middaeg | Deceuer Catch-All

Entry tags:

Deceuer Catch-All

Who: Soren and OTA!
When: Various dates in in Deceuer.
Where: Depends on the prompt!
What: A catchall. Prompts are in the comments.
Warnings: Depression... References to house fires... the rest TBD

If you would like to plot a custom starter for your character, feel free to hit me up at

wingything or my CR plotting meme comment! I love personalizing threads to suit specific characters. Feel free to create your own starter in the comments below if there is something different you have in mind.

I will be writing these in bracket style for accessibility, but while I am flexible, I have a slight preference for prose. Feel free to use whichever suits you best.

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[it's here that Soren can more securely fit two and two together. he'd been listening to Styx go on as he attaches himself to the tub and he stares off, indeed finding him more of a simplistic enigma and harder to relate to than ever before, but when he finally explains what brought him here to this construction project all along, he whips his head back around to give Styx an even more scrutinizing look, this time with his eyebrows raised.

how can this possibly be framed as any bit his fault, unless he sees himself as part of someone else's picture...?]

Is Eren your Bonded?

[his head bobs as easily as always, no trepidation in admitting to a connection which someone with more than half a brain might think to shield. that piercing gaze Soren was shooting straight through his skull - surely he must understand at least that?

even Styx couldn't be that dull, and there does seem to be some sparkle of understanding in his own eyes. and yet...the only emotion which casts a shadow over his amiable expression is the faintest twinge of regret.]

I wasn't good enough this time. So that's on me.

[Another piece fits into the puzzle of the greater picture, how everyone and everything connects. Soren stares at Styx with eyes widening and a twitch of his lips as he realizes how this must have impacted him. How when they first met in the coffee shop, the real killer monster who Styx had been drawing on for his success was Eren all along. How quick he is to accept the blame for not only his own mistakes, but actions he was hardly a player in, on the periphery, no doubt suffering in to some degree in the heat of his Bonded's wrath, the agony, the near snap of their Bond as Soren had been a tooth away from severing it along with the other dragon's life with his neck in his jaws...

If he had ended Eren's life then, it would have ruptured Styx's soul along with the snap of his throat. He comprehends this deeply, unable to hide the disturbance from crinkling his expression into quiet, slowly dawning consternation. Then, he tilts his head away with the guilt that sinks his chest.

It upsets him. How could their Bondmates be to blame? It's not Ranulf's fault he's been warped this way, and it's not Cu's, not Styx's. Touchy emotion flares.]

It's not on you. This is a force of nature we are dealing with, a dragon's uncontrollable hoarding instinct. You're not the one who started the fight, who lost his cool, who couldn't hold back... That's on Eren and I. All you could do was come to help as quickly as you were able on such short notice.

[this was a painful subject to discuss, especially in the midst of all that the awful conflict had ruined. typically that would be enough to prompt Styx to submit, accepting the other person's declaration as fact regardless of whether he actually agreed or not...but not this time. there's apology in the way that he shakes his head (he can see this has upset Soren) but not enough to keep him from completing the motion.

this isn't normal for a bonded monster. maybe the Coven worker had only meant for the comment to be a passing snipe at the severity of the situation, but her words had burrowed their way into the drummer's heart like a parasite. he'd known before they'd ever taken their vows that Eren's soul was flawed; this hadn't deterred him. but even with a damaged heart, bonds were meant to strengthen and secure. if he couldn't even help the dragon overcome an instinct which plagued every member of his kind, that was surely a defect within himself.

he hadn't set these buildings aflame, but his hand was in this destruction as surely as the principle actors'. the pain carved across Soren and Eren, body and soul, that was a hurt which his own weakness had allowed.]

But it doesn't happen all the time, does it? That bad, I mean.

[the city would constantly be ablaze if it did.]

Just 'cause you can't stop it from raining doesn't mean you gotta stand in it and get wet. Even if you guys feel that way without wanting to, I could've held on tighter.

[grasped at the phantom of Eren within their tether like a mindless creature himself, pulling him back and pinning him down until those violent explosions had run their course. he could have done more, he could have done better than the stupidity he'd displayed that day.

his dragon was tired of being this way, but didn't know how to stop. he'd told him so even before they'd mingled their souls, in the painful fatigue which had rolled off him at Dorchacht. how could he simply abandon him to sole responsibility when he was so lost in that seemingly endless maze?

...of course, that isn't something he can relate to Soren. it's a private and personal hurt, tucked away in Styx's own heart like an ugly little gem. he just bobs his head again, sorry for having cast a shadow on what should be nothing more than hearty exercise in brisk weather.]

Uh, but I know that don't change what actually happened. So I'm gonna get better 'nd keep people from getting hurt like that again...promise.

...

[Silence pervades after Styx is finished. Soren, too, cannot contest Styx's point. It's the nature of being connected to others, whether that connection is forged of Bonds or bonds: everyone ends up responsible to another in even small ways, and if someone fails where they had the power to succeed, it's only natural to feel the ache that they could have, should have done more to avoid encumbering those they are attached to. Maybe he just can't stand the immense burden that he now imposes on the ones closest to him, even if he has long since stomached the bitter pill of truth: he has and will likely continue to cause problems for them, depend on them as counterforces of clarity and control where his own has slipped. There was a reason he did not feel completely comfortable selecting just any candidate for a long-term bond to begin with. They had to be capable enough to handle a dragon, grounding enough to hold him down should his mentality slip.

Maybe he just cannot forgive himself for failing at having not been enough on his own. If he could have scrounged even a little more control, despite just how gripping that urge to protect what was his had been...

But it's useless to wallow in what might have been or what could have been done. What's most important is taking what occurred and turning it into information on how he can prevent it from happening again, or at least plan for when it does.

He sighs. Fatigue sweeps over him again. He leans against the cart handle, much like Styx and the tub's rim.]

There is... some validity to your stance. I would not have been able to hold back without my Bonded.

[Both of them. But especially Ranulf, whose influence had been stronger, who had been in the right place at the right time.]

They are the pivotal reason Eren still lives. I have to get better about this, too. In the end, no matter what the dire situation is or whose actions the outcome rides upon, everyone figures they can always do 'more'. You may have accomplished more than you think you did. I can't say I know exactly how Eren feels about what he has done. Not like you do. But speaking from my own perspective, I commend your desire to grow enough to rise to this sort of challenge inherent to the nature of your Bond with the strongest monster in Geardagas.

[Which are very rare these days. Another musing passes him by just looking at him.]

Eren is... hmm. He's a force to be reckoned with. Compared to him you're, well... [...Soft? Lacking? Nothing alike.] Are you sure that you have what it takes to keep him at bay?

[He would have never thought them compatible. How in the world did they meet?]

[despite the fact that they're nowhere close to touching Styx still shifts gently when his companion chooses to lean against the cart as well, sidling over to make sure the dragon has plenty of room to feel comfortable in. it's an unconscious movement, one which doesn't reach his notice at all.]

Nope! But uh, 'm not worried about that. It's not what I wanna do anyway.

[Eren wasn't a monster (a real monster) and he didn't need a jailer. the drummer thinks, if that's what his friend had been looking for when he'd asked to bond, no amount of regard in the world would have prompted him to accept. he absolutely refused to bind the dragon any tighter than his own cruel thoughts already had.]

All the shit he's feeling that makes him act like that...I try to hold it back and I'm never gonna understand, you know? 'nd it won't go away just from doing that. So I want to feel it too, even the shitty stuff.

[because that was as much Eren as the smiles and comical layers of knitwear. he'd been sincere in the vows that he'd given: every facet of his dragon, every self from day to day, was one he accepted. even the gaping hunger which had threatened to consume him as a bystander.]

He's my best friend, you know? Even before we got bonded. So I'm not gonna - if I'm holding him, it's only gonna be 'cause he needs help standing up.

[Styx is lacking in so many ways, and it seems that since coming to Aefenglom he's been feeling those limitations more keenly than in years. but in this, for once, he doesn't really care. Eren was the one who'd extended the offer of bonding, not the drummer. the dragon trusted him, believed him able to shoulder this burden and help his dear friend finally break free of the poison in his own soul.

he'd looked at him, just as he was now, and reached out with that fragile hope. no matter how adrift he might feel, Styx would never betray that faith with even a second of doubt.]

[Soren listens, really listens to Styx with a receptive gleam to his eyes that grows the longer he explains himself. He's penetrated past the hardened frosty shield that protects the sensitive warmth within. Soren had already garnered an impression of Styx: friendly, gullible, insecure... certainly not a bad person, even if he's a bit of a blundering simpleton. But hearing him now, Soren begins to fathom the breadth of the witch's strength.

No. Actually, he is genuinely kind. He cares enough to shoulder the vast and horrifying emotional burdens Soren has come to comprehend from Eren, no matter how insurmountable, even if he admits he will never truly understand — and who would? What nightmares the other dragon must have, surviving the life Soren has only glimpsed the tip of the iceberg of. He's not the type to express his feelings, but Soren has always been astute at detecting hidden pain, at reading people even when they don't wear their hearts on their sleeves, and he would be blind not to know that beneath that impassive face, lurking in the distance of his eyes, is a damaged soul.

Styx's strength... Yes. Along with his willingness to help someone he calls his best friend, he is actually more than capable of supporting Eren's weaknesses. Soren sees it now. His own scarred but healing heart has been moved.]

You're... a good person, Styx. I'm losing my doubts. I think that your type of strength is exactly what he needs in someone. Keep supporting him, even when you don't understand.

[it's impossible for Styx to know how his words have altered Soren's perception of him. to the drummer there's nothing extraordinary about his devotion, nothing that a more capable person wouldn't feel as well. isn't this what you did for a loved one? it wasn't easy, but it felt natural. there wasn't a single moment he would ever regret.

what he can sense, however, is that something within those sentiments had resonated in the dragon. it makes him happy - not the understanding, but because it meant Soren had people in his life who cherished him just as dearly.]

I will. He's stuck with me until he tells me to fuck off, 'nd even then it's not for sure.

[the laughter is warm, like spring rain. praise directed towards himself is usually brushed off, but this has to do with Eren. he believes in his bonded's own belief in him and remains determined to rise up to meet the trust which had forged their connection. to feel some measure of success validated from an outside source (always the most credible, by virtue of dwelling outside his head) makes his chest swell with prideful joy.

they could do it. step by painful step, they were going to do it.]

Goes for you too, you know? Uh, not as deep as all that or anything...obviously. But if you ever need some help with something you can always give me a shout. Don't just gotta be lifting, either!

If it's something I think you can do, I'll consider.

[Ever stiff and serious, despite the faint air of pleasant peace drifting along the small dragon's demeanor.

There is something satisfying in knowing that Eren has someone like Styx in his life. Whether the feelings run mutually positive or woefully unrequited remains to be ascertained, but if Styx can affect Soren in this brief and glittering way, he can probably tap into Eren where it matters, too. Soren could never bring himself to commit to entrenching himself in Eren's matters as deeply as a Bond would entail, nor would he truly want it where he stands. It doesn't mean he can't feel reassured for his sake that he has the kind of support he — and any person, no matter their scars — needs.

Perhaps what differentiates Eren from others to Soren is that he cares for his sake, not just the sake of everyone else who stands to lose from explosively bad behavior. They haven't spoken since that brutal confrontation. Thoughts that run this course germinate another question. ]

...How has he been faring? Since the battle, I mean.

[it's a brief flicker, given the question which soon follows it, but Styx appears to be immensely pleased by Soren's lack of rejection of his offer. most people might find it condescending, but to the drummer it feels exactly right. there are very few things that he's capable of - not without requiring assistance of his own, anyway - and so any request for his aid would need careful contemplation as to whether or not it would really help. he's grateful that the dragon values it enough to put forth the effort necessary for such decisions.

that isn't the only thing which Soren values, judging by his inquiry, and that too is something Styx feels grateful for despite the weight it places on his shoulders. there's a lot to say on that matter, isn't there? but most of it isn't his to divulge; locked away safely within the sacred space of bondmates. the witch has already felt a little guilty for talking so much about his dragon as he has, but he thinks...in this case, it's nothing he needs to apologize for. Soren had been the other half of this cataclysm, after all, and that granted him the right to at least small parts of this lurking miasma.

still...his gaze wanders away from the other man when he answers, expression surprisingly melancholy for just a moment.]

...he's tired.

[of being the way he was, of the hopeless poison in his heart shouting down the mere thought of change. it's an ancient weariness, the drummer believes, something that his dear friend has carried for what must feel like many lifetimes. it hurts to know, but just as when he'd heard it cross Eren's lips there's something heartening about having said it aloud. speaking made it real. if it was real, it could be fought.]

We're gonna take it slow. No need to rush that kinda shit, yeah?

[ The somber gravity of his simple reply settles over Soren, volumes of unseen but fathomable depth rendered to one easy adjective everyone feels at the end of the day. Styx needn't say much more. Soren had seen him collapsed in a fetid pool with his life force all but snuffed out.

A relief that Styx was spared it. ]

It takes time.

Yeah.

[he sighs quietly, hesitates a moment...and then confesses to an anxiety that is all his own. it makes him guilty to put this on Soren unasked for, but he hopes the dragon will forgive him.]

I just don't want him to give up...I know he can beat it.

[ Give up? Beat what? Soren harbors a vague inkling of an idea as to just what Styx might be talking about. It likely has something to do with the invisible and vast battleground of Eren's psyche, the coordinates of it stretched far beyond him, more than he'll ever comprehend without a direct link to his soul. Still, it sounds like an odd thing to worry about. Soren lifts up and folds his arms as he continues to maintain eye contact with Styx. ]

He never struck me as the type who knows how to give up.

[ Even at the very end, when Eren was thrashing within his jaws, it felt as though he'd been trying to kill himself if it meant he'd break free. ]

Even if it killed him.

Yeah, but - I don't want him to die.

[that was true, but - almost paradoxically, it's exactly what has Styx so frightened. his bondmate was inexhaustible in the pursuit of what he believed in, but that same ironclad will was also a massive danger to him. after all, regardless of what you wanted, how could you fight to make changes if you already believed the present to be immutable?

he shakes his head gently, eyes fixed on Soren as he tries to find the words for this. another flaw of his...was there anything he could achieve without a struggle?]

Um...you know how sometimes you're doing something, 'nd it sucks, but you've been doing it so long it feels like it'd be even worse to stop halfway?

[he frowns, clearly unhappy with his phrasing, and rubs at the back of his neck.]

...he can do anything, I know so. But 'm worried it's gonna look pointless to start.

[and he had to start. Eren could achieve anything, but he had to start.]

[Soren's almost sure he knows what Styx is talking about, but only almost. his head tilts just a few degrees or so, gaze inquisitive and searching, the crescent pupils swimming in blood-colored irises thinning.]

By 'give up', what exactly do you mean?

[Styx's own silvery gaze connects with the dragon's, expression open as always. even when he struggles with his words he has nothing to hide...especially not when it's a topic as important as a dear friend.]

Give up...um, stop believing that he really can get better if he tries.

[At this interval in the conversation, he's run into a dead end of sorts where he's not sure he has much more to say on this sensitive interpersonal subject, whether he has any fruitful or suitable responses to an end as important to Styx as this, so a gravid pause slips into the cold space between them. He sighs, a stream of vapor billowing out like smoke in the wintry air, and casts his gaze to the rest of the rubble they'll need to clear, idly considering the most efficient ways of getting it done while hovering over the topic of Eren's troubles.]

If it's bothering him at all, I would say that's a good indicator that he's ready to try. I believe this world is a better place for that than the one he came from.

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Deceuer Catch-All

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