middaeg | Deceuer Catch-All

[despite having been the one to insert himself into the situation, Styx appears to be almost embarrassed when his feat of strength startles the other man a bit. he shrinks in on himself nearly as much as Soren, although in the drummer's case his shoulders unhitch quickly in the face of burgeoning concern.]

Sure, but...'s community service, not death row.

[and, as the big guy was clumsily trying to point out, the dragon looked like he was about to kill himself.]

You're really gonna get hurt if you keep it up like that, dude.

[hadn't he been hurt enough? the witch's memory floats unbidden to Eren in that jail cell, sticky with the congealed wounds of a battle his human mind would never be able to grasp. surely Soren must have been ravaged just as badly...and it wasn't that long ago. what if he irreparably damaged something that hadn't properly healed yet?]

...

[Soren makes no reply right away. he has never heard of death row, but whatever it is, context tells him it must be some kind of punishment for a crime dire enough to end in, well... death. he sighs, his breathing finally starting to slow down.]

It's really not that harsh a punishment, if you consider alternatives. I'm still free, still alive... I only have to keep this service up and my powers locked for a couple of months. It's just... [he twists his lips in a subtle grimace, voice quieting.] I was never especially physically fit nor strong. Not until I became a dragon. The difference is jarring. That's why I am struggling to the point that it looks inhumane, when really, I am just weak and tired.

[his injuries have been mostly healed, and he was permitted to rest before getting to work. but there is one burnt and scarred spot in particular that keeps smarting.]

I'm simply grateful they didn't go as far as I was expecting. It's amazing no one else was harmed. If they were, maybe...

[he teeters a little with enervation.]

[he's lucky, that beast of yours. had Soren's bonded been told the same thing? while it was true that the reprisal for the twin dragons' selfish clash could have been far more severe, something about watching the man justify that very same truth now agitated the drummer's stomach more and more.

it's too much like something he would say, Styx decides at last. people shouldn't - shouldn't be talking the way he does, for any reason. they were worth more than that.]

But nobody did get hurt, yeah? 'Cept you guys, I mean. Don't think...

[was this overstepping? those usual insecurities tumble back to the forefront of the witch's mind unbidden, even the strength of his current emotions not enough to hold them back completely. Soren was so composed the last time they'd met - and it had only been the one time, after all - that he pauses, refraining from expressing his own opinions when they surely must sound so trite to this man.

he did believe that unspoken thought, though: there was nothing good that would come from comparing the present with a past that had never happened. all the same Styx can't bring himself to express that and instead just shakes his head, discarding the whole thing with a flutter of his hair.]

Uh, never mind. They didn't give you like a minimum or nothing, did they? Like you gotta clean up a certain number of houses or whatever?

[ Soren nods at the last statement. Nobody but them and personal property were harmed in the procurement of Sword. ]

Nothing concrete. The way they spoke to me, it sounded like our service would be up when the bracelet came off. But I do have to inform them how often and for how long I participate, so it's not like I can simply get away with not working the entire time. I can, however, get away with reductions due to illness or other ailments that make physical labor difficult.

[ not for having a squishy mage bod, though. that doesn't count. ]

Then...you should just do what you can. 's what I think.

[he's quick to add that last sentence, as if this being ascribed to his own opinion was some kind of disclaimer for poor quality. maybe it was. Styx still feels strangely adrift when it comes to his feelings on this entire matter.]

Not, you know, nothing or nothing! 'Cause it is bad, what happened. But there's a lot more you gotta do to fix a fucked up house than just - [he waves the sink in his grasp around a bit, his one-handed swinging inadvertently underlining the very quality Soren is so severely lacking now. oops.]

Know people are mad 'nd everything, but I don't think...'m sure nobody wants you to get all fucked up for real over this. That's not right either.

[ Soren looks him cold in the eyes: gleaming red ice, head tilted down, tail swishing in a stroke of agitation. ]

One of them wants me dead. Another just wants me "gone". I'm sure those individuals wouldn't mind if I tore a muscle or two or got buried beneath a collapse. Everyone seems to have a different idea of what's 'right' around here. If I burned down everything you built up over the acquisition of one petty weapon, you'd be mad at me, too, wouldn't you?

[ worse than that, he almost killed his bonded! but Soren has yet to recognize the connection between Eren and Styx, or else he would have dug that one into him to hammer the point harder. ]

[Soren's doing a fine job of hammering on his own without that important little detail, but even though Styx's own eyes shimmer uncertainly under the dragon's gaze he makes no attempt to turn away. this was the correct reprisal for voicing his opinion unsolicited, and he accepted that. none of it was surprising, not really, although his question caused the drummer's lips to flatten out as he struggled to answer.]

Um...be kinda upset it happened, yeah, but I don't really got all that much stuff. Wouldn't be too hard to get most of it back, though I guess the drums'd be kind of a pain.

[the instrument crafter had the plans now, though, so even that would be more streamlined than his first endeavor to acquire a kit...ah, but he was getting caught up in the details again, wasn't he? Styx's head bobs, the gesture skirting dangerously at the edge of subservient. forget his material possessions - he wasn't even upset over taking this verbal stab.]

Even if I had, uh, you know, lots of really cool things, I wouldn't wanna see you get hurt 'cause of that. Like, what's that gonna do for anybody? 's not gonna bring the shit back.

[and...he'd feel terrible. just as terrible as he'd felt seeing Eren for the first time after their altercation, when he'd been forced to acknowledge this was a fight he would never be able to truly understand.]

[bitterness still bites his tone, but perhaps not as hard as just before, resignation like a sigh trailing off his tone. his eyes float down to the space between them.]

Not everyone sees it like you do.

[no one is breathing down his neck. besides, he's given himself a few short breaks before, and while he'd been given a critical eye here and there, there were plenty of times where they couldn't fault him for needing to rest and made no protest. Soren sinks to the sooty floorboards and crouches there, gaze cast down to his folded, tremulous hands. he can't even see how dirty they've become when his scales are so black.]

That's why I'm fine. Don't worry about me, Styx. Worse things could have happened. I can handle a bit of work and scorn.

[he could believe that, easily. Styx's mind was a meager thing, barely worth the electricity that powered it, and he had no doubt it influenced areas beyond his lack of intelligence - his perspective, or even the lack of possessions he'd amassed in this or any other world. it wouldn't be the first time that he'd worried over nothing because he simply couldn't grasp the proper reality of things.

but, even so...he frowns again, gently.]

Sure, bet you could easy...but uh, just 'cause you can don't mean you gotta every time.

[it's a choice, isn't it? deciding how much you would let yourself weather before moving away from it. others have tried to teach that lesson to him in the past to no avail; ironically it's something he understands perfectly so long as the recipient isn't himself.

he hesitates for a long moment, the silence stretching out to an awkward length. if not for the absence of creaking boards one might have even assumed he'd heeded Soren's words and departed, but he was merely grappling with a personal quandary. what the big guy wanted to do most was absolutely overstepping more than a few lines, but try as he might his thoughts kept circling back towards it. maybe...overstepping or not, it was the right thing to do. that was his choice, he guessed.

unexpectedly Soren will feel a massive hand fall atop his head, bestowing upon it a few reassuring pats. pat, pat. looking up, he'll find that the witch is smiling now - with hesitance, yes, but no less sincere for it.]

'm sorry, but I'm really fucking stupid! So, uh, 'm gonna hang around and help you out anyway even if you don't really wanna.

[in this case, he's 'gotta', stews Soren privately, the bitterness leaching back into the lines of his downturned and resigned expression, letting his dark bangs curtain his face. when Styx's hand alights, he jolts, his first reaction to lift his hand in defense so that he can pry it off of him... but it's too late. the pats have been given, and his hand is left hovering in midair.

how condescending! how irritating. he half-expects to hear him croon 'little buddy', like the other Soren - Viren's son - had done to him when he'd tried to ruffle his head like he was his kid brother. the dragon scowls up at Styx in his irritation, but when his artless grin rises into view, when he humbly forces his act of goodwill upon him with an apology, his scowl fades away, and so does his chagrin.

his lifted arms slowly float back down to his sides. where Soren had eyed Styx and his unflinching kindness with suspicion their last and first encounter, squinting puzzlement now crosses him as he shakes his head, like he's accepted his motives, but can't quite fathom them. ]

Why are you always quick to so... thoughtlessly do nice things for me? [sigh!] I'm in no place to refuse if you're that determined to lend a hand. Besides, I could use someone as strong as you are. The bathtub must go, too, after all.

[And the cabinet, and the counters... Oh boy.]

[it was like watching a leaf drift to the ground, the way that Soren's arm inexplicably flashed up and them gradually returned to place. if not for the vaguely important subject matter they were discussing the big guy would surely have become transfixed by the odd motion; even now his gaze seems to follow it more than the dragon's shifting expressions, at least until it was back in place.]

Really? [for someone who'd just given the other man no options, he's amazingly delighted by what is an unexpected turn of events for him.] Killer! Tub's no problem - if you got anything else you wanna move around, I got an extra arm for this trip too.

[it's disgusting, really, the ease with which the giant of a man can carry things. did they even weigh him down at all?

part of him wants to offer a hand to Soren to help him up, but given everything...he thinks maybe it would be better if the dragon stood under his own power. while waiting for his companion to get back on his feet and begin directly his newly acquired dumb muscle, he cheerfully answers the question posed to him a few moments ago.]

Do pretty much everything without thinking, haha! So, uh, 's no different with this kinda thing. Just feels like what I wanna be doing when it happens, I guess?

Edited 2020-12-21 04:36 (UTC)

[it's as though the clouds parted, the sky had opened up, and out descended this laughing moron with a golden heart and huge arms. it's incredibly convenient. he really did need help, and eventually, he'd probably get it, but... with far more contempt, silent or outspoken. that, or the helpers (usually monsters) would rub his fresh trauma in, intentionally or unintentionally.]

Great. I can make fine use of you.

[the young dragon takes a moment to yawn and stretch his sore arms out before him in a bow before he rises back to his full height and takes stock of his surroundings again. he points to one of the wooden carts already stacked with cindered wreckage.]

Go ahead and deposit the sink into that handcart. I will bring over an empty one for the tub, since it will weigh down these carts tremendously. Then, I'll help you lift as best as I can, but...

[he needn't say more. anyway, if Styx can lift a sink like a roll of paper, could he be so freakishly strong that he could lift a clawfoot tub by himself?]

[yes!! those were the magic words that Styx always longed to hear from anyone. receiving them from Soren in particular fills him straight up to the brim with joy, his heels bouncing him stupidly in place from the thrill of it all. he really loved managing to find ways to be useful to people...it's more than worth having made himself a bit of an annoyance by intruding in this matter to begin with.]

Yessir! [he makes to salute playfully, realizing just in time that he was about to use the hand currently holding an entire fucking sink. better add 'empty head' to that description of your angel, Soren.] Take your time, 's no rush! Can always come out to you if I gotta.

[the ruined sink is summarily deposited in the indicated cart, only Styx's desire not to cause a ruckus preventing him from spiking it excitedly like a football. while the little dragon goes to get a fresh set of wheels he pops over into what had once stood for the bathroom to assess the tub.

mm...it's a big boy, that's for sure. the drummer's fairly certain that he could lift this without too much trouble, but why go through the strain? the floors here were already all scuffed up, so...it seemed like the perfect opportunity to do things the easy way for once.

no matter how much progress Soren has made in fetching the new cart, he'll be able to hear Styx's own progress quite clearly - and so will most people in the nearby area, more likely than not. it's an awful screeching noise, punctuated by the dull sound of something splintering, as the big guy simply drags the fucking bathtub behind him like a child with a string of wooden ducks. so much for waiting around for help lifting.]

[well, it's a good thing his empty-headed angel didn't clock himself out, or else he'd lose his blessing and have yet another heavy load to deal with...

what was once heavensent begins to make a hellish, brain-raking racket. it actually makes soren's itch. he winces. a harpy a couple lots over squawks for him to keep it down, because that noise sounds worse than his mother.

what on earth is he doing over there?!

as it turns out, it's exactly as it sounds. soren makes no comment, but he shakes his head in disbelief as he parks the cart before styx, who, in all his enthusiasm, really does resemble an overgrown tyke.]

...It doesn't look like you need much help from me. I'll just stand here and keep the cart from rolling, then.

[maybe it's the proximity to that godawful sound which cushions Styx from noticing all of the pain his actions are inflicting, or maybe it's simply the fact that his head is completely void of any substance. either way, even Soren's flapping head does nothing to pierce his protective mental bubble; he simply beams at the returned dragon, pleased beyond measure to have actually gotten this thing outside in time to keep his companion from having to wait.]

Oh shit, that'd be great, yeah! 's always kinda hard to lift stuff if you gotta brace something else with your foot.

[how would that even work, Styx. you're hauling around a fucking clawfoot tub, you need every goddamn appendage available to you to get this thing on the trash heap.

he waits a moment, just to make sure that Soren's got a good hold on the cart, before pulling the fixture with one final screech across the floor to rest its top half on the thing. as he circles around the back to lift the rest of it in he can't help but comment cheerfully:]

's been a while since I got to do a bunch of heavy lifting like this...been kinda having fun helping out this whole time!

[Soren cringes again as his eardrums are assaulted once more, and braces with as much might as he can muster while Styx hauls the heavy basin off the ruined floor. teamwork makes the dream work!

he can't understand the appeal of heavy lifting. it's not that portion of Styx's remark that Soren ultimately focuses on. it's how he's been helping out 'this whole time'. there's no way he was just here for his sake, no matter how ridiculously gung ho he's demonstrated himself to be about doing nice things for him. they're still just acquainted strangers in his mind. while it's still possible he was roped into this as some kind of volunteer effort and happily donated his muscle to the neighborhood's restoration by chance, there must have been some reason. ]

You were helping Eren out, too?

Edited 2020-12-29 23:37 (UTC)

Yeah, 'course!

[they've met once, and while they had discussed Styx's bonded in passing during that single meeting it was just that - in passing. but the big guy has never had much of a talent for holding onto little details like that, especially when they come from his side of a conversation, and so he's completely forgotten that he never actually gave Soren his bondmate's fucking name.

it results in this rather odd reply, bright but completely lacking in any sort of attempt to provide more context. of course he'd be helping Eren. why wouldn't he be? it's just a given.]

Come by pretty often on my own too, though...just been hanging around here a lot lately, I guess.

[Styx trails off then, allotting his limited attention span to the act of swinging the tub completely into the cart now that it was airborne. he's a tough dude, but dropping something like this on his foot...no thank you.

luckily he really has done a lot of things like this in the past, and with a faint grunt the gigantic piece of scrap metal finds itself settled comfortably into its penultimate resting place. nice!]

[very nice indeed. Soren eyes the drummer as if trying to decode some kind of secret as to how he functions. idiots aren't rare, but not many people just shrug off unhesitantly jumping in to help out because they can, like it's the most obvious thing in the world for someone to do. maybe he pities the victims? maybe he just doesn't have much of a life here yet? maybe what he gets out of this is some fragile sense of self-esteem, the reward of a hard day's labor for some greater cause that has little to do with benefiting him except ingratiating himself with the locals? he's made it fairly obvious that he gets a kick out of feeling useful. and heaving fixtures around.]

...You're an odd guy.

[he lets go of the cart and heaves a breath for himself after the exertion of... holding onto it. look. he's tired. he gazes off into the razed streets and shakes his head.]

Or maybe I'm just not selfless enough to understand your wanton altruism. Maybe you really don't have anything better to do with your time besides practice your magic.

[Styx chuckles and folds his arms against the secured tub, resting his head atop them as he attempts (and fails) to see what's caught the dragon's attention out on the streets. the critical eyeballing being shot his way by his companion doesn't register in the least, although perhaps it should.]

Nah, 'm just kind've a freak! Don't mean that you're any less cool just 'cause I'm weird.

[too large, too stupid...too strange in the way he looked at the world. all of that are assessments that have been flung his way his entire life - and why shouldn't they? it was all true, after all. there's not a touch of sarcasm or hurt in the drummer's voice when he confirms Soren's initial statement; if anything he comes across as more worried that his oddness may have caused the other man to think poorly of himself as an explanation.

Soren was having a hell of a rough time as it was. he didn't need to be mangling his own mental image just because the guy helping him out happened to be fundamentally defective.]

I am doing some other stuff now, though 'm sure most people do waaay more. Uh, got the drums, and I guess I got a job now too?

[he supposes? it feels strange to tell people he was a full time exorcist, especially when the little agency wasn't exactly flooded with cases most of the time.]

But I actually got a reason for helping out here this time! ...uh, aside from just wanting to, I mean.

[reasons were important to Soren, weren't they? it's something that he's picked up on already even with their scant amount of time spent together. the drummer seems proud to be able to give his companion an explanation this time, although the emotion is at odds with the manner in which his expression softens as he continues to speak.]

This is kind of a little bit my fault too, I think. 'm not good at anything but working like this, you know? So it's all I can really do to make up for things.

[it's here that Soren can more securely fit two and two together. he'd been listening to Styx go on as he attaches himself to the tub and he stares off, indeed finding him more of a simplistic enigma and harder to relate to than ever before, but when he finally explains what brought him here to this construction project all along, he whips his head back around to give Styx an even more scrutinizing look, this time with his eyebrows raised.

how can this possibly be framed as any bit his fault, unless he sees himself as part of someone else's picture...?]

Is Eren your Bonded?

[his head bobs as easily as always, no trepidation in admitting to a connection which someone with more than half a brain might think to shield. that piercing gaze Soren was shooting straight through his skull - surely he must understand at least that?

even Styx couldn't be that dull, and there does seem to be some sparkle of understanding in his own eyes. and yet...the only emotion which casts a shadow over his amiable expression is the faintest twinge of regret.]

I wasn't good enough this time. So that's on me.

[Another piece fits into the puzzle of the greater picture, how everyone and everything connects. Soren stares at Styx with eyes widening and a twitch of his lips as he realizes how this must have impacted him. How when they first met in the coffee shop, the real killer monster who Styx had been drawing on for his success was Eren all along. How quick he is to accept the blame for not only his own mistakes, but actions he was hardly a player in, on the periphery, no doubt suffering in to some degree in the heat of his Bonded's wrath, the agony, the near snap of their Bond as Soren had been a tooth away from severing it along with the other dragon's life with his neck in his jaws...

If he had ended Eren's life then, it would have ruptured Styx's soul along with the snap of his throat. He comprehends this deeply, unable to hide the disturbance from crinkling his expression into quiet, slowly dawning consternation. Then, he tilts his head away with the guilt that sinks his chest.

It upsets him. How could their Bondmates be to blame? It's not Ranulf's fault he's been warped this way, and it's not Cu's, not Styx's. Touchy emotion flares.]

It's not on you. This is a force of nature we are dealing with, a dragon's uncontrollable hoarding instinct. You're not the one who started the fight, who lost his cool, who couldn't hold back... That's on Eren and I. All you could do was come to help as quickly as you were able on such short notice.

[this was a painful subject to discuss, especially in the midst of all that the awful conflict had ruined. typically that would be enough to prompt Styx to submit, accepting the other person's declaration as fact regardless of whether he actually agreed or not...but not this time. there's apology in the way that he shakes his head (he can see this has upset Soren) but not enough to keep him from completing the motion.

this isn't normal for a bonded monster. maybe the Coven worker had only meant for the comment to be a passing snipe at the severity of the situation, but her words had burrowed their way into the drummer's heart like a parasite. he'd known before they'd ever taken their vows that Eren's soul was flawed; this hadn't deterred him. but even with a damaged heart, bonds were meant to strengthen and secure. if he couldn't even help the dragon overcome an instinct which plagued every member of his kind, that was surely a defect within himself.

he hadn't set these buildings aflame, but his hand was in this destruction as surely as the principle actors'. the pain carved across Soren and Eren, body and soul, that was a hurt which his own weakness had allowed.]

But it doesn't happen all the time, does it? That bad, I mean.

[the city would constantly be ablaze if it did.]

Just 'cause you can't stop it from raining doesn't mean you gotta stand in it and get wet. Even if you guys feel that way without wanting to, I could've held on tighter.

[grasped at the phantom of Eren within their tether like a mindless creature himself, pulling him back and pinning him down until those violent explosions had run their course. he could have done more, he could have done better than the stupidity he'd displayed that day.

his dragon was tired of being this way, but didn't know how to stop. he'd told him so even before they'd mingled their souls, in the painful fatigue which had rolled off him at Dorchacht. how could he simply abandon him to sole responsibility when he was so lost in that seemingly endless maze?

...of course, that isn't something he can relate to Soren. it's a private and personal hurt, tucked away in Styx's own heart like an ugly little gem. he just bobs his head again, sorry for having cast a shadow on what should be nothing more than hearty exercise in brisk weather.]

Uh, but I know that don't change what actually happened. So I'm gonna get better 'nd keep people from getting hurt like that again...promise.

...

[Silence pervades after Styx is finished. Soren, too, cannot contest Styx's point. It's the nature of being connected to others, whether that connection is forged of Bonds or bonds: everyone ends up responsible to another in even small ways, and if someone fails where they had the power to succeed, it's only natural to feel the ache that they could have, should have done more to avoid encumbering those they are attached to. Maybe he just can't stand the immense burden that he now imposes on the ones closest to him, even if he has long since stomached the bitter pill of truth: he has and will likely continue to cause problems for them, depend on them as counterforces of clarity and control where his own has slipped. There was a reason he did not feel completely comfortable selecting just any candidate for a long-term bond to begin with. They had to be capable enough to handle a dragon, grounding enough to hold him down should his mentality slip.

Maybe he just cannot forgive himself for failing at having not been enough on his own. If he could have scrounged even a little more control, despite just how gripping that urge to protect what was his had been...

But it's useless to wallow in what might have been or what could have been done. What's most important is taking what occurred and turning it into information on how he can prevent it from happening again, or at least plan for when it does.

He sighs. Fatigue sweeps over him again. He leans against the cart handle, much like Styx and the tub's rim.]

There is... some validity to your stance. I would not have been able to hold back without my Bonded.

[Both of them. But especially Ranulf, whose influence had been stronger, who had been in the right place at the right time.]

They are the pivotal reason Eren still lives. I have to get better about this, too. In the end, no matter what the dire situation is or whose actions the outcome rides upon, everyone figures they can always do 'more'. You may have accomplished more than you think you did. I can't say I know exactly how Eren feels about what he has done. Not like you do. But speaking from my own perspective, I commend your desire to grow enough to rise to this sort of challenge inherent to the nature of your Bond with the strongest monster in Geardagas.

[Which are very rare these days. Another musing passes him by just looking at him.]

Eren is... hmm. He's a force to be reckoned with. Compared to him you're, well... [...Soft? Lacking? Nothing alike.] Are you sure that you have what it takes to keep him at bay?

[He would have never thought them compatible. How in the world did they meet?]

[despite the fact that they're nowhere close to touching Styx still shifts gently when his companion chooses to lean against the cart as well, sidling over to make sure the dragon has plenty of room to feel comfortable in. it's an unconscious movement, one which doesn't reach his notice at all.]

Nope! But uh, 'm not worried about that. It's not what I wanna do anyway.

[Eren wasn't a monster (a real monster) and he didn't need a jailer. the drummer thinks, if that's what his friend had been looking for when he'd asked to bond, no amount of regard in the world would have prompted him to accept. he absolutely refused to bind the dragon any tighter than his own cruel thoughts already had.]

All the shit he's feeling that makes him act like that...I try to hold it back and I'm never gonna understand, you know? 'nd it won't go away just from doing that. So I want to feel it too, even the shitty stuff.

[because that was as much Eren as the smiles and comical layers of knitwear. he'd been sincere in the vows that he'd given: every facet of his dragon, every self from day to day, was one he accepted. even the gaping hunger which had threatened to consume him as a bystander.]

He's my best friend, you know? Even before we got bonded. So I'm not gonna - if I'm holding him, it's only gonna be 'cause he needs help standing up.

[Styx is lacking in so many ways, and it seems that since coming to Aefenglom he's been feeling those limitations more keenly than in years. but in this, for once, he doesn't really care. Eren was the one who'd extended the offer of bonding, not the drummer. the dragon trusted him, believed him able to shoulder this burden and help his dear friend finally break free of the poison in his own soul.

he'd looked at him, just as he was now, and reached out with that fragile hope. no matter how adrift he might feel, Styx would never betray that faith with even a second of doubt.]

Deceuer Catch-All

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