middaeg | Swallow my breath

Who: Lapis Lazuli & Peridot
When: First week of November.
Where: Steven's House
What: Talking about Bonds
Warnings: nnnnothing I can think of?

They really need to talk about that whole bond thing, don't they.

It's come up a few times in conversations for Lapis, and surprisingly, never really with Peridot. It's kind of weird. It makes her a little unsure as to how to even broach the topic to begin with? And compounded by the fact that her nerves are on an all time high recently, well.

It's been Difficult to try and bring up the subject with her.

Today though. Today she swallows down her nerves and hunts down the green Gem with Purpose. Even if it's less hunting down and more trying to navigate a space filled with more people than she's really used to.

(It's really not that many, but after having lived with Peridot and Pumpkin for awhile, it's still a little weird for her.)

She... knocks, this time. On the door to the space that she knows Peridot is in, because it has all her plants in there, though it's a courtesy that's quickly ignored in favour of her opening the door and sticking her head in.

"Hey, Peridot? Can we talk for a second?"

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Peridot grimaces. "Sorry... In my defense, I did try to work up to it a few times. I just, also... Got nervous and never did! Hah..."

She stares at her claws again, fidgeting and looking guilty. "Bonding is... Weird. And there are some things about it that kind of remind me of fusion, which isn't exactly great. But it is also necessary, and if I have to do it... I'd also much rather do it with someone I trust, like you?"

"Oh." She says first, and then after a small moment: "What about it seems like fusion?" She didn't really get that impression, but she also doesn't know as much about the concept of it like Peridot does.

"I get that though. It's... kind of why I wanted to ask you about it. Or Steven." She adds on, quickly in a bid to make it Not Weird.

Maybe it's less that it's actually like fusion, and more that it sort of makes her feel the way that thinking about fusion does. That is, deeply uncomfortable, and kind of vulnerable.

"It's just--" she starts to say a bit too loudly, desperate to respond quickly to avoid leaving any awkward pauses. Which, good job idiot, there's one immediately following that anyway as she stops to try and think of the right word to explain it.

"...Intimate," she says finally, lip curling slightly, like she's fearful of the word itself. "It lets you do things like feel each other's feelings without having to say anything about them out loud."

"Oh." Lapis says, again, because she's not really sure what to say to that beyond just feeling awkward about the situation. She rubs her arm, nervous to the last.

"Well. I guess that'd make sense. As to why you'd be nervous. About that, with me." Considering... the everything. All of it. She doesn't exactly have the best track record.

"Seriously?" Peridot says flatly, like she can't believe Lapis would actually think that she thinks that. "I'm less worried about doing that with you than I would be with pretty much anyone else. Except for Steven, I guess..."

"Oh. I just thought that... You know," she says with a helpful vague hand motion. "I'm trying to be better at everything, but it's still pretty hard." And she thought it would be a aafe assumption that Peridot might be hesitant to deal with her low key anxiety that spikes every now and again.

Peridot shakes her head firmly. "I'm already bonded with Steven. And he has weird manic fairy episodes. Do you have any idea how many emotions he has when he gets like that? I doubt there's much of anything you could surprise me with."

No, her real concern is that she's embarrassed to let anyone into her own head like that, but. It's a necessary evil here, so to speak.

She has to squash down the urge to say that it's not like that with her. Because... She doesn't know. Not for certain, and she's trying to be positive, about this?

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right." Lapis nods, and tries to steady he line of thinking. "There's... no reason for us not to, unless either of us is uncomfortable with it. And we're not, right?" The last part comes off as maybe a little too hopeful.

The hopefulness is strangely bolstering, and Peridot nods fervently in agreement. "If nothing else, it makes logical sense. A bond between a monster and a witch is required to maintain the physical and mental well-being of both parties. And," she adds with a grin, jerking a thumb towards herself, "luckily for you, I happen to have turned into the most rare and powerful of all the monster varieties, so you should get a significant boost to your magic!"

"You are?" She admittedly doesn't know much about that, but she cracks an awkward looking smile anyway.

"Guess the rolls really are reversed here, huh." She's neither strong nor rare nor... anything remarkable, really. It's kind of anxiety inducing and kind of relieving at the same time? It's weird.

Peridot folds her arms. "In the interest of fostering good will within our potential new bond, I'm choosing to not be offended by your implication that Peridots aren't rare or powerful," she says. She's mostly joking but also like. OUCH, Lapis.

Please be kind, her jokes are awful. "Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean it in a bad way." It's just that Lapis herself is like, much. Rarer than Peridots.

"Ssssooo. Whats it like being rare and powerful?"

You'd think she'd be bolstered by having a chance to brag about it, but she actually looks sort of vexed.

"It's.... not as gratifying as I expected it to be, actually," she admits, flicking her tail.

"Yeah. It's not really all it's cracked up to be, huh." It's something that Lapis knows intimately, but she's sure Peridot is aware of that.

"Let me know if you need any help. With anything. It's kind of my specialty, you know."

There's a faint but immediate flare of defiance somewhere deep inside her, over the idea of their situations being at all comparable, but Peridot quashes it entirely before it even has a chance to show itself.

"Yeah. I will," she says, smiling weakly. "I mean, I'm fine. I'm sure I'll be fine. It's fine."

"Yeah. I'm sure you will." Peridot does seem like she'd deal with it better than her, maybe.

"But.. Uh. Back to the bond thing?" She says, in a slightly hopeful measure.

Swallow my breath

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