middaeg | fellas is it gay if you can magically read your best bros thoughts (OPEN)

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fellas is it gay if you can magically read your best bros thoughts (OPEN)

Who: Rich and others
When: Morning and noonish, November 15
Where: Jeremy, Rich, and Michael's home
What: Rich and Jeremy's Bonding ceremony and celebration
Warnings: none

i. Bonding (Closed)

[Jeremy shows up at Rich's door bright and early the next morning. Despite how Rich claimed that suits weren't required, Jeremy still put together the nicest-looking thing in his wardrobe. His hair is slicked back, his skin is clearer than usual (where did he find concealer?), and he's used up a good chunk of his precious deodorant that he brought with him through the mirror.

The SQUIP had a lot of drawbacks, being an evil mind-controlling robot and all, but it taught Jeremy a valuable lesson: Jeremy cleans up good.

When Rich opens the door, Jeremy's waiting expectantly, hands behind his back and bouncing on his toes. It's clear that he's been there a while.]

You ready to go?

ii. Announcement (Open)

[To announce their Bond and to celebrate, Rich and Jeremy have opened the house up for any and everyone who wants to check it out--both quietly not mentioning how empty the space seems with Justine's recent disappearance. At Rich's suggestion, they've sent an open invitation out on the watch network to anyone who wants to drop by and offer congratulations.

Their budget isn't huge, but Jeremy's insistence on hospitality means that they've got enough finger food and drinks for people to try out. There's no alcohol.

Jeremy's still nervous even though the deed is done, so he's bustling around constantly to make sure that everything is perfectly neat, that they've got enough seats, and that nobody needs a refill. In his rush, bringing a hot tray of cookies from the oven straight onto a serving tray, he bumps into you. As he turns around to see who he's plowed over, he rushes to apologize. The niceties run into themselves before he even sees your face.]

Shoot--I'm sorry--thanks for coming!

iii. Wildcard (Open)

[Jeremy and Rich are both available to talk about their new bond with your character. Let me know if you want a specific situation!]

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... I guess we have stuff in the bathroom. Bandages and that.

[Rich slowly gets up to his feet, trying to be careful and not agitate his cuts too badly as he watches for Myr to stand and then slowly heads over to the stairs.

He doesn't say anything about the idea of talking, not yet, but it's easy to tell from his expression and uncharacteristic silence that he can't think of a worse idea. To him, decisions have already been made, and now, as usual, Rich is just forced to go along with them. It's what his dad and teachers expected, it's what the SQUIP expected... he's supposed to do the same with Myr.

But that's fine. Hopeless and helpless are certainly not new feelings for Rich.]

Lead on, then. [Myr will follow; he's an inkling, from being in a few of them, the cottages are more or less alike and what he knew of navigating one might apply to the others--but assuming as much would no doubt get him rapidly into trouble.

So he follows, trailing fingers along the nearest wall and swallowing down his own uncertainty at the future. It's a glass-fragile situation, apt to shatter; Myr's willingness to try is no substitute, he knows, for experience in these sorts of things. But he can't not try, he can't not listen... Even if he might hear it's better he stay away.

He dearly hopes not; Rich can ill-afford to lose friends. (But L can ill-afford to remain unBonded.)

All that maundering's put away as they reach the bathroom. Myr halts as his fingers catch on the doorframe.]

I don't know how much use I'll be, [he won't be dishonest and pretend the first-aid skills he'd learned while sighted won't be difficult to use now he's blind,] but if you'd like--I do know something of dressing wounds.

[It's hard to tell what Rich feels. He knows as well as Myr does that it's bad for him to lose friends at this moment in time... but he also knows it's a bad idea for him to remain around people that make excuses for the people who seem determined to hurt him. It's why he's struggled so much with Connor, and he would very much hate for his relationship with Myr to end up the same way.

But it's also hard for him to think Myr is that far gone. He's sensible, and able to understand what Rich has been through... that has to be enough. Rich has to have hope that he can actually convince someone to listen to him.

He busies himself with grabbing supplies for a few moments, obviously a bit lost in thought. It takes him a few moments to even acknowledge Myr has spoken, but when he does, he just shakes his head.]

I'm fine. [He's picked up enough to look after himself since he came here, from watching others bandage his wounds. He's not sure how well he can do it himself either... but he feels wary around Myr, remembering the last time he injured himself in a panic. It... doesn't bode well for this upcoming conversation.]

...Do you need help with your hands?

If you've something I can clean them with, that should do. [Monsters did heal faster than Witches--or elves--and it's something Myr's had reason to be grateful of; if the injuries weren't puncture wounds, he'd even be inclined to simply let them be to mend on their own. But these need to be bled against wound rot, and it would be better if he didn't leave blood all over Rich's house in the doing.

Speaking of--his tone takes on a wan humor:] I'm afraid I might've gotten blood on your wall back there.

[This is...still not getting anywhere near the heart of what they need to discuss, but truth be told Myr's still hedging around that one, uncertain as yet of his own strategy for it.

...All right, he's afraid. May as well admit as much. The stakes are high enough to warrant fear for Rich's sake, even if Myr can't allow that to paralyze him.

Time to step off into the dark again. Second time today--]

Might I, [slowly, carefully,] take a guess at the fear eating you?

I have a bit of peroxide in this...

[He holds out a bottle of alcohol for Myr, though he still finds it hard to even look in his direction. At this point, he's starting to wonder if maybe it would be best to just clean their wounds and then send Myr home, cut his losses before Rich has time to register the heartbreak of it.

Unfortunately, Myr doesn't seem to be interested in the easy way out. Rich visibly flinches, but slowly releases a long, mildly agitated sigh.]

You can if you want. Not that knowing anything is going to fix it.

Edited 2019-12-27 01:53 (UTC)

[Far be it from Myr to ever be interested in the easy way out. If he's not taking the hardest path for the sake of sheer stubbornness alone, it's because he feels--in some way--he deserves whatever pain's attendant on the undertaking. (As he does now.)

He's not sure what peroxide is, and the bottle he reaches fumblingly for--guessing at where Rich has got it--doesn't smell like anything astringent enough to clean a wound. He'll give it a try in faith anyway, pouring a little of the oddly cold liquid into his cupped palm and hissing surprise at how it stings. That means it's working, right? That and the faintly alarming scent of a lightning strike it leaves behind.]

On the contrary--there's a lot knowing can do, I think. [A little more of the peroxide stuff in his hand before he offers the bottle back to Rich, not knowing where he might set it down.]

You're afraid I'm going to come out as Linden's advocate against you. That--as I'm Bonded to him, and obviously partial--I've got to take his side in everything as well, even if it means crushing out your complaints and expecting you to be meekly silent about all of it.

[Rich takes the bottle, and nearly drops it when Myr speaks up, partly in surprise, partly in disbelief. There's a part of him that does think that is what he's afraid of... that he's been so worried that Myr has made his choice about which one is more important, and is going to leave him behind...

Still, there's a part that's slightly louder, that's almost appalled that that's what Myr has decided is the issue. That's the part that wins out, letting frustration seep into Rich's tone.]

You're stupid if you think that's what it comes down to. But I guess you were the idiot who bonded to that asshole in the first place. No. If his is the side you're going to end up, I don't really care. Connor made his choice. I'm pissed at him, but it's his own fucking funeral. You've made your choice too... so I don't care anymore.

Then what does it come down to? [Myr replies, patiently, as he rubs his hands dry against each other.] Because it seems me you're concerned that you're not being heard about what kind of beast he is, that I'm choosing him because I don't value you or what you've got to say.

I don't know, basic fucking safety? Not having someone I trusted Bonded to the SQUIP's partner? Maybe not getting betrayed for once in my life by someone who I thought would look out for me?

But hey, when you come down to it, I guess you're right all along. Because if you'd bother listening to me, you would have known that's what I needed!

[Despite his earlier exhaustion, Rich can feel callous anger coming back with a vengeance, determined to make Myr admit which side he's on.]

Wanna play another listening game? Here's something to listen to: I asked you to leave.

You did ask me to leave. [And here he is, who ordinarily prides himself on being so polite, not doing that at all. Myr cants his head to one side, almost birdlike, as if he could study Rich with the eyes he doesn't have any longer.] But I'm not, because I won't see you drive off everyone who loves you out of some mistaken sense you don't deserve us.

[This...is not going to work if they get into another spiraling argument where each presents his best facts on why the other's wrong. Myr bites his tongue before he can go there, lifting his hands briefly to his face and forcing composure with each breath. In, out. In, out...]

You're right, [he says, after a moment. There's nothing grudging in it.] That I haven't been listening, though. How is it you're afraid this will end?

It's not a mistake. Even if you wanna play that game and claim I'm better than I am, does that mean I really deserve to be treated like this?

[He almost moves a hand up to card through his hair before noting his talons. Best to avoid that while he's still so wound up.]

You're still not listening because this already ended. You fucking betrayed me, and I'm done. You can go hang out with someone who wants to see me suffer until you realize I'm just getting what's coming to me. And I'll finally be free of your fake ass concern and condescending.

[Rich looks away then, expecting the conversation to be over. He trusts Myr can find his way to the door.]

[Myr catches his breath in a sharp inhalation, teetering a moment on simply agreeing and storming away to nurse his own hurt feelings because that isn't true, it isn't fair... And none of that has any bearing on why Rich is saying it.

Myr's not any better than his Bonded at conceding a defeat when it matters; his win conditions simply include everyone he cares about.

He breathes out in a helpless, humorless laugh; none of this is funny, but his reflex to laugh in the face of his own helplessness is graven deep. Black humor like that was a lifesaver in a Circle.]

You're right, sweeting, [he says, offering up his wounded hands in a gesture of concession,] I really am the Maker's own idiot. I can't even get being a false friend right and that's supposed to come naturally to men.

[He drops his hands, voice shrinking to a murmur,] Though I s'pose it would be easier if you didn't both expect me to abandon you.

[Why did they have to be so heartbreakingly alike?]

If both of us expect you to, what's stopping you from making a choice? One or the other. That's the way it works now, especially after the SQUIP. So you can stop pretending you can make this work.

[It stings a bit, to admit out loud that Linden is thinking the same thing Rich is. He doesn't want to admit they have anything in common, doesn't want to see his tormentor as someone with weaknesses and fears.

Especially when Linden refuses to acknowledge Rich's own issues as anything other than something to exploit.

He winces softly, folds his knees up to his chest again as his voice comes out with a traitorous quiver.]

Can you please just get this over with? I'm tired of waiting for it to happen. Please just go. It's what we both want anyways.

[Instinctively, Myr hunkers down, reaching a cautious hand toward the sound of Rich's voice where it's gone small and uncertain. How could he just leave in the face of that? How could anyone think he would?

Rich's mention of the SQUIP sparks memory, makes stark just how rapidly Myr and L's positions have been reversed. It is a heartbreaking, artistic irony that hurts too much right now for Myr to appreciate as anything but more punishment.

Except where L had only untried promises to vouchsafe as assurance against the SQUIP's turning monstrous, Myr had proven his conviction in deed and blood.]

I nearly killed him once for your sake. [Bleakly said, but without regret that they'd saved so many from a demon.] Do you not trust I'd do it again, did I truly think he wanted you to suffer?

[He was wrong, earlier: He hadn't refused the choice Rich saw as inevitable.

He'd already made it on his own terms.

The worst part of it was that L had understood and not turned him aside for it.]

[Rich's breath hitches for a moment, confusion and shock clear on his face that Myr still unfortunately cannot view. He huddles a little tighter on himself, his voice hesitant, but maybe hopeful.]

I... thought you changed your mind. I just thought you decided he hadn't deserved anything that happened back then. Which... I mean, I don't even know if I think he does but...

I thought you regretted looking out for me.

[He shivers softly, a chill running through him as he struggles to put together how he feels about Linden. There's a lot he could say about everything he understands and doesn't understand about Linden's journey with the SQUIP, how familiar and how foreign it was, and how his actions now have left Rich torn between his stubborn belief in second chances and his impulse to toss aside what burned him, his self preservation and self destruction warring every time he sees Linden again.]

...I gave him more chances and he still wanted me to suffer. SQUIP or not. What if... he wants the same for you?

[It's all he can manage.]

[Myr slides down to sitting on the floor, knees tucked against him to be out of Rich's way. Have they turned a corner? He can't be sure, but hearing something like hope again in Rich's voice has made him weak-kneed with relief.]

Never. I'd never regret helping you. [He makes a small, troubled noise in the back of his throat--hearing that I don't even know if I think he does--and shakes his head, wincing where his antlers contact some bit of wall or furnishing.] Wish we'd a perfect world where we could've safely contained the demon and no one had to be hurt? Of course.

But never regret it.

[Rich's following question is--a good one, even if it's one Myr hadn't considered for himself. Part of it was knowing (trusting) L so completely and suddenly as he now did; part of it was...he rarely did worry for himself that way, worry that someone else might hurt him. So, slowly, carefully,]

If he did, I think I've so completely misunderstood him that I could do nothing but leave. [Breath in, breath out.] I don't think I have. But it's a wise question to ask.

[His voice grows softer, then:] I don't know it's a matter of wanting anyone to suffer, sweeting. It's that he's so mutilated inside he can only act better than he's learned if someone shows him how. And I'd stand between you and all that, if you'd let me.

So... if he was a danger to either of us... you would do the same? You really would leave?

[He doesn't want to sound... enthused about the idea of Myr leaving L behind, really. It's not really what he wants. But he does want to know that Myr isn't too far gone. His voice takes on a slightly bitter, defensive tone.]

Because he can have reasons, but they can't be excuses for... hurting anyone. Whether it's me or you or someone else. You said I couldn't make myself hurt trying to help him, so that has to count for you.

[He can understand that Linden isn't... all bad. But he knows digging for the goodness in him could backfire spectacularly.]

I would.

[It's a counterfactual case that won't happen, from where Myr's standing, because L isn't the SQUIP. He does not know all his Bonded's secrets--suspects there are some that will break his heart to learn--but he knows that broadest stroke already about L. It grants him a quiet certain confidence that he will not have to walk away.

(Is it hubris on his part to think so? He believes not with every fiber of his being.)]

Should it come to that, he'd lose me. But I don't believe he will. For all that life has made of him, he still wants to be better than he is.

Edited 2019-12-30 06:30 (UTC)

[That might not have been the perfect thing to say. In some ways, at least Rich is calm enough to react with only a disgusted expression and a tension to his voice, though it's not too hard to tell whether it would get worse if they went down this route.

Myr may want to have an intelligent, understanding discussion about this, but Rich still isn't ready to accept someone's word completely.]

You only believe he wants to be better, I told you. He's made it pretty clear on my end he doesn't, that that would be too exhausting for him.

[It would be much easier for Myr to simply throw L under the wagon on this one--much easier, and painfully, something he'd be forgiven in.

But he wasn't Made that way; his utter (and maybe foolish) devotion to the truth's as strong as that to his friends and loved ones.

He reaches up to rub at a temple, breathing out a rueful sigh.]

He is my Bonded, [he points out.] Even if it's new yet, I know how he feels about the matter. Which means he might be lying to one or both of us--or he's not certain on the truth himself.

[He drops his hand to his lap; his voice grows softer,] I know it's a great deal to ask, but will you trust me in my belief? As I trust you to tell me what he's said when I'm not about.

[It's foolish in Rich's opinion, certainly. Anyone else would have let it go and either cut Linden off or left Rich alone. No one would have wanted to keep struggling to maintain an extremely fragile balance.

Rich wants to think that's brave, but he can't, not when his own attempts to be brave were called self-centred. He can't help the pointed glare he shoots Myr's way.]

I trust that you believe him. I just also trust that you're going to end up regretting that. If he wanted to be better, he wouldn't treat me like garbage every chance he got. Seriously. When you got him out of here, did he ever once say to you that he took it too far? Did he show even a little bit of remorse?

[Knowing either of them could die if abandoned effectively bound Myr's hands, ... even if he'd have tried as hard for lower stakes to be here, to mend things.]

The card I gave you was from him. [It would have borne mentioning earlier, Myr knows, but he had not, as caught up as he'd been that first instant in Rich's dismay at the whole situation. That saying so might have defused more of this, sooner--any guilt for that accrues to Myr, settles heavily on his shoulders.

But there really isn't time or luxury for him to wallow in that.] He'd made it unprompted, after we Bonded.

[Though perhaps unprompted wasn't quite correct, but Myr hadn't asked, hadn't expected directly except insofar he'd made a space where L could do such a thing gracefully. Which perhaps made all the difference.]

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fellas is it gay if you can magically read your best bros thoughts (OPEN)

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