middaeg | Are you brave enough to see? [open]

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Are you brave enough to see? [open]

Who: Berserker (Cú Chulainn Alter) and you!
When: Throughout Feoveuer
Where: The Wilde
What: Wilde Quest #2 Dragon's Den -- a dragon would like you to stop leaving him food offerings and go away
Warnings: none

((NOTE: Berserker will be in his full-sized dragon form, meaning he's about the size of an elephant, so keep that in mind!))

[ 1. Will you bite the hand that feeds? (Existing CR) ]

[ Food has been showing up at the mouth of the den he'd set up since he showed up in the Wilde. It's been an annoyance and it's not like he can tell them to cut it the fuck out. Instead, he just moves the offerings inside (mostly to prevent drawing in any wild creatures that might want to partake). Well, at least he won't go hungry.

Nearby footsteps draw his attention from where he's laying. He peeks his head out of the den and narrows his eyes. The dragon recognizes who's coming and huffs out a sigh. ]

... You came to find me, didn't you? Don't tell me you brought food, too.

[ 2. Will you chew until it bleeds? (New CR) ]

[ The sound of something being dropped near the opening of his temporary home gets Berserker to stand up and look out. It's not a mirrorbound that's familiar to him, so he's not about to be very friendly to them -- he's out here to be alone, after all. ]

Leave what you've brought and go before my kindness runs out.

[ Someone is a cranky boy. ]

[ 3. Will you get up off your knees? (Wildcard) ]

[ Did we plot something? Have an idea for this quest? Drop me a starter or PM me here or on Discord glitzkrieg#0673 and we can work something out! ]

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[ Waver draws back slightly further, sitting up beside him. His hand settles, tentatively, on Berserker's thigh. ]

Are you saying that because you would feel better if I left, or because you think I would?

[ Again, Berserker doesn't move or try to pull away. He remains in his withdrawn position, looking like a shell of his usual self. ]

I don't know. You'd be better off if you went back. None of this is your problem to deal with...

Don't worry about me. I can make my own decisions.

I want to know how you feel.

[ Is this because of their argument earlier? Did he really leave such a harsh impression that he doesn't care what Berserker wants?

Waver kicks himself mentally, feeling even guiltier than before, and he knows it's his own fault.

But he can't dwell on that. Not when Berserker looks so lost.

Gently, he rubs his hand over Berserker's knee and thigh -- not suggestive in any way, only comforting. ]

Will it help you to shift back? You don't have to stay in this form for my sake.

Or to lie down, and I'll stay with you?

[ It's because of a lot of things. Being denied his humanity for a week set him back further than he'd like to admit and it hurt. He'd been used the same way he had been as a Servant or even by Medb and that was enough to make him slide back to how he was before. He'd undone so much of the previous progress that it made Diarmuid cry when he called himself nothing more than a beast. ]

I don't know what will help it. [ He doesn't have the capacity to deal with emotional pain like this. How do you deal with something you've never let yourself experience before? ] Sometimes...Sometimes there isn't a solution. And you have to accept that.

[ Berserker does make a move to lay down. It probably won't help him feel any better, but it's better than sitting up at the moment. ]

I know. I'm sorry.

[ Waver bites back the argument that he didn't mean it would solve anything, that he only wanted to help. It's selfish again. If he wants to help, he needs to let Berserker feel like he has a choice and is allowed to want and need things on his own. That's not something Waver can force him to learn.

He is deeply aware of the conditions they were kept in, how they'd been stripped of any shred of humanity their captors could tear from them. For Berserker, it seems to have been even worse than it had been for him-- though if that's because of how he was treated or his past, much of which Waver doesn't know, he can't begin to guess. It doesn't matter.

He can see the impact of it here. ]

It's not an easy fix. But it could help to try.

Do you want me to lie down with you?

[ He's not sure if he's asking too many questions now, but he just really doesn't want Berserker to feel like he's taking any decisions or choices away from him anymore. ]

[ The questions are beginning to irritate him, but he internalizes that feeling. He doesn't want to turn any of this painful negativity on Waver. Lashing out doesn't do anything but make him feel worse and he already feels bad enough. ]

...You don't have to do anything. [ Yes, he'd like it if Waver laid down with him, but he's falling hard back into old habits. Asking for something like that is out of the question. ] Lie down with me if you want. I won't push you away.

[ Waver hesitates, trying to parse whether that means that Berserker does want it or whether he's just too convinced of his own inability to choose for himself to tell Waver he doesn't.

Eventually, drawing only on past experiences where Berserker had indicated several times that gentle skinship was helpful to him, Waver decides to try it. Even if Berserker refuses to think about what might actually help him, Waver will trust the desires he'd expressed in the past and hope they apply here.

He waits for Berserker to settle. Then he crawls closer, sliding in beside him on the makeshift bed. He presses close, winding an arm around Berserker's waist and pressing his face to the raised ridge of his collar bone, mouth against his throat. ]

I'll stay as long as you want me to... [ he whispers, lips moving against skin. He's warm as always, especially his breath. ]

Edited 2020-02-15 10:56 (UTC)

[ Waver's warmth and shape against him are familiar. His scent is familiar. As conflicted and unhappy as he'd felt, this soothes him somewhat. Berserker slowly lets himself relax and puts an arm around Waver. This is comfortable and familiar -- that's what he needs. Solitude is fine, but even he has to admit he needs time with those closest to him to heal.

He lays in silence for a little while before he says something, softly and barely above a whisper. ]

...Don't let me push you away. Don't give into your guilt.

[ Because he knows -- it's impossible not to know that Waver feels guilty for what he was forced to do. ]

[ Waver sighs softly, closing his eyes when Berserker's arm settles over him, allowing him finally to relax. At least, attempt to. ]

I'm trying. [ Waver mumbles against his chest. ]

But you have to let me.

...please.

I didn't send you away, did I?

[ He could have and almost did, but he realized it would have only made things worse. ]

[ You didn't have to, Waver almost says. It was close enough, he thinks.

But he holds his tongue.

This is Berserker's way of apologizing-- or at least, that's how he's taking it. And it would be cruel to reject it now, when they've finally settled down. ]

No. And I'm not planning to leave.

[ Better that Waver says nothing; it would only serve to upset (and possibly anger) Berserker further. ]

You can stay the night, then, if you wish.

[ He settles in a little more, stroking his side now. At least what he feels now isn't as painful as before; it's a dull ache as opposed to a sharp, twisting knife. ]

[ The explicit permission helps, somehow. It makes Waver feel at least slightly more wanted. Less like an intrusive presence that's just hurting Berserker again.

The fingers sliding over his side are familiar, soothing. Waver exhales slowly and relaxes under his touch. ]

Yes. I'd like to stay.

[ The closer they settle together, and the more Berserker touches him, the more Waver is becoming aware of the dragon's continued nudity. He tries not to shift in any way that puts his hips or thighs anywhere too inappropriate. At least not until they both feel better about it. It hadn't felt good as an option earlier, and he wants to make sure they're both comfortable first. ]

[ Berserker, too, is trying not to think about how close they are right now. He doesn't want to push anything after the earlier attempt. Waver's warmth and closeness are a little distracting; he can't help his body's reaction to it. He tries his best to ignore it as he continues to pet Waver, his touch lingering a bit more. ]

[ Waver's breathing deepens, his ribs expanding further under Berserker's palm. A few minutes pass in tense, awkward silence. He can feel things getting more uncomfortable, neither of them wanting to push or speak, until finally--

They either have to talk about it, or he needs to move. ]

Hey...

[ Waver lifts his head, hands on Berserker's chest. ]

Are you sure you're okay?

If we... if you want...

[ He takes a breath, cheeks visibly reddening. ]

Will sex make you feel better? I'm not opposed, but I don't want to use it as some temporary fix when things between us are- are already so-- you know.

[ It's more difficult to explain than he imagined. Waver hesitates, searching Berserker's eyes. He doesn't want it to feel wrong. ]

Do you... understand?

Edited 2020-02-18 07:12 (UTC)

[ He would have been fine to ignore it, but now he can't. It's not a bad thing that Waver brought it up. Berserker lays in silence for a moment and his hand stills. An anxious, twisting feeling swells in his chest; he can't meet Waver's eyes right now. ]

It...might. I don't know.

[ And he hates that he doesn't know. He finally looks at Waver. ]

I understand, though. I just...I want to feel something besides this despair.

[ Honesty. It's the least he can offer. ]

[ It's a step forward. Waver appreciates the honesty, and he's not upset that Berserker doesn't know. He understands; he doesn't know either.

He nods. ]

It's okay. I just wanted to make sure.

[ If they're both on the same page, he's more comfortable trying. It doesn't feel like ignoring what's hurting them by burying it under something else. It's not a band-aid. It's mutual comfort.

He leans up, lips almost touching Berserker's. ]

Let me make you feel good.

...Alright.

[ The previous rejection sticks with him, but he pushes past it easily. Waver gave him permission and now this is as much for his comfort as his own. Berserker kisses him, insistent and needy, as he tries to worm his hand beneath Waver's clothing to touch his skin. ]

[ It feels a lot more natural this time when Waver kisses back. They're not Bonded, but it's easy to feel his relief even without that in the relaxing of tension from his body, the way he arches closer and parts his lips.

One of his hands reaches down to help Berserker out with his shirt buttons, pulling the tucked-in hem out of his trousers. It's still cold out, and he hadn't removed anything before lying down, including his shoes and scarf; Berserker's going to have to work for it a bit, but Waver assists. At least the fire's going strong. ]

[ He's being surprisingly gentle with Waver's clothes, at least, mindful of his claws and careful with the buttons. There's no rush to strip him off, just a slow exploration for now. Berserker keeps himself busy elsewhere with Waver's mouth, eager to deepen the kiss by licking at his lips.

Like the time they had sex after the incident with the mist, mutual comfort is the most important part. ]

[ Waver is happy to take his time kissing. He allows Berserker to lick into his mouth, encouraging him with soft moans and his own tongue pressing and licking against his, an active participant this time rather than the timid, ashamed way he'd been acting earlier when he'd been ready to let Berserker have his way to make him feel better. This is for both of them, and it's much better for the fact they actually communicated about it. A lesson for next time-- though, ideally, a 'next time' wouldn't be so uncomfortable.

Eventually, Waver's jacket and shirt are both completely open, exposing his chest and stomach. The wounds and bandages that had been there are long-since healed. Only his throat and wrists are still covered -- beneath the sleeves and the scarf -- with a thin gauze that hides the scarring.

For now, he doesn't bother with the pants. They'll take too much focus away from the kissing. ]

[ His hand immediately goes to the exposed skin, splaying open across Waver's chest. It's good to see that he's healed so well from everything he went through. At least the physical scars aren't as bad as his own. The less visible ones...No, don't think about that right now.

Berserker focuses on their kiss right now, unhurried but messy. Waver's taste is familiar; the way his lips, mouth, and tongue feel are all familiar, too. His skin beneath his fingers...It all soothes the ache in his chest.

He presses closer, his free hand coming up to run through Waver's hair. ]

Mmh...

[ Waver hums softly, a low, pleased noise almost like a purr in his chest vibrating against Berserker's palm. He tips his head back into the touch to his hair, encouraging more of the attention. ]

[ He trails his hand lower, down Waver's chest to his stomach. It moves in slow, lazy circles, his touch light, almost teasing. He strokes Waver's hair more deliberately, letting his claws gently press into his scalp.

Their closeness and the way Berserker lays against him makes it almost impossible to ignore the effect just this level of touch is having on him. It's fine...He's in no hurry for once. ]

[ Waver arches up into his touch, breathing slowly, relaxing beneath him. The soft scratch of Berserker's claws against his scalp has Waver practically melting, eyelashes low over unfocused eyes, head tipped back. He moans softly, the noise involuntary on an exhale, blushing in response. ]

That feels... good...

[ Waver had been thinking he could be the one to spoil Berserker a little and make him feel good, hence his earlier offer, but if Berserker wants to focus his attention on him and make him a relaxed puddle on his makeshift bed, who is Waver to argue? He encourages it, actively responsive even as he relaxes back and allows Berserker to touch and pet him however he wants. ]

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