middaeg | Swallow my breath

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Swallow my breath

Who: Lapis Lazuli & Peridot
When: First week of November.
Where: Steven's House
What: Talking about Bonds
Warnings: nnnnothing I can think of?

They really need to talk about that whole bond thing, don't they.

It's come up a few times in conversations for Lapis, and surprisingly, never really with Peridot. It's kind of weird. It makes her a little unsure as to how to even broach the topic to begin with? And compounded by the fact that her nerves are on an all time high recently, well.

It's been Difficult to try and bring up the subject with her.

Today though. Today she swallows down her nerves and hunts down the green Gem with Purpose. Even if it's less hunting down and more trying to navigate a space filled with more people than she's really used to.

(It's really not that many, but after having lived with Peridot and Pumpkin for awhile, it's still a little weird for her.)

She... knocks, this time. On the door to the space that she knows Peridot is in, because it has all her plants in there, though it's a courtesy that's quickly ignored in favour of her opening the door and sticking her head in.

"Hey, Peridot? Can we talk for a second?"

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Peridot always just an extra little bit on edge whenever her hoard is even tangentially involved, so she's all ears-up eyes-open the exact moment that Lapis comes knocking. She relaxes when she sees who it is though. As far as she's concerned, Lapis is not a threat to the hoard, and it's much easier not to forget that now that it isn't a full moon.

"Sure!" she says amicably, setting down the book she was just flipping through. And then with a touch more suspicion: "...What about?"

With permission seemingly granted, Lapis opens the door all the way to walk inside, and closes it behind her.

She only takes a few steps forward.

"Well... It's kinda about.. The whole "bond" thing?" The air quotes are provided, free of charge. "It's just... It seems kind of important. To have one, you know." There's a question here, that she's sort of side stepping.

"That... Is an accurate, if somewhat understated assessment of their significance in this society, yes," Peridot agrees, shuffling her wings lightly. Seated on the bed, she glances down and fidgets by plucking at the fabric with her claws, only looking up to glance at the other gem from a sidelong angle. "So.... What, did you. Find someone? That you want to ask?"

"Ssssort of." Lapis says, pointedly looking away from Peridot. Is it weird that she's going to ask her? Peridot hasn't really brought it up in the context of them getting one before. What if she doesn't want to? What if that's the reason she never brought it up?

"Promise you wont be mad?" Her foot shifts sideways, back towards the door while her body stays facing towards the dragon, fists clenched at her sides.

Honestly, she has been thinking about talking to Lapis about this for a while now. The only reason she hasn't actually followed through is because it's just... Scary. It's a scary topic to breech. Bonding reminds her of fusion in a lot of ways, to the point where it was barely comfortable getting bonded with Steven.

At that question, Peridot has to stamp down hard on a tiny surge of that good ol' draconic possessiveness, her mind spiraling trying to predict who Lapis could possibly have her eye on, that she would think Peridot would be mad hear about it. Maybe that human she mentioned a while back? Or that other dragon who kidnapped her? That would be ironic...

"Um. I can promise to try?" She says awkwardly, idly scratching behind one ear. Lapis should be well aware by now of the anger issues Peridot has here, thanks to her monstrous condition.

Well, that doesn't... seem to bode well, and she shifts again, a little more towards the door out of habit. She doesn't realize she's doing it.

"Well... I really, kind of don't want you to be mad? And I don't want you to be weirded out either." Because it's probably weird! "I just, I was kind of hoping that we might do it?" She says, extremely slowly.

And then seems to realize, and she brings up her hands defensively, clutching her shoulders. "I mean! I'd get it if you don't want to with me, that's fine, I can find someone else, I'm sure about it! But it just, kind of seems like something I have to do, and I thought that maybe it'd be easier to do it with you than anyone else since we've lived together for so long and we're kind of close?"

Peridot's ears tuck back nervously when she notices Lapis stepping towards the door, and she's immediately wracked with a kind of guilt for having said the wrong thing. Those fin shaped appendages stick right back up when she hears the follow-up, though.

"You...??" she starts, flaring her wings out slightly in surprise. She doesn't look mad though. Awestruck is probably the more accurate adjective here. She breaks off, rapidly shaking her head side to side, stopping only to blink at Lapis with disbelief. "You're not going to believe this...? But I was absolutely going to ask you the same thing."

She relaxes a little at that, but she doesn't move from where she is because she can barely believe that? It's weird. This entire thing is still weird.

"Oh. You.. never really said anything, so I was worried that you didn't want to be bothered by having one with me."

"I never 'said anything,' because I didn't want to freak you out," she says awkwardly. "I realize that sounds kind of... Bad, when I say it out loud, but. You hadn't been here that long and you were still trying to cope just with all this information about magic and Steven and I being transformed into monsters or whatever. I didn't want to add to your stress."

Peridot... has a point, she guesses, but even still, couldn't she have just... brought it up? In any of the weeks that followed? It's not really a good feeling, the one in the pit of her stomach she gets when she hears that, but she does try to quash it down and ignore it.

"It was kind of stressful not knowing if I should bother asking you or not. Or wondering if I should ask Steven instead, or even just someone else." She admits, rubbing her arm nervously.

Peridot grimaces. "Sorry... In my defense, I did try to work up to it a few times. I just, also... Got nervous and never did! Hah..."

She stares at her claws again, fidgeting and looking guilty. "Bonding is... Weird. And there are some things about it that kind of remind me of fusion, which isn't exactly great. But it is also necessary, and if I have to do it... I'd also much rather do it with someone I trust, like you?"

"Oh." She says first, and then after a small moment: "What about it seems like fusion?" She didn't really get that impression, but she also doesn't know as much about the concept of it like Peridot does.

"I get that though. It's... kind of why I wanted to ask you about it. Or Steven." She adds on, quickly in a bid to make it Not Weird.

Maybe it's less that it's actually like fusion, and more that it sort of makes her feel the way that thinking about fusion does. That is, deeply uncomfortable, and kind of vulnerable.

"It's just--" she starts to say a bit too loudly, desperate to respond quickly to avoid leaving any awkward pauses. Which, good job idiot, there's one immediately following that anyway as she stops to try and think of the right word to explain it.

"...Intimate," she says finally, lip curling slightly, like she's fearful of the word itself. "It lets you do things like feel each other's feelings without having to say anything about them out loud."

"Oh." Lapis says, again, because she's not really sure what to say to that beyond just feeling awkward about the situation. She rubs her arm, nervous to the last.

"Well. I guess that'd make sense. As to why you'd be nervous. About that, with me." Considering... the everything. All of it. She doesn't exactly have the best track record.

"Seriously?" Peridot says flatly, like she can't believe Lapis would actually think that she thinks that. "I'm less worried about doing that with you than I would be with pretty much anyone else. Except for Steven, I guess..."

"Oh. I just thought that... You know," she says with a helpful vague hand motion. "I'm trying to be better at everything, but it's still pretty hard." And she thought it would be a aafe assumption that Peridot might be hesitant to deal with her low key anxiety that spikes every now and again.

Peridot shakes her head firmly. "I'm already bonded with Steven. And he has weird manic fairy episodes. Do you have any idea how many emotions he has when he gets like that? I doubt there's much of anything you could surprise me with."

No, her real concern is that she's embarrassed to let anyone into her own head like that, but. It's a necessary evil here, so to speak.

She has to squash down the urge to say that it's not like that with her. Because... She doesn't know. Not for certain, and she's trying to be positive, about this?

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right." Lapis nods, and tries to steady he line of thinking. "There's... no reason for us not to, unless either of us is uncomfortable with it. And we're not, right?" The last part comes off as maybe a little too hopeful.

The hopefulness is strangely bolstering, and Peridot nods fervently in agreement. "If nothing else, it makes logical sense. A bond between a monster and a witch is required to maintain the physical and mental well-being of both parties. And," she adds with a grin, jerking a thumb towards herself, "luckily for you, I happen to have turned into the most rare and powerful of all the monster varieties, so you should get a significant boost to your magic!"

"You are?" She admittedly doesn't know much about that, but she cracks an awkward looking smile anyway.

"Guess the rolls really are reversed here, huh." She's neither strong nor rare nor... anything remarkable, really. It's kind of anxiety inducing and kind of relieving at the same time? It's weird.

Peridot folds her arms. "In the interest of fostering good will within our potential new bond, I'm choosing to not be offended by your implication that Peridots aren't rare or powerful," she says. She's mostly joking but also like. OUCH, Lapis.

Please be kind, her jokes are awful. "Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean it in a bad way." It's just that Lapis herself is like, much. Rarer than Peridots.

"Ssssooo. Whats it like being rare and powerful?"

You'd think she'd be bolstered by having a chance to brag about it, but she actually looks sort of vexed.

"It's.... not as gratifying as I expected it to be, actually," she admits, flicking her tail.

"Yeah. It's not really all it's cracked up to be, huh." It's something that Lapis knows intimately, but she's sure Peridot is aware of that.

"Let me know if you need any help. With anything. It's kind of my specialty, you know."

There's a faint but immediate flare of defiance somewhere deep inside her, over the idea of their situations being at all comparable, but Peridot quashes it entirely before it even has a chance to show itself.

"Yeah. I will," she says, smiling weakly. "I mean, I'm fine. I'm sure I'll be fine. It's fine."

"Yeah. I'm sure you will." Peridot does seem like she'd deal with it better than her, maybe.

"But.. Uh. Back to the bond thing?" She says, in a slightly hopeful measure.

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Swallow my breath

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