middaeg | ( semi-open! )

[ The few days after arriving back in Aefenglom have been a disjointed blur. Lux knew immediately the moment they reached the city that something was wrong, an overwhelming ache clutching her heart and refusing to let go. She attributed it to her injuries; the Resistance healers took care of her before they left Dorchacht, but she wouldn't be surprised if she felt the effects of her botched rescue attempt for a while after.

But that's not the reason, and as soon as she returned to an empty house, Lux immediately understood why. Her Bond with Souji had been severed.

So Lux did what she usually does when she finds herself unable to deal with her own feelings—she throws herself into everything. If she keeps herself busy, then there is no room for darkness to take root inside of her. But her plan doesn't factor in the gnawing loneliness that takes hold of her, always present and waiting for when her thoughts begin to drift. She can't run away from her feelings here, it seems.

Coming home late that night, assuming that Akira is either asleep already or out working, Lux retreats to the attic. She knows that she isn't going to sleep herself, even though she desperately wants to. Maybe that will dispel this crawling ache in her soul... ]

[ The weeks in Dorchacht were rough on both of them, but the ache that emanates from Lux like a beacon whenever they're under the same roof is different. It's faint, but constantly there, a steady pulse that chews at the edges of his emotions.

Something is wrong with her, and he can take a somewhat educated guess on what it is.

So when he feels and hears her presence enter the house late one night, he emerges from the basement a few minutes later and heads into the kitchen to start some water boiling. Like most things with Akira, it's not particularly premeditated. Preparing two cups of coffee and carrying them up towards the attic is more of a spur-of-the-moment decision, driven by a need to check up on her, but it might seem that way when he quietly enters the space holding the two mugs. ]

Lux?

[ Lux vaguely hears the rustling downstairs, but only registers it in passing. Ah, so Akira's here after all. Hopefully she didn't wake him up when she came home. Those brief thoughts only linger enough for her to acknowledge them before they float out of her head and into the night. Leaning up against the windowsill, she pulls her braided hair over her shoulder before slowly beginning to unravel it; she needs something to busy her hands with.

She should probably turn on a lamp, but the faint lights she summon to hang in the air, hovering lazily like fairy lights offer more than enough illumination for her. Funny how this little trick she learned in order to be charming had become instinctual by this point. Lux doesn't even have to think about it.

Hearing her name pulls her back into reality, as Lux turns her head quickly toward the sound. Ah, maybe she wasn't as quiet as she thought she was. She gives him an apologetic smile. ]

I didn't realize you were still up. I hope I didn't wake you.

[ Her attention drags down to the two mugs in his hand. Hmm? ]

What's that?

Don't worry about it, I've been up.

[ His eyes adjust easily to the difference in light, the glow of the lights casting deep, fuzzy shadows around the room that shift as Akira approaches. These days, he finds himself most at ease in the basement, the vague sense of knowing there's earth pressing near all around him something of a comfort blanket. Even so, after his time staying at Leblanc, the attic still offers distinct coziness, even if it's not his attic.

At her question, he raises one of the mugs slightly. ]

Coffee. It's supposed to make you feel more awake, but it mostly just relaxes me. [ A luxury he's obviously trying to offer to her, extending the cup towards her. His own is much darker; knowing that she has a bit of a sweet tooth, Akira made sure to mix in some cream and sugar. ] If you're in the mood.

[ Doesn't he know by now that it's her job to worry about that sort of thing? Just like she's beginning to learn that Akira isn't the type to be convinced by a seemingly strong front. Looking down at the offered mug, Lux takes it before cupping it in both hands, letting the warmth seep through her before shifting over, giving him room to sit if he wants. It isn't as comfortable as a chair or a proper bed, but there are enough blankets laid out now that it feels almost like a futon.

Lux doesn't know what kind of mood she's in, but the earthy and sweet smell of coffee does seem relaxing. She doesn't drink, but looks back toward the window, her eyes searching for something in the world outside the tiny attic. ]

It's strange to think that we were gone for nearly a month. It's like nothing has changed here.

[ Or maybe it's just her. ]

[ With the cup passed off, he curls his fingers around his own and sinks into the offered space. A vague smile touches at Akira's mouth as he leans against the windowsill as well.

The night sky was the first thing he noticed upon the evening of their return. His feelings towards the moons and what they mean for his transformation remain complicated, but the absence of them and their pull in Dorchacht was unsettling enough that to see them hanging in the sky even now comes with a sense of comfort. ]

It's hard to believe that the rest of the world just went on undisturbed after everything we saw there.

[ But isn't that how it is? He's seen firsthand how determinedly people can carry on as if nothing terrible is happening around them. ]

Though... some things did change. [ Which he suspects is the reason for the constant ache he feels from her. ]

[ That's how things are sometimes. People will hold on to what feels normal and safe in times of turmoil or uncertainty. Even if their worlds are nothing like the one that they've found themselves in here, there are some things that stay the same regardless. Part of that reassures her—but it also makes the turbulence in her own mind more difficult to ignore.

Of course Akira picks up on that right away, a quiet pang of reluctance rippling out from her. Her natural instinct is to smile and deny it, or to shift his attention elsewhere. Of course they changed. Dorchacht will likely never be the same. But it would be gauche to ignore what he's truly calling out. Lux remembers how angry he was when she tried to play off her pain the last time.

Sitting in silence, she brings the mug to her lips, taking a small sip. She leaves it there for a moment before slowly dipping her chin. Was that a nod? ]

It feels like... like I lost something. Not something that was ever mine to begin with, but that I felt I could count on always being there.

[ Something that usually existed at the very edge of her awareness, but helped dull the feeling of loneliness Lux hadn't realized gripped her so tightly. A quiet, muted smile paints across her lips as she sets her mug down on the windowsill. ]

It's all right. He has friends and a family waiting for him, who need him. I'm glad he was able to make it back home.

[ It was going to happen eventually. They were all going to leave this place one day; but she wasn't prepared for the hole that was left behind when one of them returned home. ]

[ For as serene as the night feels, the emotions going back and forth through the tenuous connection of their temporary Bond are anything but. He looks down into his cup, the fuzzy glow of the lights reflected in the dark liquid. Another sip of it delays his response, allowing the words to swirl around in his head before he summons the willpower to put them out there.

Lux stated her desire to be more open with him; Akira wants to return that. ]

... We weren't Bonded, but when Akechi disappeared, I felt like I lost the last real connection I had to my world. I threw myself into working so I wouldn't think about it. [ She might've noticed that month or so that he was withdrawn and preoccupied, in the house as little as possible. ] It didn't really help, just took my mind off of it for a while. I think I still feel that way.

[ Although, for the first time since then, the weight of those emotions actually eases up slightly. Who would've thought that saying those words aloud would actually help? Amazing.

A small, tired smile pulls at his mouth as he looks up at her. His ears, previously set back as he spoke, lift somewhat. ]

What I'm saying is, don't run yourself ragged trying to get away from it. It's okay to not be all right. They need him, but maybe you did, too.

Edited 2019-10-15 00:52 (UTC)

[ She isn't very good at this. Speaking about herself, how she feels, and knowing that doing so will only mar this quiet night makes her uncomfortable. Lux understands what Akira is trying to achieve on a very base level, but she would much rather push those ugly, unnecessary feelings away to the back of her mind; thoughts that tell her that maybe she isn't fine by herself after all.

Maybe that's just a lie that she convinced herself was true.

Ready to welcome silence, or a few reassuring words, Lux looks over at him as he begins to recount his experience. It's unexpected, and the lights illuminating her face show that plain as day. He felt lost, and did everything that he could to keep himself from acknowledging that fact. Funny how similar they both were.

Her head tilting slightly as her eyes avert, Lux presses her lips together. Normally she would find a way to turn this around, draw the conversation away from herself. Offer sympathy; offer a shoulder. But even if her heart does go out to him, that isn't the point here.

This is rare. This quiet night—and a glimpse of the man behind the mask. And if he was willing to let her see, even just a little... ]

...I've always managed on my own, before coming here. I had to. Even before joining the Illuminators, I was always on my own. And after, giving people light and hope in a dark world... their smiling faces were enough. I believed they were enough.

[ But something changed. ]

So for someone to want to get to know and stand beside me—no expectations, just... friends... and then losing that...

[ Pressing her lips tightly together, jaw clenching as she tries to keep her emotions in check, Lux hesitates. This isn't like her. She isn't good at this, and in her mind she comes up with every reason to stop. She's saying too much. She always says too much. But... it's all right, isn't it? Offering one tiny confession into the quiet night... ]

I... never knew how much I needed something like that, and how much it hurts now that it's gone.

[ Even with that sentiment Lux expressed before hanging in his mind, Akira doesn't expect what follows. For being all about light, she keeps so much about herself shrouded in darkness. Her past, her thoughts, her emotions—even with a Bond, he can only discern so much of the latter, like looking at the surface of an unfathomably deep pool.

So when she begins to speak, golden eyes widen in turn, ears perking up even more. The feelings she's describing resonate inside of him, summoning thoughts of his friends back home. ]

You don't realize how much you were missing until you have it. [ He relaxes once more against the windowsill, posture melting back to his usual slouch. ] How tiring it is being alone all the time.

[ He feels the ache radiating off of Lux, akin to one he once felt, that still pricks at his heart even now. So much of his life was spent surrounded by relationships without any depth; it wasn't until he found the Phantom Thieves that he knew what a true friendship should be like. Yearning twines with the soft warmth of affection inside of his chest. ]

When you finally feel like you carved out a place in the world where you belong and then suddenly it's taken away... [ He lifts his mug but doesn't drink just yet. ] It sucks.

[ They say that light casts the darkest shadows—and Lux is living proof of that. That brightness she exudes isn't an act, but it makes it easier for her to shroud the parts of herself that she can't let others see. It's a defense mechanism, one that manages to fool her sometimes as well.

Canting her head to look at Akira as he speaks, she lets his words wash over her, resonating with something deep within. That seeping, tiring ache of being alone... Lux always busied herself when she felt that heavy ache begin to settle, but she always thought she was the only one who felt that way. Knowing that she isn't makes her wonder if she could reach out. If she should. If anyone were to understand, it might be him.

She doesn't know that bit of slang he uses, but she can make an educated guess. Her eyes lowering, she nods slowly. ]

I never had to think about it. I believed that I was all right on my own, because I needed to be. I never knew anything else. [ She never realized how lonely she was and how hollow that felt until that connection was severed. Her Bond with Akira was still in-tact, but temporary. Limited. But she was still thankful for it just the same.

Swallowing the lump starting to form at the back of her throat, Lux leans forward, resting her weight against the windowsill. Her eyes look out at the world beyond the glass. ]

I wonder if I'll be able to go back to believing that. I... [ She pauses before forcing the words out. ] I'm not sure that I want to.

[ Akira sips at his coffee as he listens, letting the warmth spread through him. ]

Then don't. You'd just be turning away from the truth.

[ Forcefully ignoring a weakness doesn't make one stronger, he's found out. Especially something like this. And besides— ]

You're not alone. I can't promise that I'll always be here... [ They don't seem to have any control over when they return, nor any way to say goodbye before they do. ] But as long as I am, I'm here for you. Bond or not.

[ He's right, but she feels a certain sting in those words, even if that wasn't his intention. She's been lying to herself—for her people's sake and for her own as well. Knowing that is one thing, but the thought of facing it on her own terrifies her. It's easier to hide behind obligations and busy work, even if the beast never truly goes away. If she turns away from the truth, if she doesn't see it, then maybe she can convince herself that it doesn't exist.

Akira has always been the more quiet of the two of them, so Lux expects that to be it. Her eyes widen slightly when he continues, and while she avoids wearing it on her face, it's clear under the surface that he catches her off-guard. ...Has anyone ever said something like that to her before? And what does she even say to that? She's glad? That he's not alone either? No, that sounds so awkward... Ugh.

Picking up her mug, she uses it to partially hide her face, taking a sip to disguise the fact that she doesn't have a response ready. The mug lingers at her lips, as she takes a deep breath.

Ah, maybe that. ]

...Tell me about where you're from. The people and the places—anything that comes to mind when you think about it.

[ It may seem like she's avoiding the subject, but there is a point to this. ]

[ It does seem like something of a distraction, especially following that speechless sort of surprise that radiates off of her. Akira doesn't call her on it, though. There might be some sort of purpose to this, and besides, the invitation to talk about home fills him with a sweet sort of ache. ]

... I lived in a cafe called Leblanc. [ When he thinks of home, that's right where his mind goes. ] Tokyo is huge and busy at any hour, but Leblanc is like a slice of calm in the middle of it. The attic would get too hot in the summer and too cold in the winter but it couldn't be more perfect.

[ He can almost feel it now, almost smell the curry spice twining with the aroma of coffee that's there in the air right now. ]

We used to hold team meetings there. All of us crowded around the table... [ And Akechi at the window. A small, subtly sad smile pulls at his mouth. ] It would get noisy sometimes. We'd argue. But it always felt right.

[ His eyes track back towards Lux. Does she want him to go on? ]

[ It's warm, and as he recounts what his world and his team are like, the lights settle into a faint gold, lazily floating like fireflies in the night. He may be able to sense her mood through their Bond, but it's as much a physical representation of that than anything else.

Setting her mug down on the windowsill, Lux smiles quietly. She can almost see it. It doesn't sound glamorous, but it's perfect. This will do quite nicely. ]

Because of the people you were with, and the time you would spend together. [ Her voice takes a more teasing lilt. ] I hope you did more than have meetings.

We did.

[ The meetings were rarely ever just that. A regular group of teenagers would have trouble staying on task, much less one as rowdy and unique as theirs. The smile turns warm and fond once more. ]

I miss it. [ That goes without saying, but he's trying to be a little more expressive with his thoughts around Lux. ] Not just that, either. All of the people I met around the city. The doctor I told you about, the politician, the fortuneteller, the reporter...

[ In the end, it's not so much Tokyo itself ingrained in his heart as it is the city's associations with the bonds he formed. Akira's gaze drifts out towards the moons. Knowing that he's seeing a completely different sky than they all are makes the distance feel that much greater. ]

[ It's an entirely different experience from what she knows, and Lux finds herself getting lost in the details rather than focusing on what she has planned. He lives in such a vibrant world, and she can't help the quietly fond turn her smile takes. ]

But it's all there, isn't it? The people, the places, and the memories you have of them. It might feel like you have lost your only connection to your world when he left, but it's still there.

[ Picking up her mug, she cups it in both hands, letting the mellow warmth spread through her. ]

I've heard it said that, as long as someone passes their stories or experiences along to someone else, the connections we have to those people and places will continue to exist, no matter where we might find ourselves.

[ She follows his gaze out toward the sister moons. Lux can't take away the longing he feels for his home, and for the people he cares about, but maybe this will take some of the edge off. ]

Even if we're far from home, separated by mountains, oceans, or entire worlds from the people and places we care about, it can never be severed as long as there is someone there who knows your story. He may be gone, but the link that you have to him, and to your world, will always remain as long as there is someone here to remember.

[ Her words reach him, sinking deep down. It's a little bit like cognition, isn't it? The whole world is a product of cognition, shaped by what people hold in their hearts. So as long as someone thinks of him as being connected to those people, then isn't he, no matter what happens, no matter how far apart they are?

A tightness burns up his throat before he soothes it down with a sip from his cup. Akira's eyes linger on the night sky as he collects his thoughts. ]

... Maybe that's why it feels so nice to talk about it. [ When he turns back to Lux, it's with a bloom of warmth in his chest. ] Thanks, Lux. For listening to my stories.

[ Out of everyone here, there's nobody he would entrust them to more. He knows Lux—she'll treasure them as much as they should be, keeping them alive in her memories. ]

The same goes for you. I'll always remember about you and Souji.

[ She may not have been as close to Souji as Akira was (is) to Akechi, but if she can do or say something to lessen that blow, she will. Oddly enough, it helps her, knowing that she doesn't needs to face this loneliness on her own. Is this what it's like to have someone to rely on? To know that there will always be that connection there, Bond or not, no matter how far they may roam?

It's nice, and for once she doesn't question if she's allowed to feel this way. She doesn't want to question it.

Responding to his warmth with a quietly fond smile, she runs her thumb over the rim of her cup. ]

...Thank you. For this, for Dorchacht... For everything, really.

[ It comes out a little clumsy, and Lux can tell almost immediately. Taking a sip of her coffee, internally wincing to herself at how daft that sounded, she still gives those words some room to breathe. ]

I want to hear more. I never had the opportunity to travel outside of Demacia before coming here, and even then... I want to know more about your world, and what is important to you. [ Because it's important to her as well. ]

[ However Lux may feel about it, nothing in Akira's emotions indicates that he finds her gratitude awkward or unpleasant to the ears. There's on happiness and an echoed sense of thankfulness, tinging his voice when he speaks. ]

I owe you a thank you, too. And not just for tonight.

[ Ever since their first meeting, Lux has been a positive presence in his life, reaching out to him whenever she senses that he needs it. If she wants to hear about his world, that's the least he can do in return.

Akira drains the rest of his coffee and leaves the mug on the windowsill for now. ]

Give me a topic, then.

[ Smiling lightly against the lip of her mug, warmth radiates off her in waves. It isn't enough to completely ease the loneliness that weighs heavy on her chest, but it isn't as oppressive and all-encompassing.

Taking another small sip before setting her cup on the windowsill, Lux hums in thought. ]

I want to hear about your team.

[ She could ask about the city, the cafe, or any number of things—but knowing about the people who he thinks so fondly of is a much better way of learning about his world. ]

Edited 2019-10-23 01:45 (UTC)

A good choice. [ Also the one he probably has the most to say about.

Sliding his mug aside, Akira sinks down somewhat, folding his arm on the windowsill to form a pillow for his chin. His eyes may be on the view outside of the attic window, but the distance in them speaks to his mind being elsewhere. ]

Well... There's Ryuji. He looks and sounds rough at first, but he has a heart of gold. A total mama's boy. Ann is one of the most compassionate people I've ever met. One of the most beautiful, too.

[ His cheeks flush a little, happy, as he confides that thought. ]

Yusuke seems weird at first, but he just thinks different from most people. He's really smart and a talented artist, too. Makoto is probably the smartest of all of us, and one of the hardest-working. She keeps us on track better than anyone.

[ There's a hint of amusement in that statement, knowing how rowdy they can get. They didn't make that role easy for her. ]

Futaba is like a little sister to me. She's been through so much, but once she decided to move forward, she hasn't given up. Haru is as elegant as is she is dangerous. You kind of remind me of her, actually. Ladylike, but with a spark.

[ This is a lot more talking than he usually does in one go. Akira wets his lips as he nears the end of the list. ]

Morgana... is a talking cat. [ Mostly, he just wants to see how she'll react to that one. ] We're—we were always together. [ It's impossible to quantify and compare how much he misses them all, and Akira never would, but he notices the lack of Morgana's presence the most, his ever-present companion. ] ... And you met Akechi.

[ He focuses in with a blink, looking over at Lux. ]

That's the team. I'll tell you more about any of them if you want.

[ She can practically feel the affection conveyed in his words. It's clear that he cares deeply for them, each one a unique and irreplaceable piece of his heart. Her smile grows as he continues, shifting to draw her knees up to her chest and wrap her arms around them. Watching him closely, Lux can't help but wonder if they know what he thinks of them.

And she can't help but wonder what he might say about her, when he returns to Tokyo—if he says anything at all.

The next question she wants to ask circles around in her head, but is quickly derailed when Akira mentions his feline companion. She pauses after he finishes speaking, the smile leaving her face, replaced with a mix of curiosity and confusion. ]

A talking cat?

[ Is that the reaction he was hoping for? ]

[ That's pretty much what he expected. A slight tilt of his head hides the curl of his lips behind his arm, but the amusement is still plain as day in the subtle scrunch of his eyes and even more pronounced in their Bond. ]

It's... a long story, but yeah. I used to bring him to school and let him hide in my desk during class.

[ He's not going to mention the part where Morgana would occasionally help him with exam answers whenever he would draw a blank. ]

[ That's surprisingly charming, his recounting bringing a smile to her face. Akira is sparse on the details when it comes to his companion, but she assumes he must be some sort of familiar. ]

And you didn't get caught bringing him with you?

[ That might be the most surprising development here. ]

Edited 2019-10-28 14:25 (UTC)

No way. [ Somehow. There were plenty of "is that a cat?" close calls. Not to mention how much of a solid the guy who sat behind him did by never reporting it. ] We're sneaker than that.

[ Akira's gaze flickers over to Lux, warm. ]

They'd like you, you know. [ He has no doubt that Lux would like them, too, judging by the emotions he feels rolling off of her. ] The feeling I get from you is like the one I get when I'm with them.

[ Oh. That's unexpected, clearly telegraphed in the surprise she wears on her face. Hearing something like that from him makes her surprisingly happy, that feeling rippling through their connection even as she looks away. ]

That's... That's very kind of you.

[ What does she say to something like that? She's never had a place, or people with whom she feels like she belongs. He leaves very little room for her to doubt, his warmth genuine and impossibly bright.

With a shy smile, Lux directs it towards him. ]

I wish I could meet them. They sound like wonderful people.

Maybe one day.

[ He recognizes how unlikely that is, given how little control they currently have over when they arrive here and when they leave. But it doesn't stop him from wanting to believe that he won't have to give up something dear to him.

He debates saying more but soon settles on a brief silence. If she lets him, Akira can really talk all night about them, and Lux should probably sleep at some point. Himself too. ]

Thanks for listening to me. Really [ He came here to comfort her and somehow ended up getting some of it in return. How does this always happen with her? ] I should get to bed soon, though. [ He nods towards her cup. ] I can take that down if you're done with it.

[ The only way she would feasibly be able to meet any of them is if they came here, and Lux can't reasonably wish that fate upon anyone. Being pulled away from one's home, from the people and places they care about... No, it's better if they didn't. But she can appreciate the sentiment. Even if she never meets them, the quiet warmth of knowing she might belong is enough.

For once, Lux lets the silence settle without insisting on filling it, her gaze sliding to the side before drawing back towards him. She shakes her head. ]

That's all right. I think I'll be up for a little longer, so I can do it. And I'm happy to listen, any time you want to talk.

[ She enjoys it, more than she could say in words. ]

[ With a nod, Akira pushes himself away from the windowsill. Before he gets to his feet, though, he pauses and then reaches out to pat a hand on her shoulder, a small gesture of support. ]

Same goes to you, you know.

[ He lets it fall away to collect his cup and rises the rest of the way. ]

I'll see you tomorrow. [ When tomorrow is up in the air. She's been rather elusive lately. Lux might even be our of the house before he even wakes up. ] Good night, Lux.

[ And with one last smile, he sees himself out of the attic. ]

( semi-open! )

Akira

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