[open] the dumbest catchall you've ever seen

[dirtdevil]

Who: Levi, some orphans, a pesky woodland creature, you??
When: Mid-August
Where: Various
What: Heartwarming orphanage time, the beginning of a beautiful relationship between an unbonded witch and a trash-loving familiar, or whatever else you can come up with!
Warnings: Rated R for raccoon (and probably language honestly)


i. heartwarming orphanage prompt

[ so. Eren bought an orphanage.

yeah, that Eren. Eren "Cool Motive, Still Genocide" Jaeger. he's a whole-ass dragon now, and he literally sheds money (it's pretty gross, if you think about it). he's probably the richest asshole in this whole world. fortunately, though, he's used at least some of that cash on something good—yes, an entire goddamn orphanage. full of actual goddamn orphans. it's fine, probably. it's not like Eren's doing everything himself, after all. what kind of selfish asshole would turn down the opportunity to help out a bunch of little kids with dead parents?

not this asshole.

make no mistake, he's far from a people person—this much hasn't changed. it probably never will. but he's always had a higher tolerance for children... to a certain point, anyway. he's spent enough time babysitting teenagers to last several lifetimes, but the younger ones are less aggravating for some reason.

also, he's an orphan himself. and when he became an orphan, he was left in the care of his uncle, who happened to be a serial killer. the least he can do is try to be a better role model than that. because it's not like the current proprietor of this establishment would also choose to kill a shitload of people, right?

anyway, at the orphanage, he can be found doing a number of things: putting together meals in the kitchen, sweeping in the play area (even though it just keeps getting messy anyway, on account of all the kids running around), meticulously making every single bed despite barely being able to reach the top bunks—honestly, if it's something that ever gets dirty, he can probably be found deep-cleaning it.

possibly for the second time. ]

ii. stupid raccoon prompt

[ maybe you're outside at home, or in town—anywhere with a trash can, really—when suddenly, to your horror (or excitement, if you're that kind of person), that trash can starts moving. it might even tip over completely, spilling trash all over your lawn or the street or some random shop or wherever you are. or maybe you're eating somewhere in public, having a quick bite of something or maybe even a picnic. whether it's food or trash (or both), you've attracted someone's attention.

and that someone is an absolute unit.

if you're magically-inclined (or psychic, or just weirdly deductive), you'll probably catch on quickly that he is someone's familiar. but who the fuck would have a morbidly obese raccoon for a familiar?

the answer might surprise you. ]

iii. obligatory wildcard

[ or something else!! I'm clickboom 👍 ]

Comments

[dirtdevil]

...I see.

[ a likely story. he's pretty sure she's fucking with him—anyone could tell she's not exactly his biggest fan—but he's not gonna call her out on it. accusing a girl on crutches of trying to sabotage him in front of a bunch of little kids is not really a good look.

so he just reaches down and grabs the dropped sheet. he's going to have to wash it again, anyway. sigh. ]

I guess we wouldn't want that, would we?

[stopfen]

[The sheet he reaches for is...wiggling. The tiny body under it curling try and escape.

But his comment does make her pause, thinking for a moment. Not so much of her escape attempt, but about the kids. Her voice lowered, going from deadpan to something more somber.]

No...Not after the doctor had checked them all over.

[She still didn't believe Eren had managed to buy an orphanage, pay for medical care, pay for schooling. ]

[dirtdevil]

[ ...alright, you know what? he's just gonna let the kid have that sheet for now. if they want to play ghosts, who is he to deny them that right? he'll just... collect them all later. and wash them yet again. as long as no one's sleeping on dirty sheets, it's fine.

for now. ]

Wow, doctor checkups and everything. These kids have it pretty good.

[ you know, aside from the whole dead parents thing. ]

[stopfen]

[Even if he didn't clean them. They were the cleanest sheets these children had ever known...Depressing.]

They do. [It was unfortunate really. That Mikasa and Levi were the ones discussing it. Because compared to their childhoods, these kids really did have it great. That had been why Eren had brought the orphanage, after all.]

I take it, you know Eren brought this place?

[dirtdevil]

Oh, I'm aware.

[ is there even anyone else here who has that much cash to throw around? he honestly has no idea. ]

Never pegged him as a "good with kids" type, but I guess I wouldn't know either way.

[ hopefully these kids get kidnapped less than Eren does. ]

[stopfen]

[There was always going to be something really strange about Eren having so much money. After the amount they'd struggled.]

I'm not sure how good he is with them. [Yeah. He'd thrown money at the children's wellbeing was one thing, actually being good with them was another one. Though the kids did seem pretty content.

...But that bar was pretty low.

She couldn't even remember Eren interacting much with the children at the orphanage that Historia had opened. She remembered one managing to jump and grab Sasha's ponytail, a small group managing to beat up Connie.]

I didn't think you'd be here with them eiether. [Yeah. He'd helped find the underground kids but that was kinda different.]

[dirtdevil]

You're right. A more hands-off role might be better for him.

[ he could say the same of himself. if there's one consistent thing he knows about kids, it's that they're messy. he'll clean up after them, but you probably won't be seeing him playing in the mud. ]

Why? You think I'm bad with kids or something?

[ he's joking, right? he has to be joking. ]