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Entry tags:
[closed] Colour in my sheltered mind
Who: Shiro and Keith
When: Before the full moon
Where: The Coven and other
What: Boys bonding
Warnings: Feelings. Dumb boys being dumb. Will update as necessary!
[ The full moon is coming; they both knew it. Keith wondered if Shiro could sense it, too. Keith certainly could- his magic itching beneath his skin, more volatile and unpredictable than he had ever known it to be. He'd already been lighting one too many things on fire. The last thing Keith wanted was to hurt someone- to hurt Kosmo, or to harm the home that he and Hiccup were building.
Despite knowing what the answer to mend this matter was, that he knew Shiro would say yes- Keith still felt... awkward about asking. Perhaps childishly shy. It wasn't as if they hadn't done bonding exercises before; it wasn't as if back in the Castle of Lions Coran hadn't guided them through meditative exercises designed to get into one another's heads. It's no big deal- it shouldn't be. He was just thinking too much on it, that was all...
Still, he'd felt like an idiot when he'd asked. 'Do you want to form a bond? Officially?' he'd asked, and it was all he could do not to blush. At least Shiro had said yes. At least Keith hadn't had to immediately die upon the spot, retreat deeper into the woods where no one would ever find him, and never return.
So now... there they were. Meeting outside of the Coven in order to make it official, Keith feeling anxious about it despite himself. ]
You know, it isn't too late to back out. [ He was trying to sound jovial about it; trying to play it off as a joke. Trying to ignore how sweaty his palms were, how his throat felt tight and his heart rate wouldn't slow down. Stupid, to be nervous like this. It was just a bond... no big deal, right? ]
When: Before the full moon
Where: The Coven and other
What: Boys bonding
Warnings: Feelings. Dumb boys being dumb. Will update as necessary!
[ The full moon is coming; they both knew it. Keith wondered if Shiro could sense it, too. Keith certainly could- his magic itching beneath his skin, more volatile and unpredictable than he had ever known it to be. He'd already been lighting one too many things on fire. The last thing Keith wanted was to hurt someone- to hurt Kosmo, or to harm the home that he and Hiccup were building.
Despite knowing what the answer to mend this matter was, that he knew Shiro would say yes- Keith still felt... awkward about asking. Perhaps childishly shy. It wasn't as if they hadn't done bonding exercises before; it wasn't as if back in the Castle of Lions Coran hadn't guided them through meditative exercises designed to get into one another's heads. It's no big deal- it shouldn't be. He was just thinking too much on it, that was all...
Still, he'd felt like an idiot when he'd asked. 'Do you want to form a bond? Officially?' he'd asked, and it was all he could do not to blush. At least Shiro had said yes. At least Keith hadn't had to immediately die upon the spot, retreat deeper into the woods where no one would ever find him, and never return.
So now... there they were. Meeting outside of the Coven in order to make it official, Keith feeling anxious about it despite himself. ]
You know, it isn't too late to back out. [ He was trying to sound jovial about it; trying to play it off as a joke. Trying to ignore how sweaty his palms were, how his throat felt tight and his heart rate wouldn't slow down. Stupid, to be nervous like this. It was just a bond... no big deal, right? ]
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His smile reveals his long canines, sharper than ever. While Keith had flustered, Shiro seemed practically too comfortable with the idea of bonding. He had willingly offered it to Allura after he was evaluated and he was glad when Keith asked the question later. They would be safe from their bubbling magic, and Shiro wouldn't have to worry about the full moon taking too much of his own personage away.
In a moment, he notices Keith's nervousness and reaches out to pat his shoulder. ] We've got a long history together, Keith. I can't imagine a stronger bond for myself. [ Though he wonders why Keith is so nervous. By now, surely his friend knows how far he'd go for him. ]
We can take our time going in, I think, if you need a minute.
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I mean in a way, aren't we all already bonded? [ The suggestion was soft, a little vulnerable. But the smile that followed it was genuine, less shaky with the other's reassurance that this was right. Shiro was right, after all. There was no stronger bond for either of them. Certainly not in Aefenglom, maybe not in the rest of the universe. ]
I don't need a minute. ...To be honest, I'm kind of... excited. It's new, you know? [ That, and... intimate, too. Maybe in ways that Keith hadn't yet anticipated- but that was okay. If it was with Shiro, well, they could figure it out together. ] I don't really know what to expect.
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Seeing that Keith has relaxed, he lets his arm fall back into place. His heart settles, expression soft as he casts his gaze over Keith. He feels so lucky. He lifts an eyebrow and gestures toward the Coven.] There's only one way to find out, right?
[ He hadn't done the service yet, so it's just as new and exciting to him. He moves, but not by much as he makes sure that Keith is walking beside him into the building. ] I might have cheated a little bit to make sure we'd be prepared. It seems like a pretty docile ritual, anyway. Did you end up writing anything for the vows?
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Vows. The word had Keith's stomach squirming, a mixture of excitement and vicious nerves. ]
Nobody told me I needed vows. [ He joked, making a fake, surprised and wide-eyed expression. ] No, look, we'd better call the whole thing off. I didn't write vows.
[ He had. ...Of course he had. The harder part had been trying to convince himself to shut up, to condense everything he felt for Shiro, everything that Shiro meant to him into something concise and not wholly over-sharing and embarrassing. He thought he'd done an okay job, at least. ]
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[ Twice the same joke, and this time, it doesn't seem to fly over as well with Shiro. No doubt in Shiro's mind, Keith is nervous. A brief show of worry draws Shiro's eyes upward before a light, feined laughter relaxes his expression. He knows Keith well - so well that sometimes he felt like he doesn't know Keith at all. He remembers the way Keith would push people away in his youth. He'd only felt that once, maybe twice when they were younger, but never again since. After two years apart, it didn't seem unreasonable that their connection on Keith's side of this had waned.
It hurts more to think about than he'd really considered.
There's no way to follow up the joke. Left with guilt, he doubts that Keith meant to make him feel troubled, but he does anyway. He remains quiet until they reach the door, where he stops and turns to Keith. His hand rests on the doorknob, ready to open it, but not until he asks one thing: ]
Listen, Keith, I don't... [ Another breath. ] You'd tell me straight if you didn't want this, right?
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The small, subtle shifts of Shiro's reaction were a thing that Keith had almost always been acutely attuned to- perhaps painfully so. Shiro laughed, but it wasn't really a sound that carried any humour. Something strained in Shiro's demeanour suddenly- and Keith knew without asking his words were the cause.
Shiro wasn't the only one who had a sudden welling of guilt, and Keith reached out, hand settling on Shiro's bicep to squeeze softly. ]
Shiro... This? Bonding with you? I've never been more sure of anything. [ Keith's expression was soft, open and honest, clouded with worry that he'd said the wrong thing- done the wrong thing and taken his stupid nervous joke a step to far. ] I mean it. There's no one else here, or otherwise- there's-
[ He stopped, taking a slow, shaking breath, hand on the other's arm gripping fractionally tighter. ]
There's no one else I'd want this with. [ With this, it sounded more like a promise, a confession of something far more meaningful. ]
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Let's do this then, huh? [ He opens the door, but stands aside and continues: ] After you.
[ As Keith moves in ahead of him, he sets his hand on the broad of Keith's back, meant to be a reassurance as they move forward together, but certainly not his usual. ]
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Well, actions would speak just as loudly, he knew. So he walked forward confidently, walking towards the witch who would oversee them, explaining that they were there for the bonding ceremony- briefly casting a fond, familiar smile to Shiro, his heart racing with anticipation.
The next thing Keith knew they had been lead into a circle; were facing each other, guided to hold hands. ]
You know, this feels a little like a wedding. [ Keith said off-handedly, blushing now despite himself even as he smiled, laughed softly, unable to quite meet Shiro's eyes as he said it- but finally bringing them up to look at Shiro. ]
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"Feels like a wedding..." Out of Keith's sight, his expression changes ever so slightly, as if the thought had never occurred to him. It does, doesn't it? Old memories bubble up; never a proposal, but certainly talk of marriage. Moments that felt just right. Flustered but comfortable words shared between two best friends. The memories of Adam feel like those of another lifetime; and no different than memories had that long ago, they're lost again as this new memory replaces them.
The warm glow suits him, Shiro thinks as his eyes search Keith's countenance. He's rather handsome; certainly not the first time Shiro has come to that conclusion. His hands feel soft; that or he's convinced himself that they are. He knows his own have always felt rough; but unbeknownst to him, his tender grip on Keith's hand is no different than the strength Shiro feels in his own.
When he looks up at the same time as Keith, he wonders if his friend had seen him staring. His now yellow eyes grow round and wide, nearly as black as they had been before Aefenglom had changed him. ] It does, doesn't it? [ He whispers. Even in the warm light, he realizes how red Keith's cheeks have become and all at once, it hits him.
It makes sense now why Keith was so nervous outside.
Abruptly, Shiro's heart pounds. An indescribable shift in his expression marks the moment the lightbulb bursts. It's like the first string on the gordian knot tied their red strings together had finally been tugged at and Shiro is staring down at the depths of an ocean he had only intended to boat across. The witch continues her rhetoric, but Shiro hears nothing. His eyes, his mind, his heart are untangling and he's left raw. At the mention of vows, he makes no motion. Of all the people in all the universes... him and Keith? ]
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He'd been right, when he'd overheard his own teachers talking about how surely they wanted someone more like Griffin- someone who wasn't half such a problem as Keith was. So Keith had done what he'd always done in those kinds of situations until then- and he'd set himself to self-destruct. To fail himself, before they could fail him.
And even though he'd stolen Shiro's car- even though he didn't know Keith from a hole in the ground, Shiro had reached out to him. Bailed him out. Given him hope. Seen something in him that not even Keith had been willing to admit he had.
Is it any surprise that... somewhere along the way Keith had fallen for him? Fallen for that?
And oh, how he had tried to deny it. Had tried to keep it wrapped up and buried deep. Shiro had other things on his mind- they both did. But now? Here? Every day it was harder and harder to keep his own emotions from spilling over. From doing something foolish, like spilling his heart. Shiro didn't need that... not when he had so much on his plate already.
Bonding would change things, or at least... That's what he'd been told. But he could handle it, right? Even with both of their emotions shared, their thoughts too to some extent- surely Keith could still repress it enough not to unintentionally push Shiro away. Or maybe it would drive a wedge between them.
Keith didn't know.
There was only one way to find out.
He was only peripherally listening to the witch, his heart pounding even as he softly squeezed Shiro's hands in his own, gave a gentle, reassuring smile as the witch asked if there was anything they would like to say. ]
Cat got your tongue? [ Keith asked, voice soft as he teased the other, would have nudged him with his elbow if they were side by side. Instead squeezed Shiro's hands. ] I can go first, if you want.
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Er, yeah, I'd like that.
[ Still, he feels a bit guilty. Even if he understands how Keith feels, he'd have to sort himself out first. Things have always been complex between them, but the paths between them were well-traversed. Even if these are threads and layers he'd never considered before, Keith is his best friend. They'd make it out fine, one way or another. ]