middaeg | [ CATCH-ALL ] I've never fallen from quite this high

[ There's a soft knock at the door announcing Waver's presence before the handle turns, and it creaks open quietly. Waver peeks inside the hospital room, canine ears perked forward with interest as he steps through the threshold, making sure Judar isn't asleep. ]

Judar? Hi. How are you feeling?

[ Waver's probably had plenty of times when his ears catch things that aren't even in the immediate vicinity, especially the room, that catches his attention. When he peeks in, Judar's still while balanced on the crutches, with the deer-like ears raise and tilted just a little downwards. Which makes sense, with their height differences. Still, it certainly has the 'deer caught' look.

He... Wasn't really expecting anyone. Partially because he hasn't exactly been able to focus, as he's rarely able to do with the entire week surrounding the full moons, and he was expecting people to be busy. So someone catching him as he tried to walk with these things was... Embarrassing? It was a vulnerability he wasn't ready to show until he was more familiar with using them. ]

Fine... What brings you around? I know they're having some of us come back for follow-ups.

I came to see how you're healing up.

[ Waver closes the door behind him, not commenting on the crutches. He can offer a hand if it's needed, but he won't insult Judar by making assumptions. It's a vulnerable enough position to be in without Waver pointing it out.

Instead, he leans back against the door for now, offering a shrug. ]

But you're not wrong... I still needed to see the healers for some things, so I was in the area.

I wanted to talk to you about logistics when you're ready to move in.

Is now a bad time?

[ It's definitely the right choice to have made. Judar could be stubborn, and he has gotten doubly so in times when people offer to help out with obvious struggles that he's working on his own. It was more than enough that there was a moment of silence as he watched the way the turnskin was leaning against the door.

There's some paranoia and concern he hasn't been able to shake since their captivity. It's made him hyper-aware, regardless of whether there was any danger or not. ]

Now's as good a time as any. Go ahead and sit.

[ He'll... Slowly make his way back to the bed, one crutch and hoof at a time. It's all too obvious how much strength is going to have to be worked back into the legs, even though some progress had to be made for him to stand and make any steps at all. ]

The big guy just went off suggesting I move in, but I've got no idea where it is. One of the cottages or something? I know he's gotta put that horse somewhere.

[ Waver takes the invitation, pulling out the small chair. He waits until Judar is also seated on the bed before settling down onto it. ]

It's a flat, part of a bloc in the Haven. Two bedrooms, nice view. You'd have your own room, don't worry. And Bucephalus is stabled elsewhere.

[ A... Oh, Iskander. You really jumped ahead with the ideas instead of thinking things through for the long run. Part of Judar's brain immediately tries to imagine the space with him in there as well and.... Geeze, the guy just had him ready to agree, but this is a lot to set up.

For one thing, Judar's imagining that the turnskin is going to want a lot of private space with his Bonded. Especially after what happened that previous month. ]

Right... Well, I guess it's just a different place to put my stuff at this point, anyway. So if you were using that room for something else, it should be fine. Though this whole crippled thing is ruining how I usually spend my nights. I'll figure something out... So I won't be in the whole 'Bonded' way.

[ In a way, all of this was happening because it's hard to tell Iskander 'no.' ]

[ Technically, Waver has been storing a mess of books in that room, a makeshift library and some questionable alchemical experiments-- but the apartment had come furnished, and the room has a bed alongside the desk and shelves he actually uses it for. Waver shrugs. ]

I might need to store some books in there, but other than that, I'm not using it for much.

[ That's not entirely truthful. He was using it as an office and/or lab of sorts, but all that stuff can be moved or taken to Inkchanted. Waver spends a lot of his time there anyway, so it's fine if all his work is in one spot. ]

You don't have to only store your stuff. You're supposed to be living there, remember? Or what's the point?

[ The mention of 'the whole Bonded' thing makes his ears tense, tipping back slightly. His lips purse, but after a few moments, Waver only offers another shrug and folds his hands in his lap. ]

Aren't you and Iskandar talking about Bonding too?

[ He asks, coolly. ]

How am I supposed to know? I told you both how often I was just spending the night at random places.

[ Not that it was a preferred thing, but he used to be able to rely on that for both a bed and some meals easily, ultimately saving himself some coin on the expensive and monthly wardrobe changes. More than that... He has no idea how to be around people in close quarters for very long.

And with that question, there's an odd way that Judar's ears flop, just barely, accompanied by a huffed out breath through the nose. It says a lot for someone that was doing their best to keep their face rather neutral. ]

Everyone's harassing at me to get a Bond. But no, we're not talking about Bonding. No one is thinking of talking about Bonding with me. Don't worry, I've got no intention on going into anyone's territory like that.

[ Everyone he ended up knowing was Bonded, and very attached to one another. They idea of showing up to watch things sour, or having to deal with whatever people with multiple Bonds do, as the outsider? He doesn't want it. At this point, with how stubborn in his tracks he was getting (and a sign of how long he's gone like this,) he'd rather go feral than do than be pity-Bonded. ]

Don't give me that attitude.

[ Waver snaps, sitting up higher in his chair, his narrow shoulders gone tight and fingers curled and interlocked in his lap. He has to consciously try not to bare his teeth. ]

You're being offered a kindness. You either take it or you graciously refuse. I don't accept that half-assed answer.

The room is being shared with you. It's not meant to be a storage facility. It's meant to be a home, even a temporary one. If you don't want that, no one's going to force you.

Just like no one's going to force you to get a Bond.

You'll be the one to regret your stubbornness the most.

Then don't invite one.

[ Trying to be all smooth about it, acting like anyone's doing more than lecturing him about how important Bonds should be. There's certainly a twitch in the ungulate legs, wanting to act on some instinct, but already aware of the limitations. Paranoia could feed into plenty of scenarios for this to turn. ]

Besides, you try refusing that guy. 'Unacceptable' and all that talk. The guy puts things so you want to follow him, like a king should. Isn't that why you were going along with it?

[ Which was, honestly, the hardest part of turning the offer down. Iskander was a king, and it hit at instincts that ran deeper and longer than these faun ones. With so many missions and things he'd have to do, his 'room' was sporadically used and mostly a place for storage and little decoration. It's not like anyone really wanted him to use it for more than that.

It's not like he'd blame Waver for wanting to keep all that to himself. The king, this 'home' or whatever... ]

Like I know what's supposed to be the difference with a 'home.' Guess it's just another thing I'll never understand around here. More for me to 'regret' or whatever, huh? Just like being able to see how things are is called 'stubbornness.'

I'm not going along with anything.

[ His offense at the insinuation that he's just doing something because Iskandar told him to is immediate and obvious. Waver bristles, the fur on the back of his neck standing up and ears pinned. His voice naturally lowers for a moment into a growl before he can rein it in. ]

He didn't tell me to do anything. We talked about it and made a decision together.

Please don't presume to tell me why I made decisions that were my own.

That's not 'seeing how things are,' or whatever you think you're doing. That's just your viewpoint.

Do you really hate the idea of having somewhere to go back to so much?

Why did you agree? Just couldn't refuse him, really?

[ Not really what he was trying to say, but Judar would see why it'd be taken as such... If he were in the right mind. ]

No shit it's my viewpoint- it's the only one I see. How much is this going to be 'somewhere to go back to'? There's going to be at least a week every month that I won't be able to go near the place, and that's not even including when you two would need Bonding time. Fine, whatever. It's not like it can be helped, with the way this damn world is.

[ It's not like he hasn't found ways of occupying his time, and finding other places for a little bit. If anything, he'll just get lost in research at Dorchacht for a time. ]

And yeah, I couldn't refuse. So what? You saw how seriously he thought that was wrong, for whatever reason. I don't really get what's going through his head, but with someone that decisive and earnest, it's impossible to say no to someone like that.

[ Well, it runs deeper, but it's all on the level of things he just doesn't get completely. Stuff that just gets put into the 'magi and kings' box. ]

But even doing that, I still don't get why he thinks the way I've lived is 'unacceptable.' Maybe I'll figure out, but probably not.

[ Waver barely fights the urge to roll his eyes. He doesn't belabor the point, considering he'd only brought it up in response to Judar arguing that his stubbornness was just him telling it straight. That's not the issue.

It's just that Waver can't seem to make him understand the issue. ]

You told him no one even knew you were missing. You could have died down there, and no one would have known to look for you.

Is that really okay?

If you really don't care or even don't want to, no one's forcing you into anything. It's your choice. I'll talk to him, if the problem is you can't refuse.

But you should just say so. Say what you want instead of just assuming all this stuff like what won't work out or what either of us actually wants or thinks.

Yeah. No one would've known to look. The few that would have were stuck down in that place, too.

[ It certainly didn't feel okay, but that's just how it worked, right? He didn't really have friends or anything, so the fact that no one would look for him was a natural result. It's lonely, but he's been working to accept it. Because what he wants will likely result in things he doesn't want, or want to deal with.

Because before that meeting, Judar didn't realize that Iskander was inviting him to live with him and his Bonded, or that there even was one. ]

With what I am, I don't want to refuse. I've been trying to tell you- I'm drawn to him. It's nothing like what you two have, and while he's fun, it's never going to be that. It could end up with me being okay if this was some weird plan with making me a tool, just because I want to see what he does, and to make him develop. To encourage whatever's in that mind.

All because of what I've always been.

[ And why yes, despite there never being any sign of it, Judar can't imagine anything past people just wanting to use him. Not in an abusive sort of way, but just that there's always something practical. ]

I... [ Waver falters. Some of the anger is tempered by obvious confusion now. ]

I don't understand. What are you talking about, what you've been?

[ Is this some sort of knightly honor thing? Is he that type? Is he missing something here? ]

Yeah.

[Ugh. It's a pain to explain the way his world was designed to work, but given the current situation, it'd be a bigger pain to not explain things. ]

Magi and Magicians are similar but also very different. Magi are magicians, but unique and limited in a way for various reasons. One of the things they do is find people with the potential to become kings and lead humanity to their next age, or stage, or development. People like using different terms. Anyway- it's how I explained it just before. I'm drawn towards some types that way.

[ Judar really stood no chance against those instincts, given the kinds of people here. ]

...ah.

[ Waver blinks, slightly cocked head and perked ears only enhancing the doglike appearance. It's not something he's ever heard of before, but it does actually help explain some stuff. It also puts him a bit more at ease, now that he understands where Judar is coming from.

After a moment, Waver nods. ]

Then I can understand why you'd feel so drawn to him.

[ Even without that, Waver could understand it. That's what Iskandar does. That's who he is. He didn't build an army that expansive and loyal without reason.

In that way, Waver can identify with what Judar might be feeling. It doesn't make it easier to push away the ugly whispers of jealousy that don't want him to allow a stranger close, but it's not his choice, and it's not fair. He promised himself he'd try. It's something he owes to Iskandar, too.

Waver sits back in the small chair, watching Judar's face. ]

And he saw something in you, too.

[ Waver's yet to understand what that is, but he can admit that much. Judar might not understand the effort it takes or how much it's coming from personal experience, but that's all right. Waver made a vow to uphold his king's ideals, and it's not always easy, but his heart's in the right place. Inwardly, he's still struggling with being okay with this, but his voice and posture remain matter-of-fact. Only his ears betray him slightly, turning down just a tiny bit with lingering anxiety. ]

Don't be so dismissive of your own value, Judar. If not for your sake then out of respect for him. He's not the kind of man who can tolerate seeing a person abandoned by their fellows, for whatever reason.

[ After that explanation, it could only make sense, right? In that context, Judar had no chance or choice but to be drawn to someone like Iskander. Someone that follows him and was his lover would have the best understanding of the ways that guy could draw so many people to him.

It's easier to see others than yourself- It's especially true here, because Judar couldn't see the way he immediately started to roll his eyes, before stopping himself to stare at the floor instead. It's hard to imagine someone seeing his value, when only really seeing the worst months he'd been going through. Failed missions, failed limbs, this hospital... At best, he's seen someone playing music and having briefly shown signs of understanding magic.

But with a quick glance back up, and seeing those ears, he looked off in consideration... to a cup of water. Waver didn't really like this, but it seems he'd go about supporting whatever Iskander was trying to do. ]

Apparently he can't stand people having no fellows, either. It's impossible to not get caught in his wake.

[ Waver catches the expression briefly, jaw tightening in annoyed response, but he doesn't say anything. He gives Judar a moment to consider what he said, knowing firsthand how difficult it can be hearing that. Even more difficult actually acknowledging it.

It's difficult to see oneself, and just as difficult to see one's own weaknesses in others. Without Iskandar, Waver wouldn't have been able to understand his own value, either.

The observation from Judar makes his jaw relax again, lips quirking into a small, passing smile. ]

That's right. Now you're getting it.

[ It's easier to accept and go along with the impossible force that was Iskander than anything else he was being presented with. It'll probably take a lot longer ~~and something to stabilize Judar,~~ for him to accept anything else that had been said. ]

Pretty sure I got part of that for a while... Anyway, when's that follow up of yours? If there's nothing else, you should get that out of the way.

[ CATCH-ALL ] I've never fallen from quite this high

for judar, after full moons & before he moves in.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject