middaeg | [closed] my heart is made of just one thing.

[He inhales awkwardly as he feels the tears trickle out of his eyes. He tries to rub them away but he's always been really bad at keeping his tears back. He sobs softly, wanting nothing more than to just sleep right now.

But when he hears Vanitas Sora peeks out of the fabric of the blanket. When he sees tears working down Vanitas' cheeks too he sits up, letting the blanket fall away.]

Vanitas? ... Sorry- I just felt a little sad...! But I'll be okay. [He didn't mean to make his own feelings affect both of them?] What's happening? Why are you...

[ Vanitas brushes off the question. He knows exactly why he is crying. What he doesn't understand is why Sora is... ]

This is not a little sad. I could make a lot of Mandrakes from this. So you tell me what's really going on here.

[He reaches up to brush his own tears away with another sniffle. He doesn't want to make this about him.]

It's nothing, Vanitas...

[He mutters quickly, trying to pull himself together.]

I was happy I got to help you. I guess being told to go away just hurt a little. I know I want to see my friends too but I'm sure they wouldn't be worried if they had to wait a while longer.

[Does anyone really need Sora now that he's helped them? It's hard for Sora to believe sometimes. But as long a he knows he's helped, he's fine.]

[ Too bad because Vanitas is making this about Sora. In fact he practically grabs Sora's face so the brat can't even avoid his gaze. ]

Stop lying. It's not nothing.

[ Stop trying to put yourself together. Vanitas had said it before right? Stop being so selfish. Actually admit to all this crap you're actually feeling.

Is this really because Vanitas told him to go away? ]

I figured that's what you'd want, Sora. You already helped me so what would you really need to stick around for? I'm not... I'm not them.

[When grabbed Sora looks at Vanitas with wide blue eyes. He's not even sure why he's telling Vanitas all these things. Is he compelled to because of their new bond or is it because he's just so worn out right now? It's hard to tell.]

You're important to me, too. [Sora admits with a tremble in his shoulders.] I don't care if you don't think the same way.

[Sora tries to tug his face away from Vanitas.]

That's why I want to be here. Why can't you just let me stay for a little longer?

[ Did the whole 'you define me' go over this kid's head or what? All Vanitas does in response to Sora's answer is to tilt his head. Confused. Sort of disagreeing. He's not really all that important. Just a piece in a puzzle. A thing to be discarded when there's no longer a use...

He huffs, releasing Sora's face rather than letting the kid be the one to do it. Van then turns over and gets readjusted under the blankets. Fine. Sora can do what he wants. ]

Because everyone leaves.

[ That is the simple truth of it. He's always been alone. The people of this household don't count. They are just as broken as he, but in different ways. No, it's better if Sora leaves now, before he fully realizes what he's gotten himself into and leaves anyway. ]

[Sora frowns softly, watching Vanitas settle back under the blankets. It's not that he doesn't remember Vanitas saying those things to him, it's just...

They can argue more about it later...

With a small tired huff, Sora flops back down in his spot next to Vanitas too and pulls the covers up. It's still warm between them, the magic heavy and still feverish but it's- cozy.

Everyone leaves--? Well, Sora doesn't want to be the same as everyone else. Not in this regard.]

I'm staying.

Do what you want.

[ Vanitas doesn't really have the energy for it now. Doesn't feel up to arguing. Doesn't feel like chasing people away.

He's tired. So tired now. And still too warm. ]

[Fine, he will do what he wants!! Sora pouts.

It takes a moment before Sora quietly scoots closer, forehead touching and resting on Vanitas' shoulder.]

[ Oh hello. There's a sudden pressure on his shoulder? Vanitas tenses up, eyes snapping open again. ]

Sora.

[ What do you think you're doing? ]

[He's doing what he wants!]

Just get some sleep, Vanitas.

[And let him cuddle up just a little to his new bondmate. Which he does just that, scooting closer so their arms are touching.]

Edited 2020-02-09 22:40 (UTC)

[ Sleep. How can he get sleep with something at his back? Something that's making their physical presence known?

And Sora's getting closer. ]

Sora.

[ Back off. Back off back off back off. Already Vanitas can start to feel his chest going tight. ]

[At least Sora doesn't move more than that for now. His forehead lightly against the back of Vanitas' shoulder, his breathing quietly across his skin. And the lightest touch of their arms where Sora's brushed his against the other.

He can feel the flicker of Vanitas' trepidation so he mutters softly,]

That's it, I promise.

[He won't do anything else. He just wants a little.]

[ That's it. That's it? Sora over here is treating this like it isn't some big deal. But it is to Vanitas. He just keeps waiting for it to hurt or burn or something. Even though he knows it won't, there's still that anticipation for the moment he allows his guard to fall completely...

So how can he sleep? Simple. Vanitas doesn't. Even with Sora's even breathing, Vanitas is still awake. Still tense.

Eventually sleep does claim him, but only when he exhaustion just make it impossible for him to stay awake any longer. ]

[Luckily Sora has the uncanny ability to fall asleep no matter where he is or what he's doing or feeling. He is just that much of a sleepy boy and enjoys sleeping that much. It's kind of a problem, really.

So much that somewhere in his sleep he gravitates closer to the warm body next to him without really realizing it. In his heavy exhausted sleep, he ends up curling and arm around Vanitas and cuddling in closer until his lips are practically touching Vanitas' neck.

Whoops... Sora's probably in for a rude awakening.]

[ Something draws Vanitas out of his slumber. Perhaps it's the weight of Sora on him. Maybe that's not what wakes him, but it's definitely what catches his attention. That weight definitely makes Vanitas tense. He can feel Sora's breath on his neck. The arm curled around him.

It makes his pulse race and not in a good way. The panic begins to rise. There's little Vanitas can do to stop it. For a moment he tries to do the breathing exercises that he's done with Mira in the past, but it's a little too late.

Vanitas feels his stomach turning as his chest tightens. He can't breathe. Can't breathe. Honestly... his mind is in such a state that he can't even process that it's just Sora. It's someone that's there. So that's why Vanitas bolts, tripping over himself and trying not to dry heave until he gets to the bathroom. ]

[A very startling awakening, indeed. Sora jolts awake when he feels Vanitas practically throw himself from the bed and escape and Sora is left sitting up in a half-dazed and confused state. If it wasn't for their bond Sora would be completely lost in what just happened.]

... Vanitas?

[What happened? Did Sora do something wrong?! What he doesn't know is how much more of a snuggle bug he naturally became in his sleep. Sora hops from the bed and follows a moment or two later.]

Uh, are you okay??

[ The temperature around Van starts to drop. He doesn't wait around in the room, but instead makes it to the bathroom. There he does heave.

Sora can probably feel the panic. His fear. How sick to his stomach he is and how much it hurts. It's all psychological, of course. ]

[He is shocked and doesn't know what to do at first. Sora follows the feeling of panic and fear of what he thinks is the bathroom door that's been left ajar just slightly. He gently knocks and peeks his head in.]

... Vanitas?

[This feeling of fear and panic he's getting over their bond makes Sora's own lungs feel like they are full of frantic butterflies. How? How does he fix this?]

Sorry... I didn't mean to scare you.

[Start slow?! He comes a little closer and reaches a hand out but he's a little nervous to touch now.]

Just try to take a slow breath in, okay?

[ This isn't the first time this has happened. Probably won't be the last either. Vanitas has nightmares. Can't deal with some of these new emotions that he's starting to pick up from Sora. His entire belief system is starting to be proven false because so many people already care about him.

He actually has worth being just him and he can't deal with it. Not just yet. So he has these spells. These moments where everything just gets the better of him.

Vanitas groans, curling into himself. The room grows colder, but he's not particularly lashing out at Sora though. ]

[Sora can't help but wonder if he's really messed this up now. Vanitas looks like he's in so much pain and the panic he feels in return unsettles him.

He kneels and reaches out to pat a gentle hand on Vanitas's back.]

[ At first Vanitas does flinch. But that sort of touch... That is familiar. He knows it, even if it's from a different person. So after a moment he relaxed, though he's still gasping for air. It still hurts.

But maybe. Just maybe he can start to turn this around. ]

[Sora's expression is soft and worried but he continues to rub carefully at Vanitas' back. Small gentle motions without trying to push too much. Did he push too much, before?]

Just take it a few seconds at a time. Deep slow breaths, okay?

[ He can follow those instructions. Mostly. Right now for him "deep breaths" means gulping for air and holding it. Trying to regulate his breathing once more. Vanitas has to focus on that. He can't think of anything else or he'll just start to lose himself.

Stop. Focus on the warm, soothing motions between his shoulder blades.

It takes time, of course. However, eventually his breathing isn't so harsh. It's shaky, but at least Vanitas isn't struggling. ]

[It seems to be helping a little so for that Sora feels a little relief. He continues his action but he's still careful not to get too close again. He just hopes Vanitas knows he's not here to hurt him or make things worse.]

Easy does it, Vanitas. There...? If there's anything else I should do?

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