middaeg | [ CATCH-ALL ] I've never fallen from quite this high

They are. You should have one! You've never--?

[ Waver tries to tug his hand away when it's captured, scowling up at Caster. Or maybe pouting. ]

That's ridiculous.

[ Unsure if he means the metaphor or the implication... ]

It's just-- It's complicated, okay? There's nothing wrong. It's just... a lot's going on. It's fine.

Oohkay— [ Shit the slur is here again. You know what they should have also bring? Water. Lots of water. Ah, it's always in hindsight ]

Hit me. I get complicated. [ Self-deprecating joke in 3..2..1... ] And if I don't, we might not remember this anyway, so the face is saved.

[ The fire-witch hastened metabolism might have a word with him about that (he can't stay drunk for long unless it's continued fuel), but if he ends promising to forget, that promise will be kept. ]

[ "Not remembering" is a very tempting excuse... The alcohol is also certainly a helpful element, of course. One way to make a truth serum, and it doesn't even involve actual alchemy.

The changes Waver has experienced have increased not only his body temperature but metabolism as well-- lucky because he's a lightweight and would probably get even more wrecked if he stayed drunk longer, but less lucky because he's starting to figure that out and has been drinking as consistently as Caster tonight, if not in the same volumes. The point is. They're both white girl wasted, aren't they?

Waver heaves a heavy sigh, staring off into the starlit distance. ]

Rider invited someone to move in with us. I don't like it. Change is annoying. The guy's annoying. And I know he needs a Bond and it would make sense, and it's not like I want to tie Rider down or prevent him from helping someone and I don't want to be weird about it but--

I feel weird about it! Ugh.

[ Caster keeps nodding and working really hard on not drifting off— his brows furrow and for a moment he finds himself counting days, finding a date, when the Mirrorbounds appeared? The new batch? Been like two weeks or so, it got crowdy in Haven and... well, new people, new kids to adopt. ]

How nice of him to be so helpful... [ Is it nice if it gets sprung on his Bonded though? ] So he adopted one of the new kids, aye?

[ Now it makes more sense why Waver has been staying the nights in Inkchanted lately. It was always designed with the possibility of crashing for night or five, it's their place! They can do whatever they want! ]

Is the weird happening because it's someone you don't like, or because he didn't talk with you about it first?

Not new, no... but he was--

[ With the booze severely inhibiting his filters, Waver only barely has the wherewithal to realize that maybe he shouldn't be spilling Judar's personal business, but he was kidnapped too. And so was Caster. It feels like it only makes sense to say it. ]

He was among the captured when... when it happened. But he had no one to look for him. So Rider thought... you know.

[ Waver shakes his head, sighing and leaning his head back against Caster's shoulder. ]

No, no. He talked to me about it. But what could I possibly say? Of course I agreed. I could see how much it meant to him, and Judar had nowhere to go-- not that he seemed to mind but--

[ He's lost the ability to complete a thought without sighing and grumbling and feeling like an asshole.

Waver groans. ]

See what I mean?

You could say no. If you didn't you must have a good reason to. [ Like the whole it meant so much to my Bonded I decided to give him that. The eternal shit sandwich. ]

But you're not happy about the decision and it means— [ In alcohol we trust, gotta finish that bottle... ] That means something unexpected about it makes you unhappy, right?

[ Eloquent, a true understanding of people's heart and all that. But they're both smashed so who cares. So the idiot here stands up, arms thrown wide. Please don't fall down ]

Is he stealing your blankets? Being a shit? Or maybe it's not about sharing space, but about sharing a person? [ Look, he knows Judar too. Just the very fact that it's Judar is already telling him things. If he was in his sober mind, he'd be more worried about the Faun unbonded state and the nasty side-effects it brings. But he's too drunk to parse it all well. ]

I couldn't tell Rider to leave him basically on the streets just because I felt weird about sharing a space, now could I? I'm not a monster!

[ Not... that kind...

Waver frowns, hearing the word he just used. He grabs Caster's arm when he pulls away, dragging him back. His ears are down, anxious and frustrated (and cold), and he reaches for the bottle again as soon as Caster is back in reach. ]

Well... no... he doesn't steal my blankets! That'd be super weird! But--

Ugh. I don't know! I just-- it's weird. It feels weird having him there and his scent all over things that are mine. [ Like Iskandar. Iskandar being his. In his own territory.

God, it's just beginning to dawn on this idiot that this has more to do with instincts than anything else... or maybe at least it's exacerbated by the instincts. He hates this. Especially after being demeaned and treated like a literal animal for that awful, traumatizing week, he feels even worse about these instincts than ever. He's more than this. He should be able to get past this.

But Judar's scent in his home is still grating and makes his hackles rise and he doesn't know how to turn it off. ]

...that sounds stupid. It's stupid.

It's these stupid Turnskin feelings getting me all messed up and it's not fair!

Rider... Iskandar is my King. I trust him. I trust his decisions. I don't want to make this harder for him. And Judar wants to follow him too. That's a good thing, isn't it?

But when I think about him Bonding with someone else... even though I'm already Bonded with Diarmuid...

[ Another swig. His face is flushed, tail twitching agitatedly. He shouts out to the sea, waving the bottle like a baton. ]

What do I even have to be jealous about?!

[ Instincts are what Cú thinks as well, but he lets Waver speaks for now. Too busy nodding and wrestling with opening another bottle. Because clearly, clearly, they had not enough yet. Turnskins and firewitches, high metabolism, they can do this without puking right?

It's a tough situation to be in, especially when you feel like the one being irrational... So as he mentally prepares an answer and takes another drink from the newly opened bottle— then he proceeds to spit it all out hearing the last news, partially through his nose even. ]

You're Bonded with Diarmuid??? [ What a news. How? When? Whut? Where his drunk composure went, he was just about to give advice on weird feelings.

Everything Waver said shall be addressed soon, soon the dog will recover and resume his usual proceedings. ]

Edited 2020-03-03 20:40 (UTC)

[ Well. At least this succeeds in distracting Waver momentarily from his problems.

He stops, blinking at Caster dumbfounded. ]

...huh?

[ Why is he shouting?? ]

Yes? Why?

Ah... damn. [ Now he looks just sheepish. His own reaction, or rather how over the top it was getting back to him slowly, and he calms down. ]

Guess we can form an "I kinda feel like an asshole club." [ Normally, he'd probably leave it at this. As chatty as he is, he is good at keeping his own personal business his. Alcohol though... ] If I knew that I— I wouldn't say in the hospital what I did.

[ That he blamed himself for not putting the wards and defenses around Inkchanted. That if he did, maybe he and Waver wouldn't be taken, or at least Waver could escape. That it was his lack of foresight and trust in the city that puts him partially to blame.

No wonder Diarmuid looked so sad. If he's Bonded to Waver and Berserker, he must have blamed himself for not being able to save them both. That he failed them. ]

That's okay, I'm not... entitled to that kind of knowledge. [ Oh he tries not to sulk. Stay still gay part of his heart. ]

[ Waver's not quite following, but he senses the mood shift, watching Caster's face with vague confusion. He blinks. ]

What do you mean? What's wrong?

It's not a secret or anything... I suppose it simply never came up.

[ He pulls away slightly from Caster, leaning his elbows on the railing and looking out over the dark sea, breeze sweeping his hair back from his face. The effects of the alcohol are still a gentle buzz under his skin, only slightly slowing his words, and sometimes he pauses to search for the right one, but as the recollection starts, Waver finds himself just... talking. It feels so natural. It all falls into place. ]

When the first of the Mirrorbound wound up in this world, we ended up finding each other. By chance, more than anything. No one else was familiar to me, and in this strange world, considering everything happening and how difficult it was first experiencing the effects of the Sisters and how this place has changed me-- Well, Rider wasn't here yet, and I had no reason to believe he ever would be, for sure...

So it only seemed natural to ally with each other. With Diarmuid, I mean.

It was a matter of convenience at first, a matter of survival as we tried to figure out this new world, but since then... As you know, a lot has changed.

I am... honored, to call him my Bonded.

[ "Honored, to call him my Bonded." those are good words to hear. That once again shows that Waver gets it. And it's not like he's upset about the fact. He might be a bit... uneasy on how he learns about these things in weird circumstances.

But that's between him and Diarmuid. Not between him and Waver. So he is quick to assuage ]

You are right it might not have simply come up. Worry not— I have no doubt in the honesty of your intentions.

[ That's where he gets into that ~~of yore~~ way of speaking, but in the end, it is the most natural to him. Words of a modern punk being brought to him by the Grail and time spent among the modern people ] But I am glad to hear you speak so highly of him.

[ Time for evasive maneuvers!!! ] But back to Judar stealing your blankets—

[ Or rather, Iskandar himself ]

You're not okay with that. So what's next step?

[ Ah. Back to his problems, huh? Waver groans, slumping over the railing, head hanging down so the wind gets his hair all over his face instead. ]

I don't know the next step. That's why I'm complaining about it!

[ Goddd, don't expect him to have productive answers or anything, wow. Why would you think that?? ]

And it's not like I'm not okay with him living there. I'm just... trying to get used to it, okay?

[ Look, he will always default to other people's problems. It makes it easier to escape his own!!!! ]

He is a king— [ If there are people out there for whom that title matters, he is one of them ] —soooo.... I imagine it could be hard to just say, "don't Bond with him"

[ Double the guilt, because when Judar said there is no one to bond with him, one of the people Caster suggested was goddamn Iskandar. Ugh

Lack of foresight once again ] But how you feel about it, I think that oculd be shared, you know? Even if you think it's the Turnskin instincts messing with you— I think he'd understand that?

[ A shrug ]

Easy to say, I know. It still sucks.

Of course he would. It's not that I don't think he'd respect what I feel...

[ Though Caster has a point about Iskandar being a king, and to Waver of all people, it does matter. Just not in the way of following without question. The problem is that the issues impacting how he feels about this step from entirely illogical sources for the most part, and he can't justify them to himself, even though it doesn't make it easier at all.

Waver sighs again, crossing his arms over the railing and hunching down to rest his cheek on them, face turned toward Caster. ]

You don't have to solve anything. I just wanted to... let it out, I guess... We'll figure it out.

I'm not going to let these stupid instincts override logical thought.

[ Now, more than ever. After what he'd been forced to become in that underground hall of nightmares, the idea that this is affecting him so badly because of what he is now is really frustrating, a little alarming. The added stress isn't helping his recovery, which is already straining under the lack of sleep and shadow of bad dreams. It's just bad timing, really.

But he has Iskandar. He had Diarmuid. He has friends, a home, a support network. He's lucky.

It feels unforgivable to even think about denying the same to Judar, who had also suffered and been terribly hurt.

Waver buries his face in his arms, rubbing it on his sleeve to warm the nip of cold air on his nose. ]

It will be an adjustment, but I wouldn't try to stop him.

Yeah, I get it. I think I get it. Not every change can be fought against, but getting... used to it takes time.

[ It might be too early to say anything. Or maybe it's not necessarily the right thing to say. Sometimes feelings are just feelings, grit your teeth let them pass. Either blow past you like a wind, or— forcibly let them out. Blow off some steam.

Cú shakes his head and starts rummaging at his belt. The big one, with all the alchemical ingredients left at home, but he's always stashing something. A pinch of this, a drop of that, into an almost empty bottle of alcohol. He joins Waver at the railing, as the new concoction in the bottle starts to emit a faint glow. ]

Know what— when I set it on fire and throw in the air. It's gonna be a blast, but with the spell, that's there... no one will hear you for a moment. You can yell out what's on your heart, throw it all out. [ —he's still drunk, yes. Alcohol and magic don't mesh well, some people say. But letting the emotions out isn't always allowed, or always possible. So why not create an opening? ]

To not let it fester and grow— [ —into resentment. That's what usually grows from seed like that. That's added in a much quieter and sober voice, and a flame appears on his hand with a snap of tattooed fingers. ]

Really? That sounds so...

[ Ridiculous, yes. But also, very appealing. Waver huffs, pulling away to lean on the railing, staring out into the darkness beyond. His breath is a puff of white when he snorts, shaking his head. ]

Okay, fine! Do it. Make it real loud. So you can't hear either!

[ Even if that's not possible, Waver trusts him not to repeat any of this, at least implicitly; in reality, he's not thinking much about the future or talking this over with anyone sober. The liquor leaves only the now, and the feelings erupting inside him, barely waiting for the fire to ignite.

The bang is their very own firework. Waver leans hard over the railing, the wind whipping his hair around his face, taking the words from his mouth to carry them out to sea when he shouts. ]

I'm jealous! Okay?! I know it's stupid! I love him and I'm jealous and I'm scared to share! There! I said it!!

Stupid feelings, go away!

[ CATCH-ALL ] I've never fallen from quite this high

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