oh, can you stay awake [closed]

[weiward]

Who: wei wuxian, lan wangji
When: november 1st
Where: out in the city, their cottage
What: lan wangji goes backwards in time (canon regression), resulting in a younger man with fractured memories and a unraveled bond.
Warnings: angst



[he should be sleeping soundly. his birthday passed so happily just hours before, with much of it spent where he sleeps right now, in the arms of his husband.

it's that embrace that goes missing first. wei wuxian doesn't wake, but he does become restless, tossing and turning and sinking his claws into the pillow under his head. hours before he would normally open his eyes, he enters a limbo-like state where he's not fully awake, but he's definitely not asleep either.

something isn't right. it's not danger. it doesn't trigger that extra sense that makes his ears twist and the fur on his arms stand up seconds before something goes wrong. but it's something that he feels from the moment it starts happening.

it's like the slow smothering of a flame. it's the feeling of something stealing his breath while his entire life comes undone. wei wuxian sits bolt upright in the darkness, a cold sweat rolling down his body.]

Lan Zhan? [it continues to drain away, thread by invisible thread leaving pain in its place. the phantom ache after the loss of something vital - truer here than this place could ever understand.] Lan Zhan!

[wei wuxian stares at the empty space in their bed, frozen in his panic. his heart has leapt into his throat, pounds there with rabbit quickness while refusing to let the nausea past. it feels like forever before he finally breaks the spell, leaping from the bed and grabbing the nearest thing to cover himself with.

the house of mirrors...instinct tells him to search in that direction. that and the single thread of feeling that remains in wei wuxian's body - wishful thinking, maybe. that or the firm belief that lan wangji would never leave him here alone.]

Comments

[taciturnly]

( and little do they know that they’re still very much each other’s. fate and time are fickle things. cruel things, sometimes. lan wangji is deprived of his grief, the same that greyed his hair too soon, but in exchange, his arms are empty, and his heart beats a rhythm he has yet to fully understand.

every other note is still painful. he longs for something he knows and doesn’t, eclipsed by wei wuxian’s revelations. he speaks of his siblings like it should reflect the normalcy of existing here, and in a way, it does. the sentiment of being here isn’t as foreign as it once were, but those are memories buried deep in the back of his skull, maybe never to resurface again.

he should seek his brother. he wants to, but wei wuxian walking by his side has his focus trapped. he nods to acknowledge his words, prudent. and then his eyes linger on him, a gentle, sidelong scrutiny, borderline timid. ) Does it pain you? ( asked almost impulsively, which instantly makes him frown. he means the changes wei wuxian went through, and distantly, maybe something more. ) What is our purpose here?

[weiward]

Does it...pain me?

[he repeats, unsure of what lan wangji is referring to. maybe he means the changes to wei wuxian's body. there's been surprise and some discomfort - fur is sweaty in the summer. and there's still an itchy feeling in him when the moons are full. but none of that is what he'd call "painful".

or maybe he's asking him about living here, about being trapped in a world that isn't their home. that's also never pained him. "home" is wherever lan wangji is, and he was always here with him from the start.

the one thing that does pain him can't be what he's asking him about, because lan wangji doesn't know. but he smiles, and shakes his head at him. no, nothing hurts.]

Ah, it's to help with the Cwyld if we can. It's like a magical infection. It touches the plants, animals, even us.

[taciturnly]

( cwyld. for reasons he can’t fathom, his gaze immediately drops to wei wuxian’s hands, as if expecting to see something there. but there’s only skin and fur and claws, no infection in sight… and no chenqing. his own grip on the hilt of his sword feels odd, his golden core absent, and he blinks up with a strange, hollow pressure in the middle of his chest, the glance he steals forlorn with unnamed regrets.

i’ll stick to my single-log bridge until it’s dark. his jaw clenches on a visible swallow, and he redirects his gaze ahead of him, eyes stinging. witch. magic. he feels the buzz of unfamiliar energies beneath his skin, his blade obsolete, and wonders when he became so hypocritical. his brother told him, once. precepts are only that, and so much of the world still escapes him. here, he’s thrown into the unknown, a noble cause to serve, and different clearly doesn’t equal wrong.

is it why he decided to return? to make amends, if he couldn’t live with his choices the first time. his chest rises with a slow and deep inhale, though his focus doesn’t budge from the road ahead, a pressing query on his tongue. ) Why did I leave?

[weiward]

I don't think you had much of a choice.

[the realization is sudden and true, and it hurts all over again. that's right, it surely can't be helped. there are too many who've left when they were happy, or left behind someone that they loved. lan wangji might've gotten out of their bed and walked out, but if it's something that he could've resisted, he would have.]

We're all at the mercy of our mirrors.

[and wei wuxian doesn't like that. he hates it, and he wishes he could go back in time and devote more of himself to their study. he'd really started favoring this world over his own, but right now he only wants to be where his lan zhan is.

but he can't run off and leave this one alone here either. he looks over and it's even hard not to smile at him. younger. a little unmoved but unscarred too.]

This is it. [he leads him into the cottage, hesitating just inside the door.] It's not as elegant as the Jingshi, but it's a roof against the sun and the rain, and there's a tree out back that's perfect for meditating.

[taciturnly]

( his lan zhan is right here, unbeknownst to them both. how could it be otherwise, when they’ve vowed, bowed thrice, kissed and loved and bonded. the answer is right there on the tip of his tongue, in the way lan wangji feels and remembers so many things but doesn’t. the cottage is familiar. he’s been here before, but it’s more than that. he’s lived here, almost a year, and with wei wuxian by his side, suddenly he strangely feels home.

he stills once inside, patiently observing every corner with a hint of awe, a tad nostalgic. a light tremor shoots through him as his gaze lingers on the kitchen table, distant flashes of urgency and swift movements. he blinks it all away, a thud in his chest, his grip tighter around bichen. thankfully, wei wuxian’s always known how to distract, and lan wangji turns to him with somewhat of a quizzical look on his face. )

You… meditate? ( it’s not so odd that he would. he knows he has, however rebellious and flamboyant, but it’s the way he says it, perfect for meditation, like it’s been done there on multiple occasions, beyond familiar. )

[weiward]

[a breath is drawn, lips parted but hesitant, eyes that are too wide as they look at him. of course he has meditated in the past, mostly out of necessity, when he was trying to calm and cleanse himself of the voices and darkness. and sometimes he did meditate with his husband under that tree, strengthening the bond between them even more.

but he mostly just laid his head in lan wangji's lap while he meditated, among other things that actually distracted from the practice. but he can't tell him about that.]

Ahaha...ha. [he laughs sheepishly before cleaning his throat.] Not really. But places that are good for meditating are also good for napping. I considered that.