Alice Elliot (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
adventageous) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
middaeg2021-01-11 12:28 pm
adventageous) wrote in middaeg2021-01-11 12:28 pm
(Semi-open) Oh you just need to let go
Who: Alice Elliot and Karin Koenig, Alice alone, and Alice and you, respectively
When: Ieneuer 8, 12, 13
Where: inside and outside of the city
What: Yuri's gone home. Alice is doing what she can to cope.
Warnings: sad time tl;dr and a magical explosion/some injuries. major Shadow Hearts Covenant spoilers in the thread with Karin.
I. Closed to Karin, Ieneuer 8
[It's upsetting and disorienting, how quickly someone in this city can simply disappear.
Alice and Yuri had gone to bed together the previous night, but Alice finds him gone without a trace upon waking up the next morning. Panic sets in almost immediately, causing her to search the entire house for some clue of what might have happened to him. It isn't until she feels the throb in her chest that she stops and fully realizes the situation.
People leaving the city abruptly like this is not an unknown fact to her. But it being Yuri hurts, both physically and emotionally.
Alice tries to tell herself this is for the best. That Yuri went home to complete unfinished business that he had previously alluded to in his conversations with her. That she should be dead, and any extension to her life is a blessing. That this is God's plan, and she has a mission here with or without Yuri's presence.
It's not enough to keep her from crumbling and crying on the floor for awhile.
Once she feels more or less cried out, Alice decides to inform Karin of Yuri's departure. The other woman is close to Yuri--almost as muchso as Alice herself is--and she deserves to know. Alice pulls herself together, dresses and washes her face, and heads over to the home that Karin shares with two other young women.
After a few deep breaths to sturdy herself, she knocks on the door.]
II. Self-indulgent prose, Ieneuer 12
[The night of the new moons finds Alice restless. In addition to the phantom pains of her lost bond, it feels as if something's crawling under her skin, burning her nerves in a desperate bid for release.
Intellectually, she knows what this is: she's built up too much magical discharge. She's studied it and thought she was prepared for it. But the sudden loss of a bond that, while strong, was too brief to fully balance her magic and the allure of the power caused by the dark sky both prove to be too much. While she retains a sense of clarity, she finds herself longing for some sort of relief and catharsis. It's almost as if her magic is woven into her grief, looking for an outlet in the face of an inability to actually do anything about her situation.
Alice knows she shouldn't attempt any type of Abjuration or healing in this state, which otherwise would have been her first choice of magic usage. The risk is too high, and she'd never forgive herself if someone else was hurt due to her carelessness. Similarly, she needs to make sure she's not in a place inside the city. She needs somewhere safe to do some damage... somewhere wild...
With that in mind Alice grabs her cloak and shoes, long silvery hair flowing uncharacteristically to her waist instead of properly tied up. She leaves a note in the cottage she used to share with Yuri, just in case, and heads into the Wilde. The plan is simple: find a target, unleash everything in a magical attack of some kind, and then hopefully be able to go home and get some rest.
She removes the cloak upon reaching the Wilde, the shift in weather making the layer no longer necessary or desirable.
Given the flooding in the deepest parts of the forests, Alice decides to stick close to the city. It isn't long before she finds a Shade, possibly once a wolf, skirting along the outer portion of a thick patch of overgrowth. That will do.
Alice closes her eyes, murmuring the word "ourabos" to herself three times--unnecessary for casting here, but a force of habit after how often she's had to recite it back home. She focuses on all of the magic burning through her, bringing it to a focal point in front of her in what she intends to be a ray of light energy targeted at the hostile creature in front of her. It's almost like how battles were back home, and for a moment she can pretend the others are with her.
However, she isn't currently adjusting for the new moons or her own physical and emotional state. The backfire is swift and powerful, an explosion of darkness that far exceeds the intended power of her light-aspected spell. The force it emits is strong enough to fell the Shade, but it also knocks her off her feet and back several yards before she ends up blacking out from the impact.
Alice awakens several hours later to daylight in what is now a pile of wilted and dying plant life. Like other witches, she's begun to take on the characteristics of the type of magic she most often casts. In her case, it's healing--her body acted on its own to heal (or at least take the edge off) her more serious injuries while she was unconscious, it seems.
Of course, she hasn't fully healed in the time she was passed out. The feeling of magic overload is gone, but she feels as if she's been hit by a truck. Slowly, she pulls herself to her feet and trudges back into the city proper.
tl;dr: Alice blows herself up trying to cast magic in the Wilde during the new moon and unconsciously heals herself a bit while knocked out. ]
III. Open, morning of Ieneuer 13
[And that's how Alice came to be huddled under a blanket in a Coven study room, disheveled and exhausted and covered in cuts and bruises and unwilling to go home as she nurses a mug of tea.
She'll still smile and warmly greet anyone who enters the room, either purposefully or by accident.]
Good morning. You're welcome to join me if you'd like. I can get you some coffee or tea.
When: Ieneuer 8, 12, 13
Where: inside and outside of the city
What: Yuri's gone home. Alice is doing what she can to cope.
Warnings: sad time tl;dr and a magical explosion/some injuries. major Shadow Hearts Covenant spoilers in the thread with Karin.
I. Closed to Karin, Ieneuer 8
[It's upsetting and disorienting, how quickly someone in this city can simply disappear.
Alice and Yuri had gone to bed together the previous night, but Alice finds him gone without a trace upon waking up the next morning. Panic sets in almost immediately, causing her to search the entire house for some clue of what might have happened to him. It isn't until she feels the throb in her chest that she stops and fully realizes the situation.
People leaving the city abruptly like this is not an unknown fact to her. But it being Yuri hurts, both physically and emotionally.
Alice tries to tell herself this is for the best. That Yuri went home to complete unfinished business that he had previously alluded to in his conversations with her. That she should be dead, and any extension to her life is a blessing. That this is God's plan, and she has a mission here with or without Yuri's presence.
It's not enough to keep her from crumbling and crying on the floor for awhile.
Once she feels more or less cried out, Alice decides to inform Karin of Yuri's departure. The other woman is close to Yuri--almost as muchso as Alice herself is--and she deserves to know. Alice pulls herself together, dresses and washes her face, and heads over to the home that Karin shares with two other young women.
After a few deep breaths to sturdy herself, she knocks on the door.]
II. Self-indulgent prose, Ieneuer 12
[The night of the new moons finds Alice restless. In addition to the phantom pains of her lost bond, it feels as if something's crawling under her skin, burning her nerves in a desperate bid for release.
Intellectually, she knows what this is: she's built up too much magical discharge. She's studied it and thought she was prepared for it. But the sudden loss of a bond that, while strong, was too brief to fully balance her magic and the allure of the power caused by the dark sky both prove to be too much. While she retains a sense of clarity, she finds herself longing for some sort of relief and catharsis. It's almost as if her magic is woven into her grief, looking for an outlet in the face of an inability to actually do anything about her situation.
Alice knows she shouldn't attempt any type of Abjuration or healing in this state, which otherwise would have been her first choice of magic usage. The risk is too high, and she'd never forgive herself if someone else was hurt due to her carelessness. Similarly, she needs to make sure she's not in a place inside the city. She needs somewhere safe to do some damage... somewhere wild...
With that in mind Alice grabs her cloak and shoes, long silvery hair flowing uncharacteristically to her waist instead of properly tied up. She leaves a note in the cottage she used to share with Yuri, just in case, and heads into the Wilde. The plan is simple: find a target, unleash everything in a magical attack of some kind, and then hopefully be able to go home and get some rest.
She removes the cloak upon reaching the Wilde, the shift in weather making the layer no longer necessary or desirable.
Given the flooding in the deepest parts of the forests, Alice decides to stick close to the city. It isn't long before she finds a Shade, possibly once a wolf, skirting along the outer portion of a thick patch of overgrowth. That will do.
Alice closes her eyes, murmuring the word "ourabos" to herself three times--unnecessary for casting here, but a force of habit after how often she's had to recite it back home. She focuses on all of the magic burning through her, bringing it to a focal point in front of her in what she intends to be a ray of light energy targeted at the hostile creature in front of her. It's almost like how battles were back home, and for a moment she can pretend the others are with her.
However, she isn't currently adjusting for the new moons or her own physical and emotional state. The backfire is swift and powerful, an explosion of darkness that far exceeds the intended power of her light-aspected spell. The force it emits is strong enough to fell the Shade, but it also knocks her off her feet and back several yards before she ends up blacking out from the impact.
Alice awakens several hours later to daylight in what is now a pile of wilted and dying plant life. Like other witches, she's begun to take on the characteristics of the type of magic she most often casts. In her case, it's healing--her body acted on its own to heal (or at least take the edge off) her more serious injuries while she was unconscious, it seems.
Of course, she hasn't fully healed in the time she was passed out. The feeling of magic overload is gone, but she feels as if she's been hit by a truck. Slowly, she pulls herself to her feet and trudges back into the city proper.
tl;dr: Alice blows herself up trying to cast magic in the Wilde during the new moon and unconsciously heals herself a bit while knocked out. ]
III. Open, morning of Ieneuer 13
[And that's how Alice came to be huddled under a blanket in a Coven study room, disheveled and exhausted and covered in cuts and bruises and unwilling to go home as she nurses a mug of tea.
She'll still smile and warmly greet anyone who enters the room, either purposefully or by accident.]
Good morning. You're welcome to join me if you'd like. I can get you some coffee or tea.
iii.
So, she spends a lot of her time studying in the Coven rooms. Which is how she happens upon Alice in one of the study rooms. ]
Oh, hey Ali-- [ Wait. Something's wrong here. ]
You look like shit.
no subject
It's been a rough week. [Which is an understatement.] Last night especially. I tried casting a spell just outside the city and it literally blew up in my face. I'm lucky this is all the injury I walked away with.
How has your magic been these past few days? All under control?
no subject
Oh, ah. Not really... I kinda set my bed on fire last night. By accident! Not on purpose. But, yeah. I need to buy a new blanket or something.
no subject
I'm glad it's just your blanket that needs to be replaced!
Although, selfishly, it's comforting to hear that it wasn't just me. I feared it was my fault for letting the magic get out of control after my bonded... left...
[That's still really hard to say. Alice quickly pushes on, eager to maintain the conversation at hand and not let it detour to a pity party.]
Something seemed really wrong last night.
no subject
[ Sorry, Alice, you can try to push the conversation forward but Tsutha is more concerned about that last thing you said.
She moves to pull up a chair across from Alice, looking at her with a concerned expression. ]
What was that? Your bonded is gone? Was that... that guy, Yuri, you mentioned?
no subject
[Alice should have realized that Tsutha wasn't going to let that go unaddressed. She nods slightly, her gaze falling a bit.]
Yes, it's Yuri that's gone. He left the city a little less than a week ago. Vanished overnight without a trace.
I knew it was a possibility, but I wasn't truly prepared for it. But I'm managing.
[She gives Tsutha a weak, not-very-convincing smile.]
no subject
[ She's really much less concerned with her bed situation than she is with the wellbeing of her friend. ]
Is there anything I can do to help you out? Do you need, I don't know... Company or anything?
no subject
Besides, it's clear that Tsutha is more concerned about her than about her sleeping arrangements. Right now, Alice is feeling kind-of-sort-of all right--likely due to exhaustion and having blow off both emotional and magical energy. And she's had the luxury of large cries and catharsis in the five days since he's been gone. But she's sure there will be days that are harder, and she knows that she has people in this city on whom she can depend in those times.
Tsutha is absolutely one of them. She was one of her first friends here, after all.]
I think company is what I'll need most for awhile. I should have reached out before it became so much that I had to go try and burn off my feelings with magic; I'm sorry.
[She gives Tsutha a small, somewhat sheepish smile.]
no subject
She reaches out a hand across the table and tries to touch whatever part of Alice she can reach, be it a shoulder, an arm, or a hand of her own. ]
You don't have to apologize. I'm sure you thought you were doing what was best for you. But, you don't have to do it alone.
no subject
I'm truly blessed to have made such good friends here like you. Thank you.
[Sniffle.]
What do you say we go get some fresh air and something to eat? I haven't had anything except this tea since last night.
no subject
I think getting a meal sounds like a great idea.
[ She can always work on her Coven homework later. Right now? Hanging out with Alice takes precedence. ]
no subject
Great. I'll treat.
[She gets out from under her blanket and cleans up her now-cold mug of tea.]
Shall we?
:c
Though she hadn't been expecting anyone in particular, she is a little surprised to find Alice on the other side.]
Alice— please, come in.
[Though her brows arch upwards in surprise, she smiles and quickly takes a step back to usher the young woman inside. Though they've only known each other a short time, their shared experiences and other common interests are more than enough for Karin to consider her a friend, even though she has to admit that she's been giving both Alice and Yuri some space since they both arrived here.
Her smile, however, quickly fades when she gets a better read of Alice's expression, her body language.]
Are you okay?
T_T
[The words are out of her mouth before she even has a chance to say hello, apologize for the imposition, or thank Karin for her time and hospitality. Karin's well-meaning question has given her the opportunity to get it out, and Alice is taking it.]
He vanished sometime during the night, and I can feel that our Bond has been severed. He isn't in Geardagas anymore.
[It's plain from her expression that she's fighting back more tears, but she's fighting them back hard. Alice isn't sure how Karin is going to respond, and she doesn't want to add to the other woman's stress by unloading on her.]
reaches for the vodka
[Her voice cuts out almost as soon as she begins, struggling to process those words. He's gone? Of course she had known people could come and go, that nothing here was permanent, and yet...
Her heart sinks as realization hits, her expression falling, crushed. There are no tears yet, it's too soon for that, but Alice may notice that her face has drained of all color, starkly pale against the deep red of her hair and feathers.]
He's gone...
[Her brows knit together as she frowns deeply, looking down at the doorstep between them before she reaches out to take Alice's shoulder and steer her further inside.
"Are you sure," she wants to ask, but of course she is. She wouldn't have come here if she weren't.]
Please, take a seat. I'll— I'm just going to grab something from the kitchen.
takes a shot or three
[There isn't anything else to be said, really. The news has been shared, they're both clearly distressed by it, and now comes the grieving period. Yuri's not dead, of course, but he isn't here. Given that Alice has nothing more back home except her impending death, it's likely she isn't going to see him again.
Alice sinks onto the couch as Karin goes to fetch whatever it is she needs from the kitchen. She finds herself wishing she had done more to reach out to Karin in these past few months so that this feels like less of an imposition. But, alas, at this point it is what it is.]
no subject
They’ll come sooner rather than later, she’s sure.
She places the glasses on the table in front of Alice and promptly pours a generous amount for them both without a word, the scent of rum in the air heavy and sickly-sweet.]
I don’t know if you drink, but it seems like this would be a good time to start.
[She presses her lips into a thin, hard line as she drops into the seat beside Alice’s, angling herself towards her. There’s so much to talk about, so much racing through her mind that she’s not even sure where to start, and so she reaches for her own glass and drinks down half of its contents in one go. It burns, pleasantly, and helps to chase away that nasty choked-up feeling, if only for a moment.]
no subject
[Alice gives Karin a weak smile as she picks up her own glass and takes a sip, letting the burn of the rum work its way down her throat. She's not much of a drinker, but Karin's right--it's warranted, given the circumstances. The two women can bond over the bottle.
After the first sip, she stares into her glass as if it held some secret that would help explain why this had happened, or how to feel, or even what to say. Her mind is a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions, many contradictory or otherwise inexpressible. Part of her feels this is unfair, just as they were starting to settle down and have a chance to be happy together. Another part feels like this is... not necessarily deserved, per se, but inevitable. Hasn't their romance been a pattern of doomed meetings and partings already? And he's been without her back home for some time now--perhaps it's only right that she go through the same.
She isn't really ready or able to put those thoughts into words, however, so she breaks the silence with a comment on her own reaction rather than the rightness or wrongness of it all.]
I feel as though I should be happy for him. He mentioned more than once that there's unfinished business for him back home, and he'll get to take care of that.
no subject
As much as she hated to admit it, knowing all that she now knew, it still hurt to see them together. She feels like it shouldn't, that the truth of the situation should scrub those feelings clean and she shouldn't feel anything at all, but she was not fortunate enough to have that be her reality.
When Alice breaks the silence, she gives another nod, single and minute, before she looks over the meet the exorcist's gaze.]
There's a lot he has left to do. He's... a pretty important guy, but I know I don't have to tell you that.
[Yuri and Alice had quite literally attacked and dethroned God before Karin had even met him.]
A lot of people depend on him. Even so... I don't think it's wrong for us to be sad that he's gone. To miss him.
no subject
Of course, Yuri's important to her for reasons beyond that. But that goes without saying.]
Yuri told me that there are people who refer to him as the "godslayer." He didn't seem to think much of it, but it's a pretty impressive title if you think about it.
[She pauses and takes another, longer drink of the rum as she contemplates how to respond to that last part. It's a bit of an effort not to cough from the burn this time, but she manages.]
I had looked forward to building a life here with him, since we never got the chance. It's selfish, I know. But it's the truth.
[Instead, they're doomed to keep passing like ships in the night with only the briefest instances of time together. It's tragic, but not really much different than their love story has always been.]
no subject
[Or so she tries to tell herself, a way to ease the guilt that weighs on her as she stalls or otherwise tries to diverge from the path laid before her, all while skirting any real consequences. She exhales, a soft huff of breath before taking another drink.]
I know that it's what he wanted, too. To be with you.
[It was the only thing he ever wanted. So much of their time together... she knows Yuri had only been searching for a way to die, living his life out of obligation because Alice had won it for him, but a part of him had left with her. Finding a reason to live for himself... it had been a challenge. Even now, she doesn't know if he ever found the answer.]
... there was a lot I wanted to tell him, while he was here. When I first got here, I didn't think I would ever see him again. Feels like I blew my chance.
no subject
Those words cut deep. It's not really news to Alice, but hearing the words out loud cause a tightness in her chest that almost knocks her breath away. She remembers how much Yuri cried when they first reunited here, how he spent those first few weeks following her around town to make sure she didn't disappear, how close he remained when it was just the two of them. Unconsciously, her hand goes up to her cheek as she remembers the way he'd gently kiss her there in greeting.
They had had a chance to be happy here together, to finally have everything they wanted once everything with the Float was over... only to have it ripped away. Yuri's gone back to a world without her in it, and she's stuck here in world without him.
Yes, he has unfinished business. Yes, he's important and can't be separated from the world for long. And her time here is a gift, an extension of life and purpose that wouldn't have back home and probably didn't deserve. But it's so damn unfair.
As if it would help stem the tears that desperately want to fall, Alice finishes her glass in practically one go, coughs a bit, and then reaches for the bottle and refills it.
She also tops off Karin's glass while she's at it. After all, the other woman is hurting too, making clear her regrets as she continues to make sense of Yuri's absence.]
You thought you had more time. We both did.
[There's a small hitch in her voice at that last part. Alice is slowly losing the battle against crying.]
I know I'm not him, and I may not have any idea what you're talking about, but if you need to get it out I can listen. Or not, if you prefer.
no subject
Hearing Alice's voice crack makes her own tears threaten to surge forward. She keeps them contained for now, but only barely, shaking her head to discourage herself even as she reaches up to rub at her eyes with the back of one taloned hand. Not yet.]
I... I appreciate that.
[She truly does, even if the things that need sharing aren't exactly easy to talk about.]
I feel like I should have known better than to waste time.
[Alice, she's sure, knows just as well as she does how precious time is. Karin only has a short time left whenever she goes back, if she goes back. Alice doesn't even have that much, and she immediately feels guilty for how much time she's spent feeling sorry for herself.]
I'm sorry that you and I haven't spent more time together before now, too. I had wanted to give the two of you time together, but also, I was... it was hard to watch.
[Because she had been jealous, even knowing what could never be.]
no subject
[Oh.
Oh.
Given her grief and the effects of the rum, it takes Alice a few moments to put two and two together. Once she realizes it, however, her eyes widen and her heart immediately breaks a little further.
It's not a feeling borne of jealousy or possessivevness. For one, Alice can't exactly blame Karin for seeing the same qualities in Yuri that Alice herself has fallen so deeply for. Secondly, from how Yuri had acted toward her and spoken of Karin, it was clear that there was no competition as to who he loved more even as he cared for borth women deeply. And even if Yuri had reciprocated Karin's affections in full, what could Alice take away from that other than relief that he'd been able to find happiness after her inevitable demise?
Rather, it's an awkward, sympathetic ache that she doesn't quite know how to respond to. Alice replays every interaction she's had with Karin since her arrival, realizing how hard and uncomfortable it must have been for the other woman. To be able to push through that and still try to form a friendship, even after Karin's admission that it isn't as strong as it could be, shows such strength of heart and spirit. It's little wonder that Yuri thought--thinks--so highly of her.]
You have nothing to apologize for. I... I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
[The words feel clumsy and useless. But Alice is pretty sure there's not really anything she could say that wouldn't be.]
no subject
[Her tone shifts quickly, apologetic as she looks back to Alice and shakes her head to dismiss the very idea that the exorcist needs to be sorry for anything.]
I really am glad you two were able to meet again— I know it's what he wanted, and regardless of how I might have felt in the past... it's complicated. That was never going to be the kind of bond Yuri and I had, but even so, I've never had a friend like him before. He changed my life.
[Much as she imagines he changed Alice's, too. He seemed to do that for so many people he met.]
I just... don't want you to think I would have ever tried to do anything. Honestly, before you found your way here, I was... always sad we never had the chance to meet. It always sounded like we would have been very good friends. And— I hope we still can be.
no subject
See, this is exactly the strength of heart and spirit Alice was thinking about!]Yuri does have a way of doing that, doesn't he? He's changed so many lives for the better.
[It's a fond statement, and Alice even manages to get it out without her voice cracking despite the tears start to fall. She reaches up and wipes at her face with the heel of her hand, but doesn't really try to fight it anymore. For someone as petite and infrequent a drinker as she is, drinking that first glass so quickly has done a number on her sobriety and has basically made the fight impossible.]
I'm not concerned about what you did or didn't do, or would have done. You love Yuri, and if Yuri had loved you the way you wanted him to we would have made it work somehow. It would have stung, and it would have taken some time to figure out, but... [To give herself a bit of time to think her words out against the haze of the alcohol, Alice picks up her glass and looks into it.] I'd be a terribly cruel person to hold anything that happened after I passed on against you two. I love Yuri too much to do that to him.
[Of course, Alice is completely unaware of the other, much more complicated factor involved here.]
Regardless, I'm glad I have a chance to meet you and get to know you here. And become friends.
[She gives Karin a small, watery smile.]
no subject
Of course, calling the reality of the situation complicated is a gentle understatement, and this is neither the time nor place to go into details. She only gives a brief nod in reply before setting her own glass down and reaching for a box of tissues kept on the end-table so that she can pass them to Alice after taking one for herself.]
I don't think that ever would have been necessary, but... not many people could do that.
[Be so generous with their heart, with the person they loved so dearly.]
We weren't meant to be. I made my peace with that, but I still...
[She sighs, shaking her head as she reaches for her drink again.]
I don't really know who I am without him, yet, even after so many months here. Before I met Yuri, I was on a different path... one that wasn't right for me. I don't even recognize that person anymore.
no subject
When I first met Yuri, I'd been knocked off my own path. My father had just died violently--[She visibly winces at the memory.]--and I had all but given up in response. I was scared of him, scared of everything, and just went along with things to avoid making life worse for myself.
But the more time we spent together, the more I started to come back alive. I saw his strength and spirit despite his wounds and the harshness of the life he had lived, and I learned to push through my own. He... for all of his own uncertainties about his own life, he is very good at setting other people's lives right. I guess he would argue the same for me, but if it wasn't for him I would still be that scared, traumatized girl not able to be of use to anyone.
[Despite the tears that continue to fall, she smiles a little. God, she loves him so much.]
I don't know who I am without him anymore, either. [She reaches over and takes the other woman's hand.] But we're both better having met him, and we can figure out how to move on together.
no subject
She nods again, her smile blooming just a touch wider as tears begin to flow a little more openly. She manages to hold back any sobbing, but her eyes are shining, her expression decidedly wet.]
I— I really would like that. I've wanted us to be friends.
[And they are, to a degree, connected in a way that neither of them could have anticipated thanks to Yuri, but they haven't gotten to know one another well yet.]
You've been through a lot. That's— something we have in common. All of us, I suppose.
[Yuri, too, had lost much, even before meeting Alice. None of them were strangers to heartbreak.]
I think he would have wanted us to look after each other. Back home, he gave me something— just in case anything happened to him. A cross, so that someone would always carry both of your memories, and those of his parents, as well.
no subject
Alice's eyes widen at the mention of the cross. Karin isn't specific, but she knows exactly what cross she means:]
His mother's cross.
[Her hand instinctively goes to her neck where it conspicuously isn't. Her father's cross had survived the travel between worlds, so that's what Alice wears day to day. Yuri's mother's cross, however, had vanished along with several of her other belongings. It was the only truly meaningful item that didn't make it, and Alice had always wondered why. She now realizes that it's already here, in Karin's possession.
It seems appropriate, somehow.]
He gave it to me after he received it when we were in Shanghai, although he refused to explain why he wanted me to have it at the time. [Despite herself, she smiles a bit at the memory. It had been an unceremonial 'here, I want you to have it' followed by Yuri blowing off all of Alice's follow-up questions. She loves him deeply, but he's not the most personable man even in his finest moments.] It seems he'd gotten much better at communicating what he's thinking by the time he gave it to you. I'm proud of him.
[With those words, Alice goes quiet as she remembers how tightly she held that cross during the period in which Yuri went missing after Seraphic Radiance leveled Shanghai, praying for his safety and that they would find him. She would wear it under her jacket on every exorcism she went on with Zhuzhen, as if it could protect her as well as Yuri's actual presence could if something went awry--and she kept wearing it even after Yuri returned to them and the curse she took on for him started eating at her very life. So much of her own love, fear, joy, and sorrow has gone into that necklace, and she knows his mother and father had put so much of their own before it even came into her possession. It's clear that Karin, as well, has poured a lot of significance into the cross. It's a deeply meaningful item, and its very presence here in this moment seems fated.
The tears are coming harder now, and Alice has to choke back a sob when she finally speaks again. These memories and the related thoughts and emotions are a lot to take.]
I'm so glad he gave it to you. That you looked out for him, and will for me.
[Alice locks eyes with Karin, her expression pained but resolute.]
And I promise I'll be here for you. No matter what.
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They'll get through this together. Even before they had met, they were tied to one another, and even if they were among friends from home, there was no one else who would feel the grief of this loss quite as keenly as they do.]
I know that... it may be a lot to process, and it requires a great deal of trust, but with Yuri gone, you'll...
[She takes a moment to exhale, to compose herself. For the most part, it works. Though her heart is broken, and she wants to cry openly, she hangs onto some semblance of calm— so tightly that if it were tangible, her knuckles would have turned white from grasping.]
You'll be needing a bond. It's not safe to go without one, and I would be honored if you would entrust me with being your bondmate.
[This, too, is what Yuri would want, she's sure, but that's not why she's offering. They're already bound together by destiny, in their own way. It only makes sense, and she had already sworn to protect Alice's memory along with his. This was a part of fulfilling that same vow, as far as she was concerned.]
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There's also a deep, painful emptiness inside of her that makes the absence of a bond feel that much more urgent. That makes Karin's offer more appealing on its face, and Alice honestly cannot think of a better person to entrust this responsibility to. All of this feels fated, as if it were meant to fall into place in just this way.
And yet, she hesitates. She's struggling to work through her own and grief and feelings, and frankly the idea of having someone cued into her magic and soul and emotions right now sounds downright awful. Karin will take good care of her, but Alice isn't quite ready to make her grief that much more vulnerable.]
I-I know this isn't the wisest answer, but...
[Alice pauses, realizing that it sounds too much like she's about to outright refuse. She takes a deep breath to steady herself, forces her gaze upward to meet Karin's, and tries again.]
I'm honored, thank you. I trust you, and I want to be your bondmate. But I need some time first. I want to wait until everything isn't quite so fresh and raw.
[She tightens her grip slightly on Karin's, equal parts reassurance and needing to be reassured.]
I should be okay for a couple of weeks, and that's all I'm asking for. Please.
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Of course. You take all the time you need. That's probably best for both of us. All of this, it's... it's a lot, and it is still fresh.
[It hasn't really hit either of them full force just yet, she's sure, and it's going to be complicated for both of them in different ways. It was so much more than just missing a friend until you got to see them again. There was a good chance that this was it, and though their relationships were very different, they both loved him.]
Heaping all of that emotion onto one another through a bond would be hard. I just wanted to make sure you knew that when the time came... I'm here. You're not alone in this place.
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Thank you. When we're ready, it can be something to celebrate instead of us grieving like this.
[It won't be quite the wedding of the soul like it was with Yuri, but it will be pretty damn close. They both deserve for it to be a happy occasion rather than a tragic one.
That settled, Alice takes her glass with the hand not being held by Karin's and takes a slow sip of rum. A thought occurs to her--a happy memory, really--and she laughs a little despite herself.]
And I promise not to stress you out over taking each others' names before the ceremony. Would you believe that was one of the first things Yuri asked me on the day he and I were bonded?
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He reached out to me about that, too— and he was so nervous about what to wear!
[Really, it just stood as proof of how much he really cared about Alice. He wanted everything to be perfect, make sure that everything went off without a hitch.]
He really wanted everything to be just right. I eventually got him to calm down and told him that if he was just himself, it would be perfect. That that’s who you wanted to bond with.
[She smiles fondly, reaching up with one hand to rub tears away from her left eye.]
So... I agree. That was a day to celebrate, and ours will be, too.
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[More laughter erupts from her chest. She can only imagine how that conversation had to have gone.]
We both attached such importance to it, possibly moreso than anyone here intends it to be. Despite all the worry, it was perfect. And the bond was so wonderful while it lasted.
[Alice pauses and sighs softly. Its absence is keenly felt, even knowing that she'll have another bond soon. Her bond with Karin will be equally precious but entirely different, and she's trying to psyche herself up for that.]
I look forward to our own, when we're ready.
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[Her expression softens, but there's still a distinct air of fondness as she reaches for her glass to return to her drink, though less aggressively this time. The mood hanging over the room is still one of grief and loss, but there's a bittersweet undercurrent that helps to keep it from becoming overwhelming.]
Even without there being romantic feelings involved, bonding isn't something to be taken lightly. For you two, it got to be something more. It's all about making the most of the time we have, isn't it? At least— I think so.
[It's the sort of thing that tends to be on her mind quite a bit, in fact.]
The two of you seized an opportunity that this place offered you. That is important.
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[This bittersweet turn of conversation is still grieving, but it's more palatable than wallowing in the pain of it all. Alice is grateful for it, and the warmth in her tone makes that especially clear.
She takes another drink from her glass, coughing a little afterward, then leans heavily into Karin and rests her head on the harpy's shoulder. It's an affectionate gesture, one previously reserved for Yuri. The significance of that fact is lost on Alice in her increasing inebriation and likely totally unknown to Karin. It just feels right at the moment, and right now it's easier to operate on feelings than thoughts.]
Thank you. This is easier with you here.
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It's something new for them, but the sentiment behind it is not lost. They're going to be partners from here on out— it's only right that they should be comfortable with one another, be able to reassure one another.]
I feel the same.
[Her own voice is soft, wistful.]
I can't imagine doing this alone. [Not again, when she'd already mourned Yuri once before.] I'm glad that neither of us will have to.
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[And with that, Alice settles into a companionable silence while she finishes her glass of rum. She doesn't have much more to say and is simply finding comfort in Karin's company. It's not long before she slips into sleep brought on from exhaustion and the warmth brought on by the rum.
Hope you're okay with that extra weight on your shoulder for awhile, Karin. ♥]