middaeg | Are you brave enough to see? [open]

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Are you brave enough to see? [open]

Who: Berserker (Cú Chulainn Alter) and you!
When: Throughout Feoveuer
Where: The Wilde
What: Wilde Quest #2 Dragon's Den -- a dragon would like you to stop leaving him food offerings and go away
Warnings: none

((NOTE: Berserker will be in his full-sized dragon form, meaning he's about the size of an elephant, so keep that in mind!))

[ 1. Will you bite the hand that feeds? (Existing CR) ]

[ Food has been showing up at the mouth of the den he'd set up since he showed up in the Wilde. It's been an annoyance and it's not like he can tell them to cut it the fuck out. Instead, he just moves the offerings inside (mostly to prevent drawing in any wild creatures that might want to partake). Well, at least he won't go hungry.

Nearby footsteps draw his attention from where he's laying. He peeks his head out of the den and narrows his eyes. The dragon recognizes who's coming and huffs out a sigh. ]

... You came to find me, didn't you? Don't tell me you brought food, too.

[ 2. Will you chew until it bleeds? (New CR) ]

[ The sound of something being dropped near the opening of his temporary home gets Berserker to stand up and look out. It's not a mirrorbound that's familiar to him, so he's not about to be very friendly to them -- he's out here to be alone, after all. ]

Leave what you've brought and go before my kindness runs out.

[ Someone is a cranky boy. ]

[ 3. Will you get up off your knees? (Wildcard) ]

[ Did we plot something? Have an idea for this quest? Drop me a starter or PM me here or on Discord glitzkrieg#0673 and we can work something out! ]

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[ When the dragon leans against him, he lets him. Lets him do as he feels is needed in this moment and listens to the words he offers that even he himself barely mutters to anyone other than himself. ]

I don't know.

[ And honestly... he doesn't. ]

They didn't really take anything from me. [ He says that softly, a gentle nod of his head back, eyes staring up to the roof of this dwelling. ] Think for me it was more along the lines of seeing how much I could resist. You know. Pain tolerance, what does and doesn't heal, what does and doesn't cause a mark.

[ Teeth drag over his lower lip as he finds himself frowning up to the roof with recalling his time spent in that room. ]

Best way to find the weakness of something. Try everything until it finally kills them.

[ Berserker's scales still haven't regrown, not fully. The patch normally visible on the back of his neck is mostly bare, irritated skin, though no longer bloody and there are a few scales starting to grow back in. The other patches on his body are in a similar state. ]

I was too valuable to kill, so they kept me crippled instead... [ Berserker keeps his gaze down on the bottle in his hands. It's strong enough he's getting tipsy off of it already. He passes it to Trevor once again. ] Scales, blood...They forced me into a feral state so I'd spit poison for them to take, too, since I wouldn't give it to them willingly.

[ As if he'd ever give up anything willingly. ]

You weren't valuable to them...I don't know if that's better or worse. If we'd stayed in that place...at least you would've had the relief of an eventual death coming to you.

[ Maybe drinking in this state of mind was a bad idea. Too late to go back, though. ]

[ At those words, Trevor finds himself smiling down to the bottle as he takes it. ]

Jokes on you. I'm still going to die. Soon.

[ He laughs about it, but he knows it's coming. His skin is more pale, eyes have sunken in some, and let's not forget the dark circles! He's not sure if it will be this month or the next... maybe the next after next. But he's not blind to his appearance. To how he can't bounce back as quickly from bruises and marks. Feeding... might help. Sustain him and allow for him to be "balanced" or whatever. But he's still going to die. He has to. Or else he can't become a full vampire. Shit sucks.

A quick swig from the bottle, he brushes the back of his hand across his mouth again. ]

But at least we're here now, right? For what? Who knows.

[ That's right...He'd almost forgotten about that. He'd chalked up Trevor's less than lively appearance to the trauma they'd been through. It's not like he'd been sleeping much, what with the new nightmares and all...He hopes those aren't being shared with his Bonded, but he has a feeling those hopes are futile. ]

That's why you look so bad, then. [ Tactless as ever. Berserker leans against him a bit more, settling in more comfortably. ] ...We're here to drink and forget this shit for awhile, I guess.

[ That's what it was turning into now, at least. Berserker takes the bottle back, takes one last long pull, and caps it; some of it should be saved for later. ]

Because that's all we can do...

[ Until it stops hurting so badly, at least. ]

We make such a cheery pair, don't we?

[ It's said a little sarcastically and to poke fun at the both of them because, let's be real, this shit still sucks.

But the dragon leans against him and Trevor looks up to the roof of this den again before he almost reluctantly brings a hand up and gently, very gently, lets it rest atop Berserker's head. ]

You need anything while you're out here?

[ He can't help but press into the touch, as if he's asking to be pet. It's pathetic and embarrassing if he thinks about it for more than five seconds, but it's more pleasant than dwelling on the despair and worthlessness inside him. Maybe the alcohol is hitting him a little harder than he'd like to admit. Berserker hasn't exactly been taking good care of himself out here. ]

...No. [ Yes. Companionship and a reminder he's still human on days when he tires of being alone; he can't ask for that, though. ] You don't need to concern yourself with my well-being.

[ Dwelling on despair and worthlessness? Yeah, Trevor's sure been there. He'd been feeling better about himself, truth be told. But then the whole kidnapping thing had to happen and it was like taking fifty steps back. So, he gets it. Even if Berserker doesn't outright say it.

He gets it.

Doesn't mean he's not gonna say something though. ]

Stop stealing my lines.

[ The tips of his fingers gently brush through the dragon's crown. ]

And don't drink out here by yourself like a sad fuck. What are you, me?

[ Berserker had been doing extremely well prior to being kidnapped. He was content with his life (which is as close to happy as he could get), accepted his new identity and role, and was relearning so much of what had been taken from him by the Grail and the wish of a selfish woman. Then everything happened. His Bond with Geralt was severed and he was kidnapped. Treated like nothing more than a beast again, he told himself he was a fool for thinking he was anything different.

Berserker slid back into his old way of thinking so easily. He was an idiot for thinking things had changed. The torture he'd been subject to showed him, in no uncertain terms, that he was nothing more than a tool to be used for someone else's purposes. The progress he'd made prior had all but been erased and it would take quite some time for him to get back where he used to be.

Those thoughts are at least pushed aside for now; they'll be back once he's alone. Berserker puts an arm around Trevor's middle to pull him just a bit closer. They may not be Bonded, but the contact is still very welcome. ]

... I'm not drinking alone. [ He mutters without looking up. ] I was drinking with you. Why are you so worried about me, anyway? I'm just...a beast, nothing more. Nothing anyone should get attached to, much less worry about.

Well then I guess that makes two of us, doesn't it?

[ So there. Case closed.

But he lets himself be pulled closer to the dragon, his hand still carding fingers through Berserker's crown while his other hand rests atop his own knee. A glance down, he still sees the blue and yellow of bruises across his fingers. ]

So what's the plan then? Just hide out here until you rot?

[ He asks with a sigh and a tilt of his head back, humming then, as if considering. ]

Maybe I'll do the same. Find my own little cave or something. Personally, I like trees more. You can make them into anything you want. Sometimes I made mine a ship.

No... [ How did Caster phrase it? It's not weakness that forced him out here, rather something different, something more positive. ] I came out here to take care of myself. Whatever I'm feeling...I need to deal with it on my own. I... [ His voice breaks and he stops talking for a moment. Tears sting his eyes, but he ignores them. ] I need time. That's all.

[ It's all so fucking painful to feel this much after living a life of apathy for so long. Feeling nothing but emptiness would be preferable again... ]

I'm not keeping you here, you know...If you want to make yourself at home in a tree, be my guest.

[ At least he can still be a shit, trying as it might be right now. ]

[ Trevor doesn't really expect the tears there??? Oh boy. This is SO NOT GOOD because he is SO FUCKING BAD AT THIS. A man who's suppressed all his own sorrow, loneliness, and emptiness over the years trying to comfort another much as he tried to with Sypha leaving her people behind to help them fight Dracula. This is just... so not his area of expertise.

But... yes, there's a but. He doesn't pull away. Doesn't even look away. Rather, he glances to the dragon out of the corner of his eye before he softly hums to himself and just, sits there with him. Hand slipping away from the crown of the dragon's head to instead rest on his shoulder then and fingers give a reassuring squeeze. ]

What, like outside your den here? We'd be neighbors then. I could keep watch for anyone coming and you could... [ hmmm ] ...take me for rides or something? Probably not a good idea anyways. The sun's going to start bothering me more, remember?

[ A nod, he stretches a leg out then, knocking his head back before he looks around the place Berserker has temporarily made his. ]

Guess you're stuck with me here then.

[ Ignore the tears, it's for the best. Berserker doesn't particularly have the greatest grasp on his emotions after not having them for so long. It's easy to lose control when you never really had any sort of control in the first place. He had given up any sort of warmth in the name of strength and all he had left were negative emotions for the longest time. Apathy, emptiness, and resentment were familiar feelings. Anything else? Not so much. Now that he could feel again, what he felt was painfully strong, amplified by their long absence. ]

It's not like I can fly right now, anyway.

[ The last declaration gets a quiet growl from him, though Berserker doesn't move from where he's settled against Trevor. ]

You're not staying here. My Bonded aren't allowed to stay here...Why would I let you stay?

Because I'm not your Bonded.

[ And he says that as if it's the most obvious answer in the world. ]

[ Trevor, what the fuck.

Berserker sits up to stare at him. ]

You're an idiot. That means there's even less reason for me to let you stay.

Well, I'm tired. So you'll just have to throw me out.

[ And he sure does flop himself down onto the bed and intends to stay there. Yep. ]

[ Berserker crawls over top of him, growling. It's not...quite threatening, but close. ]

It's not my concern if you're tired. You will leave when I tell you to leave.

[ Though with the way he's positioned himself now, he's made that more difficult. ]

I made this den my own and I choose who gets to stay here...

[ Cranky and possessive is certainly a different set of emotions to be experiencing, so good job, Trevor??? ]

[ That's what he's here for?? Or something. But, being curled up on his side and all, he turns his head enough to look over his shoulder to the dragon and just... peeks an eye open. Staring at him. Before he shuts it again. ]

Or you could just lay down here with me.

[ That would mean admitting defeat!!

But it's easier. So with an annoyed sigh, he lays down alongside Trevor. He just doesn't have the energy to deal with him right now, much less the energy to throw him out. ]

You are leaving when you wake up.

[ Whatever helps you sleep at night, Berserker. ]

Mhm.

[ That's a MAYBE in Trevor language. But he comes to roll onto his back then, eyes slowly blinking up to the roof of the den. ]

Do you care about your bonded? I mean... do you feel something for them?

[ Berserker remains on his side and lets an arm drape over Trevor. It's hard for him to lay any other way for very long with his wings. The question gives him pause -- it feels like a stupid thing to ask. ]

Of course I do...I care for both of them deeply. [ His third, gone now, he cared for, too. The emptiness of that severed Bond flares up at the thought of him. The dragon swallows and looks uncomfortable for a moment. ] You care about yours, don't you?

[ He's quiet for a long moment after the question is given to him, teeth dragging over his lower lip before he sighs. ]

It's... not like that. It was done as a means to keep me under control. So I didn't end up hurting anyone.

[ Being locked up and alone for... what was it? A week or something? Time was so difficult to keep down there. Was it even down? Who knows anymore. It's all a fucking blur to him. But the point of it all is... it had left him so much time to think. So much time to feel. To feel absolutely nothing and maybe it's stuck with him. Or maybe he had been emptied out while there. Maybe he had just been reminded that he's empty. ]

Must be nice.

My Bond with Diarmuid started as that. It was practical, simply to keep me from losing myself. I didn't trust anyone else to be able to handle me. It...has moved far beyond the practical, though. I care about him deeply...

[ It hurts to think about him for too long right now, though. He misses Diarmuid, but he needs this time alone to work through what happened to him. ]

And my other Bond...I took on for practical reasons. Flat is an idiot who was going to get himself killed. I took it upon myself to Bond with him so no one else had to. Now...I've grown attached to him. He's so afraid of losing me that it would be cruel if I didn't care about him.

[ Berserker grows quiet as he thinks of his third. Gone now...He turns to grab a necklace off of a pile of clothing nearby and clutches it in his hand. ]

I had three. I felt...I felt our Bond break the same day I was kidnapped. I cared for him, as well, because we were so similar. No one should be able to relate to someone like me, but he could...

[ The sadness returns to him as he brushes his thumb over the snarling wolf. ]

...It's unfortunate your experience hasn't been like that. If you seek another Bond, it should be with someone that cares about you and not just practicality.

[ Strange coming from the man who saw Bonds as practical while in denial of what had become of his. ]

[ He's quiet when Berserker starts explaining. Letting him. Maybe he needs to say this?? Maybe. Regardless, his gaze shifts to the dragon when he learns that there was a third bond... who is no longer here. He's... come across that a couple times already now, hasn't he? People who have lost bonds. It makes him wonder what it must feel like. To have that sudden severance happen. Makes him wonder if he would even feel anything if it did happen. Can an empty person feel the loss of something when there's nothing in there to begin with?

He does, however, chuckle softly under his breath at those words of wisdom there. ]

So when Hell freezes over. Got it.

[ Pulling a hand up to himself, he looks his bruised fingers over before he gently places that hand down to his chest. For now... he still feels his heartbeat against the palm of his hand; it's going to stop some day soon. ]

I'm sorry about your bonded. [ The third one, he means. ] I'd say maybe they'll return but... who the hell wants anyone here anyways?

[ Especially when getting tortured is apparently a thing that can happen. ]

It's selfish of me to want him to return, but I would be...grateful to get a chance to see him again, even if only long enough to say goodbye properly.

[ That's what hurt the most. Berserker puts the necklace back after a few more moments, not wanting to focus on that still sharp pain in his chest. ]

There are people that care about you. You're a drunken idiot, but against my better judgement, I care about you. You must care about me, too, if you came all this way to give me bones for my hoard and sleep in my bed.

[ Is... he getting called out?? Kinda feels like it and it's why he glances over to Berserker for just a moment before he looks back ahead, fingers gently tapping against his chest. Right over his heart. ]

Maybe I got lost and found some bones so thought, why not give them to that bloody dragon that's said to be out here?

[ That's not at all what happened but IT COULD HAVE BEEN?? ]

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