middaeg | [closed] my heart is made of just one thing.

[ Something draws Vanitas out of his slumber. Perhaps it's the weight of Sora on him. Maybe that's not what wakes him, but it's definitely what catches his attention. That weight definitely makes Vanitas tense. He can feel Sora's breath on his neck. The arm curled around him.

It makes his pulse race and not in a good way. The panic begins to rise. There's little Vanitas can do to stop it. For a moment he tries to do the breathing exercises that he's done with Mira in the past, but it's a little too late.

Vanitas feels his stomach turning as his chest tightens. He can't breathe. Can't breathe. Honestly... his mind is in such a state that he can't even process that it's just Sora. It's someone that's there. So that's why Vanitas bolts, tripping over himself and trying not to dry heave until he gets to the bathroom. ]

[A very startling awakening, indeed. Sora jolts awake when he feels Vanitas practically throw himself from the bed and escape and Sora is left sitting up in a half-dazed and confused state. If it wasn't for their bond Sora would be completely lost in what just happened.]

... Vanitas?

[What happened? Did Sora do something wrong?! What he doesn't know is how much more of a snuggle bug he naturally became in his sleep. Sora hops from the bed and follows a moment or two later.]

Uh, are you okay??

[ The temperature around Van starts to drop. He doesn't wait around in the room, but instead makes it to the bathroom. There he does heave.

Sora can probably feel the panic. His fear. How sick to his stomach he is and how much it hurts. It's all psychological, of course. ]

[He is shocked and doesn't know what to do at first. Sora follows the feeling of panic and fear of what he thinks is the bathroom door that's been left ajar just slightly. He gently knocks and peeks his head in.]

... Vanitas?

[This feeling of fear and panic he's getting over their bond makes Sora's own lungs feel like they are full of frantic butterflies. How? How does he fix this?]

Sorry... I didn't mean to scare you.

[Start slow?! He comes a little closer and reaches a hand out but he's a little nervous to touch now.]

Just try to take a slow breath in, okay?

[ This isn't the first time this has happened. Probably won't be the last either. Vanitas has nightmares. Can't deal with some of these new emotions that he's starting to pick up from Sora. His entire belief system is starting to be proven false because so many people already care about him.

He actually has worth being just him and he can't deal with it. Not just yet. So he has these spells. These moments where everything just gets the better of him.

Vanitas groans, curling into himself. The room grows colder, but he's not particularly lashing out at Sora though. ]

[Sora can't help but wonder if he's really messed this up now. Vanitas looks like he's in so much pain and the panic he feels in return unsettles him.

He kneels and reaches out to pat a gentle hand on Vanitas's back.]

[ At first Vanitas does flinch. But that sort of touch... That is familiar. He knows it, even if it's from a different person. So after a moment he relaxed, though he's still gasping for air. It still hurts.

But maybe. Just maybe he can start to turn this around. ]

[Sora's expression is soft and worried but he continues to rub carefully at Vanitas' back. Small gentle motions without trying to push too much. Did he push too much, before?]

Just take it a few seconds at a time. Deep slow breaths, okay?

[ He can follow those instructions. Mostly. Right now for him "deep breaths" means gulping for air and holding it. Trying to regulate his breathing once more. Vanitas has to focus on that. He can't think of anything else or he'll just start to lose himself.

Stop. Focus on the warm, soothing motions between his shoulder blades.

It takes time, of course. However, eventually his breathing isn't so harsh. It's shaky, but at least Vanitas isn't struggling. ]

[It seems to be helping a little so for that Sora feels a little relief. He continues his action but he's still careful not to get too close again. He just hopes Vanitas knows he's not here to hurt him or make things worse.]

Easy does it, Vanitas. There...? If there's anything else I should do?

[ ...That is probably the best course of action, really. Stay near, but not TOO close.

Vanitas doesn't speak so much as he motions, still feeling winded and light-headed. He points to the sink and makes a motion for a drink. ]

Right-!

[Sora quickly gets up and rushes over to the sink and fills the cup there with some cool fresh water. He comes back and kneels again, offering it to Vanitas with two hands.]

Sip it slow, okay?

Edited 2020-02-10 23:38 (UTC)

[ Van nods, doing pretty much what Sora says. He isn't going to fight "little brother" on the issue. Vanitas is too tired and is aching too much.

Slowly. Slowly does he drink the water and finish the glass. ]

I hope that helps.

[Sora sits back a little and watches Vanitas drink. He swallows back a lump in his throat.]

I'm sorry. It was something I did, wasn't it?

[ Van sighs and leans back against the wall. He closes his eyes for a moment, pondering how to answer the question. ]

Yes. [ Because it is the truth. ] Also no.

[ That is the truth of it as well. It's not something Sora had actively done, but it had been brought on because of one simple act. ]

It's complicated and not really your fault.

[Sora settles to sit where he is too. Now they're sitting on the bathroom floor. It's fine.]

Do you wanna talk about it?

[The invitation is there if Vanitas really wants to share what this moment was all about. Sora doesn't feel like pushing anymore but he would like to understand as well.]

Tch. No, but if you're going to be stubborn and tough all this out then...

[ He shrugs, scratching at his neck. ]

You'll experience this again.

[ So it'd probably be better to just Bond with someone else and let Van go, Sora. ]

[Sora grumbles a little and pouts. He leans forward as he holds his own ankles where he's sitting cross-legged.]

Like I said, I don't mind this. I don't mind being here.

[Too bad, Vanitas. He's not letting go now. Vanitas is stuck with him.]

If it's a little rough once in a while I'll just have to get better and getting you water and stuff.

Edited 2020-02-11 03:03 (UTC)

[ Van sighs and stands up. He's still a little wobbly, but he can make it. Then he nudges Sora with a toe. ]

Come on. Back to the room.

[ He's not going to talk in the bathroom. Other people live here and need to use it too. ]

Umm. Okay.

[Sora quickly gets to his feet and follows Vanitas like a puppy back to the room.]

Unless you want to sit on the bathroom floor?

[ Who wants that, Sora? Van rolls his eyes, still so tired and those dark rings under them haven’t started to fade just yet. Though soon enough they are back in the bedroom. Van just leans against the window. He leans his forehead on the glass, enjoying the slight chill. ]

I didn’t always have control over the Unversed. When I first came to be, I had no idea what they were or where they were coming from.

[Sora picks to sit on the edge of the bed, looking over at Vanitas as he talks. He notes the way that Vanitas still looks somewhat exhausted. Sora can feel some sort of flicker of that in his own bones. It's an odd feeling.

But he's gently surprised that Vanitas does talk instead of shutting Sora down again. He doesn't even kick Sora out after a situation like that like Sora had sort of been expecting. Vanitas really is unpredictable.]

The Unversed? But they do come from you, right?

[Like Vanitas' flood that had led Sora to this place.]

[ It probably is surprising to Sora. Not so much to Vanitas. After all, Sora has already seen him frail and weak. He's already asked for Sora's help. As Vanitas has been vulnerable to the brat before there's little use to keep up some pretenses.

That doesn't mean his defenses won't be back up come morning. ]

Yes, they do. That doesn't mean I knew that to start with. As you know they feed off of negativity. Who do you think their first target was?

[Sora contemplates for a moment while feeling a little awkward about hearing about the unversed in general. He's killed them before but he never really had the time to ask the why or what about that.]

Don't tell me it was you?

[He seems alarmed.]

Naturally it was. More often than not, I was he only one around. Xehanort came and went as he pleased. So they'd go after the first source of negativity they could find: me.

[ He doesn't look away from the window. ]

They attacked. I attacked back. When they vanished, they'd return to me. I'd feel it and create more in return. Thus the cycle would keep going and going.

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