middaeg | (closed) you may not miss me but i am not ashamed

[ Everything is beginning to feel a little more INTENSE as of late. Really, it's probably due to his still not having a bond but, considering who he is on top of how he is, well, it's not so much a surprise that he happens to be... bondless. There's also just the whole he doesn't feel he needs one to begin with, so. There's that!

But it's fine - he's fine - M A G I C is the name of the game here for him and despite his having kept to himself over the past month to work on and perfect his choice of magic (illusions) he finally makes his way to the Coven on this particular day because, you know, he's a witch and all.

It's boring and not at all fun and Kadaj is NEVER one to just go along with how things are supposed to be. Not unless Mother says so, that is. But these people? These people aren't Mother and so he doesn't have to listen to them. So he zigzags his way down the steps, looking a little lost in more than just thought when he comes to catch a shimmer of silver hair out of the corner of his eye and-!! Oh, it's not one of his brothers. Dis..appointing. Just a bit. But it's ok! It's really ok! Because he recognizes who that is, even if it takes him a second. That boy who helped him that one time... that's him.

Now, normally Kadaj is absolutely NOT one for conversation unless he's in the mood for it, but who knows what his current mood is right now! So he makes his way on over to Riku, hands clasped behind his back. ]

I remember you. [ His voice is sing-song as he approaches the fellow teen and he wears a bright but somewhat crooked smile on his lips. ] You're a witch, too?

Edited 2020-05-02 21:56 (UTC)

[Riku spends a lot of time at the Coven, either attending classes or pouring over books of spells in the library. He gets a lot of practice with his magic by frequently volunteering with the Wilders, but as soon as he feels he has a good handle on one spell he's quick to move on to the next.

In fact, he's on his way to the library now, his thoughts caught of what kind of spell he wants to focus on next, when Kadaj approaches him. He blinks up at the other teen, recognition coming quickly. After all, there aren't that many people here who have their coloring.]

Yeah, I remember you too. It's been awhile. [He had tried looking for the other boy once or twice after their first meeting, but haven't caught any sight of him.] I am. I was just on my way to the library to study. You want to come?

[ Kadaj has been... keeping to himself. When no one seems to know who you are (or what you are) no matter how much you know them, it's a little... disheartening. Or something! Emotions are strange things that he doesn't quite have a proper grasp on just yet. Will he ever? Who knows! He certainly doesn't.

He cants his head to the side when he makes the offer to tag along to the library and Kadaj... falls silent. Confused? He doesn't usually get invited along anywhere. He's typically the one tagging along regardless of what anyone says or thinks and usually out of boredom. So this is... new. Strange? Confusing. But so was this fellow teen reaching out to help him. Something he hasn't forgotten about. Strange as that is. ]

Sure.

[ Despite the one-word reply, he says it slowly before he starts to walk again, green eyes curiously looking to Riku's face as he passes by. ]

What are you learning?

[Riku watches the other boy carefully, waiting for a response. He doesn't know him well enough to be able to read his expression completely, but he recognizes the confusion. He's just not sure what about his offer would prompt it.

He follows along after Kadaj after hearing his response.]

I'm going to read up on spells for summoning lightning bolts. I've been experimenting with some of the elemental type spells. What about you?

[ Elemental spells. That makes him a fighter. It has to. Why else would one be meaning to learn those sorts of things? That's so... interesting. A thought to be tucked away for later maybe. But when the question gets turned around on him, he smiles. ]

I like illusions.

[ And even as he says so, he holds his palm up and creates a tiny moogle within the center of it, making it twirl and dance... until it explodes. ]

It's almost like what I could do before I found myself here.

[ And then he had to go and be stripped of all he could do. :( This place was no fun like that. But at least he can learn all over again! Hopefully before he explodes or worse. But, as quickly as his thoughts tend to jump around to- ]

So you're a fighter then?

[He nods. Illusions can be powerful in their own right when used properly. But it's not an area that Riku feels he would be particularly strong in. He enjoys the physicality of battle and the elemental spells remind him of the magic he used to be able to cast with his Keyblade.

But his eyes widen in surprise when he sees the familiar form of a moogle appear in the center of Kadaj's hand. He leans in closer, fascinated by the detail of the illusion, but stumbles back in surprise when it explodes. Ok..ay...then.]

Yeah, that's why I like the elemental magic too. That was a moogle, right? It's funny how they keep popping up in different worlds.

[He nods again.] I am.

I thought so.

[ His trails off with a sing-song flit to his voice and strands of silver brush against his cheek as he cants his head away from Riku, letting the breeze blow through him as he wonders. Kadaj sometimes has a habit of beating around the bush but he can also be very direct and sudden with his thoughts and questions.

Such as now with what he asks so nonchalantly. ]

Is it the light or the dark you fight for?

[He stills at the question, his eyes widening in surprise. It's not a question he had been expecting, but it's one he's spent a lot of time coming up with an answer to.]

I fight for the light because I fight for my friends. But there's both in me and I couldn't eliminate the darkness anymore than I could eliminate the light. I've found my own path between them.

[His head tilts to the side slightly as he studies Kadaj's face more closely.]

What about you?

I was made from the depths of ones own darkness.

[ He smiles, so nonchalant about it before he laughs a little. ]

Or maybe it was his genius that turned into darkness. [ Or insanity in some ways. ] Either way, there's no such thing as light within me. I just... don't understand that part of a person.

[ It's then that he comes to slow some in his steps, strands of silver brushing across his face once more as bright green eyes look to the fellow teenager beside him. ]

Does that bother you? Make you feel... uncomfortable around me?

Edited 2020-05-20 22:15 (UTC)

[If he was still connecting to his original abilities he would have been able to answer the question for himself without asking. While strengthening his dark abilities he had developed the ability to smell darkness on a person. But not here.

But somehow, he's not surprised by Kadaj's admission. Maybe he's just spent enough time around people with similar circumstances that some part of him is able to recognize it.]

...Not really. I've known a few people like you. [He thinks of Ansem and Xehanort's Heartless. Pieces of a man who sunk himself deep in the darkness.]

But you haven't done anything to make me think badly of you.

[ That... surprises him? Yes, yes it does! He doesn't feel the least bit wary or uncomfortable around someone who more or less just admitted to being a Very Bad Person? How strange- how strange the people around here are! But then again... he has a point. He hasn't done anything to warrant such harsh treatment or a cold rebuff. At least not to Riku here. Yet? Maybe! It's so hard to tell what his mood will be some days!

But he stands there with curiosity flickering within his bright green eyes, almost as if he is the unsure one now. They look so similar, don't they? The hair, the eyes, the... demeanor? Well, not really. But still! So similar in appearance. They really could be distant brothers too, couldn't they? ]

You know people like me?

[ That piques his interest, head canting to the side. ]

Are they... here?

[Riku should perhaps be more on guard now because of what Kadaj has told him. But, well, back home Demyx is on the side of the Organization, but here he's somehow managed to become...not a friend...but someone Riku and the others don't mind having around.

If he can be friendly with someone who is usually an enemy, then he can overlook Kadaj's unknown past. Because none of it really matters while they're here. And it has nothing to do with him. He can appreciate what it means to offer someone a clean slate.]

Yeah, kind of. I don't know that they're completely the same. Do you know anything about Heartless and Nobodies? [But what Kadaj described does sound similar to Xehanort and his Heartless and Nobody.]

No, they're not.

No...

[ And there's something so genuinely soft in the way he says that, strands of silver hair falling in front of his face, hiding the shimmering bright green of his eyes. ]

But that's definitely what I am. [ And with a slow grin coming to his lips: ] Heartless.

[ That would normally make one raise a brow or two, wouldn't it? Back away and want nothing to do with him? Oh how will his new friend here react to that? He'll just... have to see! Won't he? ]

I once saw the way two people cared for each other and it... made me sad. To think I would never have that and no one could ever care for me the way I wish Mother would... [ But his soft words break off into quiet laughter. ] ...but then I got angry for feeling that and attacked them. They were in my way though.

[He understands what Kadaj means, but he also senses that the boy is waiting for something. Some kind of reaction. As if his words are supposed to shock Riku or something. So the situation definitely calls for some good old fashioned dry humor.]

I doubt it. You're too tall to be a Heartless.

[The rest calls for a different kind of reaction. And as he listens to Kadaj tell his story he can't help but feel a little...sorry for him. Not in a pitying way. But something akin to understanding. It reminds him a dark moment in his own life, when he too had struck out in violence.]

That doesn't sound like heartlessness to me. That sounds like jealousy. [He says the words carefully. Not to taunt Kadaj. But as a statement.]

[ Out here around the barracks is where he finds him and can he even say he's surprised? Of course not! Where else would one find The Great Sephiroth? It really hadn't even taken him that long to find him, mind you. Maybe it's a sixth sort of sense. Maybe he's just that good at finding the people he wants. Or maybe they share such a strong connection between them beneath their very skin and bones that of course he could find the man he came from when he needs him. After all... he's always been able to feel his presence just around, hasn't he? Yes, yes he had and look! There he is!

SEPHIROTH.

Now... he's had a bit of a chat with big brother about this man right here. Oh yes, he certainly did. Carried upon the blond's back with his head fuzzy and words slipping in and out of his head when he could make sense of what Cloud was saying to him. He had been listening. Really! He remembers it all. It's just he couldn't do much until he felt... better. And he does. Well- better than before! That's for sure. He's also had time to think and attempt to feel and so he's felt out Sephiroth because... well... he wants to talk.

So he sits there high above! On a rooftop of a building, leg swung over the side, knee pulled up, and arm draped over it as he lounges there. Waiting. Watching. Only speaking when Sephiroth is finally close enough to hear him. ]

There you are. I've been looking all over for you.

[ He cants his head, a smile on his lips as strands of silver brush against his cheek and he lazily looks down to the man. To Him. ]

Are you... busy?

Edited 2020-05-12 07:21 (UTC)

[The Barracks are familiar to him by now. He’s often visited the training grounds just behind the row of buildings, lined with training dummies on flat, even ground. Sephiroth has already humored a sparring match or two here — and when he does not venture out into the Wilde, which allots him ample space to train (to pass the time, keeping it from rotting into idleness), this proves to be the next best substitute. To practice, to watch, to seek out those who might provide a handful of minutes’ entertainment.

But today, as he walks with Masamune in hand, there’s a sense, a pull, of someone nearby. The familiarity practically vibrates across the stretch of his nerves, just beneath the skin, and when he looks up to spot a familiar figure on the lip of a rooftop above, he isn’t surprised to see Kadaj.

His expression is as before — unimpressed, unamused. Carved from stone. This young man is too erratic to know what to expect from any encounter, and Sephiroth would rather not have to deal with him at all instead of trudging through his disconnected ramblings.]

What do you want?

[ Don't be so HARSH, Sephiroth! He is, after all, family in a way, isn't he? A shrug of his shoulder, he waves a hand about. ]

Just to have a little chat. If that's alright with you.

[ Even as he gives his answer, he hums a little to himself... and drops himself down from the roof with a hand held out as if to catch it before he taps down to the ground. This place leaves him without his normal durability... but that's what MAGIC is for! It's so fun being a witch like that.

He straightens up and flicks strands of silver out of his face, bright green eyes shining as they look up to the man who Cloud has told him to FORSAKE. Well, in a sense. Maybe? Sort of. Point is!! He's told him to find himself without any sort of attachments to this man here and he... intends to do that! Or try. Hopefully... it's just so difficult to settle on this plan or that plan sometimes. He really needs Yazoo here to center him.

Tilting his head, he smile then. Just for Sephiroth. ]

We got off on the wrong foot but that's mostly because that's how I am. [ Thanks to you. ] So let's start over.

[The casual flippancy of this young man who looks too much like him isn't unexpected, for how erratic he's been in the past. Of course, Sephiroth merely expects him to fling anger, or something equally turn-heel emotion, his way in the next few moments -- this lends an expectation for any conversation to fall apart at the seams just a few sentences in.

But he cannot deny the difference at the start of today's meeting. Kadaj seeks to be amiable, and while Sephiroth remains distantly cold, he can at least indulge his curiosity for a little longer.

He watches Kadaj land with the aid of magic, righting himself, before he replies.]

And what are you hoping to achieve? A reintroduction?

You're my creator. Why wouldn't I wish to be around you?

[ That PULL he feels whenever Sephiroth is near. A palpable tug deep within the center of his chest that draws him to the man - THE GREAT SEPHIROTH - who Mother so very much loves... except no. He needs... to stop. Cloud told him to! To sever himself away from the puppet strings that run from his wrists to Sephiroth's fingers. Cloud, for whatever reason, thought him capable of changing, of being someone SEPARATE from this man here and the only Mother he has ever known and been starved of love for.

It's... confusing. REALLY CONFUSING! a lot of the time for him. But he said he would try, didn't he? ]

But I also can't be what I was meant to be. Well... really, I already did! And I died because of it. [ He turns to face Sephiroth, a frown on his face. ] I don't want to die again. It wasn't very fun.

[ Spinning around on his heel, he faces Sephiroth with a bright smile on his lips and holds his hand out. That's what people do when they introduce themselves, isn't it? Shake hands? ]

I'm Kadaj.

[There he goes again, speaking in fragments without context. Calling him his “creator”, but without the explanation of how or why, with Sephiroth depending on their prior conversations to hope to understand. Again, he cannot deny the resemblance that impossible feeling of connection as if they shared a Bond when they certainly do not. This is troublesome as much as it is curious, but when he tries to have a conversation about family, how quickly do the pieces all fall apart. The last time, it ended with Kadaj pointing his blade in his direction.

How does he know that hand will not twist to reveal the proverbial knife in the minutes incoming?

And so Sephiroth merely stares at it for a long, blank moment, lifting his eyes back up to Kadaj a second time. He doesn’t complete the handshake.]

Do you think this is supposed to act as a new start between us?

[How childishly naive.]

Or is it an attempt to be more compliant than you were before?

[ Oh, he... doesn't want to shake his hand. He doesn't want to shake his hand? That's so.. so..!! ]

You're so rude!

[ But even as he exclaims his dislike in being denied a FRINDLY HANDSHAKE!! he laughs. He always laughs. A spin on his heel as he pivots away from the silver-haired man who might as well be his father in a funny sort of way. What a complicated family tree they have! ]

Cloud told me to separate myself from you. He thinks I have a chance to change. Can you believe it? So... that's what I'm trying to do. To not be linked so tightly to you anymore. Even though it's really so difficult when I can feel you inside me.

[ So complicated, so difficult. How is he supposed to rid himself of Sephiroth when he's PART of Sephiroth?? No one seems to ever have an answer for that! But Kadaj falls silent then and cants his head, bright green eyes staring down Mother's favored son. ]

You really don't know who I am? Even now? You don't feel that link between us beneath your very bones?

Cloud told you that?

[This is what Sephiroth latches onto, and perhaps this should not be surprising to Kadaj at all. That even here, not in possession of the knowledge unearthed at Nibelheim, he would have gravitated towards Cloud. Acquaintances, Bondmates. (Friends? He wonders.) Always connected, in a way that Sephiroth remains oblivious to -- that his future self will make certain of.

But for now, only curiosity.]

I feel the connection, but I don't know what to make of it, not when you have been imprecise with all of yours answers. Do you intend to change that?

[ If it's not about SEPHIROTH it's about CLOUD isn't it? How... how... how typical! Really, so very typical of them! Neither will ever truly be rid of the other, will they? I will... never be a memory.

But Kadaj HEAVES A SIGH so very much and almost deflates right there on the spot. But he chuckles softly then, spins around with a hum on his lips before he drops a foot forward and bows to Sephiroth, arms stretched out. ]

You and I... are one and the same.

[ His head hangs, strands of silver falling before his face as a smile softly touches his lips. ]

The things you will come to do in the future lead to your needing my help because you're... currently indisposed. [ To put it mildly. ] So who better to help you than a very part of you made real?

[ Looking up then, he smiles brightly. ]

Loz is your strength. Yazoo is your allure. [ His dear brothers! ] And I am your genius. [ Or more like insanity. ] You tore us out of you and had us search for you. To bring you back. So you can see why I feel very drawn to you even when people tell me to not be.

[ Straightening up then, he tilts his head. ]

And now I get to finally meet you.

[It aligns with the same ramblings Kadaj had been spouting in his direction prior; the conversations that circled around mother, and being somehow related, not being illuminated as the literal -- pieces of him, torn away?]

How is that even possible?

[That isn't something he can do. It isn't something he's heard of anyone doing; for all that Sephiroth is larger than life, the legendary SOLDIER that inspires awe and fear across the continent, he knows his abilities. Splitting himself into pieces for some nebulous goal is not something he can do.]

You're describing something that I cannot do.

[And let's not even touch upon the fact that this young man he's looking at now-- is supposed to be a part of him? His "genius"? There is something about the way he talks, the way he moves, that brings that into doubt. That rakes against his nerves in a discomfiting way.]

(closed) you may not miss me but i am not ashamed

riku

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sephiroth

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i'm sorry about him

i feel like i should say that to u about kadaj 24/7

sorry for both of them constantly.....it tracks

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