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Entry tags:
[closed] what's been on your mind?
Who: Hakuno and Enkidu
When: After the Network Debacles
Where: The Sumerian Suite (aka their shared apartment)
What: It's been a rough one-two punch of a couple days for Hakuno. Enkidu, a perplexed observer to the whole thing, has some questions
Warnings: None yet
It had been a half-drowsy, half-desperate impulse, when Hakuno had typed out that anonymous post. The reception had been varied, to say the least, but Hakuno had come out of it with at least a few solid ideas of what to do, and the mortification of being caught literally mid-response by Enkidu themselves, from across the same room. The embarrassment had faded a bit overnight, at least, but, well...
Well.
Then Gilgamesh went and magnanimously—she's sure that's his view of it—put her up on the block for marriage of all things. Even now, hours later, Hakuno struggles to wrap her mind around it. As is the case usually, it's a decision built on internally consistent logic, even if it isn't exactly the kind most could come close to comprehending. But, that doesn't mean she agrees with or supports his choice, especially when it was made on her behalf as a surprise.
She sigh heavily as she finally enters the apartment, shuffling out of her boots and moving to flop out on the couch, resting her arm over her eyes.
Completely unbelievable," she mutters. "He's completely unbelievable."
When: After the Network Debacles
Where: The Sumerian Suite (aka their shared apartment)
What: It's been a rough one-two punch of a couple days for Hakuno. Enkidu, a perplexed observer to the whole thing, has some questions
Warnings: None yet
It had been a half-drowsy, half-desperate impulse, when Hakuno had typed out that anonymous post. The reception had been varied, to say the least, but Hakuno had come out of it with at least a few solid ideas of what to do, and the mortification of being caught literally mid-response by Enkidu themselves, from across the same room. The embarrassment had faded a bit overnight, at least, but, well...
Well.
Then Gilgamesh went and magnanimously—she's sure that's his view of it—put her up on the block for marriage of all things. Even now, hours later, Hakuno struggles to wrap her mind around it. As is the case usually, it's a decision built on internally consistent logic, even if it isn't exactly the kind most could come close to comprehending. But, that doesn't mean she agrees with or supports his choice, especially when it was made on her behalf as a surprise.
She sigh heavily as she finally enters the apartment, shuffling out of her boots and moving to flop out on the couch, resting her arm over her eyes.
Completely unbelievable," she mutters. "He's completely unbelievable."
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And this isn't the first time where the concept of humanity surprises them. To be honest, their knowledge has been just knowledge. They weren't human at heart and it shows. They have been naive and they have never really considered the complexity of being human. They cannot be a human. Their soul doesn't allow that. It doesn't grow beyond to what they are. A weapon.
When they hear Hakuno's voice they look up and watch how she moves to plop herself down on the couch.
"What has he done?"
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She swings herself upright, wings fluttering powerlessly with the exertion, and waves a hand. "Like, he's talked about romance with me to amuse himself before, sure. Mocked my taste in men, my appearance, whatever. That's normal for Gilgamesh. But this? Something like this is—ugh." She rubs her face. "I've never even had a boyfriend. I've only even been kissed twice, and one of those times was just a magic bestowal process. He put the cart pretty firmly in front of the horse this time. On the grandest stage he could find, at that."
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"Gil is..." They sigh softly, frowning as they try to find proper words. It is difficult to compare Gil to humans and it is even more difficult to see him as being strange. Gil is Gil. "...To me it translates to him caring for you. Because he will never say that out loud. He will not allow himself to acknowledge such things."
Slowly they move to stand on their feet so they can plop next to her on the couch.
"He did not mean to ridicule you. Gil is...humanity's first hero, a king who observes...he isn't just a human."
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"...I do know he does care," she admits quietly as she twines her fingers together in her lap, with only Enkidu as her witness. "And I know, in his own way, he had the best of intentions with this. But he didn't ask if I wanted a husband. When I first saw it, I thought—" she hesitates, briefly. "I thought... he wanted me to move out, and try living my life separately. But, that wasn't something he even thought about, apparently."
Logistics and tertiary consequences were quibbles for lesser beings, apparently.
"I don't... have a good record, with romance." She shrugs her shoulders. "And, he's right that most of the people that pursued me were really, really dangerous and wanted to kill me at various points. Frankly... I wouldn't know what to do with a husband if he had arranged something and I was convinced to accept it, or even a wife. Even if I didn't move out, we'd at least need a separate bed; the three of us barely fit as it is." A weak joke, but a good point, too.
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Enkidu is bad with feelings. They do not know how to name half of them.
"Gil likes to keep those he cares for around himself. In a way he...claims them, as it is his right as a king. But perhaps in human eyes that is strange. To claim friendship. To claim affection. Perhaps if he does not claim it, he knows will be unable to have it, he knows he will be alone."
This couch isn't as comfortable as the one Ozymandias owns and they shift a little before pulling up their knees.
"It is true that your suitor needs to be a boy friend first. Yet, I cannot tell you of romance. It is something humans crave. A certain bond that leads to pleasure. Gil wants to be sure that the one that will be your boy friend is someone who will not kill you." Finally they lean forward a little and grin. "Also, Waver Velvet is not a good boy friend. He is rather strange and is quite fussy when it comes to wine." Then they blink. The bed? Moving out? "Hmm? I do not think Gil wants you to move out. And I can sleep everywhere."
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They've come a long way, honestly.
"He also sounds like he's taken, which is more drama than I care to unearth over a spouse I'm not actually in the market for," she laughs, faintly, shaking her head. "I know he doesn't now, but... well, it's not like a person's wife usually lives apart from them, is it?" Her wings twitch behind her. "And he didn't have to jump straight to marriage, anyways. If he wants me to be safe in case I, um..." She falters, briefly. "In case I get caught up in the moment, some moon or another, then I just... need to find people to trust, with that. With.. me."
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Truly, one does not simply 'summon' Gil and expect him to follow like some sort of dog.
"Hmm...I read that. Iskandar seemed rather upset. But then again, what Gil said is true. A king is allowed to claim whoever they want to. Perhaps to Iskandar Waver is what I am to Gil. A true friend." Finally they reach out and take hold of her hands. "I am sure you can ask him when the moon comes. He cares for you. Why not ask him?"
They pause.
"If anything, I will help you as well. I do not mind pleasuring another."
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She hadn't been in her right mind, but if she had been, she honestly doesn't think things would have gone half as well.
"It amused him so much, he decided to condescend to accompany me. So, from the moment I summoned him, I didn't't expect anything of him, other than his strength and capriciousness." The thought of bossing the likes of Gilgamesh around is anathema to her. You'd have better luck redirecting a river with a spoon.
"That's—I—" Her brain stalls out, sent reeling by the swift double-blow. "He doesn't—see me as a woman. We don't... we've never viewed each other like that, Gilgamesh and I, w-we're not... we're not like you and him, and—" She's red again, and growing redder by the second, suddenly all too aware of Enkidu. Enkidu and their beauty, Enkidu and their deceptively strong hands, Enkidu who wanders the apartment shameless and bare as much as their friend does, Enkidu who she has seen delve beneath the colors, Enkidu whose adeptness at pleasuring others sent her skittering from the apartment on more than one occasion, from the Bond-ripples alone. "That's... a really generous o-offer," is what she finally says, not quite meeting their gaze. "But—I mean—y-you don't have to—I'm not... I know I'm not really in your league."
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"It is no wonder why Gil likes you. As common as you may be in his eyes, it is rather courageous to sacrifice your command seals to force him in such a way. I think he would deem it a worthy sacrifice."
It is interesting to hear so many stories about Masters who have summoned Gil (or not entirely summoned him but...still, the result is the same). One where Gil changed back to a boy, one where Gil has been unable the loss of his Master and then there is this. Of all stories, Hakuno's strikes them as the most Gil of all.
"Did he do things you did not expect from him?"
Still, it is difficult to envision Hakuno's grail war. Moon Cells and BB's role. Traveling through space. And more and more questions raise inside their head, pushing their way to the tip of their tongue. But then she starts to speak again and her face turns red and for a moment Enkidu finds themselves amused and surprised at the same time.
"You aren't his friend? If you want I can ask him. It would be foolish of him to refer to your low birth. I do not think it is relevant. I think you need to try to see through such words. After all, Gil will address those who aren't Uruk's great king as if they were his subjects." Enkidu hums softly right before she starts to stammer while looking away.
"A league? In what league am I then? Hmm...I do not think I care for leagues." More humming follows. "If I were in a league I would be in a more clay like league. Or a league of weapons. Is that the sort of league you mean?"
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He's familiar, now, but she doesn't know that she'd ever call him totally predictable.
"I'm his Master," she murmurs, still not quite meeting their gaze. "His partner. That's, that's my place in all of this. I don't care about him talking about my station or whatever." Unless he starts in on the poverty bullshit, at least. She blinks, startled back into looking at them when they start in on the weapons angle. "N... no, not at all like that. I meant—" It's so hard to say this now, for some reason, with her hand in theirs and her gaze riveted on them. "I mostly meant the fact that you're pretty much the loveliest person I've ever met, and I... don't have any experience."
And they, from what she's gleaned from the Epic and seen around their home, have quite a bit.
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Enkidu realizes that most of their questions are friendship related lately. They truly wonder if they would ever understand this concept. It seems too human for them. Something that can be called advanced humanity.
"Of everyone you know I am the loveliest one? Ah! That is a compliment is it not?" They squeeze her hands slightly. "You are very lovely as well, Hakuno. I am glad it is you who looks out for him." Enkidu remembers how she spoke of him when they met. How she was so sure that he was here. "Have you never experienced pleasure? Or a kiss? I can tell you, it is quite fun and when you're bonded you can feel what the other feels."
That was the most intense thing about being with Gil now, really. Perhaps this was the thing about bonding Berserker meant. Being so aware of one another.
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Honoring Enkidu like that, silent and stern, has always been something that he needed. Hakuno understands that.
“It’s... it’s true,” she stammers, and then is even more soundly knocked off-kilter. Nobody calls her lovely. Nobody ever does. Her odd charms are remarked upon, her character, her soul but—lovely? No, she’s never been told so, and it leaves her tonguetied for a long moment. “I—I’ve been kissed, twice. The first time was just to receive a magical technique, and it nearly suffocated me. The second was... a brief farewell to a dear friend.”
Her gaze skitters away from them, cheeks flaring red again. “I’m—I am fully aware of feeling when he’s... intimate. It’s, uh. It’s part of why I’m so late coming to bed most nights, honestly. I can feel... well, what you two get up to. I-I don’t want to get in the way.”
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They gaze at her hands in theirs.
"A lot has happened and perhaps I will tell you that one day. The memories are still quite hurtful at times and at times I have dreams..."
But oh. For a moment their eyes widen, their attention focusing on what she is saying again.
"Ah...no, I wasn't calling you a liar..." Their eyes widen a little more. "And what I said isn't a lie either. It is a compliment." Slowly they reach out and touch her cheek with the tips of their fingers. "Your cheeks are reddening here. And yes, I have felt it as well. What happened when the moon was out. Hmm...it was quite an intense thing, not? I am not sure how to call the feeling I got from it..." Enkidu is used to him having many others. After all, he claimed every maiden in Uruk for himself before they could wed. But maybe they did not expect it to feel like that.
"You are free to join us."
Grass is green, sky is blue and, no worries, these two Sumerians got your back, Hakuno.
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Enkidu means more to him than any of that.
"I'm—I, um, I'm flattered." Her breath stutters out of her, and she doesn't know what to do with this sudden, skittish shyness. This is different from Gilgamesh's shameless nudity, from Kiara's innocently vulgar allusions, form—anything she's used to. She's never been so openly praised or invited like this, by somebody who actually knew her and didn't run the risk of killing her. "But he, uh, might not agree. He once told me... standing by his side as a maidservant is the best I can hope for, when the subject of pretending to be lovers to fool an enemy came up. I don't think he even sees me as a woman. So, I don't think I actually... am free to do that. I'll... I'll figure something out, somehow."
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Enkidu cocks their head a little to the right and finally lets go of her hands so they can hold their hands up in the air, showing her the fingers they are missing. "Humans cut off my fingers and they trapped me inside a cage. They also beat me and stabbed me. I am no servant here. Or what I once was. I am more of a human. My body functions in a different way. My way of thinking... For Gil it is going to be the same. Different because he is not me but...we are more human here. More alive. There is no Grail or a Moon Cell. Other Servants here have denied their Masters, they have made the choice to live. I think...we are alive here. But different. Things are different..."
Slowly they lower their hands again, gazing at the place where certain fingers once were. After that they reach out again, hands covering hers once more.
"What do you wish to be?" They pause while a thoughtful expression appears on their face. Oh yes, there was that as well. "Should I kiss you? So you know how that feels."
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Her own heart aches, tight and terrible, as they delve into the gritty and gruesome details. It saps the heat from her cheeks, her eyes prickle, and she carefully shifted her hands and squeezes their hands, very, very gently. That sobering admission manages to crack through the shyness long enough for her usual candidness to leak out.
“I want... I want to be someone who people want to kiss, I-I guess. I want friends I can be gentle and straightforward with. I... want to learn what else I want.” It’s a struggle to hold their gaze, instead of looking away. “I’d... I’d like to know what it’s like when it isn’t a means to an end, or a threat, or something sad.”
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The grip on her hands tightens significantly.
"The thing I want most is that he is happy. And I want to love him too. With my all heart."
When they understand what love is, that is. Or when they realize that they have loved him all along. The idea of being at his side makes them definitely feel happy and warm. But there's also that underlying need to battle him, to challenge him because, somehow, they bring forth the best in one another. Maybe, the best way to explain Gil's presence is coming home.
"Hmm? You seem quite kissable. And I do not know what you want but if you experience things you can figure out if those things are the things you wanted, not?" And that sounds grim. Shouldn't kissing be positive? And wanting as well. "Ah." Enkidu's eyebrows knit together for a moment and finally they lean in, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Kissing is very nice. Should I kiss you on the mouth? Or on the cheek?"
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She squeezes back, securely in their grip. "I never doubted that," she assures them, honest and open.
Above all else, she knows that Enkidu loves Gilgamesh. Above all else, down to her bones, she knows that they earnestly pray for his happiness, in life and death and the in between.
You don't have to, she tries to say, but somehow what comes out is a meek, pink-cheeked, "...mouth, please."
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Enkidu cannot imagine what it means if he would fall in love with another or fall in love more. Wouldn't that just mean that his soul grows? That he moves forward, driven by his own will to do so? What would happen if he would fall in love with another person? Is it something they should not approve of?
"I want him to be happy, Hakuno. If my feelings are similar to love, they have always been that way and will remain so until the end of time. It would sadden me if I would be the one who stops his soul from growing. Therefore I will never stop him when it comes to finding another friend. Or another one to fall in love with."
A soft humming sound escapes their mouth before they slide a hand over her cheek and press their lips against hers, capturing her upper lip between their own.
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She's cut off with the kiss, her voice muting to soft, squeak of a sigh.
They're—gentle. Warm. Her heart is racing, but her lungs aren't burning with strain. Tentatively, she kisses back.
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"He is finding himself a wife. So he is willing to become another person's boyfriend. Those are bonds that cannot be ignored and I would not dare to discourage him to chase them. There is more to this than happiness or unhappiness. Or even love. When his soul is able to grow I will take a step back. If the strength of his will urges him forward I will make room.
It would make me unhappy to hold him back and in the end that will make him unhappy as well."
They will hold back and allow him to choose the path he wants to take. Still they will not stop feeling what they feel. That warmth, that thing that makes their heart skip a beat.
And this kiss. It is a kiss born out of curiosity and maybe they just want to let her know that kissing is actually quite great. Enkidu hums softly when she kisses back and slowly, ever so slowly, they part their lips a little, inviting her to claim their mouth.
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But, unavoidably, when she kisses them back and some of the shyness melts into fascinated and slightly needy interest, there’s no way they won’t notice shades of a younger and (relatively) less experienced Gilgamesh seeping through.
She deepens the kiss cautiously at first, testing the waters, and the gradually stumbles down the slippery slope of her own too-ignored interest and curiosity, growing bolder and more assertive without quite realizing it, until her mouth is hungry on theirs and her hands are curled in their shirt and hair, cradling them close.
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In a way it is odd to think of themselves as someone who relates to humans in such a way.
So it is good that they kiss and that they can focus on that. Kissing is nice. Kissing can be a connection but kissing can also be pleasure. It can be a greeting. An experiment. What it is, it makes them feel curious and a surprised noise makes it out of their mouth when she starts to push back against their lips. But after that Hakuno grows bold enough to hold on to their hair and shirt while claiming their mouth in a most forward way.
And in a situation like this it is only logic to return the favor. To let their tongue slide against hers and push back with the same intensity. To deepen it, to infuse it with a sense of pleasure.
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She pulls back occasionally, parting briefly for soft, panting breaths, before shifting back to their mouth, needy and fascinated in equal measure.
Somewhere along the way, this has snowballed into the sort of thing she has been very, very careful not to fantasize about. This has turned into something that has her clinging close and sighing soft, ragged breaths into their mouth, something that makes her heart thunder in her chest and her mind grow hazy. This, she is too addled to notice, has mounted into something particularly dangerous to the careful, composed, respectful space she has tried to maintain in this apartment.