[It's a good thing that both of their 'gifts' mean they can see in the dark. For Cloud, it's comfortable- the wolf part of him can make things out easily in this complete absence of light- so the shutters remain closed. He cranes his head back when Nier's hand brushes against his wrist, leaning against his chest again, and looking up- backwards- at his face as he speaks - unnaturally blue eyes glowing faintly in the gloom.]
...Oh. You... did, huh.
[They've argued too much about things like this to repeat the affair. About Nier's kind of 'protection', what it entails, and as for the fact that it is indeed non-negotiable. They're facts. Nier won that argument, and... re-entering it is just as productive as slamming his head against a wall.
But something overshadows even that, and he pulls away from him, just enough to turn around.]
The people that were responsible aren't here. If they ever turn up... They're dead in about three different ways before me and Zack even get a turn.
[A faint pause.]
...So don't worry. I get it, you're gonna do what you do. But... I don't want you worrying about it. Unless... [Another.] Unless it makes you see me differently. What happened.
[The Thing That Will Forever Be Known As 'What Happened' Because He Wants No Part In Talking About It, Ever.]
[ it doesn't get past him — how personal it all is, he means. it's an entanglement alltogether, like a festering wound that isn't his to pick or prod at. he lets cloud put distance between them, but nier still turns to face his back, making his presence known. ]
It doesn't. Nothing would. [ especially not his suffering. ] You know about who...what I am. I'm not going to turn you away.
[ he takes a step closer. it doesn't do much to breach the divide, and he doesn't mean for it to. it's more of a means of communicating. of saying that he's here, tangible and for him exclusively. ]
...I'm not worried. But I can tell — that he's important to you. And so long as he's important to you, I want to make sure that neither of you get hurt.
[It's a simple statement, something that almost cuts Nier off from the end of his original sentence. But it's something meant. Even if there was some other Nier somewhere, even if this man was, appearance wise, created as a doppelganger, or as the red-haired girls so long ago in his memories had said, a replicant for that man, they weren't anything alike.
Nier's experiences weren't made any less. His hardships no less pertinent, decisions no less consequential. And if those things didn't make a person a person...
Hell if he knew what made one at all. Nier was a who, not a what. And like anyone else, his actions made that difference.]
Who you are.
[A small clarification, uttered lowly. But:]
I'll tell him. Gotta admit, he's probably gonna be surprised.
[Pause.]
Probably gonna have to explain a lot to him too. What we mean to each other, for instance. That okay with you? [Pause.] I- uh- get it, if you don't want me saying anything.
[ who, he says. who. somehow, it had been easier to be a thing — to resign to being a monster than acknowledge his own humanity. who was he? he was nier. one of many. was nier a person or an entity, manufactured for the sake of the earth?
he wonders. he had not been a person, let alone a thing for some time. it doesn’t settle like it should; instead it clings to the pit of his stomach uncomfortably, forever in limbo.
...and yet there’s a shine in his eyes when he looks towards cloud, vulnerable and boy-like. ]
Who. [ he repeats softly. ] ...Right.
[ thoughtlessly, as though he were drifting aimlessly in a sea of oblivion again, he draws closer to cloud. he stops at the heels of his feet and gingerly tugs at his sleeve. ]
Yeah.
[ and then there is a moment where everything is still and nothing happens. ]
[Maybe he was a thing that became a person. Or maybe, the Gestalt project made people outright- removed from their purpose simply by the fact that they had just as much right to live as any of the people they were supposed to be vessels for. They had their own existences. Their own lives. Their own thoughts, their own feelings. Even if humanity hadn't already fallen, it wouldn't make it any less of a fact that humanity had inadvertently created humanity even if they intended to create something to be used.
But. When Cloud's looked at- like that- he can't help but move closer too. It's dark, sure. But he can make out every feature on his face- the way his lips twist downward, the way he seems... fragile, just for a moment, it makes something twist in his chest. of course he moves closer.
It's instinctive to.
He stops shy of touching him, though. What they discussed previously is still on his mind, and.. honestly... it makes him withdraw. He keeps his eyes on him though- for once, not looking away.
and then he says that.
He had a suspicion. Of course he did- if anything, because he... discovered that a little while back. But he'd stayed quiet about it. Because he took things too far, didn't he? Always had, always would. It's something that's wrong with him, always been wrong with him.
If he hadn't-
Finally, he looks away.]
...Okay.
[He needs to... He... Why can't he...?]
I'll, uh, tell him.
[Come on.]
Nier, about-
[What the hell's wrong with him.]
That. And-
[His arms have found their way to his torso. Every muscle's clenched. And they grip each other.]
[ the idea or prospect of reciprocation had been an afterthought to him. he’d known already, in his own way, of course; whatever they had, it was mutual, like two animals carving a space out in each other for themselves. it hits him hard — for a moment, the gravity of what he’s confessed to...or rather, what he’s condemned someone else to kicks in.
but in his attempt to set it aside, just for a second, to not run away this time...nier lets his hands rove up and feel for cloud’s face. they rest at his cheekbones, a thumb dusting against his skin. there’s a meaningful pause as he loses himself in the electric blues of his eyes. ]
It makes me happy that you do.
[ it’s deep, barely shaking with emotion, maybe some kind of vulnerability he hasn’t quite shown until now. a perfectly human fear — to be known and to want. but it’s an honest admission. he’s content with this: the feeling of cloud’s skin underneath his own, and the knowledge that this is something they share, somehow. ]
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no subject
...Oh.
You... did, huh.
[They've argued too much about things like this to repeat the affair. About Nier's kind of 'protection', what it entails, and as for the fact that it is indeed non-negotiable. They're facts. Nier won that argument, and... re-entering it is just as productive as slamming his head against a wall.
But something overshadows even that, and he pulls away from him, just enough to turn around.]
The people that were responsible aren't here. If they ever turn up... They're dead in about three different ways before me and Zack even get a turn.
[A faint pause.]
...So don't worry. I get it, you're gonna do what you do. But... I don't want you worrying about it. Unless... [Another.] Unless it makes you see me differently. What happened.
[The Thing That Will Forever Be Known As 'What Happened' Because He Wants No Part In Talking About It, Ever.]
no subject
It doesn't. Nothing would. [ especially not his suffering. ] You know about who...what I am. I'm not going to turn you away.
[ he takes a step closer. it doesn't do much to breach the divide, and he doesn't mean for it to. it's more of a means of communicating. of saying that he's here, tangible and for him exclusively. ]
...I'm not worried. But I can tell — that he's important to you. And so long as he's important to you, I want to make sure that neither of you get hurt.
no subject
[It's a simple statement, something that almost cuts Nier off from the end of his original sentence. But it's something meant. Even if there was some other Nier somewhere, even if this man was, appearance wise, created as a doppelganger, or as the red-haired girls so long ago in his memories had said, a replicant for that man, they weren't anything alike.
Nier's experiences weren't made any less. His hardships no less pertinent, decisions no less consequential. And if those things didn't make a person a person...
Hell if he knew what made one at all.
Nier was a who, not a what. And like anyone else, his actions made that difference.]
Who you are.
[A small clarification, uttered lowly.
But:]
I'll tell him. Gotta admit, he's probably gonna be surprised.
[Pause.]
Probably gonna have to explain a lot to him too. What we mean to each other, for instance. That okay with you? [Pause.] I- uh- get it, if you don't want me saying anything.
no subject
he wonders. he had not been a person, let alone a thing for some time. it doesn’t settle like it should; instead it clings to the pit of his stomach uncomfortably, forever in limbo.
...and yet there’s a shine in his eyes when he looks towards cloud, vulnerable and boy-like. ]
Who. [ he repeats softly. ] ...Right.
[ thoughtlessly, as though he were drifting aimlessly in a sea of oblivion again, he draws closer to cloud. he stops at the heels of his feet and gingerly tugs at his sleeve. ]
Yeah.
[ and then there is a moment where everything is still and nothing happens. ]
You can tell him I love you.
no subject
But. When Cloud's looked at- like that- he can't help but move closer too. It's dark, sure. But he can make out every feature on his face- the way his lips twist downward, the way he seems... fragile, just for a moment, it makes something twist in his chest. of course he moves closer.
It's instinctive to.
He stops shy of touching him, though. What they discussed previously is still on his mind, and.. honestly... it makes him withdraw. He keeps his eyes on him though- for once, not looking away.
and then he says that.
He had a suspicion. Of course he did- if anything, because he... discovered that a little while back. But he'd stayed quiet about it. Because he took things too far, didn't he? Always had, always would. It's something that's wrong with him, always been wrong with him.
If he hadn't-
Finally, he looks away.]
...Okay.
[He needs to...
He...
Why can't he...?]
I'll, uh, tell him.
[Come on.]
Nier, about-
[What the hell's wrong with him.]
That. And-
[His arms have found their way to his torso. Every muscle's clenched. And they grip each other.]
...Look, I-
[He can't look at him.]
...I think I feel the same way. About you.
no subject
but in his attempt to set it aside, just for a second, to not run away this time...nier lets his hands rove up and feel for cloud’s face. they rest at his cheekbones, a thumb dusting against his skin. there’s a meaningful pause as he loses himself in the electric blues of his eyes. ]
It makes me happy that you do.
[ it’s deep, barely shaking with emotion, maybe some kind of vulnerability he hasn’t quite shown until now. a perfectly human fear — to be known and to want. but it’s an honest admission. he’s content with this: the feeling of cloud’s skin underneath his own, and the knowledge that this is something they share, somehow. ]