[open] the dumbest catchall you've ever seen

[dirtdevil]

Who: Levi, some orphans, a pesky woodland creature, you??
When: Mid-August
Where: Various
What: Heartwarming orphanage time, the beginning of a beautiful relationship between an unbonded witch and a trash-loving familiar, or whatever else you can come up with!
Warnings: Rated R for raccoon (and probably language honestly)


i. heartwarming orphanage prompt

[ so. Eren bought an orphanage.

yeah, that Eren. Eren "Cool Motive, Still Genocide" Jaeger. he's a whole-ass dragon now, and he literally sheds money (it's pretty gross, if you think about it). he's probably the richest asshole in this whole world. fortunately, though, he's used at least some of that cash on something good—yes, an entire goddamn orphanage. full of actual goddamn orphans. it's fine, probably. it's not like Eren's doing everything himself, after all. what kind of selfish asshole would turn down the opportunity to help out a bunch of little kids with dead parents?

not this asshole.

make no mistake, he's far from a people person—this much hasn't changed. it probably never will. but he's always had a higher tolerance for children... to a certain point, anyway. he's spent enough time babysitting teenagers to last several lifetimes, but the younger ones are less aggravating for some reason.

also, he's an orphan himself. and when he became an orphan, he was left in the care of his uncle, who happened to be a serial killer. the least he can do is try to be a better role model than that. because it's not like the current proprietor of this establishment would also choose to kill a shitload of people, right?

anyway, at the orphanage, he can be found doing a number of things: putting together meals in the kitchen, sweeping in the play area (even though it just keeps getting messy anyway, on account of all the kids running around), meticulously making every single bed despite barely being able to reach the top bunks—honestly, if it's something that ever gets dirty, he can probably be found deep-cleaning it.

possibly for the second time. ]

ii. stupid raccoon prompt

[ maybe you're outside at home, or in town—anywhere with a trash can, really—when suddenly, to your horror (or excitement, if you're that kind of person), that trash can starts moving. it might even tip over completely, spilling trash all over your lawn or the street or some random shop or wherever you are. or maybe you're eating somewhere in public, having a quick bite of something or maybe even a picnic. whether it's food or trash (or both), you've attracted someone's attention.

and that someone is an absolute unit.

if you're magically-inclined (or psychic, or just weirdly deductive), you'll probably catch on quickly that he is someone's familiar. but who the fuck would have a morbidly obese raccoon for a familiar?

the answer might surprise you. ]

iii. obligatory wildcard

[ or something else!! I'm clickboom 👍 ]