middaeg | ( closed ) faithful friends who are dear to us

Entry tags:

( closed ) faithful friends who are dear to us

Who: Karin Koenig & Jacob "Styx" Graves
When: Sometime mid-Deceuer.
Where: Casa de Styx.
What: Modranicht is still ahead, but we doin' Crimbus early.
Warnings: None so far, unless you are opposed to seeing a grown man cry. Will edit as necessary.

[Both being able to afford to give holiday gifts and having people to give them to are quite novel to Karin, but there's one in particular she's been planning for some time and has been eager to give. When the tailor she'd spoken to a few weeks earlier had reached out to inform her that the item was finished earlier, she'd quickly decided that waiting until Modranicht itself was impractical— it would be too hard to keep it a secret all that time, for one, and she'd like to see its recipient get some good use out of his gift sooner rather than later.

It's mid-afternoon when she arrives unannounced, opting to using the front door rather than going towards her favored perch on the roof. She manages to shift the packages in her arms just enough to reach out and ring the bell with a gloved hand, bundled up against the cold as much as her wings will allow. The most noticeable part of her load is a very large, brightly-wrapped rectangular box, though there's a white bakery box and two small but festive gift bags piled on top of it— just enough so that when the door opens, her face will largely be hidden behind the stack as she holds it steady.

... maybe she should have checked to make sure he was home first, but that would have taken some of the fun out of it, right? It wasn't as good if it wasn't a surprise.]

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[She manages to resist the urge to laugh, regardless of how affectionately she may mean it— there's something so charming about that blatant honesty, about the fact that he feels comfortable enough to let himself be petulant around her, but she bites it back and settles for letting her smile hitch wider.]

That's definitely not something to apologize for.

[And it's not the coat that did it, either, it just highlighted what was already there.]

This will absolutely stay between us. [There shouldn't have been any doubt about that anyway, but just in case!] Does that mean you'll keep it?

[And wear it, presumably?]

[no? Karin would know best in this instance, he thinks, so that's probably right...but what a strange feeling it was all the same. he didn't need to be sorry for looking nicer than his insides were. huh.]

If, um...if it really doesn't bother you. [he ducks his head a little, squeezing her hand shyly.] Really meant it when I said it was killer.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

[She goes up onto her knees as she offers her reassurance, leaning in to press a chaste but genuine kiss against his cheek, her own face coloring slightly in the process.]

I'm just glad you like it.

[enjoy the view, Karin, because a big arm is going to be wrapping around your waist immediately after and pulling you in to stay. his nerves haven't completely recovered, but Styx is tired of waiting. he wants to hold his friend close, to comfort and be comforted, and his lungs can just fucking deal with it.]

I love it. Honest.

[She lets out a startled yelp as he all but pulls her into his lap, but gladly lets herself enjoy the warmth of the embrace before she manages to slide her own arms around him in turn. That laugh finally escapes her, soft and affectionate, and she ducks her own head to hide her face against his shoulder for a moment.]

Good. That's— that's what I was hoping for.

[oh, but now he's living for the sound of her laughter, filled up with a strange joy at his actions tossing her off kilter. he rumbles a chuckle of his own, the sound no less sincere for how his tears have thinned it out a bit.]

You nailed it, dude. Don't really think anybody's ever thought that much about my clothes in my life.

[it wasn't a bad thing, more a wondrous thing. Styx's smile is deep and affectionate, lost when he nuzzles against her exposed neck as she hides in shyness. cute. Karin's so fucking cute. and this - this is what he'd wanted for her from the start.]

[She bites at her lower lip to stifle another peal of laughter as he nuzzles against her neck, his nose brushing against the spot where skin starts to give way to soft, crimson feathers, but she's met with only minor success. Her face is practically glowing with that blush when she looks up at him again, but even though that affectionate shyness, she grins broadly, glad that despite the misstep, they've found themselves here.]

I guess it was my turn to help you out with a first, hmm?

[That lilting playfulness has made its way back into her voice; she can't let him know how truly sad that statement has the potential to be— she understands what it's like to have nothing, and how it feels to have even people you care about look upon you with pity. That's not what this is. There's a difference between that and wanting to put a smile on someone's face just for the thought of it.]

And now you'll be extra warm if we ever go visiting any other rooftops. Not everyone's is as well-equipped as yours.

[Of course not, because who else in this whole city was lucky enough to have been given a thoughtful gift like the one he had built for her with his own hands?]

[she keeps laughing and he keeps nuzzling, enjoying the supremely unique sensation of flesh and feather intermingling against his own face. he leans back a little with a broad grin to really take in Karin's express as she pulls away at last, the honest joy his friend had been hoping for this entire time finally settling into his countenance.]

Guess so! 'm real grateful.

[firsts were important...and so was Karin. it made for a good combination.]

Uh, dunno if I'm ever gonna see anybody's roofs though. You're the one with wings, not me!

[and given how bulky he was, there's no way that he'd be able to get up to any short of breaking and entering. which...he thinks might kind of ruin the spirit of exploration, just a bit. unless they're at a house party, he guesses? some people like to have those up on the roof...hm.]

You never know, right?

[Sure, maybe it's a little bit of a reach, but she's determined to drag him all sorts of places regardless, even if they don't end up being rooftops. She would rather tease than focus on the fact that he'd been going for however long without a basic necessity— or draw his attention to it, either.

Her smile softens as he pulls back, though she immediately finds herself missing the sensation of nuzzling against her neck, her heartbeat having quickened as his warm breath had ruffled her feathers. They've been closer than this before, but that doesn't change the fact that it's exciting whenever the opportunity arises again. It's still new to her, the sensation of being so comfortable with someone.]

Hey.

[Her smile hitches higher on one side as she leans up to kiss him properly this time, with no mind to the fact that he'd just been crying a few minutes earlier. It's not insistent or demanding, still reasonably chaste, but no less affectionate for it as her hand comes to rest against the side of his face, the press of lips bringing just the barest hint of apple and cinnamon from earlier. If there was any lingering doubt that everything was okay, she hopes this banishes it.]

He-

[oops, and there she goes! the rest of Styx's dopey little echo is swallowed up by his friend's mouth, a beautifully spiced surprise against his own. the big guy hums a deep note of appreciation, his own arms wrapping around her waist to hold her close - and secure. it's a very small drop down to the floor from where he's sitting, but he'd still like to keep from having a repeat of the first time.

there's a small part of him that hopes his lips aren't too salty from all that blubbering he's been doing...but aside from that, Styx's thoughts are blissfully empty. it's just him and someone he loves, comfortable in one another's presence and touch. even more than the exquisite coat being crumpled between them, this is what he's always imagined a holiday to be.]

[Despite the panic and concern that had enveloped them both only a few moments earlier, this particular moment manages to remain perfect and untouched, a small but heartfelt display of affection that she’s finding herself more and more comfortable with offering freely, without hesitation. The arms around her waist are a solid comfort, and even with the faint tinge of salt against her lips as they meet, she wouldn’t change a single thing.

When it breaks, she pulls back just enough to reach up and lightly brush some of his hair back from his face, carefully running a thumb along his cheekbone to wipe away the trace of tears left behind. There’s a soft brush of talons against his temple in the process, but it’s cautious and mindful, Karin having become more and more aware of how to accommodate for her changes when interacting with others.]

You know, I’ve never celebrated Modranicht before, but I have a feeling this is going to be a very memorable one.

[Styx has always liked the way his friend's hands felt, even before she'd really learned how to navigate their new tips. he leans into Karin's touch now, eyes briefly sliding shut to better enjoy the sensation, the compassionate love held within.]

Well, 'course!

[he opens his eyes again now to grin at her, the expression nearly childlike in its enthusiasm. the drummer almost wants to tease her for apparently forgetting already, but...that's just mean. it's going to be a holiday soon!]

It's a first, yeah? Those are always special.

[he considers something for a moment, looking bashful, before deciding to proceed with saying it anyway. given everything that had occurred today, it was probably for the best to give a little reassurance.]

And, uh, my gift's not gonna make you cry or nothing when I get it to you. Promise.

...pretty sure, anyway!

Whatever it is, all that will matter is that it's from you.

[Hokey, maybe, but she would have said that to anyone she considered a friend. She's a firm believer in it being the thought that counts, but also knowing Styx, she knows she'll be glad to receive whatever it is. He has a certain level of emotional intuitiveness that he doesn't really give himself enough credit for— something she hopes to help him work on in the long run.

She wants to protest that it's special for a reason other than it being a first, but really, when it comes right down to it, that's exactly why it is, isn't it? Her face colors again and she offers him a shy smile in response, a mirror of his own bashfulness even if it's for an entirely different reason.]

It's not so different from Christmas, in a lot of ways, but I've never had a boyfriend to celebrate it with before. There was my family, when I was young, but it's been years since then. This is... it's nice. When I was in the army, it was mostly just another day like any other. Here, even with the world falling to pieces around them, people are so eager to have something happy to hold onto, to share with one another.

Actually never really did Christmas at home! Uh, other people did 'nd stuff, not like it didn't exist or nothing, just - not me.

[his auntie was never particularly devout to the faith she'd been raised in during her adult life, but the fact of the matter remained that Miriam was still Muslim. Styx had never experienced any Christmas celebrations with his mother, so...it would have been strange, really, for her to carry out any of those festivities for him while under her care. he'd always gotten chocolates on the day, though, and that was more than enough for the big guy.]

's why I'm double excited to celebrate here, haha! You and your boyfriend going to that big dinner they're gonna have in the middle of town? We should meet up! We can share all the desserts 'nd figure out what's the best one.

[he loved that the people here wanted to share with each other, no matter how bleak most of their average days must seem. to be able to do just that with friends - with people important to his friends, too - was a privilege that Styx cherished more than anything.]

[She and her—?

For a moment, she's startled into speechlessness, blinking owlishly at him as she processes his response. He had rattled it off so naturally that he clearly hadn't thought much of it; it was an instinctive response rather than an attempt at being coy, which leaves her feeling... well, perplexed more than anything.]

Styx, do you—?

[She cuts herself off to rephrase, pressing her lips together for a moment before she continues on. Hmm.]

Did you think I meant I was seeing someone else?

[Does he really not know? They've never said anything explicitly, but she doesn't go around kissing all of her friends, and she's certainly never told another friend anything like the confession she'd offered him up in the rooftop nest awhile back.]

[despite remaining unaware of the cause, there's no mistaking Karin's current expression for anything than what it actually is. the drummer can feel unease creeping back into his heart as he stares down at that dumbfounded little face, scrolling back through their conversation to desperately try and find what it was he'd said wrong.]

Um...

[should he let go of her? Styx feels like maybe he should let go of her, given the question he's just been asked, but he's simply too baffled to move. every drop of brain activity is currently going towards powering those rusty gears in his mind and figuring out what else he was supposed to take from her mentioning a boyfriend??]

Y-yeah? [hesitantly, as if he expects his knuckles to be rapped.] Didn't think girls really called their dude friends boyfriends, so I figured it was...uh, you know, a boyfriend?

Edited 2021-01-18 01:05 (UTC)

[While she doesn't pull away from him in full, her hand does fall away from his face, and both hang uselessly in her lap— or as close to it as she can manage, with his arms around her waist. Normally, she finds that feeling comforting, sometimes even bordering on euphoric, but now the only thing she feels is foolish.

Styx doesn't have a duplicitous bone in his body. However they had fumbled their way to this misunderstanding, she knows no ill had been meant, but that genuine note of confusion in his voice... maybe she had assumed too much, but on the other hand, it had seemed like an awfully safe assumption, hadn't it?

It's suddenly very hard to look at him, and so she averts her gaze just enough to look to one side, her cheeks burning red with an entirely different kind of embarrassment than before, bashful affection having made way for something else.]

No, there's nobody else—

[Well, not exactly true, because there are feelings for someone else still buried deep within her, but she's been doing everything she can to move past those.]

I thought that we were... well, I guess we never said the words, but more than friends.

Me!?

[if Karin had plunged a knife straight through his breast, it probably would have come as less of a shock to the witch. Styx jolts, electrified with terror and surprise all in one, and very nearly drops the harpy straight from his lap. instinct kicks in and saves her at the last moment, but it does nothing for the whirling thoughts in his head.

him? she'd thought...that she was dating him? what a truly alarming concept. like, exclusively? oh, no...how could that have happened? he'd thought - well, of course he'd thought!

platonic friends weren't intimate the way they'd been, no, but that was no reason to be so arrogant as to assume that Karin wanted him as a boyfriend. most girls that he'd been romantically attached to had been like that - interested in open relationships, in staying friendly but not establishing a committment. it was what he excelled at and, deep in his heart, what he believed was best. every day the drummer was improving himself, but there were hard limits no one could cross...and he knew, deep down, that he'd never possess enough substance to make someone happy for the rest of their life.

he doesn't mean to be aggressive, but he's just so worried - a massive hand reaches out to take Karin by the chin, gentle even in the insistent way he turns her back to face him. she can escape if she's truly distressed, but he really hopes she doesn't. this is...god, his heart is seizing up all over again.]

Karin, why would you wanna date me!?

[Styx doesn't expect (is praying not to hear) an actual list of reasons why that ludicrous idea might have gotten stuck in his friend's head. rather, he hopes for some sort of confirmation that she's not ill, or injured, or...or being put up to this by someone, even. it could only be negativity that pushed Karin to make such an assumption - to want it in the first place, fuck. he can't just leave her like that.]

[Somehow, this felt worse than pouring her heart out to someone she knew could never fully reciprocate. At least then, she had known what was coming; she had only wanted to share her feelings to get them out in the open, to help herself find a way to close that chapter of her life. It had only been partially successful as far as offering closure, but it was something, a step towards healing, and because she hadn't expected anything in response from Yuri, told him not to say anything, it hurt less.

This... it wasn't rejection, in so many words, but she felt deeply foolish, that she'd interpreted things the wrong way for a not insignificant amount of time. If her head were clearer, if the revelation of such a severe misunderstanding stung less and weren't quite so humiliating, she might have been able to look at this objectively, to remind herself that Styx's own view of his self-worth was what had kept them from coming to the same conclusion, but in the moment, it escapes her.

Stupid. Nobody had ever chosen her before, reciprocated when she felt something. Why would they start now?

She does catch herself with a hand against his shoulder when he almost drops her, and doesn't resist when he turns her chin to face him again. She feels her mouth go dry; there's still no actual upset or distress, only bafflement as she continues to find herself stunned by the incredibly different reads they had on this situation.

She didn't go around town just kissing anyone on their rooftops.]

Why wouldn't I?

[It seems a fair question to ask, even as she feels the heat of embarrassment rushing to the tips of her ears.]

Because when I'm with you, everything else just feels... far away. None of it bothers me anymore.

[It's not a list, but still possibly more than he wanted to hear.]

[it's a lack of self worth and the cultural divide teaming up to create one of the worst misapprehensions possible. even hardened military women wouldn't allow themselves to own such a loose pair of lips, but in Styx's world there was nothing wrong with kissing whoever you liked. it was only a kiss, not a dedication beyond that singular moment. why should he hold his friend to such a thing, especially when the anchor that would be around her neck was him?

the witch's face is red by now as well, but it's anxiety hammering his heart rate up so high again. oh, Karin...that isn't comfort, that's anesthesia.]

Don't mean you gotta date me for it.

[his other hand rises now to cup the harpy's cheeks, thumbs spreading in gentle circles towards her face's edge. he wants to cry, a little, that she's been tied to such a burdensome obligation without ever realizing it was unnecessary. how many months had she been suffering like this?]

'm not going anywhere. You know that, right? 'm always gonna be here for you, no matter what you do. You don't - there's nothing you gotta give me to have that.

I know that you're real sad, 'nd everything still hurts even though it's getting a little better...but you're real fucking killer 'nd super pretty. Anybody'd be lucky to date you. So don't be dumb when you don't gotta be...yeah?

["You don't gotta." He keeps saying that, like she feels this is some kind of obligation, and her heart sinks as she realizes how many people must have acted as though it were for him to believe that so firmly. She shakes her head just the tiniest bit as he holds her face in his hands, and she can feel the threat of tears just as he can, even if it was for an entirely different reason.

How many times had she told him openly and earnestly that she liked him, cared about him? That he was important to her? All that, and he was unable to see what she really meant— or perhaps saying that he was unable to accept it was more accurate. Even so, it still stings as he tries to persuade her to reconsider, insist that she's made an error in judgment.

What was wrong with her that she could never fall for someone who wanted to be with her, too?

She exhales and closes her eyes for a moment as she turns her face into his touch, a wistful smile pulling at her lips.]

It's not about feeling like I have to do anything. It's about wanting to, not some... obligation. I love spending time with you.

[And she wants to take solace in the fact that he says he's not going anywhere, but— things are going to change, aren't they? If he felt the same way, if he liked her the same way she liked him, then no matter how badly he thought of himself, he wouldn't be trying to talk her out of it, would he?]

I don't think it's dumb, to want to be with someone who sees me and makes me feel like my time here matters— like I matter.

[doesn't she, though? not one that the witch has placed upon her, but an obligation born deep from her own heart. to be held, to be cherished, to have her form celebrated the way it deserved...it's never been something given freely to Karin. there's no way Styx can blame her for assuming their relationship was the same - he was no superman, after all. nothing about him could change a girl's perspective.

at the same time, it's what breaks his heart over this situation most of all. he'd known that his friend was carrying such a deep hurt within her, but he'd been blind to some of the ways the harpy had sought relief for them. he'd really thought - but that was stupid, he could see it now. Karin was nobler than that, wasn't she? emotional intimacy was surely what she craved most of all.]

's 'cause you do matter, Karin. Don't got anything to do with me...'s the truth.

[and her worth was so precious to him that he couldn't let her throw it away on someone like him...good for a friend, he'd come to understand, but still nowhere near worthy of romantic committment.]

I can't...I can't give you everything you'd want. Everything you should have. 'nd if we're just doing it as friends, that's ok! 'Cause then there'll be someone else for you to love. But if it was just me...'m not enough. You're worth a whole love.

[For a few moments, she has no idea how to answer. Nothing he'd said had been anything even approaching unkind— quite the opposite— and yet she feels a tightness in her chest as she realizes she just might lose the pillar of stability she'd found in their friendship, whatever label it may or may not bear. He promises that he's not going anywhere, and of course she believes him, but she feels so deeply embarrassed that she doesn't see how this can't not change things.

He speaks so highly of her, like he always does, and yet it's little comfort. In the past, she's thought of herself as not good enough, unable to measure up, and here it turns out that someone thinking she's too good for them threatens to be just as lonely. It still stings, even though she doesn't want it to, even though she knows he doesn't mean for it to hurt. 'You're worth a whole love,' he'd said, and yet she finds herself more than willing to take whatever she can get. It seems too distant a dream, otherwise.

She exhales softly, pressing the heel of her hand against one of her eyes as though it will be enough to keep tears from falling. A few do still manage to escape, without any sound, but she manages to keep the rest at bay for now.

Maybe, in a way, this is better. It puts to rest some of the guilt she'd felt whenever she thought about the life that was set ahead of her, the family that she would go on to be a part of, if only for a few short years. Some, but not all. Was it being unfaithful if you hadn't even met the person you knew you were going to marry yet? It feels that way, sometimes.]

I don't know what I want.

[That much is true. She doesn't expect much of anything, really, doesn't need much— what Styx has already given her is enough, whether or not he believes it. She resists the urge to sniffle, endeavoring to keep a stiff upper lip as she looks up at him again, earnest.]

I do know that I don't want things to change. I like the way things are now. And I like— being able to kiss you whenever I want.

[big thumb pads swipe gently at the escaped tears as they flow down the curve of her face, carefully pressing them back into oblivion. Styx feels as if he's being shattered all over again having to watch his friend cry, knowing that he was the cause of it, but much as it hurts he's absolutely certain this is the best course of action.

Karin might believe she'd be lucky to take whatever she could get right now, but he knows with absolute certainty that isn't the case. when she speaks again, admitting to her own confusion, he can feel reassurance flooding his chest like a cool balm. no, his beliefs were true. the worst thing he could do as her friend was allow the harpy to throw herself headlong into something like this.]

's ok! I never know what I'm doing.

[he smiles back at her, just as earnest even while he tries to inject compassion into this moment through lighthearted teasing. she doesn't need to hold back if she needs to cry...but Styx feels like perhaps that isn't something Karin wants to hear right now.]

Already told you, 'm not going anywhere. So if you want it to stay that way, 's no problem...can keep kissing me as much as you like. Definitely don't mind that.

[who didn't like to be kissed? and it would be an even better way to help Karin now, he thinks, with the confusion cleared up between them. once the pain had subsided and their heads were clearer...it was a really beneficial sort of setup. Styx was grateful to be able to bring her comfort in that way, in a way that maybe she's never been able to find relief for before. it was his honor and privilege.]

[It is comforting, causing the tightness in her chest to ease. His bright smile and the teasing note in his voice, the soft brush of his thumbs against her cheek as he flicked her tears aside— it's all warmly familiar, a standing reminder that this misunderstanding just might not ruin everything in one fell swoop.]

Good. That's— it's good.

[She smiles at him, a bit tearstained but unquestionably relieved. Were he anyone else, she might have thought those were empty platitudes, reassurances that he couldn't possibly follow through on now that she had gone and made things horribly awkward, but that just wasn't him. That wasn't who Styx was in the slightest.]

Then... nothing has to change.

[She certainly likes the sound of that. It's still quietly confusing, in its way, but if they could just keep on as they were, and they were both content with it, wasn't that what mattered most? She reaches up to lay a hand over his against her face, her thumb lightly brushing against its back.]

And— I don't know if you remember, but we had talked about something else. More than kissing.

[Maybe if she can't even say the word, she shouldn't be bringing it up, but... she still wants that. She still wants more with him, even if it's only as friends.]

( closed ) faithful friends who are dear to us

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i don't have an ICON FOR THIIIIIIS

pushes my sleeves up

rolls them back down gently

how dare you

i don't make the rules sorry

it's true we both did this

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