really mean that much? ]

[Sensative rabbits ears that Sora's not too sure what to do with. They twitch and move when Sora's listening or feeling certain things. They are so sensitive to touch and the fur tickles when he feels fingers across them. There might even be the slightest tingle of Sora's own particularly strange puca magic there in the softness of the new brunette fur. They perk up automatically when he feels Vanitas not exactly pull away or return the action of this hug.

The tension that slowly flickers away from the bond between them has Sora's relief continue. He's happy although it's still somewhat careful now as they hug. Sora squishes away certain feelings to try and focus on that joy and relief that maybe things really will be okay.

He curls a little closer, not quite letting go yet.]

This is good, right?

[ Guh. Vanitas has no idea what to do with some of his own feelings lately! With Mira, it had been a strong urge to hurt the people who had used her, regardless of the fact he knows who they are and doesn't really have an issue with them personally. But the desire to do that anyway so they couldn't do it again had been almost dizzying.

Right now though? It's. Warm? Warm in a weird way that Vanitas can barely describe. Sora hugging tighter does not help him sort this out. He huffs, feeling a little overwhelmed. ]

It's not bad.

[ But enough, enough. Van pushes Sora a little to let him know it needs to stop. It's good, yes, but Vanitas feels like if it doesn't stop, he'll get sucked into some nameless emotion and he doesn't want that. ]

More importantly... [ He takes Sora's ears, eager to change conversation and not linger on how unsettled he really feels. ] When did you get these.

[Sora lets go when he's pushed and drops his arms to his sides while dropping his gaze too. The warmth that's returning to the space between their bond is welcome again and he finds he likes it much better than the empty haze from the night before.

He's more than happy to swap subjects as well, letting whatever warm feelings he'd been feeling to be tucked away.]

Er... The other night. I kept getting so many earaches and then it got bad enough that these popped up instead.

[It feels weird to have someone grab at them. They twitch and Sora makes a face.]

I was gonna go to the coven tomorrow to make sure I got it right. But I guess I'm turning into a puca.

[A rabbit. NOT A DRAGON.]

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