Emotions or images, drawn with a single line [CLOSED]

[curruid_coinchenn]

Who: Berserker (Cú Chulainn Alter) and close CR
When: After his resurrection
Where: Around Aefenglom
What: Bittersweet reunions and meetings for everyone!
Warnings: Depression, check tag headers for specifics


[ 1. Back to work ]

[ Not even a day later, Berserker is back at work at the Sly Seadog. Nothing is different, at least that's what he tells himself. The truth is a lot is different. There's a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he's forgotten something. Even more pressing is the weakness he feels. His strength has been sapped, leaving as he was when he first arrived in Aefenglom. It's obvious to everyone that something isn't right when he struggles to deal with a problem customer. This was second nature to him on any other night, but now he needs help to bounce someone.

Frustration builds in him until the bartender makes him sit at the bar for a few minute. The dragon hangs his head as he accepts the drink. It's only as he looks up that he recognizes someone familiar. Annoying... ]

What? I'm fine...I'm just taking a break.

[ It's a lie. ]

[ 2. Harbor ]

[ After the incident at the Seadog, Berserker takes a walk. Some fresh air will clear his head, won't it? It'll at least distract him from the buzzing in his brain and how weak he feels. He makes his way towards the docks, where the stray dogs and cats congregate. They're used to seeing him around – and expect food from him. He's not empty-handed as he takes a seat, offering some food scraps to the dogs.

One of the cats crawls into his lap and makes itself at home there. Berserker seems more peaceful, at least, to the point he doesn't immediately notice he's being watched. When he does notice, he doesn't look up. ]

It's calm tonight, isn't it? They're not squabbling for scraps the way they usually do...

[ It's a friend. It's okay to vulnerable, isn't it? ]

[ 3. Wildcard ]

[ Got an idea? Did we plot something out? Drop me a starter or PM/discord me glitzkrieg#0673 ! ]

Comments

for Diarmuid

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ It's a shock when he comes to. Berserker sits bolt upright with a sudden gasp. The air burns his lungs, like he'd nearly drowned. The last thing he remembered was bleeding out in Alex's arms...but it was just a dream. He'd died in a shared dream before, when they all dreamed of Dorchacht for the first time. Nothing happened then...They'd been warned of injuries transferring to their bodies in the waking world this time, though not of death.

He didn't really die, did he? Something feels different, even if he can't quite pinpoint what that something is. The Coven witches clear out of the room, leaving him with more questions. Those questions fade from his mind as he realizes he isn't alone... ]

Diarmuid... [ His voice doesn't feel like his own. It's raspy and weak. Did he forget how to speak? It's harder to continue as he looks as the witch's face, as he realizes their bond was interrupted. ] What...Why are you here?

[ What happened? Why does their bond feel so weak? Why is he so upset? Why had he been so obviously crying? A thousand questions cloud his mind and that's the single one his could think to ask. ]

[ua_duibhne]

[That gasp is like nothing else he's ever experienced. Relief crashes into him, rolling like a tidal wave across his chest and flooding any other emotion he might have felt in the moment. It takes all of his restraint not to just hold him tight and let him breathe.

There's so much he wants to say. That he was afraid he'd never hear him talk again, never see those eyes. That he was already steeling himself to mourn him because if there's one thing he's learned from years of watching comrades fall it's to always have a grave prepared for them in your heart. But this... this had cut so deeply that he's sure he can still feel the shock bleeding out of him even now. He's never lost a lover and, as it turns out, it's a particular, all-consuming kind of horror.

Diarmuid says none of that. Instead, he takes both of Berserker's hands in his own and holds them tightly. They're still cold, a lingering reminder of how lifeless they had been just moments before.]

How could I be anywhere else? [The pain is tangible, in his voice, his expression, even through their weakened bond. A steady, aching, empty pulse that he has no idea how to control. It's already written over him anyway in blotchy cheeks and tousled hair so why try?] You died, Cú. I thought- I-

[This time, he can't stop himself. Diarmuid reaches out and pulls him close, arms around his middle and face against his neck.]

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ Berserker doesn't return the embrace immediately. All he can do for the moment is stare dumbly ahead. ]

I...died? It was just a dream...

[ Yes, there were warnings about these dreams being more dangerous, but he didn't think much of it. He'd died in a dream before and woken up just the same. The moments before his death play out in his head; Alex's desperate pleading, his own bloody hands trembling, the image of Medb's lifeless body amongst the corpses of her army.

That's...not important now. He wraps his arms around Diarmuid finally, holding him close. His presence alone is comforting, grounding him in reality again. He can't help but press his face against his dark hair, taking in his familiar scents. It soothes the pain of their nearly severed bond, at least a little bit. It will take time and care to fully repair it, but it helps for now. ]

I...I failed you. [ But did he? There's a lot of his own pain squeezing his chest right now, he can only think to direct it at himself. He caused Diarmuid so much pain and it felt unforgivable. ] ...Yet you still stayed by my side.

for Trevor

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ He'd died. He'd died and was brought back. Hours had passed between his death and resurrection, leaving his bonded with a gaping hole where Berserker's presence had been. That was unforgivable...Even now, it pains him to leave Diarmuid's presence, but he needs to see Trevor. He owes him that much, at least.

His mood isn't the greatest as he steps onto the vampire's doorstep. Conflicting emotions swirl inside of him, though they're muted. A general discomfort is all that transfers through their strained bond. No sense in putting this off any longer, though. A deep breath and he finally knocks on the door. ]

[quickwhip]

[ The pain he'd felt through their bond as it broke when Berserker had died had been unbearable and unlike anything he had ever felt in his life or time here. Considering the amount of shit he's gotten himself into over the years? That says a whole fucking lot right there.

He hadn't realized what had happened at first, having been with Alucard at the time and the blond fine. His mind had raced to Hector at first. Yes, because of his being a faun and his penchant for getting himself into sticky situations. But he still felt his presence through their bond when he really focused on it through the pain and so that left only one other... and he had been in complete and utter disbelief at what he had felt, let alone what it must have meant.

But when it returned to him, he'd felt... a lot. A whole fucking lot of shit and things that he still can't really articulate. They'd just had this fucking conversation about how he didn't want to lose him, how painful it would be and boy howdy he sure as hell was right about that. Unfortunately.

He doesn't even need to hear the knocks to know that the dragon is here. He's a vampire after all. But when those knocks are given, there's no answer to come from the door nor any sort of sign of anyone coming to even see who's there.

But the dragon won't have to wait too long until he's greeted with a: ]

Fuck you.

[ All the way up in a tree nearby. Where Trevor remains perched. Eyes glowing red. Looking... not that happy, to put it midly. ]

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ Again with the tree nonsense. Berserker narrows his eyes, then just looks away. For all of his usual strength and presence, he just seems small right now. The frayed ends of their bond still hurt; all he wants to do is try to mend this. Not just because of the pain, either, but rather because he wants to fix it.

What he did was necessary. Irresponsible? Probably. Death was the last consequence he expected for his actions, though. ]

...At least take your anger out on me down here. [ Equally as small as his presence is his voice. It's jarring to hear him sound so weak. ]

[quickwhip]

No.

[ The word is sharp as he gives it, remaining there on the branch high above. ]

What the fuck happened?

[ He has a fucking good idea what did but, still. He asks. Wanting to hear it. ]

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ If he had the energy, he would fly up there himself, but he doesn't. He'll just have to deal with this frankly ridiculous situation from his spot on the doorstep. ]

I died in the dream...Or did you want the specifics? [ There's the familiar attitude. ] Because I can tell you every single detail, if that's what will please you.

for Scathach

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ The Wilde doesn't exactly hold comfort for Berserker, but it does hold a place he can be alone for awhile. It's difficult for him to accept the truth of what happened, that he'd died and been brought back. His thoughts are a jumbled mess still, a blur of noise in his head and little else. He was too weak to survive, a failure to his bonded, and a disappointment to everyone else. No one believed this things but himself, of course, but he couldn't stop thinking these things.

These thoughts still plague him as he sits down beneath a tree. A familiar figure nearby draws his attention...and amplifies his own self-loathing. Scáthach...Not who he wanted to run into out here. He stops himself from calling out to her, instead choosing to make himself look smaller. Maybe she won't notice him if he shrinks in on himself and stays silent.

It's a stupid thought. He sticks out like a sore thumb. ]

[scatmaam]

[ He really did... and yet part of her couldn't look past him even if he was better at it. Seeing him there, beneath that tree, in her heart she couldn't see him as he'd been before... as Setanta... having failed one of her training sessions, one of the times Ferdiad got the best of him, and feeling rotten and worthless because he wasn't living up to some bizarre idea no one but himself had invented in his head...

She wiped some of her sweat away with a towel, approaching him eventually after she'd done the last of her drills, sitting next to him and sipping from her water. ]

Did I ever tell you about the first time I 'died'? When I realized I couldn't, I mean...

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ He really does feel like a child again as she sits beside him. Years have passed (many, many years), yet it feels like time almost stands still at that moment. At least now he doesn't have to worry about her kicking his ass for slacking (for the moment, anyway).

Berserker can't bring himself to look at her, staring down at the grass instead. ]

No, you haven't...

[ He can't even begin to imagine how that must have felt. ]

[scatmaam]

[ Another sip, and she let her head roll back, ears twitching against the bark briefly before settling, and casting her gaze upward. ]

I've had so many supposedly mortal wounds that I somehow survived that I couldn't tell you of any battle that clued me in to my immortality. When death was still real for me, it always seemed near but too blurry to actually be there at my side...

I walked with Death, but only within its Shadow, as they always said about me.

[ Another sip. ]

So you might be surprised to know my first hint that I was immortal came when I died from tripping on a shoal rock and cracking my neck in two.

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ Not...the story he was expecting from her, to say the least. Berserker turns to look at her finally, his gaze indifferent as ever. ]

...I am surprised. The mighty Queen of Shadows felled by some slick rocks. [ For the first time since he's been back, he smiles very briefly. The very idea of something so mundane 'killing' her is amusing. ] What a way to learn...

for Waver

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ Even his home feels strange after what happened. It will take some time for things to feel normal again. At least this time he's not barking at the dark and lashing out at nothing...Berserker seems uneasy as he makes himself something to eat, pointless guilt gnawing at him. He shouldn't have died, it was senseless...He should have survived, should have done more so he did fail so badly.

A knock on the door breaks him out of his thoughts. The glass he'd been holding slips out of his grip and shatters loudly on the floor.

This weakness is ridiculous. He leaves the mess for now as he goes to answer the door. His expression hardens as he realizes who it is. Waver isn't exactly someone he wants to see right now – he had to have known what happened. He would have felt Diarmuid's distress so keenly...

Berserker steps aside. ]

...Why are you here?

[ It's the same question he asked Diarmuid when he'd returned to the living world. That bothers him, too. It's just as stupid to ask it now as it was then. ]

[tryhard]

[ Waver could hear the glass shatter through the door. He's already got his key out, just about to put it in the lock and just let himself in, respect for their privacy or not, when the door swings open to show Berserker standing there.

For a few moments, Waver only stares at him. ]

...excuse me?

[ Why is he here?

At least Berserker has the decency to step aside and let him through so Waver doesn't need to shove him over. Suddenly, all that worry and anxiety he's been feeling since the crush of Diarmuid's grief had woken him not long ago all solidifies in a surge of jagged, uncharitable frustration.

He's angry. Berserker has been through something awful, and he came here to make sure his friend and his Bonded are okay, and maybe it's not fair to be mad at Berserker right now, but--

Dammit, he doesn't get to ask that stupid question. ]

You know why, you stupid oaf.

Kick me out if you don't want me here, but stop being an absolute fucking idiot, pretending like you can just ignore what happened now because you happened to get lucky.

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ Berserker bristles. His temper is shorter than ever; Waver's words only grate against his frayed nerves. He bares his teeth, his tail stiff and straight, his wings spreading out a little bit. ]

Don't assume you know anything, Waver. Do you think I wanted to die? That I knew that's what would happen? You show up here...For what? To make me feel worse about what happened?

[ Every word has an edge sharp enough to cut, his rage threatening to boil over. It's not just rage, either -- anguish and disappointment mix with it to make it even more painful. ]

[tryhard]

[ Instead of backing down and letting himself be intimidated, Waver steps forward, close enough he has to tilt his head up to look at Berserker's face. His hands clench into fists at his sides, shaking slightly. ]

Of course I don't think you wanted to! But you did, and then you make it sound like it doesn't matter.

Why do you sound surprised?

[ Waver doesn't blame him for dying. He's glad the Coven healers were able to help in time. He shakes his head, tears springing to his eyes. ]

I showed up because I wanted to see you. To make sure you're really okay.

Why is that so strange?

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ The fight leaves him as quickly as it came. His defensive posture fades and he averts his gaze. These outbursts are embarrassing...He should be able to control himself better. It's almost as bad as it was when he started feeling a broader range of emotions. ]

Because it shouldn't matter to you. Either you'd see me again or you wouldn't...You don't need to go out of your way to confirm it.

[ Berserker doesn't -- can't -- understand why anyone who isn't bonded to him cares about him. Even now, the concept of friends is difficult for him to accept. Or maybe he's just backsliding because dying fucked him up. It's hard to tell. ]

for Alex

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ The missing piece in all of his pain was the one who'd witnessed his death, the one who'd tried in vain to save him before it was too late. It was unfair that she'd been the one to suffer that...She suffered so much already. Berserker's mind is on fire with so many negative thoughts...He needs to get out. It's scarcely been a day since everything went down, but it feels like it's been so much longer.

Thoughts still burning in his head, he makes his way out into the city. It doesn't help. There are too many people out and every little inconvenience makes him more irritable. His patience is wearing thinner by the moment...This was a mistake. Between his annoyance and the fog of thoughts in his head, he isn't paying attention to where he's going. He runs into someone and...actually stops.

He looks down at who it is and can only stare in silence. It's the last person he wanted to run into (literally and figuratively) and the person he really needed to run into. ]

Alex...

[ That's all he can say. He doesn't even offer her a hand up, he's so conflicted. All he can do is stare at her. ]

[sing_for_me]

[ The first thing Alex did when she woke violently from the nightmare was rush out to find Berserker, and hand over the small marble he had instructed her to give. But after doing so, all she could do was uselessly wait outside, like she always does, until she heard that he'd returned. The relief that washed over her also drained whatever energy she had left, and too much of a coward to face him or his bonded, she took the good news and left.

There was a numbness that took over, despite him having returned. So much had happened in the last month, so much had been lost, and slowly but surely it felt like soon she would lose her mind too. There was something almost funny how even without the drugs, that was still the path she was on. It was inevitable, she was starting to believe, but at the very least, she wanted to do so some good for the people she had come to care so much about. She'd wasted so many chances to show her gratitude already.

Alex had no intentions of facing him yet, planning to simply leave the food outside of his place. As elated as she was about him being alive, there was something that terrified just as much. Of course, the universe had its own plans.

She's knocked down hard enough for her glasses to fall off, but the chain catches it by her chest. His figure may be blurry, but his voice rang clear. Her body betrays her, her head snapping up towards him. Her throat feels dry and her mouth opens to speak, but she can't find the words to say either, despite rehearsing them in her head a hundred times. Lowering he head again, she tries to gather herself along with the mess of food that had spilled out of the basket, but her hands shook too much. Hearing his voice brought back the image of blood that had covered her hands that night, the feeling of his breathing getting shallower and shallower, and the cold touch of his skin, and the guilt that weighed her down. ]

[curruid_coinchenn]

[ He just stares dumbly for a moment before he kneels down and starts to help her collect the spilled food. Thoughts of the dream flash him back to that moment where everything went so very wrong. His mouth goes dry, leaving just a sharp, metallic taste behind. How desperate her pleading was, how she tried so hard to keep him there...

It hurts. It feels selfish to feel the way he does now -- she was the one who'd been traumatized by his death. ]

I...Thank you. [ Quiet. Extremely quiet and so subdued. ] For everything you did.

[ He doesn't apologize for what happened -- how could he? Apologies are still beyond him and, even then, it's not like he expected her to be the one to find him bleeding out in that godforsaken battlefield. Thanking her is almost reflexive; it's the only thing he can think to do. ]

2

[piromare]

( he doesn't make it a point to go to any bars, but he does like to fly in the evening and night skies. it's the quietness that appeals to him, that lets lio push away those nagging thoughts, worries, and fears. the cool air is pleasant on his feathers, the wind a reminder of how far he's come and how long he's lived here.

which isn't that long, but still. it's something.

spotting someone familiar, lio dives down toward the herd of cats and dogs but slows his descent as he gets closer. no reason to scare them. berserker wouldn't flinch, but seeing as he's tending to the animals...? )

Calm? Yeah, it seems like it.

( crouching down, lio lets his wings fold around himself. )

They must know something we don't. Or I don't.

( that's the only answer, right? )

[curruid_coinchenn]

...Probably something you don't.

[ It's obvious something is...off about the dragon, to say the least. He's subdued, in both his voice and body language, to the point he doesn't really look at Lio. Only his eyes move towards him, just for a moment, before he looks back down at the content black cat in his lap. ]

Animals bred for companionship react to shifts in mood even we're not aware of.

[piromare]

( what he sees in front of him isn't so what he would call gentle. he would call it concerning first. there's certainly something off: it might be a lack of confidence or not projecting that strength he's familiar of--- but he doesn't want to think that it's either of those things. not yet, anyway. )

So are you saying they're not hanging around you for anything other than... you needing their company?

( sure, berserker might be their pseudo-caretaker but his words ring with something that makes the pit of his stomach feel heavy. )

[curruid_coinchenn]

Right...I knew you weren't stupid.

[ Does he really want to spell out what happened to him? Not really. He's been dealing with the fallout for a few days now and it hasn't gotten any easier. Reactions to the fact he died had ranged from overwhelming relief he was alive again to anger that he'd died at all. Lio...Well, Lio doesn't strike him as the type that would try to take a swing at him for dying. ]

Let's just say that it's been rough since everyone shared a dream.