middaeg | Never Her Mind On Where She Was

Entry tags:

kh: aqua,
kh: kairi

Never Her Mind On Where She Was

Who: Kairi (

lightblooming)
When: Late at night on the 29th
Where: The KH cast house
What: Kairi is pushing herself late into the night to improve her skill with her magic. When Aqua stumbles on her awake, it's time for a bit of aggressive mothering.
Warnings: Possible PTSD mentions on Kairi's part.

Had it past midnight by now? It was hard to tell. After a certain point, time became a purely subjective thing, and everything was just "dark".

Kairi didn't care, anyway, except for the fact that her body was starting to be uncooperative. Performing the proper movements with her hands, focusing the correct way... those things became much more difficult when your limbs and eyelids felt heavy, when your brain was foggy because it wanted to sleep.

But she didn't want to sleep. For a number of reasons, really. Right now, she was trying to focus on the one that didn't make her skin crawl.

She had to improve. She was getting so close. She knew, if she could just reach out a bit further, a bit longer... She could reach them.

It had to be true.

The process so absorbed her attention, she had no idea anyone was coming up behind her.

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These days, it's harder to sleep than usual. Aqua's senses are stronger than what she's used to, and the scent of not just darkness, but light proves to catch her attention far more than how it used to.

It's the sound of noise outside that catches her attention. She rises from where she was laying down - making her way outside of the room. It's so late, who could be up at this hour?

When she fins Kairi, her eyes widen a little in surprise.

"Kairi? What are you still doing up?"

The sound of Aqua's voice makes her jump, and the mirror Kairi was trying to scry with returns to its natural state, reflecting nothing but the dark interior of the room rather than the far-off mountaintop she was aiming for.

She whirls around, eyes large in the darkness, feeling all-too-much like a child caught up past her bedtime.

"Practicing!" She answers quickly.

"At this hour?" Aqua's expression falls, sharp-blue colored eyes looking to the floor before looking back to Kairi.

"You should be resting." It isn't as if Aqua doesn't understand. Aqua was always eager to practice as much as she could, but she also knows that practicing on little sleep with do no good.

"I... didn't want to sleep yet." That should feel like enough. Aqua isn't her mother, after all. She should be able to set her own hours without feeling like she's skirting around the rules.

And yet...

"Besides, I feel like I'm about on the edge of another step up. If I can just push myself a little harder, I know I can reach them..." That's a stretch and she knows it. Has she gotten much better? Of course. Can she actually reach off-world with her magic yet? Not a chance.

The more Kairi speaks, the more she feels like she can relate with how she's feeling. If she was in her shoes, she knows that there's no way she'd stop what she was doing until she found a way to be with her best friends again.

At the same time...

"If you push yourself, you're bound to make more mistakes than not. ... And, you could very well make yourself sick. Your body needs the rest."

"I know that..." She sounds petulant, even to her own ears, and hearing it makes her wince. Quickly trying to modulate herself, she makes another attempt.

"I know. But... I can't just stop now. If I tried to sleep I'd just... stare at the ceiling, wondering if I might have been able to get through this time."

Perhaps it's tiredness making things slip through her ragged brain-to-mouth filter, but at that point she laughs, mirthlessly, and adds: "It wouldn't be the first time."

For a moment, Aqua remains silent. She sympathizes with her, and really... she can't scold her for that when she's gone through the same thing - the same sort of thought process.

"Come on." Aqua gestures towards the kitchen. "I'll make you some tea. At the least, it'll help calm your nerves."

That wasn't what she'd expected to hear. Kairi raises her head up and stares at Aqua for a moment, then gets up to follow her. She might as well, she's not getting anywhere with her spellcasting right now.

"Thank you, Aqua." She hasn't completely lost her manners, after all.

"Of course." Aqua answers back softly. She begins to make her way to the kitchen then, speaking again as she walks.

"It'll give a chance to talk more. We haven't done that in a while."

"Not since we bonded." Which wasn't all that long ago, but it kind of felt that way. And more to the point:

"It feels kind of odd. Like, I would have thought we'd spend more time together after that, if anything. But at the same time... I feel like now, if I think about you, you're just there. Not physically, but you know what I mean."

At least she hoped so. There was no guarantee her tired brain was making any sense.

"You're right." Once they're in the kitchen, Aqua begins to prepare the tea - turning the stove top on.

"It feels like we're connected, even more than before. That-- you and Ven are always with me."

"Exactly. So I don't feel like I have to... go find you, to track you down and be with you directly. Since we're all right there with each other, I mean."

Which is reassuring, it really is. She hasn't felt alone a single moment since they bonded.

"But we can't exactly talk through the bond. Or if we can, it takes magic I don't know." She wouldn't be surprised if there were magic precisely for that purpose, come to think of it.

"I've heard that some bonds are different than others." She sets the kettle on the stove, moving to sit at the table, her wings folding against her back.

"Some people can feel what the person their bonded with are feeling. I wouldn't be surprised if that meant that some people could hear one another through a bond, too."

Settling down in her own chair, she considers that for a moment. She's heard that before, yes.

"Have you done that with me before?" She doesn't think she's ever felt Aqua's emotions, just her presence. But she's still working out everything about this bond, she can't say for certain.

"... Well, no." Aqua hesitates for a moment. What she's about to tell Kairi next-- it isn't something Ven took well.

"But, I did bond with someone else. We haven't been bonded for long, but-- it may end up being different than the one I share with you and Ven."

"You've already got three bonds?" That's... not something she would think of doing, but of course it wouldn't be. Not without them around for her.

"Who's the last one with?"

"Someone named Zack. I met him in another world, but... he doesn't seem to remember."

She isn't entirely sure if it's memory loss, or for another reason entirely.

"He needed my help. I couldn't just leave him without a bond."

"Wait, I met him. Right when we arrived. He was... doing his best to greet the newcomers, make them feel alright about showing up here."

Not exactly an easy task. And he also tried to soothe her pain from missing Sora, which... She just had not been ready for. Even now, it was still looming there, in the back of her mind.

"He did the same for me." Aqua's expression softens. She knows that Kairi especially needed that when she arrived here.

"I'm glad that you had others there for you."

That actually makes her grimace a little, shamefaced.

"I wasn't... exactly receptive to it, when I showed up. He probably didn't get the best impression of me."

"You were going through a lot then. I'm sure he understands."

Even without him knowing everything that Kairi had gone through - it was an entirely new world that they' been forced to come to. There aren't many people who would adapt to that idea quickly.

"Mmm. I hope so."

She sighs, slumping a little, thinking of how very, very poorly she's adapted to this place. Case in point, what she was doing just before Aqua found her. All she seems to care about now is trying to reach back home. This world... she just can't bring herself to be attached to it, at all.

"I don't feel... like I've connected to this world at all. Everywhere Sora went, he made friends, he tied his heart to new people. I've made... one."

"... Kairi, you should take a day to take a break from your studies." She responds quietly. "I know that your mind is on Sora and Riku, but it's important to take care of yourself, too."

She can't help but worry about her. She doesn't want her to feel alone in this world.

"You realize I'm just going to spend that day driving myself mad over them, right?" She knows Aqua's trying to help, but... there's a reason she hasn't been able to get away from her single-minded determination to achieve this one goal.

"Aqua, I don't... want to be here. Every day I spend on this world feels like I'm being robbed of time to spend with Riku or looking for Sora. Or both. I feel as trapped as I was back on The World That Never Was, only without any jailors to blame."

"... I understand how you feel." Aqua starts. There's a mix of both concern and sternness to her voice.

"But, Sora has Riku to help him, too. He won't just give up on him. We need to believe in him, for both their sakes."

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Never Her Mind On Where She Was

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