( closed ) i wish i could stop crying

[kaowont]

Who: Kaoru Hakaze & Koga Oogami ( Rei Sakuma present, physically ).
When: The night of 7/14.
Where: Rei's room.
What: Grip my hand; don't let go. Sad things that are slightly cute.
Warnings: Death mentions, probably.


[ It's been a week of routine and a week of familiar blue — a blue that contrasts with the dimly lit dark upon entering and with the red blanket draped around Rei's shoulders as he lay seemingly asleep in a ritual of piled parchment and half-open texts.

It threatens to drown and choke him for every step taken closer and closer to the coffin where Koga rests; that cotton blue, worn soft and thin from so much thinking and research, but he approaches nonetheless, both his heavy heart and the memories of a similar atmosphere weighing him down. When he reaches his destination after sidestepping many an item strewn across, Kaoru stops stiff at the sight of deathly pale arms folded over Koga's chest and of closed eyes. A position he's seen too many times in his dreams — eerie and silent.

... no matter how many texts they retrieve, no matter how much blood they prepare and whisk and trick their underclassman into drinking, nothing seems to be working. His symptoms just keep getting worse.

What can he do... ? What else is there to try? He needs to keep this hopelessness under control lest he wake the one who needs rest, but it hurts to keep it down. It hurts to swallow his feelings and wait a second time.

He sits down close to the coffin's edge, cheek pressed weakly against the frame so he can see closer... — so he can watch the slow rise and fall of Koga's chest as if it'll pick up at any moment. He hopes it will, at least. He's been hoping for a while now. ]

Comments

[wolfcorgi]

[ this entire situation borders on uncomfortable. relying on people, having them worry about him, not being able to live independently as koga would time and time again proclaim to the world and whoever wished to hear. he may have argued against this decision with loud yelling and weak fights, but ultimately, he's thankful. not something he'd ever show, let alone voice, but koga oogami isn't ungrateful. he may not request for aid, but when it matters, when he can't fight a battle by himself, he's thankful — for kaoru and rei, as infuriating as they can be, for how much of their time they spend on taking care of him, of trying to find a way to treat him.

when he awakens from a slumber that is (thankfully for all of them) not yet permanent, it takes many tries from blinking eyes to make sense of the figure close to him. there's a hesitant, weak hand that nests itself atop that mass of yellow for a moment — kaoru.

no matter how much he'd have wished for it, for a certain presence that'd both ease his concerns and drown him in them, leon's fur is much, much softer. ]

Hakaze-senpai. [ he stops and stares, and attempts to push his body out of that unpleasant position so he can at least sit, at least look a little bit more alive and a lot less useless. it comes with far greater effort than it should ever, and something at the bottom of koga's stomach eats at him for it. ]

This ain't a good place to fall asleep, y'know. This room's already too much of a mess.

[kaowont]

[ Ah, that hand. He isn't expecting it and yet he leans into it all the same, a touch he's never known before — one his heart can barely handle with how soft and weak the tussle of hair is. His red ears flick forward like they've always been waiting for it, and the memory of that sickly blue starts to fade, the ache of it giving way for a feeling so warm that it betrays the cold fingertips still finding their way through his gold. He wishes there was a way to transfer that warmth. The small, heat-producing device they asked someone to magick isn't doing Koga any favors, clearly. ]

Hahah... that obvious it was me?

[ There's a pause, the gentle flickering red of the room reflecting in his eyes. ]

The mess doesn't matter. Are you... do you need anything? It's better to let Sakuma-san rest while he can, so... you can ask me for anything, okay?

[ He's trying not to sound desperate. Trying being the key-word here, but time feels like it's passing faster than a hand-wave. ]

[wolfcorgi]

[ this is play-pretend, fictitious.

this koga and this kaoru don't exist. this is temporary, a dream. a nightmare he has been waiting to be woken up from, as ritsu said just days ago. a nightmare all of them are sharing, a nightmare koga can't help but dwell on, when he looks at how much rei has been overworking himself out of character, how much soft concern kaoru shows towards him out of character, how koga himself has grown too weak and tired and guilty, out of character, for all he's putting people he cares through.

it's easier to deal with everything this way.

this sickness of his, it's only temporary. this changes they're undergoing, temporary. this place, temporary. a bad dream. ever-lasting, but a dream, and if koga repeats that over and over in his mind, he'll stop being scared. it doesn't show in his features, in his body language, not where rei and kaoru can see, but at sunrise when he's wrapped up in blankets and rei has yet to awake, koga is more human than he has ever allowed himself to be.

human, and scared, and terrified of going to sleep, night after night. ]

I'm a lone wolf, remember? I don't need anythin', so just drop this gross behavior already. It's making me sicker than I already am.

[ normalcy; if they act like the real koga and the real kaoru, it's easier on him, on them. he can teach kaoru how to play-pretend, too, how to shoo that fear and concern away. it's the least he can do for him, after everything.

so that hand, still atop that warm, soft head travels just a little south, allowing him to flick his senpai's forehead without much ceremony. normalcy.

anything to make kaoru stop worrying.

he doesn't deserve this. ]

Your company's good enough, anyways. It can get real bored in here, havin' to hear that worn-out geezer snoring all night. [ ... ] You sure you don't need to rest too, though? That guy stays here all the time so it ain't like he does much, but Hakaze-senpai is always out and about, aren't ya? I'm not too sure what kinda stuff you've been doing, but I can tell it's for my sake, so... ... ... thanks.