middaeg | (open | february log)

[For now, the other kittens remain unmoved on the couch. Or mostly unmoved in any case. The addition of Ozymandias' weight does cause them both to stir, but neither moves all that much. It seems it was not enough to wake them.]

You don't? [Ozymandias would assume it is a bit obvious.] You pay them far more mind than you did in the beginning. You pet them when they ask for it. Sometimes even when they do not.

[They may be divine beasts, but they still have fairly simple and common needs.]

[Soon kittens. Soon, you may jump on your master abd give little squeaky noises as you do.]

Have I?

[It still surprised her, hearing this, and she blew on her hot chocolate to buy a moment to think.]

I didn't want to accidentally hurt them. [Tiny she may be, but they're even smaller.]

I guess...I started mimicking you. And since they didn't hate it, I kept doing it.

[Ozymandias huffs a quiet laugh, carefully not to jostle the sphinx currently cradled against his chest too much.]

I suppose if you were seeking someone to model how to care for these divine beasts, you need not look further than myself. [He takes a careful sip of his hot chocolate.] I'm sure they appreciate your efforts in any case, whether you were merely imitating me or not.

They are your charges. And you clearly know what you're doing. I'm glad it was successful.

[She blew on her hot chocolate again. It felt almost too warm still. Must be her figurative cat's tongue.]

As much as I'm sure you'd enjoy speaking about the sphnixes...Ozymandias, is there a reason why you wanted me to stay today?

Your time is valuable.

[He isn't particularly surprised Caren asks him that so directly.] Others that Ozymandias knows would have likely hesitated in doing so, but Caren has long-since moved beyond the point of playing coy with him.]

You're correct, it is, [he says with a slight nod. He leans forward, setting his hot chocolate back on the tray before sitting back upright. His expression is quite serious as he looks to her.] Do you think yourself unworthy of it still after all this time?

[He's not really avoiding her question by asking this. There is an answer and he is not afraid of sharing it with her, but it seems ever still important to emphasize that he does not view her as a waste of his time. As quick as she is to dismiss herself, to diminish any importance she might have, he is not.]

[They're comfortable enough with each other for her to be so brazen. It's a matter of trust too, with how honest they've been with each other.

Carefully, Caren gets up, and sets her untouched hot chocolate on the coffee table. She felt too restless all pf a sudden to sit.]

I think it's becoming less. More of a habit of speech. But...there is a disappointing part of me that still believes it.

I don't know why.

[Especially because she did enjoy his company. She liked talking with him, seeing him, but still...she was pushing him away.

He'd done nothing wrong.]

[Ozymandias does not know why either, but such things are not for him to answer so much as it is for her. So, he makes no attempt to guess nor does he press her on it. It seems just as likely to be a genuine blindspot to her as the growing attachment of his sphinxes is to her. Caren gets to her feet and seems so ready to crawl out of her own skin with energy.]

[It seems so very little has changed in his brief absence outside the city. She cannot tolerate being still for very long, not even when barely even pressed on anything even remotely important. Rather than beckoning her to him and asking her to sit, Ozymandias sets the cub against his chest down with its siblings on the blanket before he gets to his feet. Walking around the coffee table, he goes to her.]

And what about me? [He would like to reach out and touch her, to make her be still, but he does no such thing. Caren is allowed the freedom of movement, to approach him or to pace about as she sees fit. He just does not leave her to it with a coffee table between them.] Do you still trust in my judgment?

[Not that she likes having these blind spots. She was at least used to having a handle, an awareness of her emotional state. Maybe she was foolish all this time to believe such a thing.

Before she can get a good pace started, he stands up, and she goes still. Watching him, to see if he'll reach out, touch her but- he doesn't.

So she comes to him. Slowly. Not out of fear or hesitation, but showing that she still has control.]

That was never in question.

[She reached out. Her hand was ungloved, showing the damge she was recovering from, her touch gentle as she rested it against his arm, if he allowed her to.]

I trust it more then ever.

[He allows her to reach for him, to touch him. There is no avoidance or shying away, nor does he tense under her touch. As for her words... He could put up a bit more resistance to them. There have been more than dozen occasions where things more powerful than her trust in him has led her to say and do things that run in direct opposition of his requests, his demands, his near-pleas with her. But he chooses not to say anything because in the end, she's never truly contradicted her claimed trust in him. When it is serious enough, when he has pushed her hard enough to break through those feelings that would otherwise diminish her trust in him, she heeds his words and extends that trust once more.]

[Ozymandias returns her touch, running his fingers through her hair in gentle strokes.]

Then trust me not with only parts of yourself but the whole of you when I say that if I felt you were a waste of my time, we would not be standing here. [Glancing to his arm, he is gentle in nudging her hand off his arm, catching it in his other hand and entwining their fingers. The hand in her hair moves to her cheek.] I asked you to stay because I wanted you to remain in my company for a little while longer.

My only ulterior motive beyond that was that I might have you at rest. [He would clearly be where she could see him, unquestionably safe and sound. And she would always be safe within these walls, she had to know that by now.] But that is hardly ulterior when that has been so plainly stated for weeks now.

[And if he had resisted,reminded her of when she had been denying him, how he, someone with so much pride had come to near pleads with her-she would have agreed. But she did try to listen.

Sometimes...it was difficult to. If it hadn't been for Elliott's anxiety resistance, sheight have been pacing instead of sitting, needing to expand her relief on how Oz was all right.

There was no questioning his fingers twining with hers, nor the gentle touch of her hair. Just her holding his hand, ans stepping closer to rest her cheek against him, closing her eyes.

And so careful not to let his hand slip away from her cheek.]

I've been trying. I know it sounds feeble, but I've tried.

It doesn't always work.

And more importantly, I'm glad you're back.

[She won't ask how it went. It's private.]

[Ozymandias' thumb strokes gently at her cheek as she comes to rest her head against his chest. Even with her earplugs, it's no doubt that she can hear the steady beat of his heart and draw of each breath pressed this close against him. With her this close, he speaks in a lower tone that resonates in his chest, much as he had before when trying to coax her to sleep.]

I'm glad to be back.

[He wouldn't mind either way if she asked, but he knows with as nosy as Caren often is she's very intentionally respecting his privacy by not asking. Ozymandias presses a kiss to the top of her head, but does not pull away as he returns to the point and rests his cheek there instead.]

It is not feeble. What you are doing is a very difficult thing and I know you are trying your hardest.

[His heartbeat was strong and steady against her ear. And his voice was soothing. As if he was trying to lull her back to sleep.

But she knew it was more because he knew how sensitive she was to noise.

And he's saying such kind things, encouraging her. She can't accuse him of lying- he's not. He's sincere like that.]

I feel foolish. But...thank you Ozymadias. I want to get better, so we can...

I don't know. Not worry each other.

[She cannot see it, but Ozymandias smiles gently. He only offers a hum of acknowledgment to her words at first, allowing some of his own tension to slip away.]

Continue on as you are, and you will give me no cause for concern.

[More of Ozymandias' concern for Caren stemmed less from her difficulties with resting and more from her unwillingness to even try. Her reaction to what happened is wholly understandable, but it's not something that's sustainable either. She'll wear herself down, do far more harm to herself long-term than the things that created all of those wounds on her neck and wrists.]

[He presses another kiss to the top of her head.]

[She can't see his smile, but she can feel his body relax. And she can feel the kiss on her hair.

It's so strange. It's such a tender thing, and he holds her just the right way-she doesn't feel clung to, nor as if she's fragile. Guess he's had his fair share of hug practice.]

I'll continue to try. But I may depend on Prompto tattling to you. I know it's possible for bad habits to come back.

[Much as she would hate for that to happen, it's certainly possible. She's too pragmatic not to realize it.

But...too, there is something else she wants, beyond the healing right then. She pulled back a little. Not too far, just so she could tilt her head back.]

But for now...for behaving, will you allow me to kiss you?

[That sort of pragmatism is not something that Ozymandias would expect out of most of the people he knows here. Most he has met either swing into blind optimism or straight into dire cynicism. Those that hold onto hope do so with unrealistic expectations and those that reject it often question and interrogate everything that seems to have goodwill motivating it. But Caren has always presented herself as balancing the two carefully, allowing her perhaps one of the more realistic perspectives. And so, her admission that she might require someone holding her accountable is not altogether surprising. It is actually somewhat reassuring to hear her speaking in such terms.]

[He allows Caren to pull back from him, his hold on her remaining firm but never tight or restrictive, as she makes her request. Ozymandias chuckles warmly for she has more than earned the right to kiss him well before now, but he does not bother telling her that. Some part of her likely knows that already, but if she doesn't, Ozymandias trusts she will figure it out.]

If that is what you desire as your reward, I shall grant it.

[It's a delicate balance, and she hasn't always done well with it. And Oz...she's not sure how he sees the world, exactly. He seemed to take things in stride-not detached, but he's the sun, and things will continue as they were, with or without his interference.

And while she has long earned the right to kiss him, she can't surprise kiss him. He could just stretch his neck out of the way.]

At least to start.

[Who knows, she may want more. Cheeky. She leaned up and pressed her lips against his. Gently. Much like the kisses he offered to to the top of her head.]

[Ozymandias hums in light amusement at the contrast between her smart words and the gentleness in which she kisses him. Her kisses and other affections are always so undemanding, grateful for whatever he might choose to reciprocate with and able to find easy contentment there without attempting for more. He couldn't exactly say why she was this way rather than as she speaks. Perhaps she still held fear of rejection. Maybe she truly was satisfied. It could also be that she didn't really dare risk the consequences. Ozymandias truly couldn't say which was her motivation. Or, well, her primary motivation.]

[But he chose not to dwell on it and think all that overlong on the matter. When Caren felt she was ready to figure that out, Ozymandias trusted she would let him know just as she trusted him to stop her if she truly wasn't.]

[The hand at her cheek moves to the small of her back, keeping her drawn close to him as he breaks the kiss.]

I allow you far too much freedom if you are getting bold enough to make demands of me beyond what I already grant you.

[Of course, he undermines assessment somewhat this by kissing her again.]

[It's hard to say what causes such a contrast in her manners and her words. Or even if she's aware of it.

But if things become too much, she would tell him to stop.

His words made her chuckle for a brief moment. It quietened during the kiss, and she found her hand dropping to his waist, rubbing small circles against his shirt and skin.

She might have started to lean again him. It's fine.]

[Caren reaches for him in both subtle and not so subtle ways. As she leans against him, Ozymandias deepens the kiss, nipping at her bottom lip until she parts her lips for him and his tongue meets hers. The hand in hers flexes slightly, adjusting the hold to something a little firmer.]

[She could feel herself relaxing against his body. He was so warm, and his hand...she squeezed his hand.

Her lips parted easily for him, and her tongue moved to glide against his. Maybe they needed to go to the couch or she needed to jump on him but...this was fine, it's fine.]

[With Caren pressing more of her weight into him, it does occur to Ozymandias that they ought to move this to the couch. At the rate she's going, he's going to end up supporting the majority of her weight, which is not a problem in of itself. Caren is, after all, quite small in stature and so it is really no challenge to him to support her. There is also something undeniably pleasing about having her this close that requires little explanation. But... It will eventually make kissing her a little more difficult if in resting against him, she begins to slip away from him.]

[There lies a few seconds between the moment it occurs to Ozymandias to when he chooses to do something about it. He's too caught up in the taste of the kiss, pulsing his tongue against hers to have more than a passing thought immediately. But before either of them can become completely breathless, Ozymandias moves the hand in his to his shoulder. He leaves the hand at his waist. The angle and intensity of his kiss changes as he bends down, the touch of their lips being a more fleeting thing than just a moment ago that requires her to give chase if she desires more. When he straightens again, he's scooped her up in his arms entirely, conceding the advantage of height to her and allowing it to break their kisses finally.]

To start, you said? [Ozymandias' voice is low. His lips curve into a grin.] Just how well-behaved do you think you've been that this is your starting point?

[Yeah she's a little too lithe to stay up on him without proper support. She was about to adjust her grip but then-

Oh. Looked like he thought the same thing, and bent- like one of those movie posters? She nearly laughed as she was teased, not chasing the kiss just yet as she's held in his arms, her hands loosely looping over his neck.]

Considering how bad I could be? The trouble I could make?

Very.

[She leaned in for a nuzzle rather then a full on kiss.]

But if that means you don't want to play with me until I'm asleep in your bed...

[Caren brings her lips close to Ozymandias once more, but doesn't entirely close the distance in another kiss. He turns his head, moving his lips towards her as she nuzzles at him, but likewise doesn't bring them to yet another kiss. There's a pull, of course. It's impossible for there not to be at this proximity of near-kiss, but Ozymandias allows for both of them to linger in that pull.]

Is that what you're truly looking for as a prize? [he teases,] A way into my bed?

[The nearness of them feels familiar at this point. She seeks him out again and again, and he finds her, but they hover in this liminal space between one thing and another. And there exists plenty of reasons to stay when they are so content in that space that they've made into their own. Even if they are temporarily forgotten, the reasons are always remembered the moment they come close to crossing over to something.]

[But it still begs the question of what do they want?]

[Ozymandias finds himself asking that of Caren again and again. (He's asked it again just now.) But she never seems to have much of an answer to give him. And neither does he when she asks him, though Caren's questions are never as direct. She goes looking for the limit instead, anticipating that one exists or ought to at the very least, and prepared to accept it when it inevitably appears.]

[He turns his head again to kiss her cheek rather than her lips. It's not a denial, but a return of her gentle affection.]

[This is like a game of chicken, or they're just teasing each other with this. A gentle touch, here and there, and knowing that both of them are drawn in to each other, and wanting.

Just like last time. Caren kept shying away before but now...now...she knew what she wanted before. And he wanted her too.

And of course he had to give her the cheek kiss with all of the tenderness of the world.

With a gentle huff, Caren reached up, and lightly smoothed his hair away from his eyes.]

And if I was? Would you hold it against me?

Or will you indulge us both?

[She leaned in. And just like him, no kiss on the lips-but on his cheek, returning affection with affection.]

[He's looking for them. He's looking for those signs of hesitation that always seem to linger at the edges of Caren's affections, those little tells that she possesses only the shape of what she wants but none of the confidence that she should have it. But Caren's fingers move through his hair and she presses a reciprocal kiss to his cheek, and there's no permission sought for either. There doesn't appear to be any sort of curl of anxiety after either.]

Even if it were my desire, you make it quite difficult to hold anything against you.

[Ozymandias still considers her for a moment rather than answering her question.]

[She had been so difficult to read when they first met. While transparent to the point it was obvious she was making attempts to manipulate him for the sake of testing the waters and gauging his reactions, her mind seemed entirely unknowable. Then little by little, she was hiding less and less. She shared herself with him. Caren allowed him to see her old wounds, her anxieties. She allowed herself to have concern and affection for him even when parts of her were telling it was unacceptable or perhaps even foolishly dangerous. Little by little, it seemed, Ozymandias came to know the woman in his arms right now; he came to respect and trust her, to value her far beyond what she initially offered him. Caren could never be a mere tool to him.]

[Not now.]

[Caren can likely intuit his response, his gaze leaving hers in favor of her lips. The kiss he gives her is a hungry declaration, leaving little ambiguity.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject