middaeg | i saw it in the mirror i saw it in my face >> closed

i saw it in the mirror i saw it in my face >> closed

Who: Erwin and Levi
When: Immediately after Erwin's arrival
Where: The looking glass house
What: ~Reunion time~
Warnings: cw: levi

[ when erwin dies, things don't do what he expects them to. erwin expects a swath of nothingness, an empty void, a silence.

it's not that the fact that he looked briefly into his reflection in levi's eyes before he passed that pulled him there, surely? surely not. not that erwin knows the mechanics of it, only that his cognizance only really comes back fully when he's standing before a mirror swirled with faces long-dead and symbols he's overly familiar with. there are other mirrors around, countless, but none of them have the same sort of look to them as the one he's inexplicably drawn to.

no matter.

he'll have to find his own way, it seems, so he starts to look, to gauge, to figure out which way out is the most feasible. for now, he's still near where he entered.

it sure would be strange if someone appeared to welcome him in the lack of proper greeting party, wouldn't it? ]

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[ oh my god he remembers. sort of. it totally counts.

...or it may be that he only remembers the shitty parts. it was a nightmare, after all. and Erwin has such a terrible guilt complex that of course that's what he remembers.

maybe it would have been better if he didn't remember any of it. ]

...Yeah. That was the point of the whole thing. Showing you your biggest fears and forcing you to deal with them.

[ please notice how he used 'fears' and not 'decisions' or 'failures'. he can't be convinced that Erwin is at fault for any of this. best not to even try. ]

[ levi is so earnest about this, and he trusts levi's judgment implicitly when it comes to anything except erwin's failures or his own importance.

he shakes his head, but doesn't argue.

still... that isn't it. there's more, but it's filtering through his fingers infuriatingly.

finally, after a moment, he speaks. ]

You were there.

[ uh oh. ]

Yeah. I was.

[ ...wait. maybe it's time for another weird question. ]

Do you... feel hungry at all?

[ the pause this time is longer, because that triggers something in him. it's vague, but it makes him run his tongue over his teeth, the movement subtle but probably still visible.

then he shakes his head. ]

... No. I feel normal.

[ he frowns, thoughtful but not exactly disappointed. maybe Erwin won't be stuck being a vampire this time? on the other hand, he knows that stuff isn't instantaneous. they'll have to wait and see.

because this isn't just a dream this time. he almost smiles at the thought. ]

That's good.

[ he doesn't have the heart to tell him he might start thirsting for blood soon. Erwin definitely wasn't thrilled with the situation before. he can't blame him. blood is disgusting. imagine having to drink it? yeesh. ]

I guess it doesn't really matter if you can't remember all of it. It was just a dream, anyway.

[ ha ha, yeah. no big deal. ]

[ levi even almost smiling is something important. in any case, multiple thoughts are rolling around in erwin's brain trying to find something, anything, to attach to. a lot of those thoughts revolve around levi.

he's trying his best here.

he remembers, vaguely, the unsettling hunger, but it strikes him like a bolt of lightning why it was so unsettling and he takes an unnecessarily sharp breath.

it makes him feel better that that's not present now, but at the same time—how could that have been one of his worst fears? it doesn't make sense.

he flexes his fingers thoughtfully, then murmurs: ]

But was it?

[ he remembers...

ah. a promise. not the full context of it, but a promise nonetheless. ]

It seems I made you wait for me a long time.

—What?

[ oh, shit. he just keeps getting warmer and warmer, doesn't he? at this rate he might even remember The Thing.

(please, please, please remember The Thing.)

he's uncharacteristically tongue-tied for a moment. how much did Erwin just recall right now? ]

It's okay. I would have kept waiting.

[ until he got kicked out of his place or just fucking died. whichever came first. ]

I know you would have. But you don't deserve to have had to wait so long.

[ a pause. then: ]

How long has it been?

[ something is tugging at the back of his mind, trying to get his attention, and his gaze on levi is even more hawk-like than usual, like he'll glean the answers there. ]

Three months.

[ (and eight days.) ]

Not that long. It's not a big deal.

[ well, it is, but he's trying not to sound like a creeper. he might not be succeeding. ]

It doesn't feel like three months on my end, but that would explain why everything is so fuzzy.

[ it's not that levi's coming across as a creeper, but there's something almost desperate about it all—not in a bad way, but a way that stills him. ]

That wasn't all we talked about, was it?

[ it's right there. it's RIGHT THERE. what IS it. ]

[ almost desperate is better than definitely desperate, at least. but either way, this shouldn't feel as nerve-wracking as it did the first time. he's already done it. it went well. very well, actually.

so why is it still so terrifying? he waits way too long to answer. ]

No.

Oh.

[ for a moment, it's just that. oh.

it hits him all at once, like a sledgehammer to the head, and his gaze turns almost owlish for a brief moment as he looks at levi.

yeah. yeah, okay.

instead of doing anything too bold, his hand lifts to settle at the side of levi's neck, thumb at his jaw and fingertips at his nape. a touch too familiar to have ever allowed himself prior to this. or at least, prior to three months and eight days ago. ]

We talked about a lot of things.

[ oh, okay. that was pretty painless. he's not sure if Erwin just remembered everything or just the most important thing, but it doesn't matter. as long as he remembers that (and it doesn't send him screaming in the opposite direction), everything's gonna be fine.

he exhales, visibly relaxing. finally. ]

We did. But it was mostly just one thing.

We did talk about that one thing at length.

[ his hand shifts to more fully cup his nape. ]

I'm glad my memory was right, at least, or I'd have had a lot to answer for.

It does make it quite a bit easier that I don't have to tell you all over again.

[ though he would if Erwin asked him to. ]

Saves us both some time.

Time is something men like us don't get a lot of.

[ mildly. what could that possibly mean. he tugs at a strand of levi's hair. ]

I have to admit that I'm at a loss as to what to do now. My last experience didn't prepare me for the reality of this place.

[ what does it mean!! he doesn't know. he doesn't really have any reason to ask for clarification, either. not yet. ignorance is bliss.

and make no mistake, this is bliss for him. Erwin being here is literally all it takes. what a dork. ]

You may just have to follow me around for awhile. Do you remember any of the things I told you about this place?

I don't mind falling into step behind you.

[ he means it, too. then he frowns, considering. ]

Bits and pieces. Some things more than others. There was...

[ FROWN DEEPENS ]

You waited three more months without bonding with anyone, didn't you?

[ oh.

busted. ]

Of course I did.

[ there's no guilt on his face whatsoever. he didn't explode so it's fine. it worked out. don't worry about it. ]

You should have put yourself first.

[ quieter. it's not quite reproachful, but it is a mild admonishment. ]

[ okay, now he looks a little guilty. a light scolding from Erwin (and no one else) will do that. he glances off to the side, unusually ashamed. ]

...Sorry. I just—

[ how in the hell is he supposed to justify this in a way that makes sense to anyone except him? he blows out a sigh. shit. ]

It's not like I turned anyone down. [ but he would have. ] But the thought of doing something like that with anyone else is just...

[ yeah, he has no idea how to explain it. he just trails off. maybe the right words don't even exist. ]

[ in truth, he's moved by the dedication. he nods after a moment, shifting to draw levi in against him. there's no one around, so he thinks little of it even though it's stilted, like he's getting used to the idea of touching him again.

he tucks in against his hair and just breathes a moment. his heart is beating strong in his chest, for now.

(for now.) ]

I'm here now.

[ oh. Erwin's warm now.

without the shock of cold hands (hand, whatever) on his face, he almost forgot. but it's noticeable now that he's wrapped up in it, and being able to hear a heartbeat makes it even better. he knows it won't last (and he'll still want to be this close to Erwin even when he's cold again), but he's going to enjoy it while he still can.

he smiles against his chest. he's not just dreaming this time. ]

I'm glad. I missed you.

[ he's warm, and solid, and breathing, and doesn't hunger for blood, and he will remain this way for a little while at least.

it's nice, for the time being. erwin still doesn't ask about what he dreads discussing, because he wants to let levi live in a world where that didn't happen.

it's fine to let him, isn't it?

he presses a kiss to the crown of his head. ]

I won't leave you again.

[ "good, if you do I'll explode" is what pops into his head, but fortunately he keeps it to himself. Erwin would give him another Stern Look.

he just wraps his arms around him instead. ]

I won't let you.

[ he would if Erwin wanted to leave, because that's just how he functions, but he really hopes that won't ever happen. ]

:(

♥

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