[semi-open] backing away from the problem of pain

[scowlish]

Who: Onni & whoever else!
When: Throughout Septeril
Where: Aefenglom and the Wilde
What: An Apple a Day quest, open general prompt, catch-all for the month
Warnings: clearly marked in subject lines/headers - spoilers, violence, death, body horror, decay, various other types of gross-out



❄ Open Prompts

❄ i. An Apple a Day

Several prompts for moth-induced hallucinations. Content warnings: violence, death, orphaned/traumatized children, body horror, animal-related mutation/decay/rotting imagery, general gross-out monsters

❄ ii. Tunnel Clearing

Content warnings: violence, possible emeto

❄ iii. Magic Practice

Practicing, leveling up spells, open to coaching other Witches. Content warnings: n/a, tba if needed

❄ iv. Wildcard

Write me a random starter or contact me by PM or on Discord at coffee #6251 or private plurk or ping at caffemisto

Comments

[scowlish]

[Keeping his eyes closed, Onni focuses on breathing evenly, on not letting himself be swallowed up in all the mess inside him, everything that's tangled together in such an ugly way. When Reynir starts to focus on channeling some combination of emotions that's soothing and calming through their Bond, he tries his best to allow it into himself, to take it and allow himself to feel it, to let it affect him. Reynir's body is warm and his breath stirs the hair at the back of Onni's neck, he swallows hard and allows himself to relax into the bed a little more.

Reynir's hand is flat and pressed against his chest, firm and solid, almost constraining, and something about that makes him feel safe. Onni doesn't feel safe very often, it's a strange feeling, unfamiliar and good in a way that feels instinctive. When Reynir says he's not glad about the deal he's made but is glad that he gets to see her again, he feels a horrible gut-wrenching pull inside himself, and one of his breaths comes out as a sob, choking and with a guttural edge.]

I miss her.

[His voice is tight, tense, and difficult to get out, difficult to form into words.]

Even just before I came here, I had her with me, her spirit. I could talk to her. She scolded me and looked out for me.

[It's building back up again, that grief and emptiness and loneliness, but he doesn't want to cry anymore, his eyes and throat hurt, his gut hurts.]

[braidmage]

[ Reynir feels that grief, gut lurching as if he's missed a step and begun falling. It is a cold vortex, sucking him downwards. He doesn't fight against it, even when his own eyes well with sudden, hot with tears. He just breathes through it, and, when he's able, focuses on that peace once again. It's only a small bit of warmth, a bead of light in the darkness, but he doesn't let it go out. ]

I know it's not the same, but... I miss her, too.

[ He gives a tiny, hiccupy laugh when Onni says Tuuri had scolded him. There's nothing he can say, to make that grief any less. No words to change the reality of the situation. Even if Onni had gotten a little more time with Tuuri's spirit, he is still going to have to say goodbye. And she'll still be gone and the world a little less bright without her in it.

But Reynir knows he should say something. Even if the words can't hope to heal the wound of her death. ]

That sounds like her.

[ She had scolded Onni, too, then. Worried about him, done her best to keep him safe. So Reynir has to do his best to keep that up, in this place. He has to look out for Onni, not only because Onni deserves it, and not only because he's in love with him, but because it's what Tuuri would want. He's sure of it.

Reynir murmurs: ]

So she's... a little bird, now?

[ He'd only caught the briefest glimpse, in the dream, before everything had gone to hell. ]

[scowlish]

[It's strange, how something so small can be so bright. When he feels that grief surging up in him, he knows it's going through the Bond to Reynir, but he can also feel the way that Reynir keeps that little light of hope going, that peaceful feeling that slowly starts to drown out the worst of the grief until it's tolerable. Reynir says that he misses her too, and that he knows it isn't the same, but Onni shakes his head a little.]

You knew her for a long time. And...I imagine you got along well, didn't you? You seem like the sort of person she would have liked.

[Closing his eyes for a moment, he tries to hold onto that control granted him by Reynir's tiny candle flame of hope and peace, and the viscerally grounding sensation of being held close to another person's body. It takes him a few moments to get himself back to that emotional baseline that allows him to talk without his throat aching.]

Yes. Even before...before...she would scold me, but it's been more lately, since that deal. She's a little bird now, yes...tiny and fluffy, a little see-through. A spirit. But she speaks with her own voice, and...and I would know it anywhere.

[His throat is closing up a little again, his chest heaves a little as he fights another sob. The loneliness is almost tangible in him, like an infected sliver. He has Lalli, still, or at least he had before that lie, and he loves Lalli furiously, but he still feels like he's alone in this world. Without his immediate family, without that tie back to his parents and the home he'd lost, he feels unmoored.]

I can't be alone.

[It comes out as a choked whisper.]

[braidmage]

We did. She and Mikkel were the only ones who spoke any Icelandic, and he isn't a really big talker. And... we had a lot of time to kill together, 'cause they'd always leave us in the tank when it might be dangerous outside.

[ Reynir's breath hitches, half a laugh and half a sob, when Onni describes Tuuri's spirit. Fluffy. Yes, that sounds right. He can picture her, a small, round, transparent little thing, fluttering and fussing over her brother. It aches, imagining that, but the love is, for that moment, stronger than the grief.

It's good, this reminder, this confirmation that Tuuri isn't really gone. That troll that had burst through the floor and infected her hadn't destroyed her. She is just somewhere else, now. ]

Onni...

[ Reynir can feel that loneliness, pulling down on him, a leaden weight so intense it is nearly a physical thing. Is this what Onni feels, all the time? Reynir remembers him saying once that he didn't feel lonely, but what a lie that had been, whether Onni realized it or not. He tightens his arms around Onni, pulling him against his chest. Anchoring him, even as he says: ]

You aren't alone. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.

[ If Onni had been thinking Reynir was going back to his own bed any time tonight, he was sorely mistaken. Reynir has every intention of laying here and holding Onni for as long as Onni needs, whether or not either of them get any more sleep. ]

We're Bonded. That means... even when I'm on the other side of the city, you're not alone. And even after we go back through those mirrors, you aren't alone, either. Because we're connected. You've seen it, and felt it. So you won't be alone. I won't let you.