middaeg | (open | february log)

[Tempted as he might be to tease her further, he cannot help but be exceptionally pleased to hear that she is happy with him. It's not exactly a fact that's eluded him or anything like that -- it's obvious by how responsive she is to his affections and how much she shines in his presence -- but it is still something he likes to hear her say aloud all the same.]

[But...]

I do not doubt your happiness, Chariot, but you sound uncertain as to what you are even happy with. [That fumbling around with the word "relationship" was a little hard to miss.] Are you still so shy to declare it even now?

[The question itself could be haughty, impatient, or laced with wounded pride, but Ramesses asks with genuine curiosity. They speak of and express their love to one another so often that Chariot doesn't tend to turn as crimson as her hair so often. They are simply quietly accepted truths now. Therefore, it should seem a simple thing to take ownership over the simple fact that they are lovers. It is not as though Ramesses himself would struggle with this if he were asked, in any case. He assumed it would be much the same for her.]

[ Her hair hadn't been turning red at all, lately...

But, ah, he had to call her on that, hadn't he? He supposed she left herself open for it. Just like when her Bonded responded to that layer of panic that only seemed to manifest whenever she had to confront or explain the complexities of her romantic life to anyone else. And she'd... never been good at hiding anything from him, in particular, even in the absence of a bond. ]

I-it's not... [ A huff. No, it was, wasn't it? It was... ]

I'm just... never sure what to make of my situation, even now. It may feel easier for you, because of your background and culture, but for me to go from no love life whatsoever to having... all of this... [ A long sigh. ]

I just second guess myself a lot... [ More than a lot. ]

[She makes perhaps a fair point. Pharaohs were meant to possess a harem for the purposes of royal issue and settling disputes, but monogamy was still the more common practice for most of the population and remained that way well into the modern era. But even still, if Chariot is confident in her feelings and the feelings returned to her, it seems there is no reason to doubt.]

[But regardless of what Ramesses thinks, Chariot has a reason to hesitate. Or reasons. He brings them to a stop in their walk, turning her towards him.]

What is it that you second guess?

The whole... reality of it. Like I keep... [ She took in a deep breath, eyes looking about, trying to find something to focus on besides him. ]

I keep expecting another shoe to drop. That for one of you to decide they don't want to... sh-share... And it just all blows up in my face and I was a fool to ever think I could have something like this.

[Ramesses does not try to redirect her attention to him when she goes looking for elsewhere to look, assuming that if he were to try, Chariot might not be able to find the words at all. He listens patiently as she elaborates, letting her anxiety slip out, but he cannot help but smile.]

In that case, you worry for nothing. I've never had any intention of sharing. [That sentence alone would probably be enough to cause a heart attack, but Ramesses does not pause or hesitate in elaborating.] I've never held any desire to possess the whole of your heart, Chariot. Such a thing would be unfair and terribly selfish for even me to demand. I could never ask you to withhold all your love or to close your heart to everyone else, and be the source of such unhappiness for you.

[He cups her cheek in his hand, stroking it gently with his thumb. Ramesses wants nothing more than for Chariot to share her heart with the world as far as that's concerned. Whether it is her chosen family, friends, or other partners, Ramesses wants her to love as much as she is capable of loving. ]

But the part of your heart that loves me, that is what I refuse to share with anyone else because you have chosen freely to give it to me and to me alone.

It may be difficult to understand my way of thinking about such things, but what we feel for each other is because of us. We are the ones who built it and chose to let it to grow. Whatever happens or comes from it will also be because of us.

[Us. Not just her. Not just him. Not anyone else.]

Why would I wish to possess anything more than what you've given me?

[ It was the first time they'd spoken so frankly on the reality of things, the fact that Chariot really was a woman with three lovers that, somehow, managed to coexist. Fang and Kaede had both down their part to assure her this was fine, and she didn't owe anyone an explanation she didn't want to give, and moreover she didn't need to keep overthinking things. Her Bonded had the advantage of that, but Ramesses had managed to do just as well, if not more, with simple words, and the sincerity deep within those golden eyes that shone like the sun itself...

The part of her heart that loves him... She had given it without a Bond, without the influence of anything besides her admiration of him, and the way she felt around him, the way he helped the wings of her soul mend...

Chariot turned back towards him finally, managing to turn up her lips. ]

This part of me that's yours always will be... [ That much she could say with some confidence. She may still second guess herself a lot, but the fact that she loved him was never in doubt, not any more... ]

[Ramesses would never admit it -- at least not so easily and without an egregious amount of prodding and probing -- but he had been so scared that he would lose her when she was taken. He was not ready to part ways with her, let alone for their paths to diverge so violently and with her suffering. He wanted more time with her, more moments like this where he can look at her, feel her, hear her voice.]

[But even amid all that, he was never afraid of losing this connection with her. She has left such a mark upon him, Ramesses doesn't believe that even returning to the Throne would ever be able to truly remove it. Even if there might come a day where he does not remember her name, the way her hand feels in his, or her weight against him as she drifts off to sleep, he will remember what it was like to be loved by her.]

[Ramesses presses a gentle kiss to her smile.]

Then there shall never be anything for you to be concerned about when it comes to this.

[ It was a sweeping, almost irresponsibly assured statement to make. The sort of thing only a pharoh could get away with saying, she supposed. And even so, a fool for his love, she believed him, and took comfort in those words. She shouldn't... she might still occasionally do, but the more time she spent in the embrace of his love, within that warmth, the easier it became to dismiss those thoughts as irrational.

He really had meant so much to her... ]

So maybe we should be concerned about where this walk is heading... I was thinking wine, personally. Maybe just the two of us...

[He smiles at that suggestion and how smoothly she transitions to it. Her anxieties about all her romantic entanglements forgotten for the moment and without any signs that they will return to her easily.]

I'd like that, [he says with a slight nod. Ramesses smile turns a little more teasing as he continues,] But you have to promise me you won't fall asleep too early, or you'll end up leaving me drinking alone.

[It's not actually a promise he would ever actually make her keep before everything that happened, but he really won't enforce it now either. Chariot continues to improve a little each day and her nurse provides her with more and more clearances to return to her daily life, but rest is still important.]

(open | february log)

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