middaeg | (closed) the things i lack

Who: Dorian Pavus and the Iron Bull
When: backdated to end of June
Where: the Coven and their cottage.
What: a bond is formed
Warnings: will update as necessary

Dorian hadn't quite been certain what the protocol was for Bonding. Not from his and Bull's perspective, but from the Coven's. He'd learned about ritual, naturally, and as much as he possibly could about the effects. But when one had decided that partaking in a Bond was the right course of action, how did one actually go about...doing so? Did they have to make an appointment? Select a neat one hour slot in some Bond-officiating Witch's busy schedule?

Soon after the Bull agrees to go through with it, he goes to the Coven to ask. As it happens, they do require some advance warning in order to prepare the magic circle and have a Witch available to oversee the ceremony. Dorian tells him when he'll return the next day with his Bonded-to-be--their term, not his, and it makes him startle visibly, to the apparent amusement of the Witch he speaks to--and leaves. Rather like making an appointment, actually.

He tells Bull, and when the next day arrives, he absolutely does not primp beyond the normal. He simply makes himself as presentable as usual: a touch of pomade to his hair, kohl around his eyes, and his robes from home. All the while he recalls the specifics of the ceremony. Has been dwelling on them since yesterday, in fact. There are the vows to consider--the words cementing one's intentions for recitation during the ceremony itself. Just thinking about them makes him nervous. He understands why they may be necessary for the magical part of the ritual, but the Bull knows perfectly well why he wants to do this, and how committed to him he is; won't he feel ridiculous saying it plainly?

The time arrives, and Dorian doesn't write any vows. He'll say whatever seems suitable at the time, and leave it there.

They're ushered into a chamber where the magic circle is already prepared. A Witch waits there for them to observe and guide the ritual. Dorian nods curtly to her, and she explains the ceremony and reiterates in short the meaning and importance of Bonding. Dorian's stomach is tight, and his pulse flutters a little too quickly. He wasn't nearly so nervous when they tried the temporary Bond, but then--this is the real thing. This is ritual that is meant to cement a true lifelong relationship. This is something he never imagined he'd actually have--not with a man he loves.

When they're instructed to step into the circle and join hands, Dorian looks up to Bull for the first time since entering the chamber.

"You're...certain, amatus?" Not only about the ceremony; about him.

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"You can certainly try," Dorian scoffs, and takes Bull's hand. He can't stand the thought of physically separating at the moment, so this will have to do. No one bothers them as they make their way back through the vaulted halls of the Coven; no one even looks too closely, which Dorian still can't help being pleasantly surprised by. No one here cares that the two of them are together. No one gives the Bull so much as a second glance. That may not be so in other parts of the city, but by and large, Aefenglom is remarkably tolerant in a way that Dorian never expected to experience.

They emerge onto the street just as the sky begins to turn colors with the setting sun. Their cottage is close enough that Dorian half fancies he can see their roof platform, the one climbing high above the house itself, from here. There's this wonderful warmth settled within his chest; he feels pleased, content, open without being vulnerable.

"Comforting. I rather like it," he admits when Bull asks. "I can...feel what you're feeling, to some extent. It's like that for you as well, isn't it?"

"It is. I'll... be curious to see what the full moon is like," he admits as they make their way home. Bull has noticed the lack of noticing as people pass them by. It isn't strange to them that Dorian should be holding his hand, nor is Bull's appearance particularly unusual in general. It's strange to suddenly fit in after spending a lifetime standing out.

"I'm sure there will be a settling period after this part wears off. Getting used to having you sort of in the back of my mind as much as I'm in yours."

He pushes the cottage door open when they get there and ushers Dorian inside after him.

"I worry, still. I know how I can be and there are things I wish I could keep from you."

"Oh, it'll take some getting used to, certainly," Dorian agrees, though in some ways it already feels right, whether it's the effect of the Bond's magic or simply that being with the Bull feels natural. "Though it isn't as if we can read one another's thoughts." That would be a bit much.

Still, apparently Bull is concerned enough about what Dorian might discover from him that Dorian can feel that edge of that worry creeping into his consciousness. He steps into the house, though he turns to Bull as soon as the door is closed behind them, brow furrowing.

"You must know that I'll accept any part of you," he says, concern making his words firm. "I know how you are already, Bull."

"I don't think it's acceptance that I'm worried about," he admits. He holds Dorian's hands, trying to get his feelings into words. "If it's overwhelming for me, I don't want it to be overwhelming for you."

He knows that the Bond will help with a lot of things, especially regarding the changes he's clearly going through. But there's more to it than that - he has a fierceness in him that has always been there. And he knows that Dorian knows that, but he's never had to be inside of it. Bull feels like it's reasonable to worry.

"I can handle it," Dorian says with conviction. Not to be dismissive, but because that is what he's already committed to. "I wanted to do this in order to help you. So that you don't have to shoulder it alone." He squeezes Bull's hands. "I love you too much for that."

The words are easier to say than he thought they would be, especially as part of another complete thought, rather than all on their own. Still, he's tense with nervous anticipation, as though Bull hadn't said the same to him not fifteen minutes past.

Bull stills when Dorian says the words. He's known how Dorian feels for a while, and the mage finds plenty of other ways to express his love outside of words. But now that he's said them, they feel so big, like they encompass so much. He's almost overwhelmed by the rush of feeling and he pulls Dorian closer to him so that he can kiss him.

He cradles Dorian against his body, holding him close - tender and protective all at once - until they're both breathless. When he lifts his head, Bull doesn't go far.

"I love you," he murmurs. It pains him that there are no words in Qunlat that appropriately express the same sentiment, but he has this, at least.

It's more than a little embarrassing, but Bull's reaction makes him glad he said it. He wraps his arms around his wide waist in return, laying his head against his chest. It's a very familiar embrace, and one he's reluctant to break, especially after Bull returns the sentiment.

To hear him say it once had been monumental; to hear him repeat it makes him want to fold himself into Bull's embrace and never emerge. And to feel it through their new connection, to be able to truly understand the way that Bull thinks of him, is worth subjecting themselves to strange magic. It might seem foolish, but it had taken Dorian literal years to completely trust that Bull cared for him too much to leave him on a whim, that what they had was real, and more, and not going away. But he had trusted eventually, and finally the evidence is here in front of him that he was right to do so.

"I have something for you," he says softly. "I think now would be a most appropriate time to show you."

"Something for me?" he echoes, suddenly curious.

They hadn't talked about exchanging gifts and Bull feels a bit bad for not thinking of it - it seems like an appropriate thing to do with such a momentous occasion. He'll have to find something that suits Dorian. He won't rush the process, but-- he'll find something.

He belatedly lets Dorian go so that he can actually get whatever it was.

"Yes. Something from home. I'd brought it with the intent to give it to you when we saw one another at the Exalted Council. But with everything that's happened since, it never seemed like the right moment."

Dorian steps back and tells Bull to "Sit there," with a gesture at the sofa. He disappears into their bedroom, reemerging quickly with something clutched in both hands.

"If I've gotten something about this entirely wrong, please don't laugh. I'm hardly an expert on Qunari customs," he begins. It takes him a moment to continue, suddenly unable to look directly at Bull. Instead, he gazes down at his hands where they rest in his lap. "When you first began calling me kadan, I couldn't help but do some research," he explains. "When I did, I discovered that there was a...practice among your people associated with the term. I don't know how accurate what I read was, or if it's still something that's done under the modern Qun, but I thought perhaps it would be...a meaningful gesture."

Slowly Dorian raises his hands, opening them to reveal two identical objects: a huge, curved tooth split in half, each set with intricately etched silverite to connect it to a sturdy chain, and to blunt the very sharp point to make it safely wearable.

Bull sits where he's told, curiosity piqued as Dorian admits the something is from Thedas. He settles back on the couch, watching the doorway he know Dorian will come back through when he's ready.

The explanation doesn't do anything to quell Bull's need to know. If anything, it gives him more questions. He wonders if Dorian can feel it, the same way he can feel a little rush of nerves that isn't his own.

Everything in Bull goes soft and warm and full of feeling as Dorian presents the split tooth. Bull reaches to carefully take one of them, running his fingers over it as the weight of what this means - what Dorian did to get it - hits him. He can't quite answer at first and instead reaches to pull Dorian into his arms. Suddenly the accuracy or the relevance to the modern Qun doesn't matter to Bull at all. It's that Dorian looked for something from his culture and tried so hard to replicate it for him.

"Kadan," he whispers, not trusting himself to speak louder without his voice breaking. Dorian was going to give this to him when they reunited at the Exalted Council. He planned to give this to him knowing that he would have to return to Tevinter to take his seat in the Magisterium.

(closed) the things i lack

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