Emotions or images, drawn with a single line [CLOSED]

[curruid_coinchenn]

Who: Berserker (Cú Chulainn Alter) and close CR
When: After his resurrection
Where: Around Aefenglom
What: Bittersweet reunions and meetings for everyone!
Warnings: Depression, check tag headers for specifics


[ 1. Back to work ]

[ Not even a day later, Berserker is back at work at the Sly Seadog. Nothing is different, at least that's what he tells himself. The truth is a lot is different. There's a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he's forgotten something. Even more pressing is the weakness he feels. His strength has been sapped, leaving as he was when he first arrived in Aefenglom. It's obvious to everyone that something isn't right when he struggles to deal with a problem customer. This was second nature to him on any other night, but now he needs help to bounce someone.

Frustration builds in him until the bartender makes him sit at the bar for a few minute. The dragon hangs his head as he accepts the drink. It's only as he looks up that he recognizes someone familiar. Annoying... ]

What? I'm fine...I'm just taking a break.

[ It's a lie. ]

[ 2. Harbor ]

[ After the incident at the Seadog, Berserker takes a walk. Some fresh air will clear his head, won't it? It'll at least distract him from the buzzing in his brain and how weak he feels. He makes his way towards the docks, where the stray dogs and cats congregate. They're used to seeing him around – and expect food from him. He's not empty-handed as he takes a seat, offering some food scraps to the dogs.

One of the cats crawls into his lap and makes itself at home there. Berserker seems more peaceful, at least, to the point he doesn't immediately notice he's being watched. When he does notice, he doesn't look up. ]

It's calm tonight, isn't it? They're not squabbling for scraps the way they usually do...

[ It's a friend. It's okay to vulnerable, isn't it? ]

[ 3. Wildcard ]

[ Got an idea? Did we plot something out? Drop me a starter or PM/discord me glitzkrieg#0673 ! ]

Comments

[scatmaam]

[ He really did... and yet part of her couldn't look past him even if he was better at it. Seeing him there, beneath that tree, in her heart she couldn't see him as he'd been before... as Setanta... having failed one of her training sessions, one of the times Ferdiad got the best of him, and feeling rotten and worthless because he wasn't living up to some bizarre idea no one but himself had invented in his head...

She wiped some of her sweat away with a towel, approaching him eventually after she'd done the last of her drills, sitting next to him and sipping from her water. ]

Did I ever tell you about the first time I 'died'? When I realized I couldn't, I mean...

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ He really does feel like a child again as she sits beside him. Years have passed (many, many years), yet it feels like time almost stands still at that moment. At least now he doesn't have to worry about her kicking his ass for slacking (for the moment, anyway).

Berserker can't bring himself to look at her, staring down at the grass instead. ]

No, you haven't...

[ He can't even begin to imagine how that must have felt. ]

[scatmaam]

[ Another sip, and she let her head roll back, ears twitching against the bark briefly before settling, and casting her gaze upward. ]

I've had so many supposedly mortal wounds that I somehow survived that I couldn't tell you of any battle that clued me in to my immortality. When death was still real for me, it always seemed near but too blurry to actually be there at my side...

I walked with Death, but only within its Shadow, as they always said about me.

[ Another sip. ]

So you might be surprised to know my first hint that I was immortal came when I died from tripping on a shoal rock and cracking my neck in two.

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ Not...the story he was expecting from her, to say the least. Berserker turns to look at her finally, his gaze indifferent as ever. ]

...I am surprised. The mighty Queen of Shadows felled by some slick rocks. [ For the first time since he's been back, he smiles very briefly. The very idea of something so mundane 'killing' her is amusing. ] What a way to learn...

[scatmaam]

Imagine if that had really been it. The end of my story, my cycle. [ A soft chuckle, a shake of her head. ]

All my legacy leading up to a stumble...

[ Another sip. ]

Despite surviving it, with this curse from the World now on my shoulders, I was still deeply embarassed... never told a soul, save for Ritsuka.

[ Not 'master'. She knew that word was something of a hard pass for Ciaran any longer. But Ritsuka was still someone they both knew, someone who was close to Scathach. ]

And now you...

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ Ritsuka...It's a name he should have recognized, but he didn't. It felt like someone was scratching at his brain as he tried to remember that name and what significance it held. Nothing. There's nothing there. Berserker just looked slightly concerned now, if only for a brief moment. ]

I don't know the other person, but...I suppose I'm grateful to be counted among the few who know your secret.

[scatmaam]

[ It was like hearing glass shatter, breaking a long silence. The sort of thing that set one's hair on edge, and her eyes immediately turning to him. Her expression remained calm, but within... She'd heard this would happen. It was not, after all, the words alone that had jarred her so, but instead... how sincerely they were spoken.

She'd been told this would happen. That the process would take something as payment. An equivalent exchange to live and breathe again... ]

Aye. And so you always will be. And what's more... you can speak to me, too. Anything that troubles you, any time you need it.

[ Her words reflected the calm in her expression. Honestly, only her eyes bore any hint of the pain that came from hearing those words... ]

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ The pain hidden behind her gaze didn't go unnoticed. Should he even ask about it or just chalk it up to her trying to be strong in the face of his death and resurrection? He doesn't know when to leave well enough alone. ]

... Is something troubling you? [ About what he said. About anything. ] Nevermind...Even if I never take you up on that offer, I appreciate that it's there.

[scatmaam]

Of course... You've got plenty on your own plate before you start worrying about my troubles, lad. [ A small chuckle, though certainly lacking in mirth. ]

I want to make sure you land on your feet, first, before we handle anything else.

[curruid_coinchenn]

It's...easier said than done.

[ The knowledge that he died. The looks he gets from his friends and loved ones. It all weighs on him in a way he doesn't quite know how to articulate. ]

How the hell do you even handle it? It's not...It's not like I'm truly immortal, but I should be dead. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

[scatmaam]

Firstly, you never truly get used to it. It never stop being painful, or jarring, to die. It's the same as how you never get used to taking heavy blows, so a better warrior trains themselves to avoid them, to counter them.

[ Scathach drew in a long breath, as well as a sip from her water. ]

And that's how you handle it... by never letting it numb you. Never lose your respect for death, lad. If you do, it will detach you from everything. From your ability to feel pain, to feel love, to feel... anything...

[curruid_coinchenn]

...So it's not that much different from how I used to be.

[ What he never wants to be again -- it would be a slap in the face to everyone that's helped him grow. ]

Is that...Is that why you wanted to "save" me so badly? Because you know what that sort of emptiness feels like?

[scatmaam]

Aye... [ A solemn nod. ]

I have known what it is like to feel nothing... And it terrified me, once I realized what had happened to me, once I had regained some of my humanity.

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ Now that he's on the other side of that, he can finally understand her point of view. Strange how they've come this far... ]

...I don't want to go back to that, if it's any comfort for you at all.

[scatmaam]

And you won't... so long as you have those who love you, here, not a one of us will allow that.

[ Despite that, she still knew that something had been taken from him, something that was a chain holding those connections together regardless if he was willing to recognize it. She needed to speak with Diarmuid. ]

[curruid_coinchenn]

I don't...I still don't know what I've done to deserve your nor anyone else's dedication.

[ Ah yes, there's the backslide. As far as he's come, it's still comforting -- easier -- to slip back into old habits and attitudes. ]

[scatmaam]

Whether any of it is truly deserved or not is really not something we can decide for ourselves. Only those who count you as a loved one can say that.

And they'll tell you plenty that you do.

[curruid_coinchenn]

...As you say.

[ Fighting it would take too much energy and, if he were being honest with himself, cause too much hurt to those he cares about. So he gives in. ]

I...should thank you. For...everything.

[scatmaam]

[ Scathach shook her head, a softer look on her face, a smile on her lips but one that held a strange mournfulness to it. ]

Thank me when you've strength again to kill me, lad... I'll have earned it, then.