middaeg | i saw it in the mirror i saw it in my face >> closed

i saw it in the mirror i saw it in my face >> closed

Who: Erwin and Levi
When: Immediately after Erwin's arrival
Where: The looking glass house
What: ~Reunion time~
Warnings: cw: levi

[ when erwin dies, things don't do what he expects them to. erwin expects a swath of nothingness, an empty void, a silence.

it's not that the fact that he looked briefly into his reflection in levi's eyes before he passed that pulled him there, surely? surely not. not that erwin knows the mechanics of it, only that his cognizance only really comes back fully when he's standing before a mirror swirled with faces long-dead and symbols he's overly familiar with. there are other mirrors around, countless, but none of them have the same sort of look to them as the one he's inexplicably drawn to.

no matter.

he'll have to find his own way, it seems, so he starts to look, to gauge, to figure out which way out is the most feasible. for now, he's still near where he entered.

it sure would be strange if someone appeared to welcome him in the lack of proper greeting party, wouldn't it? ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ it's been three months and eight days since he had that nightmare. you know, the one where in order to wake up the poor sleeping Dorchacht citizens everyone had to Face Their Fears, so he saw Erwin semi-dead and thought that was his fear to conquer but it wasn't, and then he was gently goaded into confessing his love to him but that wasn't it either... yeah, that one.

it was the least nightmarish nightmare he'd ever had.

the closest it ever got to a nightmare was when he woke up from it alone. it felt very real, but even though Erwin said the same, in the waking world he was gone. did that really mean none of it actually happened? was Erwin really ever there? he doesn't know. what he does know is that Erwin told him he wasn't going to leave him. maybe that was all in his head, too, but he's been holding on to it anyway. it keeps him moving forward.

so, every single day for three months and eight days, he's quietly checked the looking glass house. and every single day, he's gone back home alone.

until today, of course.

at first it feels like he must be mistaken. like he's done this so many times now that he's starting to see things that aren't really there. or maybe it's some kind of fucked-up sorcery meant to fool him for some reason. but that really doesn't make sense, and he knows it. the most likely option is that it is Erwin. he's finally here. and it feels like his heart has skipped so many beats that he's legally dead.

but before he just sprints toward him, he's hit with a thought. even if Erwin is here, it doesn't necessarily mean he has any recollection of that dream. (nightmare. whatever.) if Erwin doesn't remember any of that, then he doesn't remember that thing Levi told him. the big one. and if that's the case, he needs to dial it way back—back to the way they were before. unfortunate, but necessary.

so instead, he just calls for him. ]

Erwin?

[ time to find out where they're at. ]

[ when erwin hears levi's voice, his reaction is instantaneous. he turns toward him, fingers flexing closed and open again in a gentle wave of motion at his side, and he takes a step closer.

another.

another.

he doesn't remember much at all of that dream state: it siphoned out of him like smoke through fingers in the three months and eight days since they met in a nightmare, floating around him intangible and untouchable like so much fog.

but levi. levi he knows. levi he finally pauses in front of, halting and careful movements coming to a stop only when he's right there before him. his fingers flex again, like he wants to touch him but is too scared to find him a ghostly memory to haunt him in the afterlife.

he exhales slowly. ]

Levi. You—

[ you shouldn't be here, he doesn't say. ]

You're here.

I'm here.

[ it's calm and even, like it's meant to be comforting—not something he's ever been very good at, but suddenly being here is alarming, he knows. it's happened to him several times now.

after the last time he saw Erwin, it's incredibly difficult to keep any distance between them. in the nightmare, they'd been making up for lost time. now, it's back to this. holding back.

all of that was a dream, in every sense of the word. ]

...This probably sounds weird, but do you recognize any of this?

[ he might be crossing his fingers. ]

[ a part of erwin desperately wants to touch levi, to rub his thumb along the line of his throat, and while the urge has always been there, the sheer need of it in this moment startles him. his hand lifts toward him, stops, and drifts back down. an aborted affection.

he pauses at the question, looking around, trying to place something, anything, other than levi himself. ]

... It's like seeing something through a fog.

[ he was so ready to hear a 'no' that it takes him a moment to process that response. and while he tries not to get too ahead of himself once it sinks in, his eyes widen anyway. ]

—Really?

[ holy shit?? ]

Is there anything you do remember clearly?

[ levi's response doesn't make him remember much more, but it does trigger something—

—he frowns briefly, brow furrowing, then shakes his head. ]

It's all like a dream. Things were different from this, but I couldn't tell you how.

I remember...

[ for once he looks briefly uncomfortable. ]

The compounding of my worst decisions and failures.

[ did you mean: the giant pile of dead that he just dealt with mentally both in the dreamscape and in his pre-death moments? maybe. ]

[ oh my god he remembers. sort of. it totally counts.

...or it may be that he only remembers the shitty parts. it was a nightmare, after all. and Erwin has such a terrible guilt complex that of course that's what he remembers.

maybe it would have been better if he didn't remember any of it. ]

...Yeah. That was the point of the whole thing. Showing you your biggest fears and forcing you to deal with them.

[ please notice how he used 'fears' and not 'decisions' or 'failures'. he can't be convinced that Erwin is at fault for any of this. best not to even try. ]

[ levi is so earnest about this, and he trusts levi's judgment implicitly when it comes to anything except erwin's failures or his own importance.

he shakes his head, but doesn't argue.

still... that isn't it. there's more, but it's filtering through his fingers infuriatingly.

finally, after a moment, he speaks. ]

You were there.

[ uh oh. ]

Yeah. I was.

[ ...wait. maybe it's time for another weird question. ]

Do you... feel hungry at all?

[ the pause this time is longer, because that triggers something in him. it's vague, but it makes him run his tongue over his teeth, the movement subtle but probably still visible.

then he shakes his head. ]

... No. I feel normal.

[ he frowns, thoughtful but not exactly disappointed. maybe Erwin won't be stuck being a vampire this time? on the other hand, he knows that stuff isn't instantaneous. they'll have to wait and see.

because this isn't just a dream this time. he almost smiles at the thought. ]

That's good.

[ he doesn't have the heart to tell him he might start thirsting for blood soon. Erwin definitely wasn't thrilled with the situation before. he can't blame him. blood is disgusting. imagine having to drink it? yeesh. ]

I guess it doesn't really matter if you can't remember all of it. It was just a dream, anyway.

[ ha ha, yeah. no big deal. ]

[ levi even almost smiling is something important. in any case, multiple thoughts are rolling around in erwin's brain trying to find something, anything, to attach to. a lot of those thoughts revolve around levi.

he's trying his best here.

he remembers, vaguely, the unsettling hunger, but it strikes him like a bolt of lightning why it was so unsettling and he takes an unnecessarily sharp breath.

it makes him feel better that that's not present now, but at the same time—how could that have been one of his worst fears? it doesn't make sense.

he flexes his fingers thoughtfully, then murmurs: ]

But was it?

[ he remembers...

ah. a promise. not the full context of it, but a promise nonetheless. ]

It seems I made you wait for me a long time.

—What?

[ oh, shit. he just keeps getting warmer and warmer, doesn't he? at this rate he might even remember The Thing.

(please, please, please remember The Thing.)

he's uncharacteristically tongue-tied for a moment. how much did Erwin just recall right now? ]

It's okay. I would have kept waiting.

[ until he got kicked out of his place or just fucking died. whichever came first. ]

I know you would have. But you don't deserve to have had to wait so long.

[ a pause. then: ]

How long has it been?

[ something is tugging at the back of his mind, trying to get his attention, and his gaze on levi is even more hawk-like than usual, like he'll glean the answers there. ]

Three months.

[ (and eight days.) ]

Not that long. It's not a big deal.

[ well, it is, but he's trying not to sound like a creeper. he might not be succeeding. ]

It doesn't feel like three months on my end, but that would explain why everything is so fuzzy.

[ it's not that levi's coming across as a creeper, but there's something almost desperate about it all—not in a bad way, but a way that stills him. ]

That wasn't all we talked about, was it?

[ it's right there. it's RIGHT THERE. what IS it. ]

[ almost desperate is better than definitely desperate, at least. but either way, this shouldn't feel as nerve-wracking as it did the first time. he's already done it. it went well. very well, actually.

so why is it still so terrifying? he waits way too long to answer. ]

No.

Oh.

[ for a moment, it's just that. oh.

it hits him all at once, like a sledgehammer to the head, and his gaze turns almost owlish for a brief moment as he looks at levi.

yeah. yeah, okay.

instead of doing anything too bold, his hand lifts to settle at the side of levi's neck, thumb at his jaw and fingertips at his nape. a touch too familiar to have ever allowed himself prior to this. or at least, prior to three months and eight days ago. ]

We talked about a lot of things.

[ oh, okay. that was pretty painless. he's not sure if Erwin just remembered everything or just the most important thing, but it doesn't matter. as long as he remembers that (and it doesn't send him screaming in the opposite direction), everything's gonna be fine.

he exhales, visibly relaxing. finally. ]

We did. But it was mostly just one thing.

We did talk about that one thing at length.

[ his hand shifts to more fully cup his nape. ]

I'm glad my memory was right, at least, or I'd have had a lot to answer for.

It does make it quite a bit easier that I don't have to tell you all over again.

[ though he would if Erwin asked him to. ]

Saves us both some time.

Time is something men like us don't get a lot of.

[ mildly. what could that possibly mean. he tugs at a strand of levi's hair. ]

I have to admit that I'm at a loss as to what to do now. My last experience didn't prepare me for the reality of this place.

[ what does it mean!! he doesn't know. he doesn't really have any reason to ask for clarification, either. not yet. ignorance is bliss.

and make no mistake, this is bliss for him. Erwin being here is literally all it takes. what a dork. ]

You may just have to follow me around for awhile. Do you remember any of the things I told you about this place?

I don't mind falling into step behind you.

[ he means it, too. then he frowns, considering. ]

Bits and pieces. Some things more than others. There was...

[ FROWN DEEPENS ]

You waited three more months without bonding with anyone, didn't you?

[ oh.

busted. ]

Of course I did.

[ there's no guilt on his face whatsoever. he didn't explode so it's fine. it worked out. don't worry about it. ]

wow hey who's THIS tall drink of water

hey baby you come here often

actually yes

get a life levi

NEVER

loser

:(

♥

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