middaeg | [ CATCH-ALL ] I've never fallen from quite this high

Then don't invite one.

[ Trying to be all smooth about it, acting like anyone's doing more than lecturing him about how important Bonds should be. There's certainly a twitch in the ungulate legs, wanting to act on some instinct, but already aware of the limitations. Paranoia could feed into plenty of scenarios for this to turn. ]

Besides, you try refusing that guy. 'Unacceptable' and all that talk. The guy puts things so you want to follow him, like a king should. Isn't that why you were going along with it?

[ Which was, honestly, the hardest part of turning the offer down. Iskander was a king, and it hit at instincts that ran deeper and longer than these faun ones. With so many missions and things he'd have to do, his 'room' was sporadically used and mostly a place for storage and little decoration. It's not like anyone really wanted him to use it for more than that.

It's not like he'd blame Waver for wanting to keep all that to himself. The king, this 'home' or whatever... ]

Like I know what's supposed to be the difference with a 'home.' Guess it's just another thing I'll never understand around here. More for me to 'regret' or whatever, huh? Just like being able to see how things are is called 'stubbornness.'

I'm not going along with anything.

[ His offense at the insinuation that he's just doing something because Iskandar told him to is immediate and obvious. Waver bristles, the fur on the back of his neck standing up and ears pinned. His voice naturally lowers for a moment into a growl before he can rein it in. ]

He didn't tell me to do anything. We talked about it and made a decision together.

Please don't presume to tell me why I made decisions that were my own.

That's not 'seeing how things are,' or whatever you think you're doing. That's just your viewpoint.

Do you really hate the idea of having somewhere to go back to so much?

Why did you agree? Just couldn't refuse him, really?

[ Not really what he was trying to say, but Judar would see why it'd be taken as such... If he were in the right mind. ]

No shit it's my viewpoint- it's the only one I see. How much is this going to be 'somewhere to go back to'? There's going to be at least a week every month that I won't be able to go near the place, and that's not even including when you two would need Bonding time. Fine, whatever. It's not like it can be helped, with the way this damn world is.

[ It's not like he hasn't found ways of occupying his time, and finding other places for a little bit. If anything, he'll just get lost in research at Dorchacht for a time. ]

And yeah, I couldn't refuse. So what? You saw how seriously he thought that was wrong, for whatever reason. I don't really get what's going through his head, but with someone that decisive and earnest, it's impossible to say no to someone like that.

[ Well, it runs deeper, but it's all on the level of things he just doesn't get completely. Stuff that just gets put into the 'magi and kings' box. ]

But even doing that, I still don't get why he thinks the way I've lived is 'unacceptable.' Maybe I'll figure out, but probably not.

[ Waver barely fights the urge to roll his eyes. He doesn't belabor the point, considering he'd only brought it up in response to Judar arguing that his stubbornness was just him telling it straight. That's not the issue.

It's just that Waver can't seem to make him understand the issue. ]

You told him no one even knew you were missing. You could have died down there, and no one would have known to look for you.

Is that really okay?

If you really don't care or even don't want to, no one's forcing you into anything. It's your choice. I'll talk to him, if the problem is you can't refuse.

But you should just say so. Say what you want instead of just assuming all this stuff like what won't work out or what either of us actually wants or thinks.

Yeah. No one would've known to look. The few that would have were stuck down in that place, too.

[ It certainly didn't feel okay, but that's just how it worked, right? He didn't really have friends or anything, so the fact that no one would look for him was a natural result. It's lonely, but he's been working to accept it. Because what he wants will likely result in things he doesn't want, or want to deal with.

Because before that meeting, Judar didn't realize that Iskander was inviting him to live with him and his Bonded, or that there even was one. ]

With what I am, I don't want to refuse. I've been trying to tell you- I'm drawn to him. It's nothing like what you two have, and while he's fun, it's never going to be that. It could end up with me being okay if this was some weird plan with making me a tool, just because I want to see what he does, and to make him develop. To encourage whatever's in that mind.

All because of what I've always been.

[ And why yes, despite there never being any sign of it, Judar can't imagine anything past people just wanting to use him. Not in an abusive sort of way, but just that there's always something practical. ]

I... [ Waver falters. Some of the anger is tempered by obvious confusion now. ]

I don't understand. What are you talking about, what you've been?

[ Is this some sort of knightly honor thing? Is he that type? Is he missing something here? ]

Yeah.

[Ugh. It's a pain to explain the way his world was designed to work, but given the current situation, it'd be a bigger pain to not explain things. ]

Magi and Magicians are similar but also very different. Magi are magicians, but unique and limited in a way for various reasons. One of the things they do is find people with the potential to become kings and lead humanity to their next age, or stage, or development. People like using different terms. Anyway- it's how I explained it just before. I'm drawn towards some types that way.

[ Judar really stood no chance against those instincts, given the kinds of people here. ]

...ah.

[ Waver blinks, slightly cocked head and perked ears only enhancing the doglike appearance. It's not something he's ever heard of before, but it does actually help explain some stuff. It also puts him a bit more at ease, now that he understands where Judar is coming from.

After a moment, Waver nods. ]

Then I can understand why you'd feel so drawn to him.

[ Even without that, Waver could understand it. That's what Iskandar does. That's who he is. He didn't build an army that expansive and loyal without reason.

In that way, Waver can identify with what Judar might be feeling. It doesn't make it easier to push away the ugly whispers of jealousy that don't want him to allow a stranger close, but it's not his choice, and it's not fair. He promised himself he'd try. It's something he owes to Iskandar, too.

Waver sits back in the small chair, watching Judar's face. ]

And he saw something in you, too.

[ Waver's yet to understand what that is, but he can admit that much. Judar might not understand the effort it takes or how much it's coming from personal experience, but that's all right. Waver made a vow to uphold his king's ideals, and it's not always easy, but his heart's in the right place. Inwardly, he's still struggling with being okay with this, but his voice and posture remain matter-of-fact. Only his ears betray him slightly, turning down just a tiny bit with lingering anxiety. ]

Don't be so dismissive of your own value, Judar. If not for your sake then out of respect for him. He's not the kind of man who can tolerate seeing a person abandoned by their fellows, for whatever reason.

[ After that explanation, it could only make sense, right? In that context, Judar had no chance or choice but to be drawn to someone like Iskander. Someone that follows him and was his lover would have the best understanding of the ways that guy could draw so many people to him.

It's easier to see others than yourself- It's especially true here, because Judar couldn't see the way he immediately started to roll his eyes, before stopping himself to stare at the floor instead. It's hard to imagine someone seeing his value, when only really seeing the worst months he'd been going through. Failed missions, failed limbs, this hospital... At best, he's seen someone playing music and having briefly shown signs of understanding magic.

But with a quick glance back up, and seeing those ears, he looked off in consideration... to a cup of water. Waver didn't really like this, but it seems he'd go about supporting whatever Iskander was trying to do. ]

Apparently he can't stand people having no fellows, either. It's impossible to not get caught in his wake.

[ Waver catches the expression briefly, jaw tightening in annoyed response, but he doesn't say anything. He gives Judar a moment to consider what he said, knowing firsthand how difficult it can be hearing that. Even more difficult actually acknowledging it.

It's difficult to see oneself, and just as difficult to see one's own weaknesses in others. Without Iskandar, Waver wouldn't have been able to understand his own value, either.

The observation from Judar makes his jaw relax again, lips quirking into a small, passing smile. ]

That's right. Now you're getting it.

[ It's easier to accept and go along with the impossible force that was Iskander than anything else he was being presented with. It'll probably take a lot longer ~~and something to stabilize Judar,~~ for him to accept anything else that had been said. ]

Pretty sure I got part of that for a while... Anyway, when's that follow up of yours? If there's nothing else, you should get that out of the way.

[ CATCH-ALL ] I've never fallen from quite this high

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