middaeg | [open] the dumbest catchall you've ever seen

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[open] the dumbest catchall you've ever seen

Who: Levi, some orphans, a pesky woodland creature, you??
When: Mid-August
Where: Various
What: Heartwarming orphanage time, the beginning of a beautiful relationship between an unbonded witch and a trash-loving familiar, or whatever else you can come up with!
Warnings: Rated R for raccoon (and probably language honestly)

i. heartwarming orphanage prompt

[ so. Eren bought an orphanage.

yeah, that Eren. Eren "Cool Motive, Still Genocide" Jaeger. he's a whole-ass dragon now, and he literally sheds money (it's pretty gross, if you think about it). he's probably the richest asshole in this whole world. fortunately, though, he's used at least some of that cash on something good—yes, an entire goddamn orphanage. full of actual goddamn orphans. it's fine, probably. it's not like Eren's doing everything himself, after all. what kind of selfish asshole would turn down the opportunity to help out a bunch of little kids with dead parents?

not this asshole.

make no mistake, he's far from a people person—this much hasn't changed. it probably never will. but he's always had a higher tolerance for children... to a certain point, anyway. he's spent enough time babysitting teenagers to last several lifetimes, but the younger ones are less aggravating for some reason.

also, he's an orphan himself. and when he became an orphan, he was left in the care of his uncle, who happened to be a serial killer. the least he can do is try to be a better role model than that. because it's not like the current proprietor of this establishment would also choose to kill a shitload of people, right?

anyway, at the orphanage, he can be found doing a number of things: putting together meals in the kitchen, sweeping in the play area (even though it just keeps getting messy anyway, on account of all the kids running around), meticulously making every single bed despite barely being able to reach the top bunks—honestly, if it's something that ever gets dirty, he can probably be found deep-cleaning it.

possibly for the second time. ]

ii. stupid raccoon prompt

[ maybe you're outside at home, or in town—anywhere with a trash can, really—when suddenly, to your horror (or excitement, if you're that kind of person), that trash can starts moving. it might even tip over completely, spilling trash all over your lawn or the street or some random shop or wherever you are. or maybe you're eating somewhere in public, having a quick bite of something or maybe even a picnic. whether it's food or trash (or both), you've attracted someone's attention.

and that someone is an absolute unit.

if you're magically-inclined (or psychic, or just weirdly deductive), you'll probably catch on quickly that he is someone's familiar. but who the fuck would have a morbidly obese raccoon for a familiar?

the answer might surprise you. ]

iii. obligatory wildcard

[ or something else!! I'm clickboom 👍 ]

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[ it's a pleasant afternoon for picking apples. what could possibly go wrong? you know, aside from the, uh... "Nightmare Moths," or whatever. they're just bugs, right? big fucking deal. they can't be that hard to avoid.

anyway, it's not like he'd be fooled by an illusion to begin with. and Alex seems smart, too. surely all that's needed for this job is mental fortitude and a can-do attitude.

...but he's just going to pull his scarf up over his nose anyway. he definitely does not want to breathe that shit. ]

They better be planning on washing these apples really well.

[ no one wants nightmare apples. ]

Edited 2020-09-26 06:14 (UTC)

[Ah yes, the garbage, aka Alphys' element. The dump was her favorite place to go scavenging for discarded tech, and old habits are hard to break, so it's not unusual for her to dig through dumpsters and trash cans in search of scrap that she could use.

What she isn't expecting to find today is a comically fat raccoon. She jerks her hand away as she very nearly grabs its tail.]

O-oh, jeez! S-sorry? I didn't see you there.

[Alphys why are you apologizing to the wildlife.]

[Hello Levi. It's your shitlord cousin, however many times removed that was... But it was she, looking a bit more buggy than before. Small spiney, twig-like limbs forming on her back, just next to her wings, too short to do anything. But she didn't need those half grown arms to be a bother.

...She did need crutches to get around though.

But at this moment in time, her large black eyes were staring at that lovelingly stacked pile of bedsheets. All neatly folded and arranged.

Until she knocked it over. Just gives it a little shove. Sending those nice clean sheets to the floor... Most of them. There are now two little bedsheet ghosts running around now. Making more of a mess with their lack of sight.]

[Eren sure did buy an orphanage. When Elliot heard the news from Eren, he had a mix of emotions. On one hand, it's wonderful that his Bond was doing what he could to help the orphans that needed help. Truly wonderful.

On the other hand, now they have to take care of a whole orphanage and holy crap that's a lot to do. At least there was other staff to help out, but still.

Elliot, despite being really busy between being a healer and a musician, still tries to find time to come by to help out. And that's when he comes upon Levi cleaning a spot for a REAL long time. Like dang dude, did someone get murdered there?]

Um sorry, but you've been at that spot awhile...do you need help?

[ and on the complete opposite end of the garbage affinity spectrum, there's this guy. it's no big deal if Alphys doesn't see him at first—he's tiny, after all. he's also a fair distance away. because it's literally a dump. unfortunately, his familiar doesn't feel the same way.

(he's already moved on to the next closest pile of trash.) ]

He doesn't talk.

[ and thank god for that. he's enough of a pain in the ass as it is. ]

[ ah, Mikasa. she's like the spiteful little sister he never had, except that she's bigger than him and she doesn't know they're related. so, you know. close enough. he's just opened his mouth to ask why she's on crutches when she knocks over the nice, clean stack of sheets. well. that certainly did just happen, didn't it?

he frowns, more in confusion than anger. ]

What the hell was that for?

[Styx loves hanging around the orphanage. maybe because of his own too-soft heart, inclined to see and give kindness wherever he went...or maybe because he was operating at roughly the same mental capacity as most of these kids. either way he's definitely a fixture by now, helping out wherever asked but mostly entertaining the children with silly feats of strength and too-loud games.

he's in the middle of one right now, actually, practically flying past the doorway to the dorms when Levi's nearly struggling figure catches his eye. the big guy slows to a halt for a second, watching to make sure he's actually seen the man glare a fitted sheet into place on the top bunk for lack of being able to reach the far corner, before offering some assistance. it's earnest, despite how stupid it sounds. maybe that's worse.]

Uh, hey, you need a boost or something?

[maybe a step stool..? he's not sure if that'd be easier than him hoisting Levi up onto each individual bed.]

[ did someone get murdered there? hopefully not, on account of it being an orphanage and all, but it's not an outlandish assumption—he really is scrubbing at that spot like his life depends on it. but even he can sometimes admit that it's a bit of an obsession rather than a rational response. he finally stops when he's called out and pushes himself back upward.

he's still eyeing the spot, though. ]

Guess I spaced out.

[ no, he didn't. ]

Wah!

[She jumps at the sound of another voice and whips around. Oh cool, someone just spotted her talking to animals.]

Uhh! Is, uh, he your... pet?

[He says that, and yet he's still eyeing the spot. Still...Elliot doesn't know him enough to call him out on it.]

Aha, right. Suppose that happens to anyone.

It looks really good though!

[The sheet ghosts are still roaming...Ah. One just walked into a table. Then again...Faun boys gonna headbutt. Even if that meant fighting the furniture.

Not that Mikasa was bothered there. Her work was Done. But then Levi asks that question, and that slightly dumb, slightly there smile slips. Because.

...Why did she do that?

Well, it was to annoy him. But that didn't seem like a good reason to give. Nor did it fully make sense to her. And so...The awkward silence grew. One of the sheet ghosts had given up and was now a bundle led on the floor. Or they'd gone to sleep.]

...I was getting one. [As steady as it was. It was still the shittiest lie. But she does pick up one of the sheets, from the bottom of the pile. Yes...]

[ he's used to looking up to people in a very literal sense. it doesn't bother him—it never has, much to the dismay of every person who's ever tried to use his height to dunk on him. maybe it's because he's usually quite confident he'll win any fight that might break out afterwards. more likely, though, it's just that he doesn't give a shit what other people think about him.

he's not quite as ornery here, surrounded by little kids. still, every so often he lets a curse slip. like when he can't reach a fucking sheet and thus the bed looks sloppily made. (the absolute horror.) but it seems he's caught the attention of an actual adult. probably for the best. the last thing he needs is for some kid to start running around dropping F bombs because they heard it from him.

so he looks up.

...and up.

...and up, holy shit this guy is tall. ]

I got it.

[ judging by his continued struggle, he hasn't, in fact, got it. ]

Um.

[and here is an immediate conundrum for Styx: he's been conditioned almost since birth to accept anything another person has said as being correct, especially if it's contrary to his own assessment or the situation, but at the same time this is very obviously a reality not jiving with that this man's just told him. even a moron like him can see that. so what does he do now? it feels wrong to just leave the dude to fight a losing battle, but doing anything else would be contradicting him and that's just far too much assertion for his gentle soul.

you're really stressing the jolly green giant out here, Levi.]

Like...the whole thing?

[maybe if he asks like that - just to check! - it won't count as questioning his judgement. and then hopefully he'll be allowed to at least tug on those far corners of the sheets god damn man.]

[ hey, it's fine. talking to animals isn't even that weird, honestly. especially not here.

he lets out a long-suffering sigh. ]

I guess in the sense that he lives in my house and expects to be fed. He's a familiar now.

[ why couldn't he have just gotten a cat like a normal person? ]

Oh! You're a witch! But don't most witches have cats...?

[Just gonna come out and say it, huh.]

[ well, it might be hard to believe, but even those who do know him well usually refrain from calling him out. can you imagine anyone finding this tiny man in any way intimidating?

silly. he does look slightly sheepish, though. ]

Someone had to do it.

[ did they, though? ]

Getting one.

[ he's just. confirming. ]

To do what? Make a bed while you're on crutches?

[ a bit suspicious, if you ask him. ]

[ sorry, dude. stressing out giants is kind of his MO. ]

Yeah.

[ he pauses, though. as much as he'd like to believe that was true, anyone can see that he's struggling. and yeah, it's a little embarrassing, but so is continuing to fail at it—in front of a bunch of kids, no less.

he sighs inwardly. god damn it. ]

...Okay, fine. Do what you want.

Edited 2020-10-01 04:40 (UTC)

[ it'd be so easy to just say he's allergic, but something something honesty is the best policy. ugh. ]

If it was a cat that got into my house and wouldn't leave, I'd have a cat.

[ might as well make him work for room and board. ]

Yes. [And she was awkwardly shuffling it, carrying is hard on these things. But she manages to shove it in an armpit.]

One of the kids was cold. [And...Now she is stuck. Because of the cloth on the floor and the two sheet ghosts making it hard to place her crutches without getting tangled or stepping on one.] Ah...

[as if Levi had just flicked a switch, Styx's whole face blossoms into warm excitement. permission! and not just that, but an opportunity for him to be helpful. it really is the best possible outcome, worth celebrating - he doesn't get too many of those in his life.]

Cool! Thanks, dude!

[the big guy's so pleased by this turn of events that whatever's left of his few brain cells forget to join the afterparty; without warning he's taking hold of the smaller man just below the armpits and, if left unchecked, will be lifting him straight up and onto the top bunk being currently worked on as if he's a bag of grapes.]

...I see.

[ a likely story. he's pretty sure she's fucking with him—anyone could tell she's not exactly his biggest fan—but he's not gonna call her out on it. accusing a girl on crutches of trying to sabotage him in front of a bunch of little kids is not really a good look.

so he just reaches down and grabs the dropped sheet. he's going to have to wash it again, anyway. sigh. ]

I guess we wouldn't want that, would we?

[ ...well, when he said "do what you want," he wasn't expecting to be hoisted up like a toddler onto the top bunk, but sometimes life just comes at you in unexpected ways. he looks a bit like a scandalized house cat once it's all said and done, but he regains his composure pretty quickly.

externally, at least. internally he may still be screaming. ]

—Uhh. [ god, no one saw that, right? ] Thanks.

[ he's just... going to somewhat sheepishly fix the sheet. when can he learn how to become invisible?? ]

[that sort of expression is one Styx is intimately familiar with thanks to his band leader at home, and so it doesn't register to him at all in any meaningful capacity. scream away, Levi, your personal crane is just going to keep grinning cheerfully at you.]

No problem! Figured it'd be easier if you could get them all at once.

[watching him with more interest than making a bed strictly engenders, he wonders when he should move the guy over to the next bunk. oh, or could he jump from where he was? so many options...]

You work here? 's been so many new people lately, 'm starting to lose track.

[The sheet he reaches for is...wiggling. The tiny body under it curling try and escape.

But his comment does make her pause, thinking for a moment. Not so much of her escape attempt, but about the kids. Her voice lowered, going from deadpan to something more somber.]

No...Not after the doctor had checked them all over.

[She still didn't believe Eren had managed to buy an orphanage, pay for medical care, pay for schooling. ]

Maybe you can give them some of your tips.

[ Alex responds with an awkward chuckle behind the shawl she has wrapped around her own face. She was slowly starting to learn more about how Levi liked things to be done, even if they frustrated her at times. She can't deny that the cottage felt a lot cleaner. Even with their new 'housemate'. ]

There's..not much that seems to phase you, Levi.

[ Despite the warnings, he was here after all. He barely flinched at possibly getting rabies too. It made her wonder if there was anything that scared him. ]

[ it's fine. he's used to keeping the screaming on the inside. it's not that he's too polite—far from it, actually—he just doesn't like calling too much attention to himself. yelling has a tendency to do that. unnecessary social interaction? he'll pass. ]

Not really. I've just been helping out. [ pause. ] A guy I know from home bought the place.

[ it's still extremely weird to think about. good god. ]

No shit?

[somehow, perhaps impossibly, Styx's expression manages to brighten up even further. this is actually the first time he's (knowingly) met someone who knows Eren, and something about that is massively exciting.]

Dude, that's killer! He's real cool, yeah? 's so much to do here, though...bet he'd glad for the help.

[ ...alright, you know what? he's just gonna let the kid have that sheet for now. if they want to play ghosts, who is he to deny them that right? he'll just... collect them all later. and wash them yet again. as long as no one's sleeping on dirty sheets, it's fine.

for now. ]

Wow, doctor checkups and everything. These kids have it pretty good.

[ you know, aside from the whole dead parents thing. ]

[ one day he'll find out what rabies is and he will be appropriately horrified. until then, ignorance is bliss.

he shrugs. ]

Maybe I'm just good at hiding it.

[ it's a little bit of both. ]

No shit.

[ just a confirmation. ]

It's the least I can do. Not all of us shed money.

[ he won't comment on whether he thinks Eren is cool. it's probably better that way. ]

[maybe it is. he definitely thinks the world of that big stupid dragon, tragic a statement as that is.]

Mm, makes sense.

[can you shed money here? that was a strange concept to consider...but kind of cool. he wonders briefly if it's dollar bills or coins. that must get heavy.]

'nd like, know it's not the same here, but...at home it always made me happier when people paid attention to me. Cash just isn't as cool to a kid, haha.

[Even if he didn't clean them. They were the cleanest sheets these children had ever known...Depressing.]

They do. [It was unfortunate really. That Mikasa and Levi were the ones discussing it. Because compared to their childhoods, these kids really did have it great. That had been why Eren had brought the orphanage, after all.]

I take it, you know Eren brought this place?

[ he certainly is big and stupid and a dragon. no argument here. ]

Yeah. If they're being fed and clothed and cared for, they're already way ahead of a lot of other kids out there.

[ not that he's speaking from experience or anything. ]

Oh, I'm aware.

[ is there even anyone else here who has that much cash to throw around? he honestly has no idea. ]

Never pegged him as a "good with kids" type, but I guess I wouldn't know either way.

[ hopefully these kids get kidnapped less than Eren does. ]

Yeah, right? Probably doing better than some grown-ups, too.

[he folds his arms on the edge of the bed, almost certainly unintentionally wrinkling the covers when he rests his chin atop them. if Styx weren't so fucking tall it'd probably be easy to mistake him for a child himself.]

Kinda makes me wanna try harder 'nd stuff, but...know that's dumb. Can't be everywhere at once.

[so he says, but...Styx's heart is very soft. it's highly possible he'll continue trying to do just that anyway.]

It's not dumb.

[ it's fine. he'll come back and straighten it out later. because he's a weirdo. ]

Stretching yourself too thin is one thing, but giving a shit about things that warrant it is nothing to be ashamed of.

[ now please excuse him while he climbs over to the next nearest bunk like a small child on a jungle gym. ]

[wow, look at the dude go! it's really impressive, even if it also prompts Styx to stand up a little straighter again so that he can keep an arm out in the gap between the bunks. you know, just in case.

...he should probably be doing more than shooting the shit while they're here, huh? having finally come to this realization at last he stoops, starting in on the lower bunks while Levi takes the top. it's almost certainly just going to be more stops on the other man's return loop to fix everything, but it's the thought that counts. probably.]

...yeah, 's true. Not like you gotta be good at nothing to care about it.

[the 'friends' he'd had throughout most of his life, they'd always laughed at his compassion. it had never been enough to shatter the softness at his core, but he'd learned to apologize for it on instinct. like caring was just another one of his many flaws.]

[There was always going to be something really strange about Eren having so much money. After the amount they'd struggled.]

I'm not sure how good he is with them. [Yeah. He'd thrown money at the children's wellbeing was one thing, actually being good with them was another one. Though the kids did seem pretty content.

...But that bar was pretty low.

She couldn't even remember Eren interacting much with the children at the orphanage that Historia had opened. She remembered one managing to jump and grab Sasha's ponytail, a small group managing to beat up Connie.]

I didn't think you'd be here with them eiether. [Yeah. He'd helped find the underground kids but that was kinda different.]

[ hey, even if he's not particularly impressed by the results, he can still appreciate that there was an attempt. plenty of people would just walk right by these disheveled bedsheets. the absolute horror. ]

And there's only one way to get good at it.

[ not counting magic. magic is cheating. ]

[don't...don't ever visit his own bedroom, Levi.]

Uh...by caring more?

[his response is tilted as a question because Styx has misunderstood what exactly the other man is referring to, dull blade that he is. was caring really something that people needed to get good at? maybe letting themselves care, he supposed, or caring more usefully...hm. there was actually a lot of nuance to this topic, more than he'd first thought.]

You're right. A more hands-off role might be better for him.

[ he could say the same of himself. if there's one consistent thing he knows about kids, it's that they're messy. he'll clean up after them, but you probably won't be seeing him playing in the mud. ]

Why? You think I'm bad with kids or something?

[ he's joking, right? he has to be joking. ]

[ hey, however bad it is, he's probably seen worse. plus, he'd probably make it spotless just for his own peace of mind. one of the many free services he offers.

anyway, he can tell Styx is a good dude. not the sharpest, but he's not gonna be rude about it like he would under other circumstances. so he just keeps the conversation moving, without any pause to imply that what Styx said was stupid. ]

I meant practice, but I guess that's a good start. No point in forcing yourself to care about something, though.

[ it's definitely not something he's ever done. ]

[it's wise; keenly aware of his lackluster intelligence as he is, Styx is especially sensitive to strange lulls in conversation. with no hint that his stupidity has been uncovered, he's free instead to contemplate the statement he's received.]

Mm...'s not really good to try and be anything you're not. Like in general, you know?

[it's a belief that he should really put into practice in his own life, but...well, his existence isn't one he feels carries that sort of worth.]

Same time, though...sometimes it's good to push yourself a little. Guess it's one of those complicated things.

Exactly. That kind of thing can only get you so far.

[ see? not stupid at all. just be yourself, in other words. he's not a huge fan of saying pseudo-inspirational bullshit like that, but pretending to be something you're not is far worse in his book. ]

Pushing yourself is fine in moderation as long as you're moving in the right direction.

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[open] the dumbest catchall you've ever seen

@ alex (closed)

ii

1. Get that 'heartwarming' shit out of here, we're not having that

i

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:'(

i

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>:3

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omg i'm so slow i'm sorry

ffffs you're fine, no worries

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