[Closed] We'll go the distance 'cause we can't help but to act supernatural

[adventageous]

Who: Alice and Karin
When: morning of Maiuril 2
Where: their home
What: a heart-to-heart about the men in their lives, timey-wimey bullshit, and most importantly how they feel about each other
Warnings: massive spoilers for Shadow Hearts and Shadow Hearts: Covenant
(will add additional warnings if/when they come up)



[May arrives with a deluge of rain, the sort of weather that makes a person want to stay in bed where it's warm and dry. Karin and Alice both soldier through the first day of the storm, seeing to obligations inside and outside of the whom. However, when Alice wakes up to find the second morning of May to be as dreary as the first, she decides to lean into the desire to be unproductive.

Karin isn't a late sleeper, but Alice is up and out of her bed first. When Karin finally awakes and walks out to the living room, she'll find Alice curled up on the couch nursing a mug of tea. She's still dressed in her nightgown and half-buried beneath a blanket. A box of donuts--purchased the day before from one of the local bakeries--is open on the coffee table, two small plates set out beside it. Alice may have already finished her first, as evidenced by the crumbs sitting on the plate closest to her.

She greets Karin with a warm smile.]

Good morning.

Comments

[sonnestark]

[Karin usually isn't one to be content remaining idle, but when she, too, awakens to a morning that seems just as miserable as the one before, she decides that a day in might do her some good. There's plenty to take care of around the house, she reasons: maybe add a few more touches to really make it their own, though that idea fizzles almost as soon as it comes to her. It wouldn't feel right to change much of anything here, and the storm outside makes curling up in front of the fire with a book sound much more appealing than anything potentially useful.

It would seem she and her bondmate are on the same page, because she comes down to the living room in her own pajamas— or what passes for them these days, with the wings and all— to find Alice comfortably settled in with tea and a blanket and a very appetizing-looking box of donuts that Karin takes note of almost immediately.]

Good morning.

[She smiles as she approaches, helping herself to a seat beside Alice and reaching for the empty plate, giving her bondmate's shoulder a gentle bump with her own.]

You know, I was just thinking it might be the perfect day to stay inside and do nothing at all.

[adventageous]

I think we've both earned it. We were very productive yesterday.

[And also their lives have been so consistently chaotic lately that they could use some time to simply relax.

Alice returns the shoulder bump before crawling out from beneath her blankets to get up and get some tea for Karin. They've shared enough breakfasts together now that she knows how Karin takes it, so there's no need for her to ask. The water in the kettle is still hot, so it isn't long before she returns to the couch with tea in-hand.]

Here. Careful, it's hot.

[Once the beverage is handed off, Alice settles back in next to her Bonded and pulls the blanket over both of their laps. It's a slightly presumptive gesture, she knows, and a touch selfish besides. They haven't really talked about what happened in the Cwyldheart since returning to Aefenglom, but Alice feels no differently toward Karin now as she did then. And, as such, she wants to remain close.]

How did you sleep?

[sonnestark]

[Alice is off and fetching tea before Karin can even lodge a single protest, and when she returns, the harpy gives her a hapless sort of look even as her smile pulls to one side, lopsided.]

I could have gotten that myself, you know, you didn't have to get up.

[But she accepts the cup cautiously and gratefully all the same, and there's nothing but affection in her voice as she goes on to say:]

Thank you. I'll get the next round.

[As Alice settles back in, Karin relaxes beside her, using one hand to help straighten the blanket so that it drapes comfortably over both of them. If she has any qualms about being so close, it certainly doesn't show— quite the opposite; she's perfectly at-ease with their arrangement, and she helps herself to a careful sip of tea before answering Alice's question.]

Well, I think. All of that bustling around we did yesterday must have worn me out. How about you? I'll admit, I was surprised you made it down here before me.

[adventageous]

I know you could have. But I did it anyway.

[Alice merely smiles in the face of Karin's gentle scolding. She knew full well it was the response she was going to receive when she fetched the tea.

At least Karin seems happy to curl up together under the blanket. Alice hadn't really anticipated any differently, but it's a happy result all the same.]

I didn't beat you by too much. There was a noise outside my window that woke me up--I think a tree branch snapped from the weight of the water--and I decided not to go back to sleep.

[Alice didn't lose too much sleep to the earlier-than-planned wake up call, honestly. Like Karin, she doesn't tend to sleep in very late.

The reason the noise woke Alice up and not Karin is that Alice has been sleeping exclusively in her own room since returning from the Underground instead of splitting her nighttimes between her room and sleeping on the spare bed in Karin's. It seems like the best choice, for now, until they sort their feelings out.

If Karin has noticed the change in habit, she hasn't said anything.]

The tea and breakfast were worth getting up for. I know we had talked about Turkish coffee with the donuts, but I didn't trust myself to make it without you there.

[Alice has tried to make it exactly once based on what she's observed of Karin's attempts, and it didn't end well.]

[sonnestark]

[Of course, she had noticed, but the situation was just a bit too confusing and delicate for her to question it. Alice had remained so close during their mutual recovery after everything that happened with the Circle, and given the intensity of what had happened during and after the journey into the Cwyldheart... a little distance wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Karin missed her bondmate's presence, certainly, and yet she was not blind to the fact that the reality of their bond had become more complex without their realizing. They spent the majority of their days together all the same; aside from their sleeping arrangement, little had changed, which was made plain enough by how comfortable Karin seemed to be settling in beside her.

She laughs softly between sips of tea, shaking her head.]

I can make some in a little while— it would be especially nice on a day like today, although I know you prefer the tea, anyway.

[That's fine with her— there's something ritualistic about fixing the coffee, regardless, even if Karin herself drinks the lion's share of it.]

Speaking of, this morning's is especially good. What is it?

[adventageous]

[Little has changed, but also it feels as if everything has. The complexity of their feelings brings some strangeness as they sort through their feelings and dance around the issue. But their Bond also feels much warmer and brighter than it ever has, and Alice finds the awkwardness worth it for that alone. They'll figure it out eventually.

She leans a bit more slightly into Karin, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder as she takes a sip of her own cup of tea.]

I prefer the tea, but I'll be happy to drink some coffee later on. [If only because it's Karin who's making it.] I suspect we'll need the boost of energy given the dreary weather.

The shopkeeper said this is a floral chai: earl grey tea with rose petals, lavender, and spices. I'm glad you like it.

[sonnestark]

[Karin has always somehow managed to be good at articulating feelings for the benefit of others, but never herself, which means that finding a way to actually address what's shifted between them feels a bit beyond her. They're comfortable, relaxed, and for awhile, that's felt like enough— the bond between them is strong and burning brightly, and she hasn't really taken the opportunity to dissect what that might mean in the long run. It was... easier, just to let it be, to enjoy what it offered them, but she supposes it can't stay that way forever. The awkwardness is getting more difficult to brush aside, though even so, it doesn't hinder how easily they've fallen into a comfortable routine here.]

I appreciate you being my taste-tester. It's not quite what it ought to be yet, but I do think it's getting better.

[It is, in actuality, quite good, but she's holding herself to an impossible standard on this one. She closes her eyes as she takes another long sip of her tea, inhaling to appreciate the scent of it. She can pick up on some of the notes Alice mentions, and gives a nod of approval.]

Perfect for a gray and rainy day, I think— and donuts are good any time.

[Today's breakfast is definitely a win.]

Anything particular in mind for your dreary day in?

[adventageous]

It is getting better. And you're leaps and bounds ahead of what I'm capable of.

["Styx would be proud" is what she wants to add to that, but she keeps the thought to herself. Alice knows that his departure is still a sensitive topic, and there's nothing to be gained by putting such a fine point on why Karin has made it her life's mission to perfect the technique. The purpose is unspoken but understood, and Alice likes to think that it (like the house they're in and the animals they care for) is helping her to heal.

She hums softly in response to Karin's question about her plans for the day, taking a few moments to come up with an answer. Quite frankly, she has none. All she really wants at the moment is to stay curled up like this, warm and comfortable and with Karin, for as long as possible.]

Unless you have other pressing plans, maybe we can spend it together?

[A slight flutter of anxiety crosses the bond before Alice continues, glancing at Karin sidelong as she does so.]

Talk about things, make sure we're on the same page.

[Alice knows the suggestion threatens the very comfort she's currently treasuring, but now is probably better than later. The longer this goes on, the weirder it's going to get. They're both at ease, with nowhere else to be and no one else around. The conditions are ideal.]

[sonnestark]

[It's not the answer she expects, but there's only a beat of silence before she nods in agreement, her eyelids lowering for a moment as she smiles and gives a muted noise of assent.

As plans go, it's a good one.]

I— yes, I'd like that.

[Sometimes she's envious of how confident Alice can be in expressing herself. She feels like she ought to be better at it than she is, like courage on the battlefield should lend itself well to being brave in other situations, but that's never quite been true for her. She's glad to let Alice take the lead as a result, but she feels a faint tightness in her chest begin to ease— it is time they talked, isn't it?]

I suppose we do have a lot to talk about, don't we?

[adventageous]

[Karin's smile allows Alice to relax into the conversation a bit easier, knowing that she's not being dismissed out of hand. Her confidence has been hard-won, a result of her travels and a series of missed opportunities and too-brief blessings. It's not without its anxiety and uncertainty, and sometimes it's entirely absent--the first time she had articulated her feelings to Yuri, he'd been asleep. There's no risk of rejection if he doesn't hear it to begin with, after all.

That smile, however, takes most of those negative feelings away.]

We do. But I don't believe it's anything bad.

[At least, she hopes it isn't. She takes one last sip of her tea before setting the cup down, turning to face Karin as she begins to speak her heart in earnest.]

I know you told me not to be, but I'm still sorry for how rashly I acted in the Cwyldheart. Overcome with emotion or not, it was... it wasn't fair to do to you.

But I've done a lot of thinking since then, with a clearer head, and I realize that my feelings are no different now than they were then. Karin, you're so beautiful and so strong. You've been through so much, dragged into a part of the world you didn't know existed a few years ago, and from what I know from you and Yuri both you've grown and adapted rather than letting it break you. You aren't hardened, or cruel. You're still kind and giving and warm and caring. I think that makes you one of the most amazing people I've ever met.

And here, in Geargadas, you're my rock. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here with me.

[Alice stops short of saying "I love you," but the implication is there. It's here she begins to falter, ever so slightly, as she considers how Karin might react to what she's said.]

I... I know that's a lot, and that after Yuri and Styx you may not be able to have more than the friendship we already share. That's enough, if that's all you want. I promise.

I just... I wanted to tell you this, uncomplicated by magic as much as possible.

[sonnestark]

[None of it is as surprising as she once might have thought; she feels the bond between them pulse with the warmth of those sentiments, and though certain words are left unspoken, Karin has struggled with saying them enough times in her own life that she knows the tells, knows how it feels. She doesn't interrupt Alice, only lets her speak her mind to completion, though her own face grows flushed as she listens— shy and unable to receive a compliment gracefully even now, despite all her years in the military.

There's a lengthy pause once Alice has finished, and Karin looks thoughtful for a moment before she leans forward to set her cup of tea on the table. With both hands free, she's able to take one of Alice's between them, warm and reassuring, and she offers an affectionate squeeze as she does so.]

It is a lot, but— I do know that what we have is more than friendship. I don't know if it's because of our bond, or if it might have happened without, if a thousand little things aligned just right to make it so. I'm... sorry, that it's taken me some time to process. I have more on my mind than even you know, but none of what troubles me has anything to do with you. You're—

[She pauses for a moment, letting out a soft, shy laugh as she interrupts herself.]

You're anything but troubling.

[But...

She exhales as if it will help to clear her own head, keeping Alice's hand between hers as she offers her a tired but certainly genuine smile.]

You're very important to me, Alice, and there are things that— I've been wanting to tell you, but I haven't been able to. The time never seems right.

[And with Styx gone, the only person who knew the full details of what she carried, it feels like if she doesn't talk about it, it will go back to not feeling real.

Of course, that's not how things work. Her smile fades.]

There are things you should know about me. I don't know if they'll change how you feel, but you should know.

[adventageous]

[Karin's response has Alice feeling both relieved and concerned. They're dancing around the words for now, but they've said enough that Alice knows that her feelings for Karin are reciprocated. That's more than she had hoped for, and it puts her anxieities that she's done something to harm their relationship at ease.]

You don't need to apologize for taking the extra time to process it, especially if there's more going on in your mind than I realized. I'm happy to have given you that time, since you needed it.

And... I'm glad. That... that you care as much as I do.

[Alice would much rather have Karin examine her own heart and be certain, especially given the emotional ups and downs of her life both here and back home. She's had a lot of heartbreak, and Alice isn't so cruel as to not keep that in mind. It's part of why she's waited as long as she has to even bring this up.

Hearing this confirmation, tentatively-worded as it is, has been worth the wait.

Of course, Karin has also made it clear that there's something else that's been on her mind--thus the concern mixed in with the relief. Alice reaches over, places her free hand over Karin's, and gives a gentle squeeze that she hopes is reassuring.]

Whatever you need to say, Karin, I'm listening.

[sonnestark]

[The squeeze of her hand does help, supplies the bit of courage she needs to start unpacking this all over again. She gives her bondmate a faint, faltering smile of gratitude, then draws in a deep breath as she centers herself, preparing.

She's had almost a year, now, to think about all of this, to process it, and it still sounds just as crazy to her as it had on day one.]

I know we talked before, about how I felt about Yuri, and that had the potential to make things complicated. It didn't, thankfully, not on its own, and I'm grateful for that— I'm grateful for you. But I think... maybe the best way to tell you what's on my mind, or at least to start, is to show you.

[She still keeps that photo on her person at all times, even though she doesn't find it particularly comforting. It seems so personal, so important, that it would be a mistake to leave it anywhere. She shifts slightly, then reaches to pull it out from where it's been tucked in her pocket. The photo she hands to Alice is now creased and worn, but the image on it is still clear.]

Look at that, and then... we'll go from there. And read the back.

["Jinpachiro, Anne, and 3-year-old Yuri."]

[adventageous]

[Alice takes the photo and looks at it, her brow furrowing almost immediately as she attempts to parse out its meaning. The child is unmistakably Yuri, the smile recognizeable even at such a young age. (He's adorable, Alice can't help but notice, and a bittersweet wave of affection blossoms within her. She still misses him terribly.) The man is Yuri's father, whose face she never saw but is so similar to Yuri's that the resemblence is hard to miss.

And the woman, impossibly, is Karin.

She turns it over and reads the caption, which simultaneously explains the photo and leaves her with more questions. Anne is Yuri's mother--she knows much about the woman through Yuri's own childhood recollections. How much she and his father loved each other. How much they both loved their son. Her kindness. Her loneliness. The tragedy that befell her.

The cross she carried, imbued with love and memory and meaning. The same cross Karin showed her the night they drank and cried and mourned, months ago.

It makes no sense. And yet, somehow, it sort of does.]

You're Anne.

[Finally, she lifts her eyes from the photo and locks them with Karin's.]

But how?

[sonnestark]

[She nods; of course Alice comes to the correct conclusion right away, and somehow Karin feels calmer about this than she had when she'd shared this with Styx— that had been the first time she'd allowed herself to speak of it aloud, to let herself even begin to believe what she was being told to accept as the truth. Even if it's still difficult to swallow, she's had more time with it now, and Alice's calm curiosity and gentle warmth certainly help in keeping that tight and unpleasant feeling from settling in her chest all over again.]

I still don't quite know the 'how.' Yuri's aunt, Saki— she's the one who gave me this photo. She told me just enough to start putting the pieces together, but nothing directly. Maybe she didn't know, either, or she worried that telling me would change things too much... but she knew Anne. They were sisters-in-law, so when she and I met, it must have been like... a reunion of sorts, for her.

[She presses her lips together, thoughtful, and her gaze moves to fix itself on the fireplace instead of on her bondmate.]

One of the last things I remember from home... is Kato telling us to wish for the world we want most. That in doing so, we would find our way there. Maybe that's how... if Saki planted the seed by showing me this, that I would somehow find my way to an earlier time. A different life.

[A pause, and then she shakes her head as she lets out a short peal of laughter, bitter and without a trace of mirth.]

After all this time, it still sounds crazy. I'm hearing myself say these things, and it's too much.

[adventageous]

[Alice listens to Karin as she stumbles through the strangeness of what she's revealing, watching her closely even as Karin's gaze moves away from her. Yuri had never mentioned an aunt, but that doesn't mean much--it's possible that the topic never came up, or even that he had no idea she even existed. He was so young when he lost his parents, after all...

When he lost Karin, years before he'd ever met her as such.

Even though she receives glimpses of it through their Bond, Alice cannot begin to imagine how Karin must feel about all of this. She can't even attempt to by comparing their circumstances--she's equally doomed, but with the benefits of it being her choice and of certainty. Poor Karin only knows how and when it ends.]

It does sound crazy, and it is too much. But we live in a world where that's awfully common, whether we like it or not.

[The words are spoken with a knowing sympathy. It's the story of both of their lives, and of Yuri's. Nothing is really impossible, and that fact never seems to work in a way that ends happily for anyone.

She reaches over and brushes a bit of hair behind Karin's ear.]

I'm grateful that you told me. That you trust me enough to share the burden, at least a little.

For what it's worth, it doesn't change how I love you.

[sonnestark]

I still don't know what all of it means for me, or how things are going to move forward if I ever go back. I feel guilty, that I'm not in any hurry to do so.

[Not when she knows how brief her time will be, and while it's more than Alice has left, the idea of a life that's not her choosing makes her throat feel tight and her chest feel hollow.

Alice's words, however, cause her breath to catch in her throat, and she looks back to her bondmate.]

I don't know why I thought it might change things. I thought... maybe you would decide I wasn't who you thought I was. Some days, I feel like I don't even know how I am. But I do know that while I'm here, I don't want to waste any more time being afraid to tell the people I love that I care about them. I want the life I have here to be shaped by my choices, not destiny.

[adventageous]

[Alice is no stranger to guilt when it comes to how her life has developed here, but it comes from a different place. As far as she's aware, her role in their world has come to its end--there's nothing preventing her from staying in Geargadas indefinitely until she's called home and to heaven. For her, it's the depth and breadth of the relationships she's formed here pressing up against notions of what she's always believed love should look like that makes her feel uncomfortable with herself.

They'll have to discuss it, but first she wants to enjoy this moment and the warmth in her chest from hearing Karin reciprocate her feelings, even if it comes with a bit of uncertain sadness.]

I can't begin to understand how you feel, but this doesn't change anything about who I know you are. You're strong and beautiful, and your heart is large and loyal. I'm so lucky that I get to see your smile every morning, when you let yourself truly relax. What kind of terrible person would I be to recoil from that because your future is more complicated than I first knew? Neither of our lives have happened the way we had intended.

You owe it to yourself to be happy, and to choose and love as you please while you're in this world. And I'm honored, to be here with you.

[She pauses, searching her bondmate's face.]

Would... it be all right if I kissed you?

[The moment feels right, but she doesn't want to push anything--especially after what happened in the Cwyldheart. It's better to make sure Karin's okay with things before acting.]

time to cry

[sonnestark]

[Is this what it felt like, to finally be the person someone chose for themselves? Even if there were others— and Karin, of course, was no stranger to having to come to terms with strong feelings for more than one person at a time— Alice is still sitting beside her and asking to kiss her, and somehow the fact that she feels the need to ask is even more powerful than the moment they'd shared in the Cwyldheart.

She's so used to not being good enough, or being told she's too good. She's never had the chance to just be with anyone she loves, not without compromises, and this...

It feels wonderful, to finally be chosen.]

I'd... I would like that.

[It's so few words, compared to all Alice had said, and she can feel her face burning bright red even as she responds. This time, she's ready for what comes next.]

♥

[adventageous]

[The words are few, but they're just as deeply felt. Alice is just as grateful to be accepted as Karin is to have been chosen, and the swell in her heart she feels and sends through their Bond is proof positive of that.

She leans in and presses her lips to Karin's softly, kissing her with less intensity than in the Cwyldheart but with no less love and passion. In the moment, nothing else exists--not the rain, nor the tea, nor the coffee that's to come. Just them.

And it's perfect.]