Player Plot: The Salvation of Geardagas, Part II

[faileas]

Event Log: February, The Salvation of Geardagas: Part II



CW: This plot has a general content warning for kidnapping, torture, experimentation, violence, drug use (incl. aphro), infection/disease and potential death. This is entirely opt-in.

Spirited Away, Part 2 i. Hypothesis One moment, you were free. The next, you wake up in a cold, dark room with eyes on you and the cloying smell of decay all around you. Characters who have been kidnapped are being kept in the lower floor of Alder's estate, which is a labyrinth of rooms and corridors. Without exception, the way out is always either locked or heavily guarded. All kidnapped characters have been infected with the Cwyld (sometimes by proximity to botanical materials, sometimes by being directly exposed to the violent Shades they already have imprisoned) and are being used to further the Evergreen Circle's research into the nature of the plague. The details of these tests is expanded on in the plotting post and, needless to say, their capturers have very little interest in their wellbeing. They're needlessly cruel, often pitting victims against each other and forcing them to infect newer arrivals as they turn up. Subjects are allowed a few hours of sleep at a time and a small meal- assuming that they're not being purposefully deprived of either- and are locked together in cramped cells. ii. Alternative Theory Some characters, however, escape this particular cruelty in favour of something else just as dehumanising. If a member of the inner circle has taken a liking to someone, they'll take them out of the pool of tests subjects and move them into their households. Servitude is ensured by a strong enchantment that scrambles memories and replaces them with the false knowledge that they've been working there all along. These brainwashed servants might also be forced to participate in the torture and testing of the others.

Initiation The night of the initiation party is here. If you've managed to ingratiate yourself with the cult- or at least a member of rank- you'll have already received an elegant envelope with an invitation and all the details. Or maybe you stole one or put together a convincing forgery. Alder's estate is handsome, with a small courtyard lit up with strings of lights and servants at the double doors to greet guests. Inside is just as grand. The hall and ballroom are impressive spaces with vaulted ceilings painted with elaborate star maps and broken up with marble columns that wouldn't look out of place in a palace. Drinks tables are lined up against the walls and there are several smaller drawing rooms off to the side, all of which are full of guests. Throughout the first hour or so, Alder himself flits from person to person, congratulating them and making smalltalk, but he seems different somehow. Excitable. Eager. Of course, there are other ways one might get in; while the front entrance is closely monitored, the side one leading through the kitchens isn’t. In the hustle and bustle, you might slip through unnoticed. i. Cavorting and Cruelty It isn't long before things take a turn. Alder takes to the head of the room and, with his signature voice amplifying enchantment, addresses his audience. He greets everyone and gives a fairly standard speech thanking guests and welcoming initiates to the Evergreen Circle proper- and then it happens. Servants begin to wheel in cages and tanks, all containing individuals infected with the Cwyld at various stages. Some look to have been drugged, others are wide awake, but the regulars seem delighted by their presence. They whisper and titter and applaud. Some of the more docile victims are even taken out to be showed off like animals at a fayre. "Tonight, let us enjoy the fruits of our labour! Witness the progress we've made and share our blessings among yourselves! Fear will only blind you to taking the next step. Indulge, open your minds and take the first step towards your salvation!" What he means by this quickly becomes apparent. While they're not discussing or mocking the imprisoned witches and monsters, the other guests are partaking of vice the party has to offer. The drinks flow freely and there's a manic energy in the air. Those with sharp senses might recognise that some of it has been artificially crafted by enchantments. Furthermore, if you're looking for missing loved ones, you'll no doubt spot them among the "test subjects" or servants. Good luck trying to snap the latter back to reality, though: their memories have been tightly sealed and it might take some work. One of the drawing rooms has been half curtained off and a woman at the door skittishly offers the curious an aphrodisiac-laden draught, though some might have accidentally had some already. Within, guests are draped over every surface in varying states of undress, though there are partitions up to allow for more privacy. What better way is there to spread the Cwyld and strengthen bonds than intimacy? ii. Midnight Show Things reach a fever pitch around midnight. Once more, Alder calls for everyone's attention. "There's one more thing. I know all of you are loyal, true believers- but everyone must be tested," he says, gesturing to several larger bodyguards, "and we have to protect ourselves. There are those who don't understand us and seek to undo our work. Therefore, we need to tie up loose ends." One by one, the least aggressive Cwyld-infected subjects are dragged from their cages and any remaining individuals are brought out, all restrained. One of the bodyguards is carrying a large ceremonial dagger, which he presses to the vampire at the front’s throat. "Rest assured, their deaths with not be in vain: we have learned much and they will make for the perfect offering to the beings who gave us the Cwyld's blessing!" The knife flashes, ready to cut already decaying flesh- - a blood-curdling scream echoes through the room and glass shatters as a Shade breaks free from its prison. It ploughs into the guests, howling with rage as it tears into anyone and everyone that stands in its way, and others soon follow. At some point during the chaos, Alder appears to realise that he’s been caught. He, along with his inner circle, set to work trying to cover up their actions, setting the basement floor alight and using magic to bring down supports to block doorways completely. If you want to gather evidence, it has to be now, else you can focus your efforts on a rescue mission or chasing the cult leader himself down.

[ ooc: More information about the event can be found on the plotting post along with comments for questions, and an IC vote concerning Alder's fate! ]

Comments

[yesdoubt]

[Later, Momo will be thankful for his foresight - some time ago, he'd noticed that the cult was averse to him wearing any hint of his relationship with Yuki when he was at their meetings, given he'd never even thought of bringing Yuki into the cult, so he'd started hiding them away somewhere at home each time he went out for that in particular. It's somewhere well out of sight so Yuki wouldn't get the wrong idea, but at least it means the ring wasn't lost among all this.

At the moment, though, his irritation only sharpens as he looks at the other man, because he's been paying enough attention to notice someone trying to tail him all night, and while he'd never been an immediate enough threat to justify dealing with, that's changed now that he's trying to directly intervene. Even as violence breaks out around them, people trying to corral the Shades before they can do too much damage, he looks about ready to spit rage even before Yuki speaks, but as soon as his stance shifts, his mouth opens--

--and the fist lands, somehow. Momo knows he should have stopped it and isn't entirely sure why he didn't, which is perhaps why, after a moment or two of apparent shock from the impact - why does this feel familiar, somehow? - he surges back up, grabbing the other man by his collar and slamming him against the nearest table. The motion makes the presence of a wig more obvious, and Momo grabs the black hair and throws it aside, and then the glasses, so he can see the source of his frustrations more clearly. He's succeeded in getting Momo's attention fully on him, that's for sure.]

You've been following me all night. Explain. [There's a crackling sound at his free hand as the moisture in the air freezes at his fingertips, creating sharp claw-like icicles that he holds next to Yuki's face, one threading through the very edges of his hair. He'd been wearing a wig all night, so why does this silver hair somehow feel more familiar than what he'd seen repeatedly over the course of the initiation...?]

[gekijou]

[Frankly, Yuki doesn't even have the nerve to try to fight and help people, even if--with a usual Momo's help--he could. He wants to get Momo away from this mess somehow, so maybe he can shake him out of whatever this is.

He's panicking on the inside as he's grabbed, scrambling for purchase against the table for the briefest moment when he's shoved up against it and his disguise is discarded like nothing. A few stray hairpins stick out near his temples from where they'd held the wig in place, and his hair falls down in a silver cascade, to him in slow motion, as he wonders if he was wrong. If there isn't a way to get Momo back...

Now isn't the time for such fatalism, though. Yuki has to keep hope alive, somehow. Still, there's terribly sharp ice claws near his face, and that is unpleasant enough to turn his stomach. He doesn't answer right away, wondering if the things that work in dramas and movies would work in practical application.

Forcing calm through himself, he reaches up with his ringed hand and grips Momo's wrist, trying to ease it away from his face slightly.]

It's me. Yuki. Your partner. [He almost chokes on the word.] I don't know what these bastards did to you, but I won't let them get away with it. No one is going to take you away from me. [Never again. He wouldn't survive.]

[yesdoubt]

[The ring catches Momo's eye for a fleeting moment, but in this state it doesn't mean to him what it normally would, means very little other than it's not some kind of weapon and so he doesn't need to think too much about it. There's an ache starting to build up at the back of his head, like something's scratching at it insistently, and he makes a dismissive, derisive sound at the show of emotion even as that clawing pain intensifies for a moment at it. His unclawed hand drops from Yuki's collar, but only so he can twist the wrist of the hand that's trying to grip onto him, remove it, then pin it down against the table. There's not a whole lot of room - there's plates of food and jugs of water and wine strewn across the rest of the table - but this much is all he really needs.]

I've been doing this for years. Whatever you might've lost isn't my business. [From his point of view, this has been his job for considerably longer than the few days he's been missing. So he mostly just wants this guy to shut up so the pain will stop, and so he can try to focus on what he's actually supposed to be doing.

The claws play down, over his throat, over his heart. It's like a map of where they could do the most damage the easiest, but leaving another dead body in the middle of all this is entirely unnecessary, he decides. So they instead grab none too gently at Yuki's chin, points digging into the sides of his jaw enough to furrow the skin and draw blood.]

I have work to do, so I'll give you one chance. Either you choose to stop following me here, or I'll make you.

[He isn't very specific about how he's going to do that, but at the very least, if he was going to kill him he probably would've done it by now.]

[gekijou]

[This is terrifying. He's never really been scared of Momo, and he's trying not to be right now, but he of all people knows the kind of carnage Momo can cause if he feels a need. It was never supposed to be directed at him.

With one hand pinned, he lets his free one slide back on the table, taking stock of what's there as Momo's claw meanders, indecisive.

His eyes go wide as the ice claw breaks the skin, its supernatural cold making the blood running down beneath the pricks feel oddly cool. Still, he has to focus. He can't think about anything but getting Momo back.]

You've been my partner for years, not some horrible person's mindless flunky. Re:vale is everything to you, just like it is to me!

[yesdoubt]

[Thankfully, Momo doesn't have a third arm to stop any hand wandering, and even if he did want to stop it, Yuki speaking up again makes that ache in his head spike, enough that he visibly bares his teeth in some kind of wince at the word Re:vale. His grip on the pinned hand loosens momentarily, as if he's going to hold his head, but then it redoubles as soon as he notices the second of weakness, and the clawed hand shifts roughly to instead cover Yuki's mouth. The claws don't break skin this time, but their cold against warm skin makes the pinpricks stick against Yuki's cheeks.]

God, shut up. Just you talking is giving me a headache. [He's not lingering on why that is, because even the most shrill and loud person couldn't generate a headache this sharp just by voice alone. But if it hurts when he talks, the obvious thing to do is to stop him from talking.

Speaking of obvious things to do, it's clear Yuki isn't going to stop following him. So after his gaze flicks briefly over Yuki, as if scrutinising the likelihood of him fighting back if he lets go of him...

...he tilts his head back with the weight of someone about to throw some kind of blow. If he can't let him go without risking getting punched again, he'll just headbutt him unconscious and leave him here.]

Have it your way, then. Lights out. [Even if it wasn't already obvious what he was about to do, the statement is enough warning for some kind of reaction before he brings his head down.]

[gekijou]

[Yuki's eyes are as sharp and fierce as they are terrified and hurt right now, but he won't give up on Momo, no matter what. It occurs to him to bite the hand over his mouth, if only to loosen its grip, and he does it just to get the claws off his cheeks. Even if there's more damage left in their wake, he can deal with that later.

Momo is reared back, and Yuki knows how Momo fights. He has to think quickly.

He lets himself go absolutely dead weight for just a moment, sliding down the edge of the table as a hand reaches for a pitcher of water behind him. This may be completely nonsense, but he's going to try. He winces as his pinned hand twists painfully, but he's not thinking about protecting his body right now. Only saving Momo.

Once he is in a crouch, he dumps the pitcher of water on himself, and it somehow does the trick. Suddenly, he has several more legs, and four of them wind with unnatural speed around Momo's legs, intent on dragging him to the ground. If he can just knock him out, maybe he can take him out of here and whatever has a hold on him will snap.

With his freed hands, he reaches for another glass of whatever liquid he can find, and shoves his hand into it to create the whirlpool he learned to do some months ago. It has the effect of propelling the glass itself right at Momo's forehead.]

[yesdoubt]

[The biting does make Momo flinch enough that the claws dig in before they let go, though it's dots more than furrows that they make in the skin this time. Though he manages to keep hold of Yuki's wrist even as he drops down, the speed of it all combined with the effect this splitting headache is having on his reactions means he can't move fast enough to stop him spilling the pitcher of water on himself. Initially, he's expecting a tail and that he might only have two limbs to deal with now even if they're stronger - and then he feels tentacles wrap around his legs and realises he miscalculated.

He manages to brace for a moment, but when it's four limbs against two, the tentacles win out in the end and drag him down, the ice claws shattering as that hand hits the ground. The other goes up defensively as soon as he realises something is getting fired at his head, because he knows a glass item that thick is almost definitely going to knock him out cold if it hits him at that speed. There's a slight hiss of pain when it slams into his forearm, but he throws it aside and moves to draw one of his usual casting runes on his wrist, summoning a larger ice projectile to his hand. He'd rather just dive at Yuki's face at this point, but he's pretty sure he's not going to let that happen at this point with the tentacles holding his legs, so he instead goes for the shorter target and punches the lump of ice towards Yuki's stomach in hopes of winding him.]

'Course you had to be a freak merrow. [It's a coarse hiss of irritation, the fact of having to deal with tentacles instead of a tail apparently enough to make him break the professional demeanour. Somehow, even the sight of all those legs makes the headache that little bit worse, too.]

[gekijou]

You love this freak.

[The comment stings, because even if that's not his Momo's attitude, the words are coming from the man he loves, and Yuki himself thinks that he's a damn spectacle because of the tentacles. But there's no time to dwell on the comment, considering he's just been hit by a chunk of ice. He manages to deflect it with a hand, but it does ultimately give him a sizable gash on that palm, and it hits him in the side, tearing what's left of his suit even more.

There's nothing in this world--or any world--that will stop him right now. He'll get Momo back or die trying. Any sense of self-preservation is long gone, was gone the day he realized Momo was missing. His tentacles grip tighter on Momo's legs, overpowering by the grip of their suction and musculature, but he looses one of them to try to aim for one of Momo's arms as well. If he can stop him from using magic, if he can subdue him...

If it works, he'll wrestle Momo to the ground in a mess of tangled limbs and dripping ice water, and settle a hand at Momo's throat, clenching tightly. Adrenaline is fueling him unlike anything he's ever felt, and the way his Bond with Momo seems simultaneously disconnected and overbearing is just making him rage. He's not a violent sort, he swears, but here he's had to be more, be stronger. And this isn't for him.

He swears it's not selfish to want Momo back.

The hysteria and fear starts to get to him, even if the adrenaline powers his physical actions.]

Wake up! Remember? We're Bonded! We're partners! I'm not giving up on you! You're the only one I can do this with!

[His eyes stare wildly into Momo's.]

[yesdoubt]

[As soon as Yuki opens his mouth again, the headache intensifies, and Momo lets out another hiss, distracted by the pain for a moment but ready to snipe back at him the moment it ebbs again. It's not hard to tell that remark landed, and he wants to make it hurt more, some petty stab back for the amount of pain he's in right now.]

What's there to-- [And then the tentacle grabs at his arm, and the rest of them come to back it up, and he breaks off with a furious snarl, struggling against the grip as he's pressed back against the ground. His back arches as he thrashes against the binding, trying to throw Yuki off, but he can't reclaim an advantage like this, and even as he moves to try and speak another spell instead of drawing it, the hand clenches at this throat and voids most of the breath he had to spare.

It means he has to look directly at Yuki, and that desperation, that fury, the way he speaks, all of it feels like someone is taking an ice pick to the back of his skull. The way he arches back at Yuki's words isn't a struggle this time, it's dragging his head against the floor as a pathetic cry of pain finally squeezes its way out of him from the way it feels like his mind is literally fragmenting the longer this goes on.]

Stop talking! [It's snapped out, initially, but the pain won't stop and as another stabbing throb shoots straight to his brain enough to make him twitch, what falls from his lips in that moment is fragile and desperate.] Stop...please, it hurts so much...

[It almost sounds like Momo again, if Momo in his most dragged-down and desperate moments, tears starting to bead at the corner of his eyes as the crushing pain in his skull shoots down through the rest of him and makes him spasm again. His gaze is starting to lose its focus, pupils twitching as if flickering between one thing and the other, the cruelty and false history in his head being drowned in lances of pain stabbing through him, but the rest of him still not quite having found what he needs to grasp onto to break through it.]

[gekijou]

[God help him, if he is breaking Momo or breaking through, he cannot tell the difference, but he's pushing forward. The hand at Momo's throat tightens slightly, mostly the tension of fear at the horrific sound of pain Momo makes. He's hurting him. He's hurting the one person he swore he'd never hurt again. One of two people he'd gladly die for. He faintly hopes he'll actually die so he doesn't have to live with this feeling of loss.

But the voice coming from the brainwashed man shifts into something more familiar, and Yuki's chest aches like he's been kicked in the sternum. He reaches behind himself blindly, pulling on the tablecloth to get another pitcher of water, then douses this one over his head. What got through was something Yuki's said before in song, and maybe... He's never used this before, but he knows it works.

With the water dripping from his hair and face, his gills flare low on his neck, and he begins to sing over the din of the chaos around them, concentrating all the latent magic of his form into a siren's song.]

No matter what tomorrow brings
Our song will color the sky
And change our pain into excitement
The melody that warms my heart tells me
That you're the only one with whom I can make this future
I'll hold my head up high and stay with you forever

[By the end of it, he realizes there are tears running down his cheeks, warmer than the cold water he dumped on himself. There's a shake in his voice that's unmistakable, but he'll continue on...]

I want you to stay by my side forever, Momo. Please...

[yesdoubt]

[The interaction of the hypnotic siren song and the residual brainwashing concentrates the pain, the last vestiges of the spell clinging so hard that they practically need to be ripped free from where they've seated themselves in his mind. He squirms and twists, eyes becoming hazier and more confused for the initial few moments as the magic wraps around his mind, letting out small sounds of discomfort and fear before, under the onslaught of song, the fractures coming open in the spell finally split through entirely. An ear-splitting scream of agony comes with it, as the fake shell constructed over his real memories shatters apart with all the feeling of his mind coming apart under it, and after one final spasm with the force of it all breaking, he lies still for a few moments, just breathing. The memory of what he just did and how he came to be here feels blank, but the reality of things is free at last. Yuki is here, Yuki's voice has pierced through something that had a grip on him like a vice, and the lightness in his heart brought on by the song turns to a deep sinking feeling at the thought of what Momo must have put him through.

When Yuki speaks again, his eyes flicker open, the haze of confusion replaced by a cloudy exhaustion. Everything is still spotty, but even in the direct aftermath, fragments here and there of what happened to him start to float back faster and faster, and his gaze turns upwards to Yuki as an unmistakeable sense of dread creeps over his face. The cuts on his face and the tears in his eyes, put together with Momo being bound down, mean he doesn't even need full awareness of what he's just done to know it's his fault.

Still pinned, a hand grasps pitifully, as if to reach for him, and the misery and regret in what few words Momo manages to get out is already as obvious as a slap in the face.]

Yuki, I-- [The words slip away into breath, and his fingers fall limp as a wave of blissful nothingness floods his mind, the combined exhaustion of his initial brainwashing process, the breaking out, and everything flooding back all at once too much for him to handle. His eyes roll up and his head droops back, mouth open enough to feel without doubt that he's still breathing and alive, just too wiped out to maintain consciousness any longer. One of the tears lingering at the corner of his eyes drips across the side of his face, down towards his hair.]

[gekijou]

[His voice catches in his throat, but whatever had a hold on Momo seems to have loosed that grip enough for Yuki to slip in and save him. The sound Momo makes rends Yuki's heart, but he won't look away until he's sure that this is the Momo he knows, safe, back.

He's never felt so exhausted in his life, not even when Banri disappeared and he was alone, despondent. He was never supposed to feel this loss again, and he had done everything in his power to prevent it. Here, though, it's not enough. It's never enough. He, despite saving Momo with this frantic effort, isn't enough.

He can't stop the tears that are falling, the way the colors on his spots are shifting rapidly through shades of red and pink. Hearing his name coming from Momo, he loses any remaining composure, a trembling hand reaching to wipe away that lingering tear before it delves into Momo's hair. Yuki collapses forward onto his partner, an agonized wail hardly heard over the din coming out of him as he frantically tries to get out the last of his fear. Momo is safe. Momo knows who he is.

The moment is miserable, and the cold from the water is starting to settle over him, meaning his knows he'll revert back to human form before long. His tentacles loose their hold on Momo, cradling him more tenderly as Yuki drags himself upright and brings Momo with him, grateful for the extra strength the legs have always given. No matter what, he's getting Momo out of here. Out of danger.

With him cradled close in shaking arms and a pair of tentacles, Yuki looks around, seeking a route out of the place. Navigating the conflict around them, Yuki gets Momo out to the courtyard and beyond, until he reaches a square with a small fountain. Momo is placed gently beside it just as Yuki's body reverts to human form, and he collapses next to his partner. From head to toe, he aches. The cuts on his face burn, and his legs and arms are entirely spent. It takes all the energy he has left to drape an arm over the side of the fountain and into the water, as parched and desperate as he is right now. It's not enough, but they're out of that damnable place, and he's sure they have to be safe now. Well, they better be safe. That's all he can hope for as he rests his forehead against Momo's temple and closes his eyes.]

[yesdoubt]

[Every part of Momo wants to sleep, and for a short time, that's what he does. But as soon as his brain starts working again, starts trying to figure itself out from what just happened, the fragmented pieces of memory begin to come together into nightmares. The bits of what brought him here start to emerge in pieces - an impression of having tried to attack someone, a feeling of bone-deep agony in his tied down body as someone casts the same insidious spell repeatedly and the burning protection at the back of his neck becomes weaker and weaker against it every time. Of hurting people, out of control of his own body, of hurting Yuki--

He startles awake against the side of the fountain, still gripped with exhaustion, but able to move. The warm feeling against him is unmistakeable, but he hesitates before he turns his head to see Yuki, afraid of what's going to confront him when he does.

After a moment or two, he forces it, a sharp, horrified gasp breaking from him as he sees the cuts and the blood, the way Yuki is slumped against the pool such that it's obvious he barely had the strength left in him to drag Momo out. Automatically, he reaches for his face with the intent of healing the wounds - but then pauses, conflicted. There's no guarantee they won't be recognised by cult members here, or potentially even Mirrorbound who saw what Momo was forced to do in the basement of that house and might want revenge. He can't risk them staying here, and in this condition, he doesn't know if trying to use magic is going to spend what he needs to potentially get them home safely.

As much as he wants to run away, he can't leave Yuki here like this. So he shifts onto his side, scooping him into his arms, holding him close even as his eyes burn with tears at every little hint he gets of what he's done here. Even with Yuki asleep, Momo can't help a frantic whisper from escaping his lips.]

I'm so sorry. I-- [He bites his lip. He needs to save his breath, and save it for when Yuki's awake - for now, they need to get somewhere that's not out in the open.

It's almost a morbid blessing that the manor is in the aristocratic district, because it means Momo recognises the square and knows it's not an impossible distance back to the Haven. So even with how exhausted he still is, abruptly pulled from his sleep by specters of what he's just done, he plants one foot stubbornly in front of the other, that tunnel vision of his focusing itself on nothing but getting home and making sure Yuki is safe.

It somehow feels both like forever and like only seconds have passed by the time he stops face-to-face with their door, and he pats down Yuki's pockets for the key - he's going to have to have their locks changed if his went missing in all that, but that's a concern for later. Shunting the door open with his foot and making sure it's locked behind them, he tosses the key onto the coffee table and pauses only briefly to haphazardly drop both their shoes near the door before he sets course directly for the bedroom, laying Yuki on the bed with almost reverential care.

He's starting to fade out again, not entirely aware of how much energy he expended getting Yuki from there to here, but even though he wants to hide himself away, so Yuki doesn't have to see the face that hurt him when he wakes up, he can't ignore the wounds he left. The one on the hand is the easiest to reach for first, and rather than do his usual written casting as he holds it in his hands, he sings softly over it, vocalisations rather than outright words, as he runs his thumbs over the gash and coaxes it into closing with his magic.

He reaches for the others, but his mind goes white and empty again before he can do anything more, and he slumps across Yuki with his head resting on his chest and one hand curled next to his face, tangling slightly in his hair.]

[gekijou]

[In Yuki's deep, exhausted sleep, he dreams of the worst things, things that now have really happened and scarred his heart. He replays the party over and over in his mind, with different horrible consequences and endings.

But at the end of one scenario, he's lifted into Momo's arms, and at that point the nightmares stop haunting him. He's home, he feels, safe and loved. The last thing he recalls is a blurry outline of the most amazing man he's ever known whispering an apology...

Hours later, he wakes up in their shared bed, groggy and disoriented. Every inch of his body aches, and his face hurts in a completely unique way that he only understands when he raises a hand to touch the wounds he still bears. The wound to his hand is gone, he also notes, though he hardly remembered getting that one in the first place, as much of a blur as it all was.

But most importantly, there's a weight on his chest and a hand in his hair. Finally blinking away the bleariness, he realizes with equal parts joy and anguish that Momo is in the bed with him, laying on him. It's not how Momo usually sleeps, for sure, not how he usually clings or cradles.

Before he can stop himself, his vision blurs again, and the pressure in his head releases in the form of unrelenting tears. He bites his bottom lip to stop the sobs that shake him from being vocalized, and threads his fingers between those of Momo's that rest oddly by his face, holding on as tightly as though he thinks Momo will disappear, or be just another dream.]

[yesdoubt]

[Momo has always been a lighter sleeper than Yuki, so after enough hours have passed, he's starting to float back to consciousness anyway. He doesn't really want to be there, after all that, still trying to work through it in his head and figure out how he's even going to begin apologising properly for everything he did, but unfortunately he can't exactly just roll over and go back to sleep.

Especially when he feels movement underneath him, and his heart lifts and sinks in a way he hasn't felt in some years, since back when he used to conceal everything and even the smallest shifts from Yuki's behaviour towards him could be the difference between heaven and hell in terms of his mood. He doesn't need to hear the sobbing to know that's what he can feel wracking Yuki's form under him, and even though his heart and his head both tell him that he's the one who made Yuki cry, as much as he wants to hide his face, he can't just leave him like this.

But as his fingers twitch and curl around Yuki's, a wet patch starts to form on the fabric under Momo's face, even if he won't move it enough for Yuki to see, doesn't think he deserves to be looked at right now.]

I hurt you. [It's small and sad, the way he says it. The finer details of his memories are still coming back, the depths of his mind a mess still from the intensity of the spell that sealed it, but that much stands out. And as much as he wants to crawl away and not make Yuki give him attention he doesn't think he deserves, he remembers enough of what had happened to not spite his efforts by fleeing. Even he can see and understand that Yuki had gone to those lengths to keep him here, by his side.] You came to save me, and I hurt you...how am I supposed to make up for that...?

[It's less a question to Yuki and more to himself, some sort of lost-sounding admonishment like he's still trying to process it, because some part of him is aware that Yuki will forgive this more easily than he himself will. Despite the lengths he went to to prevent something like this from happening, in the end, when it came down to someone prepared to put in the effort to break his protections, it made almost no difference.]

[gekijou]

[It's not like Yuki expects Momo to make up for it in any kind of traditional, logical way. If he were to ask for what he really wants--for Momo to stop doing dangerous things for the sake of others--he'd be a terrible person. He can't deprive a world that needs someone like Momo of someone like him. And Yuki knows Momo is one in a fucking million, a treasure, a joy. His partner, because of all those wonderful, self-sacrificing, hard-working qualities, is the best person Yuki has ever known. The most idiotic, and the most prone to getting into danger, but... even if Momo here scares him more than losing Banri did back home, Yuki loves him deeply and completely.

He'll admit that some of it is shaken by this, not his faith in Momo, but rather his faith in this place letting them be together, and in them being invincible. He should've learned his fucking lesson with all the shit stirring that happened to them back home, but even then Yuki spit in the face of the adversary for Momo's sake, and for the sake of their kouhai. And now here he is, face ruined, body sore, mind fragmented by fear and the last remnants of panic and despair. At no point in his confrontation with Momo did he feel wholly confident that he would win. It was adrenaline fueled and little else, poorly planned and terribly executed.

And now Momo is crying, and Yuki wants to die. Momo sounds like he's being torn apart by this. He doesn't even know what Momo went through, though he can infer a lot from the goings-on at the party. Just... Momo doesn't have to fix anything. Or make up for anything. Or do anything but sit here and let Yuki break.

He hates emotions and feelings and things that tax his mind and resources in ways he usually ignores. All he can think to do is to slide his other arm around Momo protectively, and lean in to kiss him shakily on whatever part of his face he can reach.]

...I told you I could fight.

[...Well, the smart-ass parts of Yuki die harder than the rest.]

[yesdoubt]

[Momo tucks his face away into Yuki's chest, which only really serves to smear his tears across Yuki's shirt even more, so any kissing might have to be on the crown of his head or maybe a temple if he feels like craning his head enough. He still doesn't want Yuki to have to face him directly, otherwise he's just going to worry more, but the remark Yuki chooses to make is enough to make him pop his head up without thinking, face tear-streaked and with that bright red nose he tends to get when he's crying for any length of time.]

You shouldn't have had to! [And now that his head is up and he has to look at what he did to Yuki's face again, he almost flinches back before reaching forward to cup his cheek in his free hand.] I tried to make sure nobody would ever be able to make me turn against you, but...

[His throat clenches - it feels too much like trying to make excuses, saying things like this now, and so he unwinds his other hand from Yuki's for a moment so he can hold his face between the two. Circling his thumbs over the markings he made, he sings a soft series of notes with no words to them, just something to draw out the magic he's used to when his brain is tanked and scrambled enough that he can barely remember half his normal written casts at this point. Thankfully, he's been doing minor healing magic for so long that it's one of those things he could borderline do without a focus at all, and the wounds begin to knit under his hands, the blood clearing away with it.]

[gekijou]

[Yuki's heart aches when he sees Momo's face at last, looking like a complete mess. He never wants to see Momo like this, even if it would normally be ripe for a comment about how cute he is.

Even as Momo cradles his cheeks and repairs the damage he caused, Yuki reaches out to touch him. The healing feels strange, stinging and soothing at once, but he only notices for a moment. He's focused on tracing the lines of Momo's face with his released hand, wiping away tears, soothing and remembering. Never again will he allow himself to take this face for granted, or the man attached to it. It's a silent oath he makes to himself. The danger here was always something that happened to other people, away from Yuki. Now that he's tasted it himself, and all its bitterness, he's re-evaluating things.

With a low, sweet tone, Yuki responds. It's barely above a whisper, because still, still he wants the world to be just the two of them for a while, like he's afraid if he's too loud the kidnappers will hear them from afar and come for Momo again.]

I found you and I brought you back. That's all I care about right now.

[Ah, there go the momentarily stopped tears Yuki was holding back. They run down his cheeks and find Momo's fingers as they channel the healing magic, but he doesn't dare interrupt.]

[yesdoubt]

[Yuki touching his face only makes more tears flow over the ones that are wiped away, Momo turning his head to one side with a pained, conflicted sort of look. Before now, before what happened prior to his getting pulled here, he would've run away from this without question, on the assumption Yuki wouldn't want to see him and that he wouldn't deserve to see Yuki after doing something like that. Now, it's been hammered into him enough that his place is next to Yuki that he's become able to believe it - but that small bit of his heart is still insisting he doesn't deserve to be attended to or comforted in this situation, when he's the one who caused all of the pain.

The distraction slows the healing very slightly, but it's not all that noticeable - either way, the wounds close moments after Yuki finishes speaking and tears start flowing over Momo's hands. His thumbs move up to sweep them away, and though a part of him wants to question whether he was worth that much, whether it was worth Yuki getting hurt, he manages to stop the urge and instead face forward again to say what he thinks is more important in the moment.]

Thank you. [Even if he hates that it turned out that way, that Yuki was forced into action, he doesn't want to make it seem like he doesn't appreciate the gesture. Yuki has proven before that he's willing to go to great lengths to keep Momo safe, but this is the first time he's had to do it quite so actively, rather than bluffing or waving a baseball bat.] I'm sorry it came to that, but...I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't come. If I would've hurt more people than I already did.

[He's going to have some apologies to make once he's recovered more fully, because while the exact details aren't back just yet, he remembers seeing some familiar faces in cages, trying to get through to him.]

[gekijou]

[Hearing Momo thank him makes Yuki's spots on his neck go an odd shade of blue-green. He's still crying, sniffling to try to stay a bit dignified, but he can't let Momo think it was any sort of big deal. That this is anything but what Yuki expected of himself. After all the times in their lives Momo has gone out of his way for Yuki, he couldn't have faced himself if he didn't do the same for Momo--not out of obligation, but of love and terror.]

Did you think I'd just leave you there? It was the only thing to do.

[He can go apologize to the rest of the world when Yuki doesn't need him anymore, because Yuki desperately needs him to be here right now. He is emotionally spent and a little psychologically fragile himself from the encounter. Having Momo safe and normal and close by is the only thing keeping him from a complete breakdown right now.

Because it's his right as Momo's partner (in his opinion), he uses the arm around him to pull him close properly in the bed, then buries his face against Momo's neck. If he can breathe him in, feel him solidly there, maybe the tears will stop, and maybe he'll feel alive again.]

I'm not very cool right now... Sorry. I was so scared. You hated me.

[yesdoubt]

[Momo shakes his head very quickly at that question, because...well, that part is never the issue.] Of course not.

[Even the times he hasn't wanted Yuki to come for him, he's done it anyway, and while his feelings about those prior incidents are mixed, in this case Momo can't even attempt to argue he would've been able to get out of it himself. So while it still hurts that Yuki had to put himself in danger for his sake, it's exactly what he would've expected him to do.

Momo lets out a quiet, surprised sort of squeak as Yuki pulls him closer, because he was kind of trying to keep a respectable distance out of his own guilt about the situation. But if Yuki wants him close, he can't really argue with that without making things worse, even if he turns his head to hide his face in the sheets or Yuki's hair or whatever he can reach despite also somewhat cautiously wrapping his arms around him in return. While Momo still smells familiar, it's a little bit muddled by sharp sweat, unfamiliar soap and the scents of living in someone else's house for several days clinging to him.]

I'm really sorry...they took a lot of time with what they did, so I didn't recognise you at all. But they wanted me cruel and willing to hurt, so since you cared so much, that me saw it as a weak spot.

[There's a heavy upset to his words even as he explains the internal logic - now that he has the separation of his normal manner and what they'd made him do, he understands why his brainwashed self went for that obvious of a target even though he hates the fact that it happened. It's unpleasantly similar to when he used to think out Ryou's logic on and treatment of things, what with the petty cruelty and lashing out.]

[gekijou]

I'd do it again, if I had to. I'll find you every time.

[An odd but not meaningless choice of words. Yuki was alone and grieving while he tried to find out where Momo had gone. Why he wasn't home safe and keeping Yuki complacent. It's pathetic, Yuki feels, knows, but... it felt like Banri all over again for a few sickening hours. Before the chaos of determination and bullheaded clarity shone through, Yuki was sure he was alone again.

He clings to Momo, ignoring strangeness and anything unfamiliar, seeking out only what is theirs, shared, soothing.]

I don't care why they did it, or how. I...

[It sounds callous, but Yuki is being vulnerable in a way he never wanted to show Momo again, and he can eat his words later.]

I could've stopped you if I'd known. Or come with you. Do you not understand that I'd rather be dead than go on here without you? Was it because I wasn't paying enough attention?

[Irrational, unreasonable, he knows. But his heart feels like it's recovering from a gaping wound. In this moment all Yuki can do is dwell on the fact that he couldn't protect Momo. All he could do was crawl after him.]

Even if you do think I'm a freak. Even so, I don't want to lose you.

cw: allusions to suicide

[yesdoubt]

[Momo doesn't need to be told about the significance of that choice of words, or that Yuki would rather be dead than continue alone, because he remembers all too well the time after Banri's disappearance. The state he'd found Yuki in, the time during their move he'd opened the wrong drawer and found a mysterious note and run screaming all the way to Yuki as soon as he opened it and realised it was a last will. It's enough to make him squeeze Yuki closer, feel his warmth after the number of times now he's narrowly missed never feeling it again for one reason or another.]

It's not your fault. I was the one who chose to go ahead with it alone. And...I know you'd rather be dead than apart. I worried about that from the moment I got here, and from the moment you got here I've hoped that however it happens, I don't leave this place before you do.

[At least if Yuki is back home without him, Momo's not "away" from him, however it is that actually works. But before finding that out, he'd been worried about something very much like the Banri situation, and is still worried about that if the random whims of this world pull him back through the mirrors before Yuki.

At the choice of wording he ends with, though, Momo lifts his head, looking shocked and confused.] When did I--

[Not everything has come back to him yet, but the specificity of the word freak has him digging through his brain for it, and the very moment he hits on the fragmented recollection of that part of the fight, his expression goes from confused to horrified. His face disappears from view again - but only because he's gone flat, hands moving to arrange in a way very reminiscent of the time he'd grovelled to Yuki years ago even though he's not quite in the correct position considering they're still lying around on the bed.]

I'm sorry! I can't--there's no excuse for something like that, even if I was controlled...I love you, Yuki, you're beautiful to me whatever form you're in!

[The words spill over each other, some combination of earnestness, pain in knowing he said that and mortification that it happened in the first place. He almost sounds like he might be about to cry again, because here Yuki is being more honest with him than he can usually bring himself to be, and all Momo is doing is slowly remembering more and more of how much damage he did before being brought back to his senses.]

[gekijou]

[Yuki thought that was the lowest point of his life, being left alone without his original partner. It should never have happened again. But the universe likes to take from Yuki, it seems. It brought Momo here in the first place. It put them through a special kind of hell back home, too. He hasn't felt this wrung-out and useless since Banri's disappearance, despite having finally had to play a big damn hero to rescue Momo. It feels hollow, because once again he was powerless to protect the only thing that mattered.

It's enough to make him question things he wouldn't otherwise, and he feels, with a deep sinking sensation, that perhaps he took Momo too much for granted here. That perhaps he doesn't love Momo the "right way", or in the way someone like him deserves or needs. What Yuki doesn't recognize as trauma has sent him into cascading thoughts of inadequacy and fear that crop up so, so rarely that he never knows how to process or handle them in the least.

Momo says it's not his fault. And he wants to believe that. But even if it's not his fault that Momo did something foolish and dangerous, there's still something missing. Some element he's not providing, something that means Momo has to sneak around and do these dangerous things without him, or be a fighter for justice without Yuki by his side. Is he... too much? Or not enough? Which is it? How does he help?

Any idiot could tell Momo is hurting because of Yuki's reaction, so Yuki tries his best to calm down. He reaches for Momo's hair to bury his fingers in it, to stroke gently, trying to soothe him.]

No, don't... I'm being ridiculous. It's fine. All I really care about is you being safe now.

[It's definitely Yuki clumsily closing off again, shutting down when he goes too far and doesn't know the way back to neutral with any kind of grace.]

Are you hurt anywhere?

[yesdoubt]

[Despite himself, and his attempts to not be the one comforted here when Yuki is clearly having a crisis that he's trying to keep subtle, Momo's head bumps up against Yuki's hands when he strokes his hair, like a pet trying to get more affection. It had only been a few days he was missing, but now that this sort of thing has become more natural between them, that was all it took for him to have missed this. A gentle touch, soft affection in all the right places, was more than enough to make his heart warm most days, even if today it's struggling against a whole lot else.

He doesn't really believe what Yuki says about it being fine, but he at least answers the question first, shaking his head.]

No, I'm okay. [The only person he really fought was Yuki, but he doesn't really want to mention that because that'll just make things all the more raw again. Nor the fact that he might have to ask if the magical tattoo parlour does cover-ups, because while he's not wounded he does certainly have a new tattoo he'd very much like to cover. Instead, he reaches up to cling to one of Yuki's arms, slowly trying to snag it away from the top of his head to rub a soft reassurance across the back of his hand, a few gentle kisses across his knuckles and fingers.]

But please don't hide what's hurting you on my account. I want to be able to help you properly, after I did so much to hurt you.

[This is going to take time to heal, for both of them, and Momo knows from their previous experiences that not being honest about it is just going to drag the whole process out longer. He'd rather avoid that, especially where Yuki's side of things is concerned.]