(open | february log)

[fulgency]

Who: Ozymandias + you!
When: All month!
Where: Lots of places!
What: Open prompts for speed-dating quest/general + closed starters. Feel free to message me at rebreather or this journal if you'd like a closed starter!
Warnings: nsfw in caren's thread

Comments

[enkidoh]

To all the questions I have there is not a single answer. At times I still dream about what has been done to me and what has changed inside of me is yet another question that has no answer.

[While the naga-lady is noting down more measurements, Enkidu admires the fabrics. Some are heavy and dark. Some are brighter and more pleasant. The silk is too smooth.]

It is difficult to truly live as a human. The more I try, the more it confuses me. [They crouch down to feel the embroidery on another roll of fabric. Too heavy, too dark and gold isn't their color.] It is foolish of me to say this to you. You are the Sun King, but you are also more human than I am. You understand them better than I do. [A sigh.] I am humanity's weapon, but never a part of humanity itself.

[fulgency]

[Ozymandias listens with interruption as Enkidu elaborates on what they find so distressing. Their nightmares of what happened to them certainly makes sense. No matter what is witnessed during one’s lifetime, to have one’s freedom stripped and experience cruelty to the lengths of what the Rathmores were willing to inflict… There is no comparison. Ozymandias takes a sip of his wine and it tastes suddenly so bitter to him that he sets it aside for the moment.]

Then perhaps you should not attempt to live as a human, Enkidu. Live as yourself and let that be enough.

[enkidoh]

But I am expected to be a witch. And to battle this cwyld. And when they took my fingers I bled. And I felt pain. More than I have ever felt.

[And it is true, his words sound kind. An easy solution to a big problem.

Perhaps they have been thinking they could put it behind them. To bond and to pick up their life the way they want to live it. But it lingers. It seems to have hide itself in the back of their head and it has a habit to pop out at moments they don't want to think about it.]

Living as I am is enough for me, yes. But to find the way to that way of living...it is not easy. [While talking they pull out a roll of fabric and start to drape it around themselves.] I did not expect it to be easy...but it seems to be more difficult. [They pause to look at the other.] Have you experienced any difficulties?

[fulgency]

[Their question both is and is not quite so simple. And so, Ozymandias does not answer right away. Instead, he draws breath through his nose and glances away in thought before saying anything at all.]

There has been a need for some adjustments, [Ozymandias admits as he looks back to Enkidu. There was, of course, the loss of power, but there was also the loss of authority. Even if Ozymandias' time as pharaoh had long since passed in the modern era of their world, the meaning of who and what he was had not been altered by that passage of time. But being in this world where there was no such thing as his land or people?] But I am not the sort of person who chooses to dwell on such things. Not when there is a great deal that remains the same.

[Despite the loss of his abilities and the fact he is rendered more or less the same as all others who come to this domain, Ozymandias is still exactly who he is. There is nothing that can unmake the King of Kings, and he shall always hold his head high and proud, and speak with a wisdom that can only have been acquired from a life well-lived. And yes, even the parts of being a Heroic Spirit, an imperfect incarnation of his idealized self, cannot be changed beyond recognition by the magic of this place.]

I know who and what I am, Enkidu, [he continues, resting his elbows on the arm of his chair and neatly folding his hands together.] These are things that only I have control over, and that is what guides me through all of this. But you have no such security in your identity, do you? Not as a living thing, in any case.

[enkidoh]

[Enkidu listens to his words. Their neutral expression has made place for a more serious one. Their eyebrows are knit together and they chew their lower lip a little.

And when he is done speaking they have no idea how to explain this properly. What words to pick, what feelings belong to said words. So it stays silent for a long time before they finally speak, still draping fabric over themselves.]

It is all I have wanted, and all I cannot be. And that thing has always been clear to me. [Their voice is soft and there are traces of doubt somewhere. Still, the more they speak, the firmer their voice become.] Gil told me that this is a continuation of our story. That nothing has changed. Our friendship will always defy time. But I am not who I was anymore, while he is so very sure who he is. Like you know who you are. A king. And that will never change. No one will erase the crown on your head. No one will deny the existence of a great king who ruled over a great land.

[And Enkidu doesn't feel sad, they do not pity themselves. What they feel is something right between confusion and a certain sort of fear.]

I am a weapon inside the body of something that lives, restricted by what I have been and wanting to become something I know very well I cannot be. Yet my body tells me I can do so.

[So to keep it short...]

I think the answer to your question is a yes, Ozymandias.