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oh, can you stay awake [closed]
Who: wei wuxian, lan wangji
When: november 1st
Where: out in the city, their cottage
What: lan wangji goes backwards in time (canon regression), resulting in a younger man with fractured memories and a unraveled bond.
Warnings: angst
[he should be sleeping soundly. his birthday passed so happily just hours before, with much of it spent where he sleeps right now, in the arms of his husband.
it's that embrace that goes missing first. wei wuxian doesn't wake, but he does become restless, tossing and turning and sinking his claws into the pillow under his head. hours before he would normally open his eyes, he enters a limbo-like state where he's not fully awake, but he's definitely not asleep either.
something isn't right. it's not danger. it doesn't trigger that extra sense that makes his ears twist and the fur on his arms stand up seconds before something goes wrong. but it's something that he feels from the moment it starts happening.
it's like the slow smothering of a flame. it's the feeling of something stealing his breath while his entire life comes undone. wei wuxian sits bolt upright in the darkness, a cold sweat rolling down his body.]
Lan Zhan? [it continues to drain away, thread by invisible thread leaving pain in its place. the phantom ache after the loss of something vital - truer here than this place could ever understand.] Lan Zhan!
[wei wuxian stares at the empty space in their bed, frozen in his panic. his heart has leapt into his throat, pounds there with rabbit quickness while refusing to let the nausea past. it feels like forever before he finally breaks the spell, leaping from the bed and grabbing the nearest thing to cover himself with.
the house of mirrors...instinct tells him to search in that direction. that and the single thread of feeling that remains in wei wuxian's body - wishful thinking, maybe. that or the firm belief that lan wangji would never leave him here alone.]
When: november 1st
Where: out in the city, their cottage
What: lan wangji goes backwards in time (canon regression), resulting in a younger man with fractured memories and a unraveled bond.
Warnings: angst
[he should be sleeping soundly. his birthday passed so happily just hours before, with much of it spent where he sleeps right now, in the arms of his husband.
it's that embrace that goes missing first. wei wuxian doesn't wake, but he does become restless, tossing and turning and sinking his claws into the pillow under his head. hours before he would normally open his eyes, he enters a limbo-like state where he's not fully awake, but he's definitely not asleep either.
something isn't right. it's not danger. it doesn't trigger that extra sense that makes his ears twist and the fur on his arms stand up seconds before something goes wrong. but it's something that he feels from the moment it starts happening.
it's like the slow smothering of a flame. it's the feeling of something stealing his breath while his entire life comes undone. wei wuxian sits bolt upright in the darkness, a cold sweat rolling down his body.]
Lan Zhan? [it continues to drain away, thread by invisible thread leaving pain in its place. the phantom ache after the loss of something vital - truer here than this place could ever understand.] Lan Zhan!
[wei wuxian stares at the empty space in their bed, frozen in his panic. his heart has leapt into his throat, pounds there with rabbit quickness while refusing to let the nausea past. it feels like forever before he finally breaks the spell, leaping from the bed and grabbing the nearest thing to cover himself with.
the house of mirrors...instinct tells him to search in that direction. that and the single thread of feeling that remains in wei wuxian's body - wishful thinking, maybe. that or the firm belief that lan wangji would never leave him here alone.]
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a dream, maybe. his reflection across the water’s surface wavers discolored and shadowed, and lan wangji stares disquiet, hazy confusion between his brows. he’s left the peculiar house of mirrors and ended up walking under fading stars, gaze upward now as the river calmly flows. until a sound disrupts the silence, and he turns with his sword unsheathed, immediately met by a flying ball of fur.
it looks like a rabbit. it isn’t, perched on his shoulder and nuzzling his cheek, and lan wangji swallows as he secures bichen aside, one hand hesitantly reaching for the small animal. )
...Suibian. ( slowly mouthed in half-shock, and his pulse jumps icy as his head snaps up, squinting through the dark for something he can’t name.
someone. )
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Wait! Where are you going?
[he stops running and the pain catches up to him. a reality that too many mirrorbound have faced. lan zhan could be gone. maybe wei wuxian will live on here for years to come, praying with every sunrise that it's the day that they're finally reuinted in one world or the other. drinking himself to sleep every night that they aren't. one year, five, thirteen. where will he find the strength to face the darkness when his light is gone?
wei wuxian crouches in the street, arms locked around his legs as he presses his face (and his tears) against his knees. the pain grows sharper - more in one spot. when he lifts his head, he sees that it's because bichen has returned to bite him.
get up. he can't be gone. wei wuxian wipes his eyes and starts running again, following bichen to the riverside. there, wei wuxian's breath catches at the familiar silhouette standing beside it.]
Lan Zhan...?
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...and he barely recognizes him.
it is wei wuxian, with an intonation that never fails to pain him. but he looks terribly different. like a bunny. without thinking, lan wangji takes a step forward, two, and stops midway, a rare and open scrutiny as he notes fur and ears and teeth, but it’s his eyes that give him pause, a forlorn glint, and his blood sizzles cold. )
Wei Ying. ( the yiling patriarch, cursed? and sad, moisture on his cheeks, and lan wangji’s pulse quickens. ) What happened to you?
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lan zhan isn't just asking about the reason for his tears. his scrutiny starts with the puca's ears, drops to his arms. his eyes lift and lock with his own. that single point of connection was always so familiar to them, looks that could speak as well as words exchanged between them. now even wei wuxian's eyes have changed.]
You should've toasted with me on my birthday if you wanted to drink. [his laughter is hollow and short-lived. he knows that that's not it.] I'm a monster here. A puca. Remember? I always joked that it happened because you love bunnies so much.
[haha...ahah...
ah.
he reaches for his wrist suddenly.]
Lan Zhan, what's the last thing that you do remember?
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wei wuxian’s grip draws his focus there, hazy. what does he remember? ) You. A-Yuan. ( sizhui. what…? he frowns, blinking slowly; if this isn’t a dream, it certainly feels like one. ) We met in Yiling. ( and then he was punished for it. he looks up, a little haggard. monster. but even like this, it’s not what wei wuxian is, the same forbidden ache in the space between the beats of his heart.
he should be more alarmed. it should feel stranger than it does. something’s amiss for sure, and yet. he doesn’t know how, but... ) Wei Ying. ( brows rise, uncertain as suibian curls up in the crook of his neck. ) ...I know this place. ( and maybe it is a dream after all. )
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his eyes lower. his ears with them, but wei wuxian inhales softly and looks up again at those words. maybe - but then he remembers months ago, when the mirrors went crazy. the younger lan wangji who briefly appeared in their lives.]
You've been here before.
[wei wuxian's voice is gentle and his smile is too. this isn't his husband, but he'll never let lan wangji go uncared for.]
Come on, there's a place here for you. One with even more bunnies. I know you like that, right Lan Zhan?
[ there's a light teasing in his voice. he's also expecting a return to a lan wangji who's more...well, constipated.]
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or maybe he won’t.
wei wuxian’s smile is distracting, his teasing voice even more so. i always joked that it happened because you love bunnies so much, and lan wangji’s gaze tentatively goes from suibian to wei wuxian, expression a little pinched as the tips of his ears redden. his mouth curves uneasy, and he walks, past him and straight ahead, as if exactly knowing where he’s going.
it’s not even something he ponders. instead strange glimpses of things bombard his mind, and his steps slow down but never fully stop, questions that aren’t really questions on his tongue. ) My brother is here. ( has he met him, or is this just something he knows? ) A witch. ( he glances down, flexing his fingers and briefly studying his palm. ) As am I? ( and then he tilts his head to look askance, seeking wei wuxian’s confirmation. )
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he wants his lan wangji back, who smiled easier for him with his arms always at the ready. and he feels guilty for this bittersweet feeling in his chest when he looks at the back of this lan wangji's head, because it's certainly not his fault, and he should worry more for some other version of himself who might be without his soulmate right now. never has he felt more selfish.
wei wuxian's smile reappears as if by magic when he looks his way, with the other none the wiser of its slip behind his back. he presses his lips together and nods, even if its half assumption. he doesn't see fur or feathers or scales anywhere.]
So is Jiang Cheng and Shijie. Jin Zixuan too. And- [he stops himself. bringing up jin ling would probably only confuse him right now, and the days ahead promise plenty of that. wei wuxian takes a couple of steps to be equal to his side.] Anyway, I'm sure there's a lot that you didn't have time to get adjusted to before. Try not to overdo it.
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every other note is still painful. he longs for something he knows and doesn’t, eclipsed by wei wuxian’s revelations. he speaks of his siblings like it should reflect the normalcy of existing here, and in a way, it does. the sentiment of being here isn’t as foreign as it once were, but those are memories buried deep in the back of his skull, maybe never to resurface again.
he should seek his brother. he wants to, but wei wuxian walking by his side has his focus trapped. he nods to acknowledge his words, prudent. and then his eyes linger on him, a gentle, sidelong scrutiny, borderline timid. ) Does it pain you? ( asked almost impulsively, which instantly makes him frown. he means the changes wei wuxian went through, and distantly, maybe something more. ) What is our purpose here?
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[he repeats, unsure of what lan wangji is referring to. maybe he means the changes to wei wuxian's body. there's been surprise and some discomfort - fur is sweaty in the summer. and there's still an itchy feeling in him when the moons are full. but none of that is what he'd call "painful".
or maybe he's asking him about living here, about being trapped in a world that isn't their home. that's also never pained him. "home" is wherever lan wangji is, and he was always here with him from the start.
the one thing that does pain him can't be what he's asking him about, because lan wangji doesn't know. but he smiles, and shakes his head at him. no, nothing hurts.]
Ah, it's to help with the Cwyld if we can. It's like a magical infection. It touches the plants, animals, even us.
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i’ll stick to my single-log bridge until it’s dark. his jaw clenches on a visible swallow, and he redirects his gaze ahead of him, eyes stinging. witch. magic. he feels the buzz of unfamiliar energies beneath his skin, his blade obsolete, and wonders when he became so hypocritical. his brother told him, once. precepts are only that, and so much of the world still escapes him. here, he’s thrown into the unknown, a noble cause to serve, and different clearly doesn’t equal wrong.
is it why he decided to return? to make amends, if he couldn’t live with his choices the first time. his chest rises with a slow and deep inhale, though his focus doesn’t budge from the road ahead, a pressing query on his tongue. ) Why did I leave?
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[the realization is sudden and true, and it hurts all over again. that's right, it surely can't be helped. there are too many who've left when they were happy, or left behind someone that they loved. lan wangji might've gotten out of their bed and walked out, but if it's something that he could've resisted, he would have.]
We're all at the mercy of our mirrors.
[and wei wuxian doesn't like that. he hates it, and he wishes he could go back in time and devote more of himself to their study. he'd really started favoring this world over his own, but right now he only wants to be where his lan zhan is.
but he can't run off and leave this one alone here either. he looks over and it's even hard not to smile at him. younger. a little unmoved but unscarred too.]
This is it. [he leads him into the cottage, hesitating just inside the door.] It's not as elegant as the Jingshi, but it's a roof against the sun and the rain, and there's a tree out back that's perfect for meditating.
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he stills once inside, patiently observing every corner with a hint of awe, a tad nostalgic. a light tremor shoots through him as his gaze lingers on the kitchen table, distant flashes of urgency and swift movements. he blinks it all away, a thud in his chest, his grip tighter around bichen. thankfully, wei wuxian’s always known how to distract, and lan wangji turns to him with somewhat of a quizzical look on his face. )
You… meditate? ( it’s not so odd that he would. he knows he has, however rebellious and flamboyant, but it’s the way he says it, perfect for meditation, like it’s been done there on multiple occasions, beyond familiar. )
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but he mostly just laid his head in lan wangji's lap while he meditated, among other things that actually distracted from the practice. but he can't tell him about that.]
Ahaha...ha. [he laughs sheepishly before cleaning his throat.] Not really. But places that are good for meditating are also good for napping. I considered that.