Deceuer Catch-All

[silentsavant]

Who: Soren and OTA!
When: Various dates in in Deceuer.
Where: Depends on the prompt!
What: A catchall. Prompts are in the comments.
Warnings: Depression... References to house fires... the rest TBD

If you would like to plot a custom starter for your character, feel free to hit me up at wingything or my CR plotting meme comment! I love personalizing threads to suit specific characters. Feel free to create your own starter in the comments below if there is something different you have in mind.

I will be writing these in bracket style for accessibility, but while I am flexible, I have a slight preference for prose. Feel free to use whichever suits you best.

Comments

[silentsavant]

[ soren mulls over this for a few measures as he wipes at the dark sheen of still-oozing blood from eren's newest injury. there isn't much to think about. it had been worth considering the desperate line of thought that, if he had annihilated himself, he would not have had to deal with the coven's restraints — or in a worse outcome, parliament's. then soren could have been charged for murder, and he probably wouldn't see the light of day very often after that.

some would resort to suicide above that fate. but eren is familiar with how capture need not be a permanent condition when the opportunity arises. it's so simple, an instinct that all living creatures carry some way or another: he was struggling because he wanted to be free to live. waiting to be freed from a life-or-death struggle is a far cry from waiting for shackles to come off. ]

I didn't think it had anything to do with dragons. When you put it that way, it sounds like something we're all born with.

[ how is he supposed to express this unsettling feeling? was it all just a nightmarish figment of his own madness? had he imagined him trying to escape his own skin? or maybe that wasn't suicidal at all, and by destroying his draconic body, he could revert back to the form he is in now? it's not worth overanalyzing. eren denied that suspicion, and that's all there is to it. he pats the ankle cuff. ]

But in this case, waiting for your freedom is better. Don't rip your leg off just to earn what is already going to be yours soon. [ with a wrinkle of his nose, he adds ] And please, don't eat it.

[ look, he gets that you're basically a cannibal and dragon has been on the menu before, but don't take it to the next level by eating yourself... ]

[autotome]

[ it's a lizard thing.

something on eren's face— was it his lip, his eyelid? it twitches. a subtle shiver beneath his skin at the prospect of waiting. waiting. waiting for something that was already his, of course. he tries to process that, humanly, and it meets a wall. a massive wall that told him the opposite. told him that he wasn't sure if he'd be alive the next day or the day after that and he'd wait? he'd just wait? what if it never came because he waited it's so stupid to wait why wait when he could have it sooner why wait when he could have it now—

it was irrational, literal lizard brain thinking. he nods, but his stiff neck only goes through the empty motions of it. he can't bring the warning born of concern to heart. the silence becomes pregnant as he stares at the cuff, and with further inspection, isn't actually staring at it— he's looking at a point beyond it again. when he comes back to, his tongue flicks, and his eyes fixate onto soren, for the first time in a few moments. ]

Thanks, [ a, gesture, ] for trying. I don't have anything held against you either. [ he wanted to make that a little clearer to end any interrogation marks still in their heads and move on. there's also one thing he too wants to share, for some reason, and it's the only thing that gets his shoulder to relax and focus on something else. ] If I regret anything, it's for Styx.

[silentsavant]

[ soren in turn focuses on eren, his unexpressive face softening a margin as he's reminded of the big, soft-hearted idiot who called eren his best friend. he recalls the uncharacteristic grief that flickered in and out of his demeanor as his grins eroded to reveal the surface of his anxieties to him. here is the man who sits at the source of those worries, capable of shifting the tides of styx's emotional well-being, those lightless grey eyes upon him. it isn't just styx that can be stirred by eren, though. it flows in two directions. this regret is proof of that. soren's gaze floats back down.

he sees this more from the other dragon's perspective, playing the same role. no matter how hard ranulf tried to be strong for him, soren knew he was suffering beneath it. ]

I understand. [ he's sure he does, even if their problems, their microcosms of shared inner lives, are more nuanced. ] I caused quite a bit of trouble for my Bondmates, too, and yet... I thrive on their support. But I think that's exactly what they want: to hold me up when I can't do it well myself.

[ shining the light upon himself and his own bonds, his own vulnerabilities, that he cares for others, relies on others like any ordinary human being whether he's got monster parts or a troubled past or what... it's a reflection of what styx wants for eren. and though their relationship hardly has anything to do with soren, perhaps... he still would like the best for them. ]

[autotome]

That’s been . . . Hard, for me.

[ allowing others to support eren had been a thing of the past. as one tragedy struck another and as the boy became an ugly monster, he wanted to carry the burden alone. eren’s pain dug deeper, his guilt had rooted itself into places that he had to learn to live with, but that didn’t mean it was a stroll to live with. all those lives— all those lives he took. who could live normally with that? eren couldn’t— he wants no forgiveness and seeks no redemption, that’s not something he’s worth.

he lives now for the people who are worth something much more than him, that gives him more than enough freedom that he could ever hope for if he was stuck here and this was for who knew how long. styx. the orphanage. all those children that he’s seen himself in. mikasa, while she’s still here.

he’s always wanted to live, but circumstance hadn’t treated the will with kindness. it was unbreakable, yes, but to be as rough as diamond, he had to grow cold. ]

But I’ve been doing better than I started. It’s all thanks to him. The kids, [ his eyes raise to the dragon, as a gesture unspoken. ] everyone I’ve met here.

[silentsavant]

[perhaps it is proof that soren reads into that gesture correctly when his impassivity slips with a few blinks and he redirects his own gaze to pretend like he needs to double-check his ankle again, perhaps wrap it up so that the sticky surface doesn't attract a host of dirt and debris. he can't see many ways in which he personally helped make an impact on eren in this sense, that he isn't just some blip on his radar ill-equipped to form any meaningful connection beyond skirting past the boundaries of their personal depths wordlessly, in their language comprised mostly of motions and bodies and senses, the purer parts of communication that often convey more truth than words. in the end, it's not about him — it's about styx and the others, and he's content being on the sidelines like this.

styx would like to have heard eren say this much. he won't tell him, just as he won't tell eren how much styx didn't want him to give up on changing course and getting better. it sounds like he wants to. soren's voice remains soft.]

I'm glad to hear that. Knowing him, he would be, too.

[he may be just one unobtrusive point on the constellation of eren's everyone, but he figures it wouldn't hurt matters to have one more person express their moral support. even if that person helped him tear a few blocks down in draconic rage.]

[autotome]

[ it goes without saying. in fact . . . something about this has suddenly made eren's ear scales burn redder rather than their muddy purple-black hue. maybe it's the fact that people like soren and styx are rooting for him or something, what the hell.

he's frowning. ]

Do you have plans after today?

[silentsavant]

[ the question strikes a match to soren's curiosity, naturally, and he raises his eyes back up with the glint of inquisitiveness. don't think he doesn't catch the shifting hues. ]

Not really.

[autotome]

[ don't notice me senpai i get shy

unceremoniously, he lifts himself up from his seat and rolls his shoulders to spread the heat to his joints. it's a good thing too, some of the other volunteers nearby were beginning to stare with the amount of resting he'd been doing. ]

Then we can get a drink.

[ where isn't explicitly said because— eren doesn't actually care where as long as his focus was elsewhere, for the time being. it's the only few minutes where he isn't scratching his ankle raw. ]

[silentsavant]

(( cont here))