middaeg | [ open ] If you do what you always did...

Entry tags:

[ open ] If you do what you always did...

Who: Vanitas + Open
When: Throughout Mareuer
Where: All around
What: Quest Prompts and semi-open prompts
Warnings: Mentions of last month's event

( Scarring ) - open to close CR ; Beginning of month

[ For the first week after Vanitas had returned home, he really hadn't left bed much. His body had been healing and recovering from the events of the previous month. He hadn't felt much up to doing anything or talking to anyone. There had been a lot that Vanitas had been dealing with internally as well. He had been beating himself up for being too weak and for allowing his guard to drop. Blamed himself for his circumstances and busted wrist. Screaming and having fits in the middle of the night to the point where he'd try to slip away and try to find a place where the voices aren't so loud.

The following few weeks are better, but not by much. Vanitas still hasn't been sleeping well, but he is roaming about the house. Maybe he makes it to the front porch and around the yard, but that's where he stops. For now. If anyone asks, he snaps at them. Vanitas may very well pretend that nothing is wrong and everything is fine. He's defensive, closer to how he had been a year ago. It makes him sick, but he can't stop himself from lashing out a bit.

Because he's fine. He should be fine. So why isn't he? ]

( Gerard's Gardening )

[ Now after about a week into the month, Vanitas can't stand it any more. He doesn't need to be treated with care so he's going to show people that he's fine and that they need to pay attention to themselves and not worry about what he's doing.

Which leads him to where he is right now, planting some seeds. It's a task he's actually done a lot since he's been here and is more familiar with plants than he cares to be sometimes. Anyone watching for a lesson might see - ]

I'll show you how it's done. The right way.

[ Which means Vanitas digging his fingers into the soil. Sprouts magically rise from the flower bed and begin to bloom. He pulls back soon after. ]

Anything more than that and you'll kill them.

[ He's totally done this before. ]

( Birds of a Feathered Cap )

[ Sure, one could probably look for feathers in the city but everyone's going to be doing that, right? Hence Vanitas can be found right outside the wall. It's likely an odd sight, seeing him pace around the area - checking out vegetation and even going so far as to climbing some trees. Looking for nests, of course. They're bound to have feathers as well. ]

You can get lost. I can handle it.

[ This is his job. He doesn't need your help ]

( Curiouser Cats )

How often do these Chimeras run off... I swear there was another incident like this.

[ He's mostly grumbling to himself. This brat's run off and whatever. Vanitas is pretty sure he can track the child down. Without help. Though if pressed he'll motion to the Flood at his side and say that this is all he needs. It's like he's trying to prove to someone - mainly himself - that he's not weak. That Vanitas is still the same as he had been.

Hopefully he won't go out there and get overwhelmed by the Caitagàire.

Even so, he's pushing on - with or without you - into the woods proper with his Keyblade strapped onto his back. ]

Need a bell or something on these kids.

( Wildcard )

[ You know what to do. If you want to plot just hit me up on plurk at jardaan! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ They are fresh and raw ones that stir up the old ones, really. In the beginning, Vanitas would close off the bond every once and a while - always by accident. By instinct because he's trying to protect Sora from those rush of emotions. To try to spare his partner because he can also feel Sora's pain and uncertainty. It isn't fair to the Puca and it actually makes Vanitas sick that he's been putting him through all of this.

That's what motivates him to try to suck it up really. To force himself to stick through instead of run off. To cling instead of isolate. Those moments Vanitas does bury himself in their bond, seeking out Sora's warmth and presence to give him solace and to ground his mind. Keeping it in the here and now. ]

Morning. [ Though it's still late morning. Sleep is getting easier... Every day a little "better." Even now he's trying to throw Sora small smirk. ] Are you trying to tell me to make candied flowers for you?

[ Vanitas recalls doing this last Spring. ]

[When they have a bond as strong as theirs it really is hard on both of them when something this awful happens. How to handle those wanted and unwanted emotions when the other person can feel bits and pieces of them is a really hard thing to deal with. Sora doesn't want Vanitas to hurt but he knows that he has to process these things somehow... Being upset or sad or angry is okay. He just wishes it could be easier.

At least Vanitas' attempt at a good memory makes Sora sincerely smile. He steps out onto the porch, his ears twitching in the morning air. It's so fresh out here and Sora can smell the new Spring growth too.]

Only if you're up for it. I'd be okay with just trampling through the flowers as much as we want to too.

[He comes to Vanitas and reaches for one of his hands.]

Edited 2021-03-06 23:32 (UTC)

[ Sora isn't the only one who wishes it was a little easier. It's not necessarily for Vanitas himself. He's sure that, if he hadn't been bonded at all, he could just deal with it as it comes. Knowing that other people are having to deal with it and experience it with him? Yeah, it's not the best of feelings. Vanitas doesn't want people to know about his suffering. His pain. His unresolved issues.

Doesn't like appearing weak and vulnerable. That's never really went away. ]

My magic isn't broken, Cottontail. It won't wear me out.

[ And, in return, Vanitas takes the offered hand. ]

[Then Sora smiles warmly and hopefully. There is a small gentle tug to Vanitas' hand.]

Oh good, that means we could go for a walk over there to make some candied flowers no problem.

[...Right?]

Let's go for a walk?

[ The gentle tug is more than enough to get Vanitas to gradually get to his feet. Vanitas can do this. He has to do this. ]

I remember when you'd get all up in my business wanting me to make you some.

[Sora smiles and coaxes Vanitas gently to the end of the porch. It's oh so gently, though. If Vanitas picks to stop Sora will too.]

Yeah because the first time you made me one I got hooked. I'm totally addicted!

[He grins brightly.]

Fresh spring flowers candied by you? Yes, please! I could eat a hundred!

[ Doesn't take too much coaxing on Sora's part. Van had agreed, right? So he's going to go along. He's not going to back down after saying he'd do something. That's just not how he operates. Thus Van gives Sora's hands a squeeze. ]

You're not going to eat a hundred. You'll ruin your appetite.

[ But he can work himself up to make a few... ]

[He is so happy when Vanitas comes along. They haven't been outside much lately. With Vanitas tucked away in bed a lot and all. Sora's been antsy because he can feel Spring in his bones but also because he just wants Vanitas to see the sun and sky too. It's good for him... He squeezes his hand gently back, not letting go for a second.]

Okay, how about ninety-nine of them?

[ Technically with Sora sticking around so much he does get a look at the sky? Right? Though honestly sky and sun have been the last things on Van's mind. He hadn't cared about much other than wallowing in his own weakness. Staying out of sight because he'd randomly be taken back to those moments of suffering.

Though this does help. Going out and being out with someone he trusts to take him away the moment that it becomes to much. If it becomes too much. ]

No, Sora.

[ Though the Puca can always bring some home and beg Vanitas that way. ]

Aww, come on.

[Sora laughs and grabs onto both of Vanitas' hands and tugs forward him as Sora walks along backwards.]

Fine, I guess I can settle with a big handful of them today.

[ Sora is something else. Holding onto Vanitas and walking backwards. He really does want to be outside doesn't he? ]

Sorry... I guess you really wanted to be outside.

[ And Vanitas kept him from that. Man it feels bad. ]

[Sora does tilt his head when Vanitas says it like that. Was there something to be sorry for with this? Nope.]

It's a really nice day, why wouldn't I wanna be outside? I can smell all the flowers starting to sprout and all the fresh grass too.

[This little puca is so ready for Spring to spring up.]

I wanted to share today with you too. It's not like we're late!

You wanted to be out sooner than this. But I kind of kept you trapped inside.

[ Yes. There is something to be sorry about! Vanitas is sorry about it. Being a burden hasn't been any fun. Part of him realizes that he is being somewhat hypocritical, considering that when roles had been reversed? Vanitas had been more than fine just sticking around Sora.

Almost possessively so, in fact. ]

[Sora stops walking for a moment, stalling Vanitas to a stop and holding their hands together close.]

If I had to pick between a day laying around in bed with you or going out into a bunch of flowers? I'd pick you every time.

[So, no feeling bad.]

[ There he goes again. Thinking of Vanitas first and foremost. That's how he is, Van knows, but hmm. ]

It's not just the flowers. [ Gives Sora's hands a squeeze. ] It's about not holding you back and actually getting you to do what you want.

[His expression is soft as he looks back at Vanitas and smiles.]

I know, but you're important too. What I want is for you to get through this. And I'm gonna be right here with you for it.

[He lets out a small huff.]

Vanitas, I know things have been up and down, but. It's okay to feel how you're feeling. You don't have to worry about me right now. Just getting some sunshine together is enough for me.

[ Oh no. One of those soft smiles. That means that he is about to hear something really stupid and sappy. Vanitas makes a pre-emptive face. A sourpuss face.

And then the words come. The ones that Vanitas knows are coming. That Sora is thinking about Vanitas because it's what Sora wants. What a dummy. ]

Is it enough? Is it really enough?

[That sourpuss face. Sora laughs softly and then lets go on Vanitas' hands so he can take his cheeks instead. Bringing their foreheads together with a gentle boop.]

It's enough. I don't want you to think you have to hide how you're feeling or anything like that because of me, dummy. I want you to talk to me and I want you to be outside with me.

[That's really enough.]

I don't hide how I'm feeling... It's virtually impossible.

[ Their bond is too close for him to hide things. At least he can't manage it for overlong. Not anymore.

He sighs and leans against Sora with a scowl. What a brat, reminding him of these things. He nips at Sora in return. ]

Well. Let's go then since you'll be satisfied.

Uh-huh. Then do you want to talk about it? Talk about what happened?

[It doesn't include the times that Vanitas has shut Sora off from their bond but he knows that.

Sora leans forward to kiss on the cheek. He tugs on Vanitas lightly so they can finish their walk to the flowerbeds near the coven.]

[ Vanitas still continues to frown even with the kiss. Sora... ]

You’re asking me if I want to. Naturally I don’t want to.

[ But WILL HE? Depends on how sneaky Sora might get. Right now taking that walk and just acing “normal” might seem to help? Let them just slip into the gardens. ]

[Talking about it is better than cutting Sora off from bond feelings sometimes or bottling it up because he thinks he's upsetting Sora?! Those whooshes of negative feelings?! Huff puff.

Sora frowns but he does keep tugging Vanitas along. Into the gardens they go where the new Spring blooms are coming in. It smells like fresh roses and sprouting wildflowers and Sora takes in a big breath of them.]

Fine- But for now that means you have to make me those ninety-nine candied flowers!

Edited 2021-03-28 02:28 (UTC)

[ Vanitas sucks in a breath. He had stopped cutting Sora off once he realized he had been doing it. Vanitas might have come a long way in the last year, but he is by no means perfect. There are still things he would prefer to keep to himself. He still struggles with sharing and verbalizing his own emotions - both the ones that he understands and the ones that he doesn't.

He doesn't move when Sora tugs. Instead he's holding on tighter. Glaring at the ground. ]

I'll do it. [ Talk, that is. ] Just. Not right now.

[He pauses when Vanitas doesn't move. He turns back to the other and feels his heart aching when he sees Vanitas' expression. Sora's own softens.]

Okay.

[Sora is just concerned. Trying to find a good way to help Vanitas without pushing too hard at his boundaries is still hard for Sora it seems. Something like this happening to Vanitas feels like a few steps back and Sora is worried he's not doing the right things. He just loves Vanitas and that's why this is so much harder to figure out.]

When you're ready, please talk to me?

[ It is pretty hard for Sora not to try to push those boundaries. Yet he still makes that attempt and you know? Sometimes Vanitas needs that extra little push. Sora might feel like he is struggling to figure it out, but Vanitas would disagree. Somehow he does seem to know when to push and went to just wait. Then he also knows when to push just enough. ]

I will. But for now... Flowers?

[ And maybe by the time they play in the flowers, Vanitas can figure out how to respond. ]

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