Event Log: September, The Price of Revolution p1

[faileas]

Event Log: September, The Price of Revolution Part 1

I. The Freedom Festivities Behind the fortress-like walls of Dorchacht, what was once a gloomy, imposing city is lit up for the festivities to come. Septeril brings with it many mixed emotions for the citizens of what used to be called The Black City, though the overwhelming atmosphere is positive - this is a celebration of freedom hard-earned and prosperity hard-fought-for. The triple stars of the Resistance, now the current reigning party, feature heavily in decorations and in clothing: in pins, on hats, golden stars enchanted into fabric to dance merrily across skirts and cloaks. Stars light up the streets in decorative strings hung from lamppost to lamppost, flickering gently over the cobblestones. Mirrors, as well, feature into the decor, tiny round ones hung in multitudes from awnings and in windows like ornaments, catching the light and playing it across the otherwise-utilitarian architecture, lending it a sort of understated beauty. Much of Dorchacht has been rebuilt and repurposed by necessity since the uprising last year, and many new small businesses and restaurants are being featured at the festival - their goods or their foods on display in markets of street-side stalls or on the feast tables. Local handmade wares and crafts are out for sale for modest prices, and every sale helps out both the small business, many of which are started by former slaves, and helps the local economy, which is better these days but still recovering. The festivities go for six days, almost a full week, with feasting and bonfires every evening, and tours and tales of the city by day, as they display the changes for the better they have all made. And then, on the final evening, all are invited to watch a grand fireworks show that will be put on in the skies over Dorchacht, presided over by the Circle of Three themselves. Mirrorbound are welcomed warmly, whether they were present last year or not, and treated much like family - get ready to be pulled into activities and plied with food left and right. a. Join the Fun The children of Dorchacht are out by the dozens during the festivities, excited by all the freely-offered, special sweet treats and the magical sparklers and poppers being handed out by the fistful. The poppers explode when thrown to the ground in bursts of bright colors, completely harmless, and the sparklers are enchanted not to burn little (or big) hands if mishandled. Mirrorbound passing through may find themselves roped into elaborate pretend games of revolution by eager faces: the children name themselves either Resistance members or Mirrorbound, and 'do battle' with their magic fireworks against scarecrow-like constructions cloaked in dark bed sheets as 'the bad guys'. Depending on one's perspective, it may seem dark, but this is what these children have known very recently in their lives, and their caretakers or parents (there are more of the former than the latter, especially for the young Monsters) let them play as they will. If asked, they'll just explain that some of those kids even remember the fighting when it happened; this is just another way that they try to understand how the city has changed. More organized, family-friendly reenactment performances are also common, with several of the orphanage groups putting on small plays about the uprising, or moral plays about kindness and togetherness between Witches and Monsters. This includes a prominent set of performances by the Mirrored Hearts Home for Children - maybe you're helping out with their sets or costumes, or maybe you assisted with their scripts and songs. Those Mirrorbound volunteers will want to see the kids do well, right? They'll be heartbroken if you don't show. Of course, kids aren't the only ones doing reenactments. The newly formed Dorchacht Historical Society, dedicated to protecting Dorchacht's history going forward, puts on several - and may drag in passers-by to play different roles! Only the luckiest are begged to play the role of The Dragon, who valiantly rose up against their cruel former master, Morgana, and helped lead Dorchacht to where they are today. b. Forget-Me-Not While the overall air is celebratory, among the adults who are old enough to understand just what was lost as well as gained, there is an undercurrent of sombre remembrance. Many visit the burned-out Old Coven, left as damaged as it was when the fighting ceased, as a monument to how freedom fighters suffered and fought. Plaques dot the grounds and buildings there seemingly at random, until you realize that each metal plate bearing names is laid where someone died. To decorate these plaques, and homes and businesses as well, there are tables set up in the yard of the New Coven, heavy with a rainbow of small magical flowers called Forget-Me-Nots, and the supplies to make remembrance wreaths. In this new tradition, the flowers are chosen with a dead, missing, or simply absent loved one in mind, and woven together with glass beads, small wooden charms, and a spell written on a slip of paper. The enchanted fragrance of the Forget-Me-Nots allows whoever smells them to witness short, happy memories of the person the wreath was made for - whether they knew that person or not. The memories come from the wreath-maker, and are only short flashes (less than a minute long) or mere impressions, but all are pleasant or warming. With the spell woven in, they'll last for an entire year without wilting or losing their effects, a souvenir from the festival to take home. Mirrorbound are encouraged to join in, and make wreaths of their own, whether or not they lost someone in Dorchacht's uprising. It can be for someone who has disappeared from Geardagas, someone who died long ago, someone living they miss from home, anyone who is not currently with them.

II. The Uninvited Guests On the 25th, the final day of the celebrations, the partying lasts all day. Food and drink are abundant on every corner, upbeat music is played by street performers and over the radios that can be found in nearly every household and shop, and the bonfires have been enchanted to let the flames take fanciful shapes. Drinking games and dancing, storytelling and general partying all last clear into the evening, but once dusk falls, everyone gathers in the center square of the city for the fireworks show. The Three are there - the Witches Bryn and Hilda, and the Monster known as The Dragon, Starlight, or formerly Fafnir - with Nessie and Mhairi as guests of honor, and Hilda is the one to set off the first enchanted fireworks, after a brief speech thanking everyone for coming out to celebrate a year of freedom and independence with them. It's with bursts of colorful light in the night sky behind her that she seems to appear from nowhere: tall, dark and imposing, a sharp-eyed Witch that exudes power. Morgana Drummond is not alone, either, flanked by a dozen rough-worn Witches and a host of others. The chaos that ensues is immediate and violent. "All of this for me?" Drummond sneers. Attacks bounce off her, no matter how powerful - even Nessie's considerable spells. Witches will be able to sense the strong barrier spell close-fit around her body, and the others around her will not let Monsters get close. It's The Dragon who speaks, voice rough from disuse but loud enough: "How dare you return here-" "I built this city in all the ways that matter. I was never going to let you have it. You burned away my Dorchacht, so now I will make sure there is nothing left of yours but ashes." a. To Sleep, Perchance Unreachable, Morgana Drummond's form limns in a sickly violet light, the circle of a spell forming beneath her feet, steadily growing as her power gathers. So much magic gathered in one spot is bound to be felt by all the Mirrorbound, Witch and Monster alike, oppressive in nature as if it could steal the breath from your lungs. Perhaps it truly was a fluke that she was driven from Dorchacht, a happy accident caused by a timely distraction. The spell circle spreads, glowing, until it envelops the entire city, and it pulses once, blinding, before it sears itself across Dorchacht's streets and buildings in burnt lines and symbols. The fireworks continue to pop and burst overhead, casting shadows that seem suddenly sinister. Nothing happens for just a moment - and then all the people of Dorchacht collapse in waves. Next to a stunned Nessie and furious Mhairi, Bryn, Hilda, and the Dragon fall into a heap as well, the final three bodies to hit the ground. Mirrorbound and citizens of Aefenglom do not fall prey to the sleeping spell despite being in its area of effect. It happens in the span of just a few minutes, and then Morgana is gone in the blink of an eye, leaving her people to sow terror on the sleeping city. b. Battle on the Streets While she brought with her only a dozen Witches from her former Coven, she's collected a force in the Wilde. Blank-eyed rogue necromancers, mind controlled the way the Monsters of Dorchacht used to be, storm the streets controlling in turn their dead Monsters and creatures. A few even have with them dead Nuckelavee, which will require multiple fighters to take out. Wilders from Dorchacht gone missing on expeditions in the last year bear the signs of mind control as well - the ones who aren't dead, shambling around the necromancers. Maybe you recognize them, maybe you don't. Maybe you can help them, or maybe you can't. The mind control enchantments can be dispelled with a lot of effort or with the specific spells used often by the Resistance a while ago, for those who still remember it. In the slums of Dorchacht, the people who were convinced of Morgana's return, those who want to return to the days of slavery and terror, break free from the now-sleeping guards and failing wards that kept them contained and join the fighting, manic in their glee. The spell that put the rest of Dorchacht to sleep seems to slip right off them, perhaps sensing their loyalty to terrible causes. It is chaos, as the insurgents set fires and attack at will with magic, claws, weapons, anything they have. Mirrorbound will soon realize that they and the visitors from Aefenglom are not the only targets. The sleeping people of Dorchacht are ripe for the killing, unable to react or defend themselves. The fighting will continue into the night until the invaders are all dead or captured.

III. The Aftermath When the fighting ends, the work begins. An entire city deep in the throes of an enchanted sleep is a worst-case scenario that none of them could have predicted, even those who had a hunch Morgana didn't die out in the unexplored Wilde. Miss Nessie and Mhairi will remain on the scene helping to direct the aid efforts in the aftermath of the battle. Fires must be put out, corpses must be rounded up to be buried or burned, captured attackers must be secured and questioned, sleeping citizens must be whisked from the streets to safety and shelter, and buildings ensured to be safe in the meantime. Aefenglom's Coven are called in to assist, anyone who is available, and Mirrorbound help is more than welcomed. They will need everyone they can get to make sure not all is lost in this tragic attack. Nessie herself will ensure the Three are taken to safety in Aefenglom until the people of Dorchacht can be woken. Action needs to be taken quickly. Morgana needs to be found as soon as possible, and capable hands will be needed to search the Wilde far outside Dorchacht, the most likely place for her to go. More urgently, however, are the sleeping citizens. Nessie announces late the next evening, the normally-bubbly woman gone solemn and serious: "I believe I've found a counter-ritual for the spell that nasty woman used, I have. I will need your help, though, Mirrorbound. Volunteers only, of course, of course, as it's likely to be quite dangerous, though the Dreamers and I will take every precaution we can. Discuss among yourselves, decide if you're willing. Those who are, meet at the Coven at midnight on the 27th. It's not right to just leave them all like that, not right at all..."

Welcome to September's event log, Part 1 of The Price of Revolution! This event will continue in the TDM posted on the 21st, with a foray into purposeful dreamwalking. It will be a hybrid test drive and event that current characters will be allowed to top level on as well. Quests into the Wilde to search for Morgana will currently bear no fruit beyond small clues, but Part 2 in early October will deal with her whereabouts and her final fate. As always, direct your questions about the event HERE! And finally, for those who are wondering what's up with Dorchacht, we have a Setting update for you.

Comments

[sonnestark]

Was it just like being there?

[The note in her voice is part hopeful, part concerned. It would be a lot for anyone to deal with, she thinks— to have a memory appear so raw and visceral, but going into it prepared, it could be an opportunity for those bold enough to take it. She's not sure that's her, just yet, but once again, it's hard not to be curious.]

I don't know how anyone could possibly warn us for how real that has the potential to be. It's okay that you need some time.

[tothemetal]

[he nods, expression turning to something a little embarrassed for a brief moment as he explains the experience with something slightly more useful than 'yeah'.]

Could even hear Vincent yelling at me for taking too long to get the drums set up...really thought for a second I was back at practice, you know?

[it was the last thing he'd done before tumbling into this world, after all, and perhaps that was why that little snippet - meaningless in the grand scheme of things - had hit him the hardest. music had always been his support through even the lowest times, and it had been the gateway which finally granted him true friends. but here, even though he still put everything he had into playing, he couldn't help but feel...a little empty, he supposes.

there really could be no sound quite like the one all three of them created together, after all.]

Guess everyone here's more used to it because they've always had magic running around. Still, um...kinda makes you think.

[sonnestark]

I don't know about that— being used to it, I mean. Memories are powerful things.

[For better or for worse. She shakes her head a little before she gestures to a nearby bench, going to help herself to a seat before patting the spot beside her, indicating that Styx should do the same.]

There's magic where I come from, but even so, I think it would have been difficult to see something so real, to experience a memory like that. Does it— make you homesick?

[She feels like it must. They're all a little homesick to begin with, aren't they?]

[tothemetal]

[he waits until Karin is seated and comfortable before joining her on the bench, making certain that he isn't taking up too much space or unintentionally nudging into her. despite the topic of their conversation (or maybe even because of it, in a strange way) it was nice like this. like...like the friends they were.]

Nothing like this where you're from, huh?

[Styx hadn't known until now that his friend's world had magic of it's own...but it was something he'd never thought to ask. people who looked 'normal', who didn't profess themselves to be dark lords or necromancers or something equally dramatic, he simply...assumed they were from a place like his own. that was rather self-centered of him, wasn't it? the realization causes him to promise quietly to himself to be a better friend from hereon out. he really did want to get to know the woman next to him better, after all.]

Um...yeah. [he laughs, but the sound is helpless.] Think that's why I was gonna start crying. It's like - well, like you dropped something and you think it looks ok? 'nd then a while later you kinda nudge it and everything shatters.

[just because it seemed pristine didn't mean there hadn't been hairline fractures. he supposes even someone as stupid as him couldn't have adapted to another world that seamlessly. even a cool one.]

[sonnestark]

[She nods thoughtfully— his analogy makes perfect sense to her, and not for the first time, she thinks that Styx is a lot smarter than he gives himself credit for. He may not be an academic by any stretch of the imagination, but there are some things that can only be learned from experience rather than books, from having a genuine understanding of people and how they work.]

I know what you mean. You thought you were fine, and then all of a sudden, you were reminded of just how out of place you feel.

[He's been doing well for himself here, it seems like, and she's been making every effort to do the same, to find a place for herself and make the most of the time she's been given, but still... it's not home, not for any of them.]

I miss home, too. I've been trying to pretend that I don't, that I'm okay with what's happening here, but I'm not.

[tothemetal]

[he nods, running a hand through his hair alongside the motion. he doesn't say it, because Styx is almost certain that she's heard it a million times before, but he'd still be thinking that Karin of all people had a right to be twisted up inside over being here. she was a kind woman, and he's sure that if someone had asked her to aid Geardagas she would have agreed without a moment's hesitation - but that was the point, wasn't it? they hadn't. no one had asked her if she'd care to be whisked away to an ailing continent, to lose her friends, to shed feathers and remained shackled to her bed for weeks...

even someone with a soft heart must ache over the things taken from her. maybe even more painfully, with nothing to protect it from feeling those claws but a cheerful smile. he had his idiocy to keep him safe to some degree, but what was there for Karin?

...she had a big arm draping around her shoulders, if nothing else. it sits loosely, easily discarded with nothing more forceful than a gentle tap, but present all the same. the drummer feels a little presumptuous for expressing himself physically, but also that this is the right way to say what's in his heart; it's too important to be tripping over his ineloquent words right now. I'm here. whatever he can give her to soothe some of that ever-present pain, she was welcome to it all.]

Don't think...um, well, that's not a bad thing, I don't think. Not being ok. 's a lot, all over. You keep that kinda thing inside and it's just gonna hurt you worse.

[and the people that were 'lost' to Karin now wouldn't want her doing that to herself...he doesn't need to have met them to be sure of that.]

[sonnestark]

[It takes her by surprise, much like his earlier show of affection had, and this time she feels herself flush all the way up to her ears, color rushing into her cheeks. She's never been hesitant about reaching out to offer a friend a comforting touch or gesture, but is so unused to receiving anything like it in kind that for a moment, she's not quite sure what to do with herself.

It says so much without Styx himself having to say anything at all, and even though she hasn't voiced all of the things that do worry her, she knows he understands. He's been there, he's seen it, watched her do her best to soldier on through pain she never asked for, and even beyond the changes she's found herself faced with, there are so many other things weighing on her that really, becoming a monster was just One More.

She doesn't brush his arm aside, but instead leans into him, letting her head drop just enough to rest against the spot beneath his shoulder. She spends so much time being a voice of reason for others, offering them comfort, doing all she can to put a positive spin on things. It's nice, even if only for a moment, to be the one comforted.]

I don't know how to start letting it out. It's so much more than everything that's happening here, but that— that's part of it too, of course.

[None of them asked for this. With a few exceptions, she knows every single Mirrorbound must feel this way to some extent.]

I'm used to having to be okay with whatever happens. There's never really been a choice. There's no time to feel sorry for yourself, or blame fate, it just— I think it just makes you bitter. Does that make sense?

[tothemetal]

[thankfully for Karin, the blazing color of her hair camouflages enough of that blush to prevent her friend from really noticing it. he surely would have jumped away if he'd realized what he'd done, drastically altering the tone of this rather fragile moment.

instead, all Styx sees is quiet permission to comfort her in the way he knows best. his big arm tightens around her when she leans in, just enough to qualify as something like a hug, thumb brushing idle little half-circles along her shoulder. this is the first time in ages that he's been this close to a woman, but for once that's a fact which completely fails to register in the big guy's mind; all he sees is a friend, someone in distress who could use a sympathetic ear. his own thoughts are empty as he listens, allowing Karin's troubles to fill up his mind like an inflating balloon.]

...nah, I think I get it. Like turning something around so much it starts to look ugly, yeah?

[the way he'd seen Vincent fuss and obsess over his lyrics when his creativity had briefly sputtered out, growing fouler the longer he remained hunched over that little black notebook of his. picking apart the flaws, seeing mistakes where there previously had only been triumph...it was an awful thing to imagine applied to your own life.]

But you kinda started already, feels like, just by saying you're not feeling good. Don't gotta be a big faucet turning on or nothing.

[sonnestark]

[When was the last time she had been hugged like this? She honestly couldn't remember— for as close as she and Yuri had been, that wasn't the sort of friendship they had, and even a clasping of hands had seemed significant between them. This was something else, as novel as it was comforting.]

Something like that. I don't... want to be the kind of person who resents what's happened to me. Things I can't change. It seems like such a waste, but...

[But even feeling that way, even knowing logically that letting herself be upset, or hurt, or distressed wouldn't do her any good in the long run, sometimes a person just... had to feel those things, to let themselves be sad for a little while.

She's gone so long without allowing herself that one concession that everything has begun to lump together, too many thoughts and feelings all intertwined and shoved aside to be dealt with at some other time that she never allowed to come.]

I wanted to think of this place as a second chance, but it's hard to do that when I hate what's happening to me, and what I see other people being forced to go through.

[tothemetal]

Don't mean it still can't be another shot.

[the words pop out of Styx's mouth before he's really ready for them, a feeling more than a thought that's too strong to be held back by a mind as meager as his own. even he seems surprised to hear them, and his gentle eyes crinkle a little when he looks down at Karin, begging her patience as the silence drags out between far longer than polite conversation demands, straining to explain the sentiment in a coherent fashion.

he knows what his heart's trying to communicate, can find bits and pieces that would serve him well, but...god, it's so hard to talk. he wishes that Ymir was here with him.]

What I mean is...um, know this isn't about me 'nd all, but - at home, when I was younger, there was this. Um, this real bad thing that happened to me.

[it's so stupid, given the vast and much more intense population that made up the Mirrorbound, but even now Styx still can't bring himself to confess to his time in the detention center unless he absolutely had to. it was still a burning mark of shame for him, something that he feared would only brand him as even more of a hulking threat to others in the eyes of those around him. just talking about it like this feels frightening to him...but it's also the only way he knows to explain himself, and for Karin's sake he forges ahead after a small swallow.]

In the end it turned out it was really lucky! 'Cause if it hadn't happened I wouldn't have done stuff that got me picked up by the band, 'nd I'd have never made friends 'nd gotten to play drums. You know, all good stuff!

But...didn't make what happened any less awful, even if it gave me something good. Felt like - like there really wasn't any part of me that really deserved to be alive. I cried a ton, even after it was over.

[having to leave his auntie, knowing that in some way he'd confirmed everyone's beliefs that he'd only ever grow up to be a thug...there had been a lot of tears shed. but here in the present Styx is smiling, giving his friend's shoulder a tiny squeeze.]

Guess what I'm trying to say is, like, getting my second chance didn't mean that it didn't take something from me anyway. 's gone, 'nd it's never coming back...'nd I don't think you can really feel all the way good again if you pretend like it didn't matter, or it didn't happen at all. [he laughs, quietly.] Even if it really hurts.

[sonnestark]

[His explanation does resonate with her, though perhaps not in the way he intended. She'd been through a similar chain of events, had done things she regretted and felt the need to atone for, but it also sent her down the path that lead her to everyone who was important to her, the found family she'd been forced to leave behind but still cared for deeply. Even if it weren't for this place, she would have had to leave them, and it's only now that she realizes she's been mistaken in hoping that this place would be a second chance— because for better or worse, she's already had that.

This place still offers time, an opportunity, but it feels hollow. Maybe she should just be grateful that she's had so many chances in the first place, but thinking that way feels like letting Styx's words of encouragement go to waste.

Maybe someday, she'll be able to be honest about what it is that weighs on her, both with herself and others. Maybe she'll be able to talk about it, to share, to process it fully— but she doesn't think today is that day. She'd rather focus on what he'd said, on the immediate struggle in front of her. Adapting to this world is something that the others who were brought here can understand, related to. She doesn't have to explain it, and difficult as the situation itself is, it's so much easier to focus on than everything else.]

Thank you.

[There's a hint of strain behind her voice, but she manages a small smile and reaches up to rub at one eye with the back of her hand before the momentary threat of tears can become something more.]

It's hard to imagine someone like you ever feeling that way. Nobody should ever have to feel like that— like they don't deserve to be here. That can't have been easy to share.

[Even without the details of what had actually lead him to that point, it clearly wasn't an easy thing to talk about.]

It sounds like we've both had more than our fair share of trouble. But... I do think you're right. Trying to pretend that things don't matter, or don't bother us... it doesn't make them go away. I should be more honest with myself about how I feel.

[tothemetal]

[he hears the thinness in Karin's voice, as sincere as her gratitude, and it's what prompts him to tilt his head so that it gently rests atop hers for a few moments. if all this hurt had been falling on them from above, he'd be able to catch it all with his face from this position...ah, but that's a stupid thought.]

Everything's tough for me to do, so it's ok! Just means I've got a lot've experience. 's worth it if it helped though, so I don't mind.

[if anything he'd be proud to have struggled through those difficult memories if they had helped ease his friend's burden even in the tiniest way. lifting was really the only thing he was good at, so - why couldn't that apply to emotions as well? even if he had to place them back down sometimes, surely that momentary lightening must cast some useful relief.

he chuckles, the soft sound rumbling against each other from their shared connection, before lifting his head back up to its original position. Styx isn't entitled to the woman's tears, nor does he expect to be; while he makes no attempt to prompt her to let go and cry a little here and now, he can't help but hope (strange as it feels) that she might do so for a moment or two whenever she returned home today. Karin had been so kind about his own weeping...she deserves to have that same opportunity to release.]

Um, know it's a lot easier to say you gotta do something like that than...you know, doing it. So don't feel bad if the only person you can tell at first is, I dunno, your mirror or something, ok? Still counts as honest.

[a moment or two of comforting silences passes before another thought occurs to Styx, which he belatedly appends with an apologetic expression.]

Your mirror at home, I mean. Not, uh, you know - not the big one we all fell through when we first got here.

[that just seemed like too long of a trip even for something as important as acknowledging one's feelings...although maybe it might be worth it if that was the only place you could be honest? he's unsure.]

[sonnestark]

[Here she had intended on supporting him, on being the one to make him feel better when he clearly needed someone to lean on for a little while, and yet the situation has reversed without her meaning for it to do so. For the relatively short time they've known one another, Styx has shown himself to be thoughtful and kind, to put others before himself time and time again, and a small part of her worries that he might do that at his own expense— but in this moment, she feels comforted, safe, and incredibly grateful to be able to call him a friend.

Even as she leans against him and he rests his head atop her own, she reaches for his hand and takes it between both of hers, giving it a squeeze that's equal parts reassurance and gratitude.]

I follow. There are plenty of mirrors at home to practice with. I hope you'll take your own advice, too?

[Though she admits he may not need it as much as she did, at least not in the same way.]

I don't know if you struggle with being honest about feelings the way I do, but if you ever do need to talk about something, I want you to feel like you can. Even if it's hard. You can trust me. And— maybe while I'm practicing being honest in the mirror, you can try complimenting yourself. Just here and there.

[He's so hard on himself, and he doesn't deserve that.]

[tothemetal]

[oh...the desire to support Karin has completely arrested both the drummer's thoughts and feeling up until now, allowing him to act without the usual hesitation that being so forward would bring. but when his friend takes his hand like that, something about the gesture - he's suddenly very keenly aware that she's a girl and that she is very very close right now in every way possible.

his posture doesn't shift at all (he doesn't even tense up, sweet thing) but there is absolutely a crimson blush spreading across his face like wildfire now. shit...but he still squeezes the bottom hand holding his in return, as gently as ever. he just hopes she doesn't really look up right now.]

'Course I trust you. We're friends.

[and friends could rely on one another, tell each other anything. that's something he knows deep in his heart with unshakeable certainty, despite having only cultivate a small handful of friends for himself in recent years.]

But, um...you think that's something I gotta work on? Telling myself nice things, I mean.

[he trusts her, and he absolutely trusts her opinion, but at the same time it's a bit of a daunting thing to contemplate. it was easier to talk kindly about his drumming, but that would only take him so far...he'd run out of compliments in a month. while she hadn't phrased it that way, he can't help but think - would Karin stop telling herself the truth if he stopped that? it's not something he wants, not in a million years.]

[sonnestark]

I do.

[Fortunately for him, she doesn't look up as she answers, though a smile tugs at one corner of her mouth, and her hold on his hand remains firm.]

Or at least being kinder to yourself. Sometimes I think you don't even notice it— the things you say about yourself, or how you sell yourself short. You're a pretty exceptional person, but you don't seem to see that.

[Most people seem to have trouble seeing their own good points, but it honestly breaks her heart a little more every time he mentions how stupid he is, or how he ruins things.]

[tothemetal]

[that is a very big mercy, because being called exceptional has his face burning bright again just as he'd thought the shyness was dying this. it feels - it is - different from their connected hands, however.

stop with the act. you're just another punk. those were the words that the judge had handed down to him when his sentence had been passed, all that time ago. the way that woman had looked at him, like he was filth on the bottom of her shoe, had cut through even the tearful panic which had taken hold of him at the time. there was nothing special about him, the entire world seemed to have said. he was one more thug from a bad neighborhood...and not even one that the other miscreants wanted, at that.

how can Karin look at him and think there was anything of particular note here? it wasn't like she was his auntie, who would have loved him no matter what...but she sounded so sure of it, Styx was unable to doubt her even in his own mind. oh, but that meant - god. he can't keep himself from releasing a long, shuddering breath and dropping his face back into the top of her hair. just for a moment. just until this wave of emotion passed.]

Nobody really, um. [oh, he's talking into her hair. she wouldn't be able to hear him like this, would she? he swallows thickly and raises his head a bit before trying again.] It's usually the opposite, that people are telling me. No matter what I do...'s always the same.

[the drummer doesn't really think this is something anyone cares about, but they'd just gotten through talking about trust and honesty. whether it hurt or not, he's determined not to be a hypocrite on this matter for Karin's sake. even if it feels shameful to admit to this.]

[sonnestark]

[She almost asks if she'd done something wrong, said the wrong thing, but fights the urge to second-guess herself. She'd meant what she said, and there was no taking it back— instead, she lets him take the moment he needs to get through whatever emotion it is that holds him hostage for those few moments.]

You shouldn't listen to them.

[She doesn't know what they could have said to make him feel otherwise, other than echoes of what he so clearly believes about himself, but she shakes her head once he's lifted his chin from it, as if dismissing all those people she's never met out of turn.]

You're kind, and thoughtful. You know how to listen to people, and how to make them feel better about themselves. Those are gifts— rare ones. So whatever other people have said to you... you shouldn't listen. They can't see what's really important.

[tothemetal]

They're not - um, they weren't - stupid or nothing, though. Teachers, 'nd older folks...real people, you know? Real nice, too.

[he stumbles over his words even more than usual, overwhelmed by the onslaught of unexpected kindness. the compliments are all things that Styx tries to be, fights his hardest to give to everyone he meets despite his flaws, but even more than success he simply can't understand how they could be rare. all the people he's known in his life, in this world and the last...they've all been so kind. how could such sentiments be uncommon when he truly believed any of them would give just as much of themselves to another without question?

(to others, anyway. not to him, who didn't deserve such regard.)]

I know I fuck up a lot, with lots of different stuff, so 'm probably thinking about myself wrong too.

[he laughs at his own words, gentle and a little helpless.]

I just don't wanna - well, it's important to you now too, right? Since we're friends. So if I gotta fix some stuff, 'm kinda scared...if I fuck it up this time it'll hurt you.

[sonnestark]

They may not have been stupid, but they can still be wrong.

[She has to wonder, how could anyone meet him and not see what she saw? He's been nothing but compassionate from day one, since the afternoon where they ran into one another in that empty house in the Haven and decided to put up a memorial for its former inhabitants. Then, when she'd been bedridden for all those days, even when she was unconscious, he had stopped by time and time again to check in on her, to make sure that she had everything she needed, even though it wasn't his responsibility to.

She lets out a soft 'hmph' before she shifts again to turn and face him, looking up and reaching to take his face between both of her hands to hold his attention. There's a light press of talons against his cheeks where her nails used to be, her transformation slowly but steadily edging towards completion as the weeks pass.]

Don't worry about that. You can't— mess it up by being yourself. It is important to me, but that shouldn't be why you do it. You spend so much time caring about other people, you deserve to care about yourself, too. I can speak from experience on this one.

[She gives him a knowing smile, shaking her head slightly.]

So don't be scared. As long as you're true to yourself, you won't be letting me down, okay?

[tothemetal]

[the same compassion which had endeared him so strongly to Karin had been the cause of his downfall at home - or rather, the curse which had marked him unable to thrive from the very start. it was a softness which had no use in the neighborhood he'd been born into, crippled by poverty and his own academic idiocy. even those teachers with kind hearts, sincerely trying their best - there had simply never been enough time for someone who seemed to struggle at every turn. with so much chaos in every class, it was no wonder - no one's fault - that patience had eventually transformed into annoyance.

he understood that. he was big, and scary, and the way that he hovered and fidgeted on the edge of things often made him seem suspicious. it was no surprise that people saw him the way they did.

what does surprise him is his friend taking his face in her hands, a gesture that not even the girls he'd been briefly involved with in times long past had seen fit to do. her touch is cool despite the emotions that have burned high in both their breasts, thanks to those selfsame talons applying such a strangely comforting pressure now. he's too caught off guard to even remember to blush, simply staring down at her with wide eyes.

thankfully, having his brain wiped clean of all thought means that Karin's words pierce it straight to the core.]

It's...real hard, isn't it?

[looking after yourself the way you do others. giving kindness to the one person who always seemed to deserve it the least.

his smile is minuscule compared to his usual grins, but somehow all the more meaningful for it. reaching up to gently rest his massive hands over his friend's, he continues to speak again with the ponderous tone that always comes from tackling something he feels too serious for his capabilities.]

But, um! I'll try. I promise. I know it's about both of us doing stuff for ourselves, but...we still got each other, you know? For hanging onto when we hit the bumpy bits.

[sonnestark]

It is hard.

[She nods without hesitation, because there's no denying that— it's something she still struggles with most days, something that she's still fighting to keep in mind right now, but it's worth the effort. She hopes that eventually, he'll feel the same.

Her smile hitches a bit wider as her hold relaxes, and she lets her hands fall away from his face and into her lap, glad her snap-decision had the desired results.]

But you're right. We'll help one another as best we can. If you ever have trouble remembering your good points, you can just ask me— and if I forget to let myself actually admit that sometimes things aren't okay, you have every right to scold me.

[tothemetal]

[he runs his hand through his hair after Karin pulls back, obscuring his face before things settle as he belatedly remembers to flush pink over being held so softly by a girl. it's a good thing that they were already friends...he thinks he'd have cartwheeled right off the bench by now otherwise.]

'm not gonna be mean if you make a mistake, that's not cool. [nobody was perfect all the time. that shouldn't merit criticism.] But, uh, if you end up doing it a lot then I might -

[still riding high on the poignant moment they've just shared, Styx's hesitation over physical contact has failed to return as of this moment. it allows him to lean over now, playfully looming, and give her hair and feathers alike a healthy ruffle.]

[sonnestark]

[She ducks her head as he tousles her hair, laughing openly— and as it hits air, she feels just a bit more of the sadness and anxiety she'd been feeling before now lift away from her. It was possible they would return later on, but for now, there is a reprieve.]

It would only have to be a friendly scolding, but I think this will work just as well.

[And is less likely to disagree with his gentle nature, she thinks. She reaches up to grab the hand he'd ruffled her hair with, giving it another squeeze.]

I feel better. Do you?

[tothemetal]

[excuse you, what's worse than having these big heavy hands muss your hair in every possible direction? nothing! Styx is laughing right alongside his friend, though, feeling all the lighter for the way both their voices twine wonderfully in that happiness.]

...yeah, I do.

[better enough to squeeze Karin's hand in return, holding on even as he continues to speak.]

'm actually glad I made that wreath now, too.

[sonnestark]

[She does look sufficiently mussed after his efforts, but she doesn't seem to mind it in the least, her smile having spread into something much closer to a grin in the wake of it all.]

I'm glad, too, even if things didn't work out the way we thought they would.

[Coming to this workshop had put them both in the right place at the right time. She'd been there to help him through the shock of experiencing those memories, and she'd had the opportunity to talk a bit about things she hadn't even considered letting herself air aloud. It had been beneficial for the both of them— but it was more than just that.]

You're a very good friend to have, Styx. Anyone else who can call you that is very lucky.