[Open & Closed] 💥 check yourself before you wreck yourself

[enkidoh]

Who: Enkidu & You
When: mid Deceuer
Where: Library, around the city, the forest
What: No bond, no glory.
Warnings: Probably angst, looming fear of magic overload
(closed prompts in comments)

Open - The library
The second when they enter the library something heavy and feverish comes over them. Something that makes them desperate, as if they want to undo the choice they have made. Maybe they do not want to explode and face death once again. Maybe they want to live and work hard enough to be able to stand next to their friend again one day.

Whatever it is, you can find Enkidu frantically searching through books and making a bit of a mess. Thing is that they’re not in a mood for anything, really. All they want is to find some way to stop the pent up magic from wrecking their body.

Open - Heading out of town
Enkidu runs as fast as their feet can carry them. Of course, they could have asked anyone to bond with them. If only for a short time. But they couldn’t, it would not be right and eventually there is no other choice left than to settle with the outcome. If they were truly going to explode they rather don’t do it in the city.

Wearing an old woollen coat, a simple pair of pants and a scarf they hurry through the streets, leaving small flowers in their wake.

“Am I close to the forests yet?”

Enkidu stops briefly and any soul can see that they’re far from okay.

“Just tell me yes or no and send me in the right direction if it is a no.”

Comments

[fulgency]

For someone who is the embodiment of the sun, Ozymandias is not particularly a morning person. That is not to say that he's in a foul mood first thing in the morning -- not unless he went to bed in a foul mood in the first place, which is a rare thing -- but he's sluggish and groggy for a significant length of time in the morning. This is why even though he has already primped and preened himself for the day, the look he gives Enkidu initially is a little...blank.

Until it registers what he's looking at, anyway.

His nose crinkles slightly in disapproval and he doesn't bother with any sort of pleasantries or small talk, cutting straight to his (somewhat) immediate observation.

"You look terrible..."

[enkidoh]

"Yes, I do..."

There's no lie there and, to be honest, Enkidu really does not have the energy to start a discussion about something that is so obvious. Anyone with two eyes inside their head can see that Enkidu looks absolutely awful.

"It seems my body is crumbling a little." Slowly they take a step closer to show Ozymandias one of their arms. "I think it will not hold out for much longer so I am heading out for today."

[fulgency]

Crumbing a little appears to be a bit of an understatement. As Enkidu steps closer, Ozymandias' gaze does move to the arm they're presenting to him, but it's difficult to look away from the growing split on their face. His brow furrows slightly.

"Heading out? I assume to find someone to Bond with."

It's less an assumption and more a barely gentle suggestion.

[enkidoh]

Well. No. Not really.

"I am tired of hearing about how I need to find someone to bond with. I do not want to bond with anyone."

They look at Ozymandias with a small smile on their face as they cover up their cracked arm.

"But have you found a new one already? I remember you told me that you lost yours."

[fulgency]

I do not want to Bond with anyone.

They sound like a child, petulant and complaining about the food that's been put on their plate rather than someone who is on the verge of collapse because of their stubbornness. It's only made worse by the way Enkidu deflects and attempts to distract the conversation to Ozymandias' lack of a Bond at present. His brow furrows in both displeasure and mild irritation.

"There are plenty who would offer themselves to me as a stopgap measure if required."

It's likely obvious from Ozymandias' tone that he finds the notion of a temporary Bond generally disagreeable, but he's not so stubborn or rigid in his preferences and standards that he would allow things to progress to the degree to which Enkidu has. It's perhaps even more obvious that he has no desire to engage in further conversation about himself at the moment. Not really.

"It is not a matter of what one wants, Enkidu."

[enkidoh]

To be absolutely fair, Enkidu doesn't care about the fact that they sound like a child. All they know is that they have to decide and that they have to make it quick. Would death be worth it? Should they find a temporarily solution? Perhaps they could ask Cu for help? Or seek a familiar? Another option is to stay stubborn and cling to an old friend that isn't even here.

"I am glad to hear that."

Their voice sounds calm and yes, it is quite obvious from the expression on the pharaoh's face that he doesn't really want to go into that any further. Ozymandias will be fine so Enkidu drops the subject.

"I know. I need to find a way to live, yet I have discovered that that is a hard thing to do. In a way...it is quite ironic." The small smile on Enkidu's face is somewhat wry. "For I have always chosen to walk besides humanity. Yet living like one is some sort of mystery. Perhaps it is the point where the growth of my soul stagnates and all I have left is to turn to familiarities that aren't here."

[fulgency]

There was never an answer that Enkidu could provide to Ozymandias that would ever be satisfactory, but the one he gives fills Ozymandias with very particular displeasure and irritation as he is quite familiar with longing for someone precious, someone who is far out of reach.

"Come with me," he says, turning from Enkidu and leading the way back to his bedroom with the clear expectation that he will be followed. Ozymandias says nothing on the short walk over, stepping inside first and moving to stand near his vanity. He pulls out the small bench and motions for Enkidu with a simple command of, "Sit."

The gloomier, wintery weather outside does not do Ozymandias' bedroom justice, but it's likely easy to envision how it might look with all the sunlight pouring from the large windows. Murals telling stories of the gods, of Ozymandias are already beginning to line the walls. And, of course, little expense has been paid for comfort. His bed is seemingly in the process of making itself, an unseen force in the process of replacing the pillows to their proper locations as a final touch before dissipating.

Ozymandias' vanity is full, but not particularly cluttered either. Bottles of lotions, perfumes, and scrubs are neatly lined up alongside makeup, a brush, and a small basin. But what Ozymandias draws attention to is a wide pot, originally taking up a full corner of the vanity before Ozymandias moves it squarely in front of Enkidu. Inside the pot float a number of pink lotuses with honey gold centers. With how careful Ozymandias places it, it's likely immediately obvious how important these flowers are to him. He's hardly even looking at Enkidu and more at the flowers.

"It has been millennia since I last saw Nefertari. There has not been a day since her passing into the next life that I have not missed her or wished to see her because, in so many ways, she and my brother made me into the man that I am."

He believes in his divine right to rule, of course. He believes that the gods had always intended for him to rise to the greatness that he claimed in his lifetime and thereafter. But he also firmly believes that Nefertari and Moses were given to him by the gods to ensure that he would be capable, to ease some of the burdens and difficulties that fall to one when they are made Pharaoh. Even after everything with Moses...

"I could easily decide that without her physically here, there is no point. Allow myself to 'stagnate' or perhaps even regress in the absence of her light and warmth. After all, is that not what all life would do in the absence of the sun?" Ozymandias shakes his head a little. "But she would be furious with me if I were to do something like that, and I with her if our roles were reversed. Nefertari's blessings do not cease simply because she is not here to deliver them to me herself. I must continue striving for more for myself until we are one day reunited."

Finally, Ozymandias lifts his gaze from the lotuses. The soft look to his eyes gives way to a more severe and stern look. He's not angry, but it becomes clear that he thinks what Enkidu is saying is more of an excuse than a genuine reason. There's perhaps even a small degree to which he is mildly offended though, on the King of Heroes' behalf. It's perhaps a bit easier to see the unyielding king in Ozymandias now than it usually is with that look.

"Do you think he would truly be satisfied to see you, his one true friend, like this?"

[enkidoh]

To be absolutely honest, Enkidu wants to go outside and go to the library. And then they want to go to the forests. Cwyld be damned. But despite all that, Enkidu would be the last one who would disobey at a point like this. Because that voice just yet, that was the voice a king uses when he addresses his troups.

They follow silently and sit down when Ozymandias tells them to do so. And really, it is hard not to look around themselves. There is a lot to take in here and while the other rummages around Enkidu takes their time to admire the splendor of this bedroom.

When Ozymandias starts to speak again he wants them to see a couple of beautiful lotus flowers, floating in water. Each flower looks vibrant and healthy and that sight pleases Enkidu greatly. A soft smile appears on their face for a moment and they lean forward a little to take a closer look.

“They are beautiful…” Enkidu murmurs softly.

And that is all they say because it is terribly rude to interrupt the story Ozymandias starts to tell them. They understand the point he wants to make but they also understand that his resolve comes forth of from a human will to move on, to grow, to become something new. To take such hardship and turn it in something positive is truly a beautiful thing humans can do. Yet Enkidu knows for sure that it does not work that way for them. A weapon meant to be a weapon with the soul belonging to a weapon cannot grow the way a human does. A weapon is bound to a purpose, a human possesses a free will. They know this and they also know that it is something Ozymandias might not understand.

But despite all that, the answer to that last question is quite clear. Gilgamesh would not want that. He would be irritated and angry and he would tell them to stop.

“I am quite sure that he won’t allow it at all. Quite like the woman you miss.”

Enkidu touches the crack on their cheek before they look up at Ozymandias.

“I wish to know a couple of things. Do you still consider yourself a Servant? Or do you want to be free?” And here comes the difficult part. “No bond would ever be able to replace Nefertari, isn’t it?”

[fulgency]

"Nefertari is my sun. She is the one that I would forsake all others. No Bond is meant to or could ever replace her."

Ozymandias' answer comes swiftly after their question with no hesitation, which likely only speaks to the sincerity and intensity of Ozymandias' feelings for her. Even after millennia apart, they have not weakened or waned, and certainly not been eclipsed by another. They never could be.

"Is that your concern? That if you were to Bond with someone, that it would diminish your friendship with the King of Heroes?"

He doesn't bother with answering the other questions. He's a Servant only by technicality -- or from his perspective because his grave was disturbed and his body was removed from its final resting place -- and he's never had any notion of being anything less than free. He is, after all, the King of Kings. Who is freer or in control of themselves than that?

[enkidoh]

"For the sun to have a sun..."

Enkidu murmurs the words softly and smiles afterwards. It is a beautiful and melancholic thing. Despite that Enkidu finds it difficult to explain what they feel. Yet, they do know that Ozymandias has a very valid point and that it should be taken into consideration. And if so they had to bond quick.

There were a lot of things going through them. Uselessness, that never ending feeling of being lost, problems with magic. All of these things are new to them and they don't like it. Then there is the matter of their place here. Are they still a Servant? Are they still connected to their Master or the Throne for that matter? All this knowledge in front of them and all these wonderful humans who indulge them with stories and their presence. And their feelings barely change.

"He is my true friend, I cannot just disregard such a thing. These Bonds are not the same as an agreement, they go far deeper. Accepting a Bond would feel like...ah...as if I would replace him."

When they speak they manage to keep the tone of their voice even.

[fulgency]

While it is a little surprising to Ozymandias that Enkidu admits the source of at least some of their reservations given how far they have allowed this to go, their question to Ozymandias about Nefertari makes the answer itself not particularly surprising.

"It is possible that you may grow close with whoever you Bond with. In fact, I would say that it is more likely than not if the Bond is to last at all. But no one can take the place of another and the affection you might feel for one does not take away from the other," Ozymandias says with a slight shake of his head. "People would be incapable of having more than one friend otherwise. Families would be especially impossible."

[enkidoh]

That makes perfect sense. Humans would not be able to form a society and they have seen humans enjoying each other's company. Sometimes they were just two of them but at times there were more. A deep sigh escapes their mouth and slowly they move to stand.

"What you say seems right." Still, it remains a difficult decision. Something they need to place while there isn't much time for them to do so. "There is nothing wrong in getting to get closer to another person, I think... It is difficult to find words for what I feel."

Their eyes shift from the flowers to Ozymandias' face.

"I do have to go out. Just in case. It will be quite messy if I will explode here."

They have to go out and bond. Perhaps just temporarily.

[fulgency]

"Go on then."

When Enkidu's gaze meets Ozymandias' eyes again, Ozymandias still cannot divine what they have exactly decided as far as the long-term.

"I have said all that I will."

But he has the confidence that they have at least listened somewhat to reason enough that it's tempered the stubborn stamping of their feet and refusal to hear anything else to at least the beginnings of openness to consider exploring the alternative. Ozymandias knows that without Gilgamesh, that is perhaps the best anyone could possibly hope for with Enkidu. What they do from this point is their own choice, and there is little more than even Ozymandias can do.

It's only after they leave that his own attention turns back to the flowers, floating in their pot. Taking the seat that Enkidu once occupied, Ozymandias breathes in their scent to think of her as he so often does.