middaeg | I feel like I'm losing control [Closed]

Who: Edelgard and Corrin
When: Forward-Dated to Early November
Where: The Coven/Town
What: An Emperor and a Princess form a Bond
Warnings: Possible descriptions of medical procedures, child injury/death, will update more if need be

Edelgard had intended to revisit this topic sooner, to meet with Corrin and discuss the process, to lay out some thoughts, and weigh options. Time was ever the most potent enemy, and preoccupied as she was with getting used to her bond with Hubert, she had delayed a week longer than they'd agreed. Yet, as she sat waiting for the other young woman in the Coven's bonding antechamber, she found herself smiling. Not only in anticipation of Corrin's strength further anchoring her will, but at the fact that she had made an honest to goddess friend that wasn't someone who worked for her. It was a painful quandary she had found herself in, but knowing Corrin wanted this too worked wonders for banishing the anxiety. But it was still not an easy thing to surmount.

She had arrived early for their agreed upon meeting, much earlier than necessary, and when Corrin did make her way into the room, the Emperor rose quickly and crossed with a wave and a real smile.

"Hello, Corrin. Thank you for coming."

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"Yes, bright."

Edelgard had no trouble admitting that her own thoughts could err more towards a darker side of things. That was an unfortunate truth about herself. However, she felt some of Corrin's...bubblier...aspects clearly through the bond, and it not only relaxed her but made her smile. Rare thing, that.

She knew she'd made the right decision as they passed into the little room, clearly intended to give newly bonded a place to process and talk. Making straight for the tea, she slipped her arm free, and set to making it all.

"I...had no idea you'd be quite so cheerful. It's refreshing."

Ever the cynic, she assumed Corrin was acting, in some ways. But it was good to be wrong.

"I don't think I've met many as upbeat. It gladdens me to know I made the right decision."

Corrin was still a bit overwhelming, but even through all that she managed to be amused and a bit flustered by all these comments. It was enough to make her laugh.

"It's not like I was hiding it!" she said as she moved further into the room herself, looking around slowly before turning back to El. "I'm pretty much what you see is what you get, you know."

Which Edelgard clearly wasn't. Now that Corrin had the capacity, she was trying to work her way through what the other felt. If Corrin was an open book, Edelgard was a closed bookshelf. So many different feelings...

"I would like some tea," she said suddenly with another little self-admonishing laugh, moving over to join the other at the tea. Standing so close she was almost, but not quite, touching.

No, Edelgard was not an open person, and she hid much of herself. She was kind, her sense was full of light and life, but there were deep, dark cuts in her psyche. Scars like her hands, like the rest of her, but attached to it all was a sense of girlish delight that she kept tightly controlled in public. She was happy, yet at the same time anxious and sad, a fear of her own intense nature making her intense nature all the more evident. Her feelings burned as bright as any torch, though, and they were filled with affection for the other at her side. Inside, Corrin got the real Edelgard: Someone deeply hurt that hid away like a hermit, yet with a deep capacity for incredible loyalty and devotion, someone filled with ambition, and love for the people she sought to serve.

"I know," she says softly, already beginning to prepare two cups of tea. She'd felt that much on reflex.

"Do you prefer sugar or honey? I...am imagining you like it sweet?"

"That obvious, huh?" Her voice came out with a laugh as she nodded. "Honey sounds lovely, thank you."

After a few seconds hesitation, she reached out to place her hand lightly on Edelgard's arm. Not to hinder or even hold, just to be touching. There was just this...urge there, to do so. Maybe it was the bond's fault? Or just Corrin trying to manifest the way it felt, even she didn't know, really.

Edelgard stopped mid motion and looked down at the hand for a moment, briefly taken aback. Nobody...did that...to her. She didn't dislike it, but precious few even dared attempt to touch her.

"...Ah...yes, a little. I just thought that might be the case."

So, she set back to work, bringing out the honey and dropping a small bit into each before sliding over a cup.

"Is it not...marvelous?"

Corrin caught that hesitation and almost drew her hand away, but realized that Edelgard's surprise wasn't angry or upset, that she seemed just startled but...liked it? Corrin thought anyway. Sorting through someone else's emotions was definitely weird.

Once the tea was finished though she did let go, so she could pick up her cup, blowing on it softly.

"Tea with honey, you mean?"

She asked, almost certain that was not what Edelgard meant but more than willing to tease her, it seemed.

"...Yes...and?"

Edelgard gave her a look, not at all intending to allow that to get a rise out of her. Corrin knew exactly what she meant, and she could continue to give her a bemused look till she got a real answer.

Corrin giggled into her tea, half-covering it up by taking a sip, and then lowered it down with a small smile. Now that she was adjusting, she was caught between sorting through this new set of emotions and also kind of wanting to induce them in Edelgard.

"Mmm..." She tapped her fingers against her cup softly. "It really is. I don't know what I was expecting but..."

She shook her head.

"This is so much more."

"It is..."

She stirred her cup idly, her gaze drawn to Corrin, appreciation for the depth of the connection renewing. She had some sense of Hubert's moods before they had bonded, having known him for most of her life, but Corrin was someone new. A puzzle she was slowly piecing together.

"It's an awareness, and...more. It's like even if we're apart, we can still touch. And there's more to it too. I know it strengthens my hold on humanity, but also lets you filter magic through me to make yours stronger and safer."

There was a flash of amusement from Corrin at that, followed a moment later by that now-familiar little laugh. "Oh, I know. I mean. I get the practical things?" She had seen what not having a bond had done for Azura. She knew it was necessary and that it was good for both of them.

"But I guess I wasn't really worried about it?" She was not the most responsible person when it came to things like that. "This is just so much more...interesting." Her hand came up to tap the side of her head.

"It's like everything is..." Red eyes turned away, as if she were searching the wall for the right words. "...A slightly different color now?" Like feeling what someone else was feeling changed how everything else felt too...

"That...is a very good description, I think."

Edelgard continually stirs her tea and leans forward slightly, reaching out to brush Corrin's other temple, fingertips brushing aside an unruly blond curl.

"It's as though you've brightened up my whole outlook. A wash of yellow over everything..."

Letting her fingers retreat, she allows herself a private smile.

"Physical touch only enhances the feeling too. How curious."

Corrin felt her breath catch when Edelgard's finger traced along her temple, and it took her a few moments to gather her thoughts together. It really did seem to amplify things when they touched, but she'd been so caught up in the moment earlier she hadn't realized it. But it had been so clear there...

She licked her lips twice before she found the words she wanted, accompanied with a wry little smile.

"Don't get too dependent on it, even if I have my dark days, you know." She laughed softly as she said it, though it was hard to tell if she was kidding or not.

"Don't we all?"

Edelgard almost...almost...felt bad for exposing Corrin to what she knew would happen in time. Yet, at the same time knew she could let herself be a touch selfish. Just a bit.

"Do not worry. After five years of war, even your darkest days are small burdens that I am happy to shoulder."

I feel like I'm losing control [Closed]

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